Howell Teen Runs To Save Lives, Change The Statistics Of Suicide

HOWELL, NJ — On a Wednesday evening in late August, Shane Reitsma laced up his sneakers and went for a run at Howell High School. It's something the high school senior and state place-winning wrestler has done many times.

This run, however, is not about staying in shape physically. The 7th Annual Howell Township/Farmingdale 5K run and race walk, which raised funds for Contact of Ocean and Monmouth County's crisis intervention and suicide hotline, is about showing support for those battling to get "fit" mentally. Whether it's someone fighting addiction, depression, or PTSD like his uncle did, Shane Reitsma knows the battle goes on daily, and for far too many, the battle can have a tragic ending.

Reitsma knows this because he witnessed it up close: His uncle, Walter Reitsma, battled post-traumatic stress disorder for years, an aftereffect of his service with the U.S. Marines in Iraq. And after battling the demons that tortured his soul for years, Walter Reitsma took his own life, leaving his nephew and the rest of his family shocked and grieving, and searching for answers.

Walter Reitsma had not shown any signs that he was considering suicide, said Jeanine Reitsma, Walter's sister and Shane's mother . Walter, who was a father figure to Shane as well as his best friend, had driven Shane to work and afterward, Shane was going to hang out with friends at the beach.

His suicide "came out nowhere," Jeanine said. "His was definitely not planned. You're not going to do something like that if you're mentally stable." Walter Reitsma was not alone; Jeanine said 13 members of his 123-Marine unit have died by suicide.

For Shane, the search for answers turned into a desire to help others, and with that he started the Change the Statistics organization. The nonprofit raises funds to help those who are seeking treatment for mental health problems while at the same time fighting bullying and being a resource of help and support to convince those considering suicide to not follow through.

"He wanted to do something to honor his uncle and change the future," Jeanine said. In the 16 months since Change the Statistics was established, it has helped spread awareness and sparked needed conversations about bullying and teen suicide. Shane's efforts also have been highlighted in CNN's Positive Athlete series; the video is at the end of the article.

It also has helped Shane and Jeanine, who have found a purpose and an outlet for their grief. "We're in a very different place than we were," she said in an interview last fall.

One of the ways Shane has spread awareness is on social media, through Twitter and Instagram accounts where he shares positive messages to buoy those who are fighting through difficult days and messages to remind others of the importance of not bullying.

"Words can kill save lives" is written in teal and purple on the tail of the semicolon that is the logo for Change the Statistics. The semicolon itself has become an emblem for those battling depression and suicidal thoughts: "A semicolon represents a sentence the author could’ve ended, but chose not to. The author is you, and the sentence is your life," Shane wrote on the Instagram post where he shared the logo for the first time.

According to the federal Centers for Disease Control, suicide was the second-leading cause of death among kids and adults ages 10-24 in 2017. The CDC research said teen suicides shot up more than 30 percent overall from 2010 to 2015. For girls, the increase was even steeper — up 65 percent, Patch has reported. (Read more: Bullied To Death: When Kids Kill With Words)

"Suicide is someone who's not trying to end their life," Jeanine said. "They're trying to end their pain."

Their efforts to help others have reached across the country. Not long after Change the Statistics was launched on social media, the family of an 11-year-old girl in Idaho reached out to the Reitsmas. The girl had tried to take her life by swallowing a bunch of pills after she was severely bullied in school and told she should just kill herself. Her parents found her in the nick of time, when she fell out of bed and hit the floor, Jeanine said.

Sara, now 13, shared her story and the goodbye letter she left for her parents with the Reitsmas and with the Change the Statistics followers. Shane still talks to her frequently, Jeanine said.

Shane, who was a state place-winner at the NJSIAA Wrestling Championships in Atlantic City in 2018 and state runner-up this past March, was fueled through wrestling season by his passion for both honoring his uncle and memories of the hours they spent talking about the sport. When he's not wearing his Howell wrestling singlet, he's often found wearing one of his Change the Statistics T-shirts. The T-shirts have been a fundraiser for the organization, but they've also been a key to breaking the silence and prompting conversations, about mental health, about psychological pain and the consequences, which include both addiction as people seek to self-medicate, and suicide.

"The kids in Howell have really opened up," Jeanine said. "They stop people, and get them comfortable talking about the topic."

"People are ashamed to seek help," Jeanine said. "No one wants to admit they have those kinds of thoughts."

"To lose someone to suicide is the worst," Jeanine said. "Anytime you can help someone it gives you a piece of closure."

That's why Shane is as driven about spreading his messages — messages urging kindness always, and messages of hope for those who are feeling alone and in pain.

"If I can save one person, my uncle didn't die in vain," Shane said.

Anyone wishing to sign up for the 7th Annual Howell Township/Farmingdale 5K Run & Race Walk, "In Memory of Walter Reitsma & all of our young people who lost their battle to Addiction," can sign up in person at Howell High School. A kids' dash on the track, for 6-year-olds and younger, will be held at 5:45 p.m. The 5K is set to go off at 6:15 p.m. Registration is $30 at the race.

Howell High School is at 405 Squankum-Yellowbrook Road, Farmingdale. Questions can be directed to the CONTACT office 732-240-6104 or email [email protected].

If you are in crisis and need to talk to someone, call 732-240-6100 or 609-693-5834. CONTACT also has access to volunteers through its website.

CNN's report on Shane's Change the Statistics organization:

The Menace Of Bullies: Patch Advocacy Reporting Project

As part of a national reporting project, Patch has been looking at society's roles and responsibilities in bullying and a child's unthinkable decision to end their own life in hopes we might offer solutions that save lives.

Do you have a story to tell? Are you concerned about how your local schools handle bullies and their victims?

Email us at [email protected] and share your views in the comments.

Selected Stories From The Project

• Bullied To Death: When Kids Kill With Words
• America's Shameful Truth About School Shooters And Bullying
• Cyberbullying Most Often Affects Girls; These Women Are Trying To Stop It
• Bullying Kids: Straighten Up, Or Your Parents May Have To Pay Up
• Teen Who Killed Himself Wasn't 'Worthless,' Family Tells Bullies
• Menace Of Bullies: Why This Woman Resigned Her 6-Figure Job

• Bully Upstander: Whatever He Said Caused Bullies To Back Down
• 'The Hero Myth': Why Expecting Kids To Fight Bullies Is Harmful
• Mallory Grossman Bullying Detailed In Wrongful Death Suit
• Bullies And Their Targets The Same: Digital Self-Harm Rising
• Bullying Tougher To Confront When It's Bias-Based: Researchers

From No Bully, Patch News Partner

• School Shootings: Eradicating Bullying Must Be Part Of Safety Plan
• Eradicating Bullying: Progress On Creating Bully-Free Environment
• Is Screen Time Hurting My Child?
• Preschool Children: Online And Dangerous
• What Every Young Child Needs To Know About Being Online
• Patch Partners With No Bully To Help Eradicate Bullying
• Meet 14-Year-Old CEO On Mission To Spread Kindness, Stop Bullying
• Meet Talen And Cooper, 2 Upstanders Demonstrating Kindness
• Cyberbullying Is Now A Crime In Michigan: Is Criminalizing A Good Idea?
• Hitting A Homerun With Kindness With The Phillies

From The Experts

• 'The Anti-Bully': Talk And, Especially, Listen To Your Kids
• The Bully Menace: Patch Experts Offer Tips To Parents
• Anti-Bully Experts Offer Tips On Sometimes Deadly Encounters
• Understanding The Bully: They're Often Victims, Too, Experts Say

What We've Learned

• 10 Key Takeaways From Patch’s The Menace Of Bullies Series
• The Bully Menace: What Patch Has Learned About Bullying

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