Those Oscars? So high school that probably nominees couldn’t even watch it. The embarrassing pre-show’s tinny questions and amateur “Oh, you look so amazing” quotes assaulted our sensibilities. Constant fluffing of the host’s dress was enough to ensure the designer throws it to her on the arm. Whatever the Oscars were meant to be — it insulted our intelligence.
I was not alone turning it off after 10 minutes. And next morning’s nauseating treacly early-morning talk-show adoration of the night before’s throw-up was equally putrid. In front of the TV — no joke, it’s true — my dog threw up.
In CV’s time of death, hunger, loneliness, homelessness, “Nomadland” is Best Picture?! To view it, my friend and I were the only two in the entire reopened theater. Best Picture? Whatever happened to great story films with Ingrid Bergman, Katharine Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable?
May the awards deadheads know that viewers’ lives matter, too.
Move on to more pictures
Also looking to make noise is “The World To Come,” which already came out. It’s Best Actress nominee Vanessa Kirby and Katherine Waterston in a 19th-century forbidden romance — two women. Casey Affleck, producer and star of this all-girl story, hired a female director.
More. Wes Anderson’s “The French Dispatch,” set for Cannes, has stories compiled from a US magazine published in France. It’s a cast of thousands: Benicio del Toro, Adrien Brody, Tilda Swinton, Oscar winner Frances McDormand, Timothée Chalamet, Jeffrey Wright, Bill Murray, Owen Wilson.
Racial divide
The Oscars relish uplifting fare, and now comes Marvel’s uplifting miniseries “The Falcon and Winter Soldier.” It’s Anthony Mackie, Sebastian Stan, Daniel Brühl fighting an anti-patriotism terrorist cell dealing with racial oppression.
Mackie: “Representing a country that never stood for a black man in America, or encouraged you, built you up, afforded you opportunities, acknowledged what you’ve done, it’s difficult to put stars and stripes on your chest and say you’re representing that nation. So the position is how to live with the idea of what your ancestors went through.”
Memory lane
Life has odd little twists. Once Dr. Brian Saltzman invited me to his Robert restaurant atop the Columbus Circle museum, overlooking the city. We joined a table holding a drag Seder, and I sat next to a man wearing a white shirt and bow tie. The tie was not on the shirt. Just on his naked neck. I whispered, “Who’s this weirdo?” Whispered back Dr. Saltzman: “He’s the famous fashionista Alber Elbaz. The creative director of Lanvin.” This weekend the famous fashionista, former creative director of Lanvin Alber Elbaz, 59, left us. COVID.
Splits on the rise
People are now getting more divorces than vaccinations. Divorce lawyer David Mejias of Mejias Milgrim Alvarado and Lindo says: “Fighting, quarantining, stuck together 24/7 during this pandemic, cooking, cleaning, fighting, kids crying, nobody going out to work — they don’t want to live this way anymore. They no longer like one another so it’s off to court … Some who had their wedding one year ago have trials that last even longer than that one year.“
The economy’s uncertain. People can barely afford their own place. One client actually physically transitioned during pregnancy. She became a he.
“With pets, it’s who’s best for the animal? Who walks it, takes it to the vet, feeds it, loves it most. Judges pay attention and allow visitation … Divorce is hard. Personal. It’s no straight business deal.
“With same-sex couples and similar belongings, it’s a lottery system. You pick two handbags, I pick two. A horse trade. You get the skirt, I get the sweater. You divide the specific no-gender items. We get appraisers for the collectibles.”
Definition of an optimist: One not tuned to the mayor’s current newscasts.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.