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ВЕДЬ ЭТО ТАК ПРОСТО !
3-е издание
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Кандида Финк
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КиТв
Комп'ютерне видавництво
"Д 1 АЛЕКТИКА"
2021
УДК 616.895.1-6
Ф59
6 Содержание
Течение болезни 39
Дополнительные особенности, которые часто сопровождают
биполярное расстройство 40
Отличие биполярного расстройства от состояний с подобными
симптомами 42
Коморбидность: когда биполярное расстройство сосуществует
с другими состояниями 44
Тревожные расстройства 44
Расстройство, связанное с употреблением психоактивных веществ 45
Расстройство дефицита внимания с гиперактивностью 46
Расстройства личности 46
Проблемы с памятью и мышлением 47
Проблема диагностики у детей и подростков 48
Содержание
^
Пять изменений в образе жизни 81
Примеры самопомощи 83
Психотерапия и консультирование 85
Собираем группу поддержки: отношения и поддержка семьи 86
Обеспечение непрерывного ухода 88
8 Содержание
Критерии выбора психиатра 112
Что взять с собой на первую встречу 113
Почему вы (или другие люди) думаете, что нуждаетесь в помощи 114
Пожалуйста, больше информации о симптомах! 116
История болезни 117
Семейная история 118
Список законных и... незаконных психоактивных веществ 119
Журнал сна 120
Приступаем к установлению диагноза 121
Оценивание ваших симптомов 121
Рассмотрение других причин 122
Получение диагноза 122
Оценка тяжести вашей болезни 124
Ответ на ваш диагноз 125
Получение плана лечения 126
Содержание 9
Командная работа 142
Расширение вашей социальной сети за счет местных групп поддержки 143
10 Содержание
Примите то, что ваше нежелание нормально 201
Проведение анализа затрат и выгод 202
Облегчение нежелательных побочных эффектов 204
Корректировка доз и времени 204
Пробуйте различные лекарства одного класса 205
Изучение других вариантов 205
Работа с конкретными побочными эффектами 206
Изменение, уменьшение и прекращение приема лекарств 210
Содержание И
Учет культурных различий 245
Биполярность в ЛГБТ-сообществе 246
.
Часть 4 Развитие необходимых навыков выживания 249
Глава 11. Изучение стратегий самопомощи, методов
психотерапии и других видов поддержки 251
Мониторинг настроения 252
Таблицы сна и уровня энергии 254
Выявление стрессоров и триггеров 255
В поисках психотерапии и поддержки 257
Психообразование 258
Когнитивно-поведенческая терапия (КПТ) 259
Диалектико-поведенческая терапия (ДПТ) 261
Межличностная и социальная ритм-терапия 262
Осознанность и другие навыки самососредоточения 266
Терапия отношений и семейная психотерапия 268
Группы поддержки 268
12 Содержание
Построение здоровых отношений 288
Проверка жизненно важных отношений 288
Проводите время вместе 289
Отдыхайте друг от друга 290
Снятие стресса с помощью физической активности 290
Избегание всего вредного 291
Содержание 13
Глава 15. Во всеоружии перед предстоящим
эпизодом смены настроения 321
Единым фронтом со всеми медиками 322
Эпизод смены настроения 323
Выбор психиатрического учреждения 324
Документирование важной информации 326
Письменные согласия . . . или несогласия на передачу прав 329
Согласие на предоставление информации 329
Доверенность 331
Предварительные распоряжения 332
14 Содержание
Глава 17. Возвращение к работе ... или нет 355
Проверка реальности: готовы ли вы вернуться к работе? 356
Возвращение к привычному ходу вещей 357
Раскрывать свой диагноз ... или нет 358
Преимущества и недостатки раскрытия 359
Разговор с руководителем и коллегами 359
Запрос на необходимые условия рабочего места 361
Поиск более подходящей работы 363
Придумать свою идеальную работу 364
Инвентаризация навыков и интересов 365
Поиск работы своей мечты 365
Если вам не подходит возвращение на работу 367
Содержание 15
Бдительность к предупреждающим признакам 386
Зная, когда вступить 387
Когда следует на шаг отступить 387
Заключение сделки: составление контракта 388
Помощь тому, кто отказывается от помощи 388
Принятие мер в чрезвычайной ситуации 389
Выразите свою озабоченность 389
Вызов врача или психотерапевта 390
Обращение в местную группу поддержки 390
Обращение в местный центр психического здоровья 390
Решение суда 390
Забота о себе 391
Глава 20. Работа с кризисными ситуациями 393
Консультирование с врачом или психотерапевтом
близкого вам человека 394
Обсуждение чрезвычайного плана 396
Выясните, как быть 396
Когда следует вмешиваться 398
К кому обращаться за помощью 399
Куда направиться 400
Реагирование на кризис 401
Суицидальные угрозы или попытки 401
Ажитированное поведение 402
Опасное вождение 403
Чрезмерные траты 404
Гиперсексуальное поведение 406
Злоупотребление психоактивными веществами 407
Побеги и исчезновения 407
Аресты 408
16 Содержание
Вызывающее оппозиционное расстройство 419
Униполярная депрессия 420
Деструктивное расстройство дисрегуляции настроения 423
Тревожные расстройства 425
Травма 426
Расстройства аутистического спектра 427
Токсичные воздействия 427
Психиатрическое обследование 428
Поиск подходящего специалиста 428
Что делать, обращаясь за помощью 430
Подбор инструментов лечения 432
Вопрос лекарств 433
План диагностики и лечения 434
Воспитание ребенка с биполярным расстройством 437
Совершенствование родительских навыков 437
Школьные вопросы 439
Управление образом жизни 440
Сигналы суицидальной опасности 441
Содержание 17
Глава 23. Десять способов помочь близкому человеку
с биполярным расстройством 453
Узнайте больше о биполярном расстройстве 454
Относитесь с уважением к близкому вам человеку 454
Отточите свои навыки коммуникации 455
Решайте проблемы 456
Отступите при повышении напряженности 456
Ведите подробные записи 456
Супружество с человеком и его биполярным диагнозом 457
Наблюдайте за действием лекарств 457
Будьте гибкими в своих ожиданиях 459
Наслаждайтесь жизнью 459
18 Содержание
Введение
20 Введение
Мы также предполагаем, что вы или кто-то из ваших знакомых страдает би-
полярным расстройством или что вам как минимум интересно узнать об этом
состоянии. Чем больше расстройство затрагивает вас, вашу семью или кого-то
из ваших знакомых, тем больше пользы вы почерпнете из книги.
Наконец, мы предполагаем, что у вас есть чувство юмора. Да, в биполярном
—
расстройстве мало веселого, но смех один из инструментов, который позво-
ляет вам выжить в атмосфере абсурда и разочарования, которые нередко со-
провождают ситуацию.
1
Советы предоставляют инсайдерскую информацию от профессио-
налов. Если вы ищете быстрый способ сделать что-то, проверьте
СОВЕТ информацию, помеченную этой пиктограммой.
“ Внимание! Всем постам ...” Этот значок появляется, когда вам
I
нужно проявить бдительность или обратиться за профессиональной
ВНИМАНИЕ! помощью.
На протяжении всей книги мы демонстрируем примеры из жизни
людей, живущих с биполярным расстройством.
СРЕДИ НАС
Кроме того, каждая книга серии ...для чайников содержит шпаргалку, запол-
ненную полезной информацией, к которой вы можете постоянно обращаться .
Введение 21
Если вам нужен краткий обзор биполярного расстройства, ознакомьтесь
с главами части 1. Прежде чем обратиться к психиатру за диагностикой, про-
смотрите главы 4 и 5, чтобы знать, чего ожидать от диагностического процес-
са. Для понимания свойств назначаемых при биполярном расстройстве ле-
карств обратитесь к главе 7 . Читайте главы части 4, чтобы узнать о стратегиях
самопомощи . Если у вас есть друг или член семьи с биполярным расстрой-
ством, перейдите к части 6. Куда бы вы ни пошли, вы найдете много полезной
информации.
От издательства
Вы, читатель этой книги, — ее главный критик и комментатор. Мы ценим
ваше мнение и хотим знать, что мы сделали правильно, что можно было сде-
лать лучше и что еще вы хотели бы увидеть изданным нами. Нам интересно уз -
нать и любые другие ваши замечания в наш адрес.
Мы ждем ваших комментариев и надеемся на них. Вы можете прислать нам
электронное письмо или зайти на наш веб-сайт и оставить свои замечания там.
Одним словом, любым удобным для вас способом дайте нам знать, нравится
или нет вам эта книга, а также выскажите свое мнение о том, как сделать наши
книги более интересными для вас.
-
Отправляя письмо или оставляя сообщение, не забудьте указать название
книги и ее авторов, а также ваш электронный адрес. Мы внимательно ознако-
мимся с вашим мнением и обязательно учтем его при отборе и подготовке к из-
данию следующих книг.
Наши электронные адреса:
E-mail: [email protected]
WWW: http://www.dialektika.com
22 Введение
i
Начинаем
биполярное
путешествие
В ЭТОЙ ЧАСТИ ...
Гипоманиакальный эпизод
Гипоманиакалъный эпизод требует того же числа типов и симптомов , что
и маниакальный эпизод, который мы обсуждали в предыдущем разделе. На-
пример, симптомы должны представлять собой отчетливые перемены в при-
вычном для человека поведении, и эти изменения должны быть наблюдаемы-
ми для других. Однако гипоманиакальный эпизод отличается от маниакально-
го эпизода:
» может быть более коротким по продолжительности (достаточно четы-
рех дней подряд, чтобы диагностировать гипоманиакальный эпизод);
» не вызывает серьезных функциональных нарушений;
Гипомания
Норма
Легкая депрессия
Тяжелая депрессия
Дни >
With the coming of spring across the cold northern continents, the big
counter-offensive had begun. For years the agricultural scientists had
prepared for such an occasion and now they went into action.
Naturally it was all top secret but we were among the privileged few,
since the border-line between the world of plant pathology and the
diseases of man and animals had grown increasingly vague. It was
essential that we know of their work and they of ours. Many of the
original discoveries in virology had been made by botanical scientists
and the first virus to be crystallized, the tobacco mosaic, was a
disease confined to the plant world.
Since the Geophysical Year of 1958 and the advent of the space
satellites, the meteorologists had made tremendous advances. Using
information derived from the weather globes circling the earth, with
their data on sun-spots and radar maps of storm centers, plus the
mass of information now available through the weather stations in the
polar regions, at sea and on land, the weather predictors had become
extremely accurate. With seeding techniques, electronically
controlled, they had made a start at changing the weather, although,
up to now, little of this had been done because of a lack of
international agreements. Now they were free to try out their ideas. It
was interesting to follow in the newspapers the results of their work,
and even more interesting to see how the peoples of the world tried
to explain the various events. The great pandemics raging across the
earth had resulted in a rush to the churches and the rise of all sorts of
weird sects, prophets and calamity howlers. This frantic search for
security renewed itself when the new wave of disaster began. To
avert suspicion, for a while at least, and also because these great
forces could not easily be localised, our NATO allies had to suffer with
the Communists. Only the heads of the British Government knew,
and they, with their usual courage, had agreed to endure, with the
promise of American aid.
The first attack was a weather offensive. Using the jet streams which
flowed swiftly to the east, swarms of tiny balloons were released by
planes from the American Navy supercarriers in the Atlantic, and from
the bombers of the Strategic Air Command cruising in the
stratosphere above them. By the use of timing devices these deadly
little toys destroyed themselves and dropped the new electronic
seeders into the moisture-filled clouds rolling from the Atlantic across
Europe. The wettest spring in recorded history was the result. Fields
were almost untillable and the hay and grain crops that were planted
were never harvested. The wet weather favored the growth of fungus
and the rusts and blights so carefully cultivated by our agronomists
and seeded into the winds that blew over Europe and Asia, thrived on
what remained of the harvest. Further to the east the winds, now
emptied of their moisture, sucked water from the steppes of Siberia,
where the great new collective farms ordered by Khrushchev had torn
up the grasslands. Dust storms scoured off the topsoil. No plants
could grow. No animal could survive, lacking both food and water.
The greatest migration in living memory was the result. The trek of
the Okies out of the dust bowl of the early thirties was a mere trickle
compared to the flood of refugees that poured east into Russia or
south, down into the desert lands of the Middle East and over the
Himalayan barriers. Many died before they got to the borders of India
and the other Islamic lands. Many were killed by the reinforced border
guards determined to prevent the spread of disease and famine in
their own ravaged territories.
Of course the Communists retaliated, or perhaps it was in part the
result of our own interference with nature. That fall, early frost hit the
West Coast and blizzards screamed down from the Arctic over the
plains. Our grain crops were ruined and much of our late fruit and
vegetables. And now the "Folly of the Fifties", as one presidential
candidate had called the price support programs, paid an unexpected
dividend. From every cave and warehouse, from dumps and silos and
refrigerator rooms, the stores of grain and potatoes, butter and meat,
poured out by truck and train. Convoys of food ships had already left
for the NATO countries. The terrible death toll of the measlepox made
available sufficient food for the rice eaters of the Indian subcontinent
from their existing supplies, since the weather war had had little effect
in those regions. Africa, its own population decimated by the same
measlepox disease, was left to its rich resources.
The Reds were not yet beaten. Desperate for food, they gambled
boldly. The Soviet premier himself appealed to the United States and
Canada for aid, in a shrewd psychological move. He knew we did not
want to announce to the world that we were at war. It was doubtful if
even our own people would believe it. World opinion would be likely
to turn against us and uninformed or unbelieving governments, side
with the Communists to isolate us. We had to help them, at least in
appearance. In spite of tremendous losses the Soviets still
outnumbered us and, if pushed too far, might start the long-awaited
march into the vacuum left by the dying populations of Asia and the
evacuation of our bases, daring us to start an all-out war.
The counterstroke was a masterpiece. Supplies of flour and other
prepared foods were rushed, in great fleets of ships, to the European
ports of the Russian Empire. Every pound of flour, every ton of meat,
every cask of butter had been treated with the new tasteless and
odorless contraceptive compound which our scientists had recently
discovered. We never knew if the Russians found out why their
women were not getting pregnant ... the rate of conception drops off
in starvation in any case. It did not matter. They had two choices, to
eat or to die.
In June, six weeks after he had left Sea Island, we heard again from
Harry. Of course Polly had had letters, but purely personal ones as
Harry had been much too busy to do more than write, "I love you,
wish you were here" notes. Now, finally, he gave us some news. Polly
came bursting into the coffee room one morning waving a sheaf of
electron pictures in one hand and a bundle of closely written pages in
the other.
"I got a big letter from Harry this morning," she said to the three of us
around the table. "Would y'all like to hear the news?"
"Aw, Polly, I don't want to hear that mush," I kidded her, "Why don't
you sell it to True Love Confessions magazine?"
"You shut your big mouth, man, and open your ears."
"Go ahead Polly. Never mind funny boy here," Pat said.
"Harry says they have a big lab set up in the main hospital in Victoria
... that's the city on the island, Hong Kong itself, and they're working
shifts, twenty-four hours a day, to try to attenuate the measlepox
virus."
"Brother! What a job!" I exclaimed. "One mistake and you've had it."
"Too right, you have!" the Chief said feelingly, his long forgotten
Australian slang coming to the surface.
"They had to get out of Kowloon, he says because the refugees
sneaked through the barriers into the New Territories and spread the
disease. It was terrible because there were about three million people
crowded in there. Now most of them are dead and the police patrol all
around the island, day and night, to keep others from landing. He
says almost all the British, except soldiers, have left. They send them
to some small island first and then, if they haven't got any disease,
they can go home to England. The research team is behind barbed
wire and almost nobody is allowed in or out—but their quarters are
comfortable."
"Hot and cold running maids, I suppose," I said.
"If you were there they'd be running, all right."
"Shut up, John. Go on Polly," Pat said and pinched my arm.
"They haven't succeeded in weakening the virus yet and if they kill it
with formalin or one of the usual methods it won't work as a vaccine."
"What ways have they tried?" Hallam said.
"He doesn't say. There's one thing I don't like," she said thoughtfully.
"He has an idea that if they went into China they might find survivors
of the pox in areas where the disease has almost died down and get
some serum from them, or perhaps find that the measlepox is
weakened in those areas and could be used."
"It's too bad our agents didn't get enough vaccine for testing," I said.
"It would have saved exposing our men to that sort of danger."
"One of his ideas is to give volunteers serum from recovered cases
and then let them get the measlepox."
"You mean like giving children gamma globulin shots after they've
been exposed to measles so they'll get just a mild case of the disease
and be protected for life?" Pat asked.
"That's the general idea," the Chief said. "Then, too, he might want to
look at the animal population in the area. There's a theory that
cowpox was originally smallpox that got into cattle. Now if you get
cowpox, as milkmaids in England often did many years ago, on their
hands, you probably won't catch smallpox. That's how the legend
arose that milkmaids had lovely complexions. They didn't get
smallpox and so their faces weren't scarred like most people in the
eighteenth century. Jenner got the original idea for vaccination from
that. The same thing might apply to measlepox. If he could find a mild
form of it in some animal we could use that as a vaccine. We try to do
this in the Lab by inoculating animals. Harry wants to go out into the
devastated areas and see if nature has done it for him."
"That may be soon, Doctor," Polly said, "but I'll bet he's also hoping to
pick up news of his folks."
"Could be," Hallam agreed, "but they are very small pins in a terribly
big haystack, if still alive."
"That crazy man," Polly murmured. "I know he'll kill himself yet. If he
doesn't get the pox the Reds will catch him."
"There's not too much danger from the Chicoms right now," I said.
"The way they are dying out, the border guard must have holes in it
big enough to take a division of troops through, let alone a small
reconnaissance party."
In the early summer of 1963 Pat had completely recovered from her
miscarriage. The Chief and I had suffered nothing more than mild
colds from the FS-flu. We had set up new experiments to see if we
could temper the destructiveness of the virus with the intention of
confining its effects to the human race.
"I have no compunction about using it on the human race," Hallam
said. "The human being has free will and should be prepared to take
the consequences of his follies and work out his own salvation."
I had to agree.
One late summer day when the tests were running smoothly he said
to me, "John, I think you should take Pat out of here for a month.
There's no point in isolation now we are all recovered, and you need
a rest."
"What about you?" I said.
"I'll take a break after you get back. Besides, I want you to do a little
experimenting on your vacation."
I wondered out loud what was coming next.
"Well," he smirked, "this is a good chance for a honeymoon and you
might find out for me how permanent the sterility effects of the original
FS-flu are."
I couldn't think of a more pleasant experiment.
The United Church ceremony was a quiet one. Both Pat and I felt
that, having been married before and having subsequently made
fools of ourselves, we didn't want much fuss this time. The ceremony
was quiet but the party that followed certainly was not. Dr. Hallam had
recently moved into a penthouse apartment in the swanky new Lion
Heights district overlooking Howe Sound and the Straits of Georgia.
From the church it was a quick run out to his home, followed all the
way by the hooting automobiles of half the Laboratory staff and a
good crowd from the Hospital itself.
From the corner living room of the apartment there was a magnificent
view south to Point Grey and the University. Off to the southwest, in
the haze of late afternoon, the Olympic mountains glimmered faintly
across the water and the dark silhouette of the Island cut the western
horizon. To escape for a moment from the uproar, I had moved out
onto the rooftop garden and, with my arm around Pat, watched the
slow ending of the day. Behind us the french doors opened as Hallam
joined us. The buzz of talk and laughter, heightened by the cocktails,
broke the quiet of our thoughts and died again as he closed the doors
behind him.
"This really is a lovely spot," Pat said to him. "Will you pardon a
woman's curiosity and tell me, isn't it terribly expensive?"
Hallam grinned. "It would be except that I'm part owner of the building
and get a cut rate."
We stood there quietly, absorbed in the view, then Pat took Hallam's
arm. "Let's go in now," she said. "We will have to leave soon."
The noise came at us in waves as we opened the door. Little knots of
people were all over the rooms, talking, laughing, eating, moving
about and re-forming new groups.
"They obviously don't need us," I whispered to Pat. "Let's get out of
here." I winked at the boss and he shook both hands to us,
prizefighter fashion, as we slipped out.
The Ferguson glided into the driveway without the motor running as I
tried to escape. A roar of hand-clapping, cheers, jeers and yells broke
out above. It was too late for them to catch us so they waved and
shouted words of tipsy wisdom. A few ribald male remarks were
stifled by feminine hands and the last howls and shrieks faded back
up the hill. At the bottom I stopped and removed the inevitable tin
cans and old shoes, brushed off all visible confetti and moved on
towards Horseshoe Bay. The sloop was ready. While I started the
motor and cast off, Pat changed into slacks and sweater in the cabin
and then got busy making sandwiches and coffee. I set our course
around Bowen Island, heading for the Sunshine Coast and the long
winding fiords that split the timbered ranges.
It was hours later. At Pat's suggestion I had gone below for a rest and
then had relieved her while she did the same. We wanted to get well
away from the big city and the ocean traffic before we stopped. About
two o'clock she wandered up from below. The moon was high now
and in the clean cool light we were close to shore. Here the coast
was deserted and, as we skirted a rocky point, a small cove
appeared, the entrance barely large enough for the yacht. The moon,
going over to the west, shot its light through the gap to show a sandy
beach dimly outlined at the farther side.
"John, let's look in there. It seems a likely place to stop."
I cut the motor and glided through the entrance, trusting the smooth
unbroken surface to cover enough depth for the boat. The million
pinpoint lights of our phosphorescent track died away as we slowed.
The bowsprit almost overhung the sloping beach when I dropped
anchor.
"Plenty of depth here," I said quietly, reluctant to break the silence. "It
should be a good spot to spend the night."
Sheltered by the northern arm of the cove, the remains of an old
cabin hugged the rising slope. In front of it, in the little clearing, a few
old fruit trees, branches broken with age, spotted the grass. The
small stream that probably had tempted this early settler ran at one
side of the cleared land, the water spreading out to glitter over the
stones and sand of the beach before losing itself in the dark salty bay.
"What a wonderful place for a swim," Pat whispered, her eyes
enormous in her shadowed face.
The air was still warm, with enough breeze to discourage any
mosquitoes.
Quickly Pat stripped and stood there proudly, waiting for me. To keep
her hair dry she had put on a white bathing cap and, in that pale light,
she shone like some strange shaven statue from an old Egyptian
tomb. She moved and the illusion disappeared. Naked, I reached for
her and pulled her close. For a moment she clung to me and then,
teasingly, she pushed me away and dived over the side. The water
was cold and the chill of it on my skin soon relieved the tension the
sight of her body had aroused in me. For a while we swam and
splashed in the shallows, then I loaded the dinghy with towels and
blankets, threw in a flask of rum with some cokes to dilute it and we
went ashore. Her hand in mine, we walked around the tiny cove, the
sand coming up pleasantly between our toes and the cool salty water
sparkling on our skins. I brushed it out of my hair and Pat shivered as
the fine spray hit her bare skin.
"Better get warmed up," I said, and led her back to the clearing.
There, from a deep pool dug in the stream by that early settler, I
poured fresh water over her and rubbed vigorously with my hands to
get off the salt and warm her up. The throbbing aching torment of my
desire returned. She moved closer, her tongue wet on my lips.
In the soft grey glow of late moonlight, her face, twisted for a time by
the agony of her passion, was smiling calm and her eyes looked up at
me serenely. I rolled away from her and pulled the blanket over us.
She cuddled into my shoulder and slept.
CHAPTER 11
The sunny days slid by as we explored farther and farther north. The
weather held fair all that month except for a few quick showers that
washed the warm decks and cooled the quiet air. There was little
good sailing weather but we didn't worry. There was fishing enough,
swimming enough, and loving enough to fill the days and nights.
In a deep side channel of Louise Inlet, I was trolling one day in the
fourth week. Pat held the tiller and the engine, throttled back hard,
barely puttered along. Then, above the noise, the sound of a more
powerful engine rose and gained rapidly in intensity. Around the bend
from the main channel an amphibian swung into view and banked to
glide down over us. It banked again, full circle, and the pilot let down
and taxied up behind our boat. I stopped the engine and waited. The
small door on the passenger side opened and a bare head stuck out.
I recognized that full, cheery face.
"For the love of Pete! It's the Chief," I yelled above the motor.
Pat nodded, not too happily. Her woman's intuition was probably
working overtime. A short time later we anchored inshore. The Boss
and his grim-looking pilot climbed aboard.
"Lord, we've had a time finding you two," Hallam sighed. "This is
Colonel Jones, United States Air Force."
I raised my eyebrows at Pat. Neither the man's flying suit nor the
plane's markings had shown any indication of their military nature.
"How do you do sir," I said, as I shook his hand. "Are you up here on
a vacation?"
"Strictly business, I'm afraid," he said crisply.
"Business? With whom?"
"With you." The lips opened and shut in his face like a ventriloquist's
dummy.
He was strictly business, I thought. "With me?" I turned to Hallam.
"What have I done now?"
He didn't smile at my feeble joke. "It's not what you've done, John, it's
what they want you to do. Colonel Jones is from the CIA."
"Oh oh, the cloak and dagger boys," I thought. "Trouble coming up."
Out loud I said, "We might as well sit down and be comfortable while
we talk. Pat, how about some beer?"
The Colonel was obviously impatient but he tried to swallow his
irritability with his beer.
"It's nice being a civilian at times," I was thinking. "I don't have to take
any more guff from the brass. This guy's obviously a West Point type
in a hurry and it must gall him to have to wait on my royal pleasure.
He wants something. Let him wait for it!"
It was a rebellious thought but I'd been prodded painfully by his
classmates on occasion in the past. I couldn't resist getting a little of
my own back.
"All three of you are cleared for Top Secret," Jones said. "I checked
before I came out here."
I took a long drag at the bottle. "What about yourself, Colonel?" I
smiled thinly at him.
Silently, stone-faced, he showed his credentials. Pat frowned at me.
She thought I was being unnecessarily cool to a guest. Rivalries in
the service meant nothing to her.
I grinned at him and the tension eased. "The old routine, Colonel. I
wouldn't want to foul up with a security officer watching me."
The stern exterior cracked as he relaxed. "I hate to butt in on your
vacation like this. I had no choice. We have a deadline to meet."
"Sounds familiar," I murmured. "Submit a complete report, in five
copies, based on information you'll get tomorrow, to reach
headquarters not later than yesterday. Well, give us the bad news."
"First let me give you an estimate of the situation as we see it. That
will put you in the picture."
"You mean I'm being framed?" I joked.
He actually smiled. "The weather and biological offensive against the
Reds are now at their height," he began, "and are proving most
successful. We anticipate they will exhaust their food reserves very
soon and will be desperate for more. If they ask us, we will give them
some this winter, under certain conditions." (He was referring to the
use of the contraceptive drug in that food, as I learned later.) "That
will give them a respite, which we can't very well avoid, and the war is
expected to continue on into 1964. By early summer, some eight
months from now, we estimate that continuation of our offensive will
drive them to the wall, since we will then inform them that we cannot
give them any more supplies from our store. It is then that we can
anticipate the hidden war breaking out into the open. Even if they
retaliate in weather and bacteriological warfare, they must know we
can win because our hoarded supplies will keep us going while they
starve. They have to plan a knockout blow and yet our G-2 people
believe they will not use atomic power. They won't use it because of
its dreadful after-effects on future populations. Even the so-called
clean bombs must affect many survivors and, in an already
decimated world, they cannot afford to have contaminated survivors
from which to rebuild the race. Also, they are sure that we won't use it
if they don't. Now, as far as we can foresee, that leaves only one
other way to achieve the knockout ... by the use of nerve gases."
"I still don't see what I do," I said, although I had an uneasy suspicion.
"You were a paratrooper, weren't you? And you served in Korea."
"Yes, a long time ago," I admitted grudgingly.
"And you are a virologist?"
"You know that."
"You also speak some Japanese, Korean and Chinese."
"I wish I'd never admitted it."
"We want you to parachute into North Korea with a Special Forces
Group, go to this plant, get the necessary information and sample
viruses. The information cannot be written down for security reasons
and because of this and the dangerous nature of the viruses we feel
that only a man of your qualifications can be trusted to handle it."
"That's what I was afraid of," I said.
"Will you do it?"
"In the name of heaven, Colonel!" I exploded. "Twenty minutes ago all
I had on my mind was catching a fish for supper and now you want a
snap decision that may cost me my life."
"I'm sorry, Doctor," his face froze again, "but we haven't much time."
"The hell with deadlines," I growled. "I'm not on active duty now and
no damn chairborne Pentagon pencil pusher is going to impose a
time limit on me. Let him get out and do it himself if he can't wait."
"Unfortunately you are the best qualified," he said stiffly.
"Yeah, unfortunately for me," I sneered. "How is it the guys best
qualified for the dirtiest jobs don't seem to be best qualified for
promotion too?"
"John, please!" Pat put a hand on my shoulder.
"Sorry Colonel," I choked down my anger. "You hit some raw nerves
with that best qualified remark."
"I'm sorry too, Doctor. We know you've already done more than your
share. Perhaps if you think it over for a while, you'll want to help us."
"How do you propose to go about it," Hallam said to Jones.
"Colonel Macdonald, or a substitute, will have to renew his airborne
training and get into first class physical shape. There will also be
language school to brush up on his Korean and Japanese, with some
basic Russian."
"Why Japanese?"
"It was the official language in Korea until after World War Two and
many of the older people can speak it. What he misses in Korean he
might be able to pick up in Japanese."
"How long will this take?" Pat said.
"About six months. Then there will be a month of special preparations
for the attack itself. After that we wait for the right weather and the
psychologically correct moment. The idea is to delay until the last
possible moment before the Reds are ready to attack us and pull the
rug out from under them. We hope the confusion and loss of morale
will be so great that the partisans or maquis or whatever you want to
call them will be able to rise and overthrow the communist regime."
"Adding all this up," I said, "I gather you expect the special training to
start in about two weeks from now."
"That's right," Colonel Jones said. "That's why we need an answer
soon."
"I have one week left of my vacation before I return to Vancouver. I'll
let you know then."
"Thank you. I'll leave all the necessary information with Dr. Hallam at
his office." Jones got up, bent slightly in Pat's direction and again to
me, while he gave us a formal handshake. He climbed over the side
and got into the amphibian without a backward glance.
"I wish I hadn't had to do this," the Chief said hurriedly as his big
hands reached out for ours. "Try not to let it ruin the rest of your
vacation. God bless!" He squeezed and my hand tingled until long
after his great frame had vanished into the cabin of the flying boat.
After they had gone Pat cooked the fish I'd caught and we sat down
to eat and talk things over. I hadn't committed myself in any way. My
days as an eager beaver soldier were long gone and I was
remembering the old army saying, "Never volunteer for anything." Pat
had been unusually quiet. I knew she would go along with any
decision I made but it is still not an easy thing for a woman to sit still
while her man is thinking of committing what might turn out to be
suicide.
"Want a drink?" she asked, getting out the bottles before I could
answer. She mixed us a rum collins, taking the last of the ice from our
little refrigerator.
"Well, what are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking just how much hell the next eight months will be."
"Hell for both of us, darling," she said. She leaned across the narrow
table to kiss me. "I'm glad you want to do it. It may not win the war but
you'd never be happy again if you didn't try."
I didn't relish the idea at all but I knew she was right. I'd always been
a volunteer. It was too late to change. I heaved up off the bench and
went on deck. The stars were out now and high overhead an Alaska-
bound plane hummed by, its green and red lights winking.
"Red light ... green light ... GO," I thought and remembered again the
quivering anticipation as I stood in the door of the C-119 watching for
a little green button to flash on. I shivered with old remembered fears
and I felt Pat's arms go around me from behind as she kissed the
back of my neck. I think she sensed my trouble. She knew how I had
sweated out jumping and the long strain of combat duty.
"Come down below, sweetheart, it's bedtime. Come and let me help
you forget. There are so few nights left."
I rolled over in the soft sandy ground and pulled hard on the risers to
spill the air out of my parachute. The breeze was dying. The spotted
cloth wavered, flapped, and the canopy collapsed. I got to my feet, hit
the box and stepped out of the slack harness. Slowly I straightened
the canopy, folded it over my arms down to the back pack and
tightened the straps over it. I picked the whole thing up and zipped it
into the carrying bag. The trucks were waiting across the drop zone. I
heaved the heavy bag up across my shoulders with the handles on
each side of my neck and started towards them. My first jump was
over. I was tired ... tired... tired and quietly proud. The first one was
past. I was a paratrooper again.
"How was the jump, Colonel?" A small black haired officer of about
my own age came up behind me. Captain Balakireff, the son of White
Russian refugees and lately of Shanghai, China, spoke with a faint
accent. His thin lips and hollow cheeks reminded me of the ascetic
saints on a Russian ikon. He should be wearing a beard, I thought.
"Pretty good, Blackie. It's been a long time."
Trudging beside him through the loose sand, a tall blond and thick
chested Lithuanian Captain called Makstutis grinned down at me.
"Need a hand with that pack, Doc," he said, completely unconscious
of the difference in our ranks.
"No thanks Mak. I may not be in shape but I'm not that decrepit."
Closer to the trucks Lieutenant Pak On, a native born Korean
imitation of Balakireff awaited us. With him was Lieutenant Kim Cho
Hup, a living embodiment of the Chinese god of happiness with his
round smiling face and the figure to go with it. For all his weight, the
result probably of too much feasting on his Hawaiian island home,
Kim was quick and tough, a veteran of the early days in Korea with
the 25th Division.
These four, all war veterans and career men formed, with me, the
officers' component of a Special Forces team. With us, as we
assembled around the trucks were twenty-five enlisted men. All were
Orientals, a few native born, but mostly Hawaiian sons of immigrants.
They too were Special Forces volunteers, qualified both as
paratroopers and rangers. Each had a specialty, weapons,
demolition, signal, engineer, medical, and each could take over at
least one other job in an emergency. They had to be fluent in one of
three languages, Korean, Japanese or Mandarin Chinese.
We jumped as a team in two sticks, led by the Slavic officers. As
senior officer I acted as jump-master in training although in the actual
attack I was to be protected rather than to command. The operations
plan was simple. We were to drop in North Korea in high mountain
country near our objective. The three whites would masquerade as
Russian officers. We hoped to pass as inspectors or medical health
officers touring the country with a North Korean Army escort. As the
Russians had taken control in China and North Korea, we should be
able to get by, at least for a while, considering the disorganized state
of that plague-tortured peninsula. A rendezvous with the agent who
had contacted the enemy virologist would be arranged. From then on
it was up to us. Afterwards we were to be evacuated by submarine
from a pre-designated spot on the coast.
We climbed into the trucks. As they rolled down the road back to our
quarters, I pulled Pat's latest letter from my pocket and skimmed once
more through its well remembered pages. Because of the danger she
was no longer working with the research project but was helping Polly
on the electron microscope.... Polly had heard from Harry.... He was
in Formosa training with the Americans and Nationalist Chinese for a
landing on the Chinese mainland ... he had sold them on the idea....
Polly was worried of course.... She was too ... would I please be
careful ... she loved me and missed me so much ... she wanted me to
come home safely.
I folded the letter and put it away. I'd be coming home all right! On
that I was determined. No damned disease, no stupid Communist
fanatic was going to stop me!
The emphasis on pure physical conditioning changed although we
continued our long marches and strenuous exercises. Now we
worked constantly in Russian or Korean uniforms, used enemy
equipment and talked Russian or Korean. It was hard at first but
gradually I achieved a basic knowledge sufficient to deceive a casual
observer.
A week before Christmas General Rawlins, the Special Forces
commander, called me into his office. He came around his desk as I
saluted.
"You're looking fit, Macdonald. The instructors tell me your team is
progressing very nicely."
"Thank you sir."
"In view of their reports I am letting you and your men off for
Christmas and New Years. Air transportation will be arranged as far
as possible. Warn your men again about security regulations. See the
Chief of Staff for the details." His normally stern face cracked into a
smile and he stuck out his hand.
"Merry Christmas," he said.