Stassi Schroeder Shares Advice for 'Taking the Pressure Off' in New Book (Exclusive)

Stassi Schroeder is high-key tired.

The mom of two and former Vanderpump Rules star, 36, wrote her new book You Can't Have It All, as "a mom, as a wife, as someone who wants to be all things," as it lays out in some of the first pages. "I’m writing this book to put an end to all the drama I bring to my own life."

And the book, she's careful to note, is not strictly anti-girlboss, but it is anti-toxicity, anti-burnout and anti-anything that makes women — especially mothers — feel like they're less than worthy. "I love an ambitious woman who goes after everything she wants, plus I’m no stranger to hustle culture and girlbossing myself," Schroeder writes.

"But I do have a question to ask: after the brutal, stressful, chaotic years we have all collectively experienced since the pandemic, is being a boss b--- with all her shit together really the vibe?"

Throughout the book, Schroeder offers her advice for surviving everything the world throws at modern women, especially moms. Here's a sampling of that wisdom.

It's OK to pump the brakes

"It’s impossible to function at 100 percent in everything we do, so why do we keep putting all this pressure on ourselves?" Schroeder asks, in the book. She points out that lots of her mom friends and other women are realizing like it's about time we took stock and the constant pressure doesn't feel right anymore.

"In this new phase, Stassi 2.0 or 5.0 or whatever, I’m all about taking the pressure off, giving yourself grace and leaning into what makes you happy, without guilt," she writes.

Focus on the small stuff

In You Can't Have It All, Schroeder suggests looking for the little things when you're starting to feel overwhelmed, stressed out or your own Dark Passenger starts to rear its head.

"When life starts to suck, I focus on the things that bring me joy and the things I’m grateful for. That and a bit of self-deprecating humor are my coping mechanisms that keep me sane and happy," she writes. “ 'Having it all' to me means appreciating the things and moments that bring me bits of joy, small things like getting a spray tan or finding out that one of my favorite shows is getting renewed and big things like having the freedom to be unapologetically real and true to myself."

Go ahead, be (a little) delusional

Remember BDE? Schroeder wants readers to lean into it — big delusional energy, that is. Call it whatever you want, but sometimes, over-confidence can be just what you need, especially if you're facing something that scares you. "Basically, you want to exaggerate your sense of self-worth, your power, your confidence, your knowledge," she writes. "And turns out, a little delusion goes a long way."

Don't play the comparison game

Easier said than done, but what Schroeder knows better than anyone is the lure of comparing yourself to others on social media. But reminding yourself that everyone's online lives aren't real life can be a sanity-saver. "I might be all for some online filtering or wrinkle smoothing, but there is also a glorious freedom that comes with accepting that things are never going to be perfect in your life," she writes. "That doesn’t mean I won’t use a filter to just make it look a little bit shinier. Life is not black-and-white, but it can be greasy."

Resist Success FOMO

"I often wondered why I suffered from Success FOMO. It’s not to say I wasn’t happy for my peers when good opportunities came to them. I was. But at the same time, I would be overcome by insecurity if the same things weren’t happening for me," Schroeder writes. But she learned a trick from The Skinny Confidential Him & Her podcast with Lauryn and Michael Bosstick that changed her perspective on the green-eyed monster.

Just imagine you have to switch lives with that person: You don't just get the Big Great Thing you're coveting, but also their middle-of-the-night insomnia stressors, their partner (or lack thereof), kids and all of the messy, complicated stuff you don't see. It's a great way to banish the beast.

And most of all, don't be afraid to take care of you

Where Shroeder's book gets the most raw and vulnerable is in talking about her mental health, her struggles with self-harm, postpartum depression and not feeling good enough as a person, a parent and a wife. But Schroeder has learned a hard-won lesson she wants everyone else to internalize too: Be yourself. Someone will like it. And there's no substitute for hard work, especially in mental health.

"There is no girlbossing in mental health: it’s about being honest and being real about what you need," she explains. "The thing about failure is, once you get over the pain or insecurity of it all, then you have the freedom to be someone different."

In putting out this book, Schroeder helps to offer readers the empowerment to do the same.

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You Can't Have It All: The Basic B*tch Guide to Taking the Pressure Off by Stassi Schroeder is on sale now, wherever books are sold.