Teen Who Killed Himself Wasn’t ‘Worthless,’ Family Tells Bullies

CRESTON, IA — Daniel James Richards had plans. The Creston, Iowa, teenager wanted to become a Marine and carry on a family tradition of military service. He had a summer pass to Camp Dodge, a military installation near Des Moines, to see if life as a soldier would be a good fit. But one morning last month, a week shy of his 17th birthday, those dreams came to an abrupt halt. “Little Dan,” as his family called him, took a gun belonging to the father he is named after and ended his life at the foot of the basement stairs.

His story is another tragic example of the rash decisions some kids make to escape bullying. The kids who tormented this kind boy who “didn’t have a mean bone in his body” made him feel as if his life had no value, his family wrote in an obituary.

“The family would like to note: To the bullies out there who succeeded in making Dan feel worthless, he wasn’t. The family has no hard feelings towards you, and you are forgiven. Your actions are between you and God now. Dan was so loved by many and was a sweet and caring young man. He had such a big heart and will be greatly missed.”

Rather than send flowers, the family asked only: “Be kind to each other.”

Bullying is nothing less than an epidemic, affecting about one in three U.S. teens and adolescents, according to No Bully, the nation's leading anti-bullying advocacy group. These bullied kids are about twice as likely as kids who haven’t been bullied to feel lonely, be unable to sleep at night and to contemplate suicide. About 160,000 students stay home from school every day to avoid bullying.

The Bullies Called Him 'Stinky'

As far as his mother, Laura Dowda, knows, no one ever hit Richards, but the words kids spat at him stung worse than a punch in the face.

The kids at Richards’ old high school in Winterset, about 40 miles northwest of Creston, called him “Stinky” because like a lot of other teens, he didn’t always practice the best personal hygiene, his mom said. When dad Danny Richards moved to Creston a year ago, his son moved with him, but the bullying followed him — perhaps, his mother said, because he played JV football for both schools, which have intense rivalries.

But Dowda doesn’t know that for sure.

The heartbroken mother is grasping for some reason her son, the youngest of four children and the only boy, made “the sudden and rash decision” to end his life on May 30. Her son, who had never complained about bullying, must have finally snapped when the harassment “got to the point that it was just too much,” she said.

Richards’ parents, who divorced in 2011 but remain cordial and coordinate visitation between their two homes, knew he was having a tough time at school and pressed him to talk about bullying.

“We had ideas,” Dowda said. “He would never confirm them. He would say he was taking care of it. He shrugged and said everything was OK. He always had that attitude, ‘I’ll take care of it.’ ”

If he could just hang on, he could leave the bullies behind, his mother said she and others in the family reminded Richards, who died two days before the end of his sophomore year in high school.

“He almost made it,” Dowda said. “Every year, we said if we can just make it through, we’re good for another year.”

Richards wasn’t worthless, she said. He was the kind of kid other parents dream about, a boy who held himself accountable for the mistakes he made and rarely talked back or argued.

“He was gentle, compassionate and always tried to see the good in other people,” Dowda said. “He never raised his voice unless he was playing football with a friend, but he never raised his voice in anger.”

“One of those down-to-Earth, keep-it-simple type of boys,” he amused himself with the same leisure activities as other kids in the pastoral town of Creston in southwest Iowa, his mom said. He fished. He tossed the football in the yard with friends and uncles and lifted weights to stay in shape for the sport he loved. He liked Xbox. At school, Richards was a member of the school chess club and choir and loved to sing.

“I’d see him bee-bopping to a song in his head,” Dowda said. “He liked Guns & Roses, the music off of ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ Terratonic, Creed, depending on his mood.”

He had a variety of musical tastes, but his favorites were anthems to the country he loved, the national anthem and “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” Dowda said.

Why did he do it? Dowda and other family members keep turning over in their heads what led Richards to kill himself.

“There were no warning signs at all,” Dowda said. “The next weekend would have been his birthday weekend. He had a favorite place in Altoona where he wanted to eat out. He loved his country. He felt the need to serve. That’s one of the reasons this is such a shock: We had a plan. Most people who plan to do this don’t make plans.”

‘Your Words Have Weight’

The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention carefully parses its words on the topic of youth suicides and bullying. The agency wrote in a 2017 report that bullying and suicide are closely related, and that kids who bully others and their targets are at increased risk to take their lives.

The CDC said it is continuing to learn more about the link between bullying and suicide, but can conclude “that involvement in bullying, along with other risk factors, increases the chance that a young person will engage in suicide-related behaviors.”

Dowda believes her son would approve of her speaking out against bullying. If she could go back to the weeks and months before May 30, she would press her son harder to open up about the torment he was facing. Only about one in 10 teens who are bullied tell their parents about it, according to No Bully.

“Speaking out has helped,” Dowda said. “The schools can’t see everything. Bullying now is so much different as it was in my day and age. We need to pay more attention. Parents need to pay more attention.”

Bullying can have a cascading effect, and kids who are bullied are at risk to bully others, according to national experts.

“There are other ways to channel your anger,” Dowda said of the kids who bullied her son. “Don’t take it out on other kids. You may think it will make you feel better at the time, but it doesn’t.

“Be kind. Instead of saying harsh words, always think twice. Think about what you say. Your words have weight. Your words have meaning.”

And to other kids like her son contemplating suicide, she said: “Reach out. Find someone you can confide in. If you’re having problems, talk to us. We’re the parents. Find a favorite teacher or a preacher if you go to church.”

If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 or visit the website.

The Bully Menace: A Patch Series

As part of a national reporting project, Patch has been looking at society's roles and responsibilities in bullying and a child's unthinkable decision to end their own life in hopes we might offer solutions that save lives.

Do you have a story to tell? Are you concerned about how your local schools handle bullies and their victims?

Email us at [email protected] and share your views in the comments.

Selected Stories From This Series

• Bullied To Death: When Kids Kill With Words
• Bullying Kids: Straighten Up, Or Your Parents May Have To Pay Up
• America's Shameful Truth About School Shooters And Bullying
• Menace Of Bullies: Why This Woman Resigned Her 6-Figure Job
• Survivor Of Bullying And Suicide Writes Frankly About Both
• Girl-To-Girl Bullying: Why It’s Different, Difficult To Confront
• Bully Upstander: Whatever He Said Caused Bullies To Back Down
• Bullied 10-Year-Old's Suicide 8th In School District This Year
• Girls More Likely Than Boys To See Bullying As Harmful: Study
• 13-Year-Old Hangs Herself, But Bullying Killed Her
• Teen Tells Bullies In Video: 'Every Day, I Wear Your Words'
• 'The Hero Myth': Why Expecting Kids To Fight Bullies Is Harmful
• 'Mr. Anti-Bully': Reformed Bully, 12, Sets Mistake Right
• Bullying Tougher To Confront When It's Bias-Based: Researchers