Celebrity Celebrity Weddings 'Bachelor' Drama! How Lauren Really Feels About Ben's Declaration of Love for JoJo – and Why He Says He 'Can't Apologize' After their engagement, Ben revealed to Lauren that he had also said "I love you" to JoJo By Aili Nahas Aili Nahas Aili Nahas is the former West Coast deputy news director at PEOPLE. She left PEOPLE in 2023. People Editorial Guidelines Published on March 16, 2016 07:05AM EDT The Bachelor EXCLUSIVE! Bachelor Ben Higgins opens up about why fiancée Lauren Bushnell “was always the one” and the decision he regrets the most. Subscribe now for all their wedding plan details plus exclusive photos, only in PEOPLE! They’ve been happily engaged for four months, but Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell had to relive an uncomfortable part of their relationship’s past as the season unfolded on TV. Namely, Higgins’ decision to tell both Bushnell and runner-up JoJo Fletcher that he loved them. • For much more from Ben and Lauren’s new life together, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday “Post filming was more of an emotional roller coaster than the actual show,” Bushnell tells PEOPLE exclusively in this week’s issue. “I fall more in love with Ben every day and it’s hard to separate what happened long ago and my current feelings. It’s confusing. It does wear on me.” Bushnell says she had a heart-to-heart conversation with Higgins after their Jamaican engagement, in which he admitted he had told Fletcher he loved her, but “I hadn’t soaked it in or made sense of it yet. I was still on a high from getting engaged.” Of watching the show back, the flight attendant, 26, says, “It hurts. It’s like, why did I have to go through that hurt? It’s already a few months of confusion and tears and then to have to deal with it again, it’s hard.” RELATED VIDEO: How Well Does The Bachelor Couple Really Know Each Other? Still, “Ben is the most understanding, and empathetic, supportive and a great listener,” says Bushnell. “Anytime I do feel things, I express them and he listens and we talk about it.” For his part, Higgins says he doesn’t regret the sentiment, but that his feelings for Lauren since the show have only grown stronger. • PEOPLE’s collector’s edition The Bachelor, with new interviews and updates on your favorite contestants, is on sale now in stores and online! “I can’t apologize for being honest or expressing what I thought was the best thing to express at the time,” says the business analyst, 26. “At the time, it was the best definition of what I was feeling.” Continues Higgins: “Don’t get us wrong. Throughout this whole show airing and conversations we’ve had about decisions and life, it hasn’t always been easy. But it’s added a whole new level to our relationship. And [the show ultimately] led me to this woman who I love deeply. She’s the only woman I’ll love from now on.”