Mom Defends Teen's Request for Third Serving of Dinner as Family Slams Her: 'Not Teaching Her Proper Manners'

• A mother and daughter attending a family dinner left with hurt feelings after an unexpected confrontation
• The original poster (OP) found her sister, the host, was upset when her daughter ventured to take a third plate of food
• OP noted that everyone else had first and second plates and she didn't see a problem with the hungry teen eating more, but her mother and sister didn't feel the same
  

A mom shared her story with Reddit after feeling her family slighted her daughter senselessly during a recent family dinner.

The original poster (OP) shared her story on r/AmITheA------, explaining her sister hosted a family dinner that she and her 16-year-old daughter attended.

"It was one of those 'just because' dinners, no special occasion. My sister is a great cook and she made tons of food for that one night."

As the family ate, OP's teen daughter got a second plate of food. By the end of the night, she asked for another.

"I said yes. But my sister (her aunt) looked at her with a shocked expression and said, 'Another plate?' My daughter turned around and gave a somewhat uncomfortable look."

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The OP noted that her teen works two part-time jobs while saving for college and going to school.

"She usually doesn't eat until 7-8 p.m., so I didn't even blink twice when she got up to grab her third plate."

OP said as much to her sister, but it wasn't appreciated. "I turned to my sister and said, 'She's been working all day without anything to eat. You made tons of food. It won't hurt for her to get another plate.' "

"My sister started yelling, saying something about how it wasn't my place to say [whether] my daughter could get more of her food that she made," OP wrote.

After the confrontation, "the vibe was awkward," so OP and her daughter decided to leave. "Before we left out the door, my sister stopped me and told me I should've taught my daughter manners and how it isn't right to get more than one plate at someone else's house."

OP told her sister she "was being ridiculous," which escalated into a louder argument between the two. Their own mother then got involved and sided with OP's sister.

"She came over and started telling me she agreed with my sister and it was rude for my daughter to eat that many plates," she said.

"I started to get fed up when they began telling me I wasn't teaching her proper manners, so I left. Then, of course, they began texting my phone, saying how it was rude to leave in the middle of our conversation. I don't think I was the a-hole at all for leaving because I wasn't going to stay in a place where I felt disrespected. But I'm not sure about the plate thing."

Asking for outside opinions, OP found that many people felt it was fine for her daughter to take another plate as long as everyone else had the opportunity to eat as much as they wanted to as well.

"Families are often the first place where children get judged. And where they don't feel safe," one commenter noted.

"Your daughter was hungry, coming to a family dinner after working hard because she is courageous. And she can't eat when she is hungry? What kind of aunt or grandmother considers that a 16-year-old should stop eating? I don't know why, but I have the feeling that if your daughter was a boy, she could have eaten as much as she wanted because a boy 'needs food to be tall and strong!' "

The commenter also questioned why OP's sister would go out of her way to make so much food "just because" and then deny it to her guests. OP noted her sister considers herself a "food influencer" and may have been mass cooking for content.

Another commenter sympathized with OP's sister, but felt there was a better way to handle the situation than embarrassing the mother and daughter in front of the rest of the family.

"I don’t think you should offer to host a dinner if you are going to police serving sizes, at least how I was raised. If you have guests over, you are offering them whatever you prepared and want them to leave full. It just seems weird to say come on over, but only have so much. I have never heard of a one plate only when over at someone’s house especially family???" they began.

"That being said, I do think it’s polite to ask the host if seconds/thirds are okay and definitely make sure that everyone has a chance to get food before going in for seconds/thirds or finishing up a dish. No one should’ve yelled or argued, and your daughter shouldn’t have been shamed, but it does come across as disrespectful to not ask when someone else is hosting."