Selena Gomez said she didn’t ‘want to be alive’ during ‘psychotic break’
Selena Gomez suffered a “mental breakdown” during her 2016 “Revival” tour that left her feeling like she wanted to die.
The “Who Says” singer performed 55 times before canceling the rest of the tour in August of that year to take care of her mental health.
“At one point she’s like, ‘I don’t want to be alive right now. I don’t want to live,'” Gomez’s former assistant Theresa tells the camera in her new Apple TV+ documentary, “My Mind and Me.”
“And I’m like, ‘Wait, what?'” Theresa recalls. “It was one of those moments where you look in her eyes and there’s nothing there. It was just pitch black. It’s so scary.
“You’re like, ‘F–k this. This needs to end. We need to go home.'”
Gomez’s longtime friend Raquelle explained that Gomez, 30, was hearing all of these voices in her head that kept getting “louder and louder,” which triggered a “psychotic break.”
The “Lose You to Love Me” singer’s mom, Mandy Teefey, reveals that she learned of her daughter’s breakdown via TMZ because the pop star didn’t want “anything to do” with her.
Gomez was ultimately diagnosed with bipolar disorder and entered a mental health facility to treat her pain.
“I didn’t want to go to a mental health hospital,” Gomez says. “I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to be trapped in myself in my mind anymore. I thought, ‘My life is over.’ I thought, ‘This is how I’m going to be forever.'”
The “Wolves” performer, who suffers from lupus, suffered another mental breakdown in October 2018 after her white blood cell count plummeted from complications due to the autoimmune disease. She was rushed to Cedars-Sinai but demanded to be released from the hospital and attempted to rip out her IVs.
She was admitted into an East Coast psychiatric facility where she received dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which focuses on teaching patients mindfulness, healthy communication and behavioral patterns, emotional regulation and how to better respond to negative events.
Earlier that year, in February 2018, Gomez completed two weeks in rehab for depression and anxiety, marking her third time in treatment for her issues, after which sources told Page Six she was avoiding alcohol.
Gomez first sought treatment at Arizona’s Dawn of the Meadows facility in early 2014. Two years later, she checked into a Tennessee treatment center to focus on her mental health.
“My Mind and Me” streams on Apple TV+ Nov. 4.
