Kids & Family
Bullied Girl Takes Back Her Life By Telling Her Story On Facebook
"I didn't know if I wanted to talk, if I wanted to cry, if I just wanted to go to sleep."
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Viktoria Dollar says there came a point in time where she just didn't know what to do.
"I didn't know what I wanted," the 16-year-old said, twisting a section of her long, dark hair between her fingers and glancing away as she spoke.
"I didn't know if I wanted to talk, if I wanted to cry, if I just wanted to go to sleep," she said.
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Now, she says, she knows what she wants: She wants to share her story, to shed light not only on what happened to her, but what happens to so many kids.
"I'm now 16 years old and have been diagnosed with PTSD," Viktoria wrote in a post on Facebook this week. "I'll always suffer from anxiety, something I once never had. I'm posting this for awareness, many children get bullied and nothing is done about it. Whether it's the school or parents not doing anything. I'm posting this for the other people going thru this to give them hope, because you are not alone. Don't stand by and let our world turn into this , do something! Share this post and spread awareness."
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The post -- which is included at the end of this article -- talks about how she was attacked in school a year ago, and how profoundly it has affected her. It has prompted responses from friends, former friends, and even some of her tormenters.
It has also convinced at least one person not to take her life.
"It's amazing," Viktoria said.
Turning points
"For 6 months I sat every day in my bedroom alone, depressed, and broken. I didn't talk to my family anymore Bc I didn't have the strength to. My mom had to tear me out of that room in order to get me to do anything. I was terrified to leave my house or to even be outside alone." -- Viktoria's Facebook post
Viktoria -- called Torr by family and friends -- sits at the kitchen table as she tells her story, her left foot on the seat of her chair, her arm wrapped around her left leg, pulled protectively against her. A falling out with a friend led to an attack in the cafeteria -- an attack that was videotaped and shared among the students at Manchester Township High School, where she was a freshman.
She cannot watch the video, which the family has a copy of. She and her mother, Jill, sit in another room while it's viewed so they cannot hear the audio. The feelings it provokes in Viktoria are still too raw, too painful.
The video shows her sitting at a lunch table. Suddenly another girl is standing over her, hitting and punching her, saying, "You dumb b----!" over and over. The attack, which lasts about 15 seconds, winds up with Viktoria being knocked to the floor. The whole time, the girl videotaping it can be heard laughing.
For months, Viktoria wouldn't talk about what happened.
"I thought she was fine at first," Jill said, "but she wasn't dealing with it." Over time Jill realized her errands buddy was not OK. Instead of throwing on shoes to join her when Jill was headed out to the store, Viktoria preferred to stay home.
"I didn't know what to do," Jill said.
The turning point, Jill said, came about four months after the attack.
"She came out of her room and she was screaming," Jill said. "Screaming at me, 'I wish I was dead! If I wasn't here anymore maybe they would leave me alone!' "
"A part of my soul died," Jill said, tears rolling down her cheeks.
They found Viktoria a therapist and moved forward with plans to enroll her at Donovan Catholic, away from the tormenters who still attended Manchester High School.
"I can't imagine a kid sitting alone in their room and having no one to talk to," Jill said. "It's a travesty to lose any more of our children to bullying."
A new family
"The whole entire time it was happening all I could think was , why???? What'd I do???? And why is no one helping ??? It stopped when the person was done, never was broken up." -- Viktoria's Facebook post
Viktoria wrote she went to the office after the attack and reported it. Her parents, Jill and Robert, came and picked her up, and, she wrote, were told by the principal that she could not return to school "because he CANT guarantee my safety." The girl who attacked Viktoria received a 10-day suspension, she said, but that girl returned to school.
Viktoria finished the school year at home.
Being out of school did not stop the torment. The video of the attack was circulated on social media. Girls with whom she had been friends cut Viktoria off. And kids -- especially those involved in the attack -- continued to taunt her and threaten her on Twitter. When she went out with her mother on errands in Manchester and encountered groups of her tormenters, they went out of their way to intimidate her, Viktoria said. Sometimes they threatened to come to her house and beat her up.
She was enrolled at Donovan Catholic for her sophomore year in October.
"I felt like an alien in that school the first couple of months," Viktoria said.
There has been a genuine caring and kindness that she is slowly becoming accustomed to, Viktoria said, but making friends has been difficult. "I have a shield up," she said.
She also has felt like she was behind academically because of of the disruption to her schooling. Jill said the teachers at Donovan Catholic "have been extremely patient and understanding. They've made themselves available" to help her both before and after school.
"My grades have improved just being in school," she said.
Being in a new school has not stopped the tormenters from her old one, however. They made a fake Instagram account pretending to be Viktoria, and used it to send sexual messages to some of the senior boys at Donovan Catholic. And Viktoria said she continues to be the subject of vicious tweets and threats.
Most recently, the video of the attack was circulated to a student at Donovan Catholic, and that student circulated it among other Donovan Catholic students. Jill said the Donovan Catholic administration stepped in to halt the problem.
"I just don't understand why people have to be so mean," Jill said.
The dean of the school, Kim Sandomierski, Jill said, has been extremely supportive and has stepped in immediately to deal with issues at the school.
"They are a family and they really mean it," Jill said. "She's protected and she's loved."
But Viktoria said the incident stirred up the painful feelings.
"I felt trapped in my own thoughts" in the wake of the initial incident, Viktoria said. "I thought about the same things over and over again, wishing for a lot things I had no control in getting."
"When this video was brought back up, I literally felt like that again," she said.
Taking control
"I started a new school, and it's like I forgot how to make friends due to what's happened. I have the biggest shield up and will never trust someone again. I walk around with things I can use to protect myself if needed because I'm so scared." -- Viktoria;s Facebook post
When the video surfaced at Donovan Catholic, Viktoria decided it was time to put the facts of what happened out there.
"I thought it would be better that I put something out so people couldn't assume things," she said. It wasn't an easy decision.
"She asked me if I thought it was a good idea," Jill said, "and I said absolutely."
So Viktoria sat in the living room of their Manchester home and typed away on her phone, pouring out the thoughts and feelings that had been shared only with family, her boyfriend and her therapist.
"I was shaking," Viktoria said, twisting a lock of her long, dark hair between her fingers, glancing away as she spoke.
You'll see, it will be fine," Jill said she told her. Jill had just days before shared a personal battle she's had on Facebook, and the support she had received had been nothing but positive.
"Seeing my mom do that, that was so brave," Viktoria said, and it gave her the courage to post.
"A few minutes later, I got the notification that I had been tagged in a post," Jill said. She read the post, she said, with tears rolling down her cheeks -- tears not only for the pain her daughter has suffered, but also tears of pride that she is trying to help others realize they are not alone.
Jill shared the post, as did Robert. So have 750 other people.
Jill and Viktoria said they hoped it would help others, but they had no idea, however, of how far and wide its impact would be felt.
"One girl sent me a message and said she had been raped and suffers PTSD because of it," Viktoria said. But she offered support and told Viktoria to contact her if she ever needed someone to talk to.
Another girl posted on one of the shared copies that she had been going through similar problems at her school in Utah. She had been considering suicide, until she saw Viktoria's post; "I realized I'm not alone," Jill said the girl said.
The post has prompted other students who have had similar issues at their schools to reach out to her and share their stories, thanking her for sharing hers and encouraging her.
"The girls who I've grown up with through middle school almost boo-ed me out of school," one girl wrote. "I developed an extreme anxiety disorder from it that I didn't think I'd develop in my life. I was so confident throughout my life, until the constant berating I received from people of my age really took a toll on me. ... But life always has a cycle, and everything came out tremendously positive in the end because I always stayed as positive as I could throughout it all. Keep living girl and don't let anybody else try to get in your way, their intentions are purely out of negative emotions and that's their problem."
"It is giving people a voice," Jill said.
The post also has sparked an outpouring of support from the Donovan Catholic family, Jill said.
"A lot of parents have been reaching out," she said. "It's amazing to me because there are good people out there."
Starting to heal
"With the help of my family I took the first steps of getting help. And still to this day I'm going through that help Bc I'm not yet healed. It's been exactly one year since the day this happened, and I'm still scared and nervous for what I post." -- Viktoria's Facebook post
It's not just the Donovan Catholic family responding to Viktoria's post. There has been a response from Manchester students as well -- some who say they, too, were bullied by schoolmates, some who had seen what she suffered and wanted to offer support.
One girl sent a message saying she too had been bullied and turned to drugs to cope, but has since gotten clean. She praised Viktoria's strength and urged her to keep moving forward.
"So many people who have trauma like Viktoria had puts them at such a high risk of drug abuse," Jill said. "That could have been Viktoria."
The biggest surprise, however, has been that Viktoria has heard from some of the girls involved with tormenting her.
"I'm so proud of you that you're overcoming this; I'm sorry we ended on bad terms," Viktoria said one message said.
Another one sent her a message telling her to keep her head up and stay strong.
Jill said gestures like those have helped her deal with her feelings over the way her daughter was treated.
"It's helped me release the anger toward the kids responsible," she said. "They still need to be held accountable but it's helped me let it go."
The post also has helped Viktoria.
"I have a lot of confidence because of that post," she said. "These interviews, I never would have done that a year ago."
"I still don't like going to stores," she said. "At Wawa I always run into someone there."'
Knowing that she is helping others is helping, Viktoria said.
"Maybe someone is sitting around their dinner table talking" about similar problems because of Viktoria's post, Jill said. "It's amazing to think that families are having conversations because of this."
They hope the post -- which has been picked up by a couple of anti-bullying websites -- continues to spread, to give other kids the knowledge that they are not alone.
"I don't care where in this great country you are," Jill said. "Know that we're here. I hope that's a comfort to someone."
Viktoria's full post:
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