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Might as Well be Ghosts

by Todd Farrell Jr.

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1.
New listing, local pickup only So that I don’t get lonely With things that I don’t need Accepting offers, because I’d like to move it quickly Call or text the number at the bottom of your screen There’s a pointy guitar that I played at Springwater That time when Goose caught on fire When Arsis came to town Some bloodstains from the small stage At the old Masquerade Long before they tore that old building to the ground New listing, local pickup only So that I don’t get lonely With things that I don’t need Accepting offers, because I’d like to move it quickly Call or text the number at the bottom of your screen There’s an ’08 Econoline New locks from that one time When St. Louis stole all of our shit 250,000 miles, and a few loose scratch-off tickets From a few loose scratch-off states Hiding under the bench New listing, local pickup only So that I don’t get lonely With things that I don’t need Accepting offers, because I’d like to move it quickly Call or text the number at the bottom of your screen And when your bumper sticker Peels off the green room door And your bass player finally sells the van To a young power trio With a down-payment and a dream But ain’t nobody else know where it’s been And they’ll cross some state lines Hit some toll roads and traffic And apologize for load-in times missed And they’ll break down and get robbed And play some lousy shows Trying to hard to just exist So we sing our songs When it feels like no one’s listening Feels like we might as well be ghosts We forget better stories Then most people will ever know But will anybody else remember those? New listing redacted from the News Feed So that I can tell my stories Of all the things I’ve seen Accepting solace with myself and with my history Call or text the number if you’d like to grab a drink
2.
Going on six weeks As we drove north up 63 Another town we’d never seen Slim Alberta sun And we had set our sights Upon the Northern Lights But instead, we just shut our eyes Catch it on the next one Catch it on the next one And at the end of our roam Everything had changed when we got home Another Summertime had come and gone And shorter were the days And like a fever dream All of the places that I’d seen And all the people that I meet Slowly fade away But the ghosts still haunt me from time to time Yeah, the ghosts still haunt me from time to time No longer on the run The life I left, and the one I’ve begun But even though I’m satisfied in one Sometimes I think about the other So adapt to impermanence Make the most of every circumstance And see the Northern Lights if you get the chance You might never get another Because like a fever dream All of the places that you’ll see And all the people that you meet Will slowly fade away But the ghosts will still haunt you from time to time Yeah, the ghosts will still haunt you from time to time Because those ghosts still haunt me from time to time The ghosts still haunt me from time to time
3.
Chords and words and hearts on sleeves Verse, chorus, verse, repeat I’m bored from the monotony Another song about the sad bar band Playing in the sad bar Singing about being a sad bar band Playing at the sad bar We’ve taken nostalgia too far A little less feigned altruism A little more escapism To break out of the algorithm I wanna start a blackened death metal band Thrash riffs at breakneck speed A logo like a pile of leaves Just let me brain be free Another song about, like A wizard fighting a dragon On a mountainside And more cool shit like that And like, a kickass two-handed tapping guitar solo Make it fast, because the clock is ticking Corpse paint and double kicking Blastbeats and tremolo picking I wanna start a blackened death metal band Tune my guitar down to C sharp standard Let my voice sound like Muppets angered Dress my stage with skulls and antlers I wanna start a blackened death metal band
4.
We’ll never get away with this Not if they have anything to do about it This isn’t going anywhere And the sooner we understand that, the better We’re just happy anyone’s still here Thanks for coming, we’ll see you next year We’re never gonna get out of here Might as well just make do the best we can At least we’re having fun for now How many can say the same? We’re just happy anyone’s still here Thanks for coming, we’ll see you next year These jean jacket tax brackets Making racket in our Stratocaskets A new revival, deal on arrival Self-denial, we’ve been here awhile Let me surrender, return to sender This break and bender, this long December My eyes are open, my lungs are choking My heart’s unbroken, I’m letting hope in We’re just happy anyone’s still here Thanks for coming, we’ll see you next year
5.
We weighed anchor Seeking refuge, and a good night’s sleep I saw you standing by the bar And you bought me a drink And we embraced and raised our glasses To toast the same old adage “to health and safe passage” And thoughts with those we’ve outlasted We’ve got a long way left to go to get back home Still trust the stars to guide our way after all these years Fighting our conscience, “are we pirates or privateers?” Seeking different ports for shelter from the same storm But I won’t see you back in port anymore And then we parted Breaking anchor in our separate ways Seeking fortune in adventure out beyond the bay Holding fast and holding steady With all hands at the ready Lest we start forgetting A sun that’s always setting We’ve got a long way left to go to get back home Still trust the stars to guide our way after all these years Fighting our conscience, “are we pirates or privateers?” Seeking different ports for shelter from the same storm But I won’t see you back in port anymore And I awoke Miles away in some other bay The sun was shining as we rose to face another day And we choked on our breakfast When we received the message Of news of the wreckage And we struggled to make our exit And we embraced and raised our glasses To toast the same old adage “to heath and safe passage” And thoughts with those we’ve outlasted Still trust the stars to guide our way after all these years Fighting our conscience, “are we pirates or privateers?” Seeking different ports for shelter from the same storm But I won’t see you back in port anymore
6.
See the Bradford Pear Looks like Spring, but smells like Death Trees, they sway, wind carries it your way Mutter something under your breath And I know they don’t belong here Frankly brother, neither do we Conflicting theses, invasive species Line the highways far as we can see When I was a boy Some friends went off to fight a war Some didn’t go and still met their end back home In scraps of metal thrown about the floor And I know they still belong here Bitching ‘bout the smell of Springtime trees “Acceptable losses” and plastic crosses Line the highways far as we can see See the Bradford Pear Just like us, bending to the wind’s will Bows unbending through Winter’s ending Hold until our fetid flowers bloom
7.
Nahmericana 03:01
I am not punk enough for your brand new Black Flag tats And I’m not Americana enough for train beats on open hi-hats I’m not heavy metal enough for the trve kvlt scene And I’m not country enough, and I’m not really sure what that means I like Hank and Iron Maiden, Counting Crows and Suffocation Is that ok with you? Stevie Ray Vaughn, Drake, and Slayer They’re all on my record player Does that make me less cool? Did I go too far? Did I say something wrong? Will you walk out of this bar before I finish this song? But if this makes you move and makes you feel good It’s just rock and roll doing what it should I am not hardcore enough to wear gym shorts to hardcore shows But don’t you dare think I didn’t do my time bleeding in the front row I’m not well adjusted enough for this culture game And I’m not well dressed enough to be on this stage Taylor Swift and then Tom Waits Katy Perry, At the Gates Is anyone still here? You’re hanging tough and hanging stubborn And moving right back to the suburbs In just a few more years Did I go too far? Did I say something wrong? Will you walk out of this bar before I finish this song? But if this makes you move and makes you feel good It’s just rock and roll doing what it should Did I go too far? Did I say something wrong? If I sing it one more time, would you sing along? If this makes you move and makes you feel good It’s just rock and roll doing what it should
8.
Black metal t-shirts in my drawer That I can’t wear anymore Skeletal depictions in black and white Get the wrong looks in the daycare pick up line But if I make it to the weekend Maybe I can see a show But they start so late these days Do I even want to go? But I’ll probably stay up anyway Watching baseball and playing videogames Just like I did when I was 13 It’s been 30 years since the Great War And the Nords can’t worship Talos anymore The Emperor signed the treaty, Gold and White But Ulfrik’s headed for The Reach to pick a fight And now he’s taken Markarth And the Legion’s getting scared And the Stormcloak Revolution Has the Thalmor unprepared But over here in Helgen We’ve got dragons in the air Just like I saw on Fox News Black metal t-shirts in my drawer Save them for the reunion tour
9.
When I was 9, I busted out of class Singing songs for all the kids in the hall And I could around the bases faster than anyone But couldn’t keep my eye on the ball Eventually, I went to see the doctor And she asked me what I thought was wrong But, I didn’t have an answer ‘cause I’ve felt this way all along I said I don’t know what I’m doing And I probably never will ‘Cause I can never seem to get moving And I can’t sit still And it feels like I’m always losing Chasing what I’ll never fill ‘Cause I can never seem to get moving And I can’t sit still When I was 19, I busted out of town Never knowing what I’m running towards Singing my songs to anyone who’d listen But always forgetting the words Eventually, I learned to find a bottle When I felt sad or incomplete But it never helped me feel any better It only helped me sleep Because I don’t know what I’m doing And I probably never will ‘Cause I can never seem to get moving And I can’t sit still And it feels like I’m always losing Chasing what I’ll never fill ‘Cause I can never seem to get moving And I can’t sit still Now I’ve got a couple little ones of my own Trying to teach em right from wrong And how to be calm and how to be kind But they don’t always follow along Eventually I went and asked my father Why it never goes according to plan He said I should know just as much as anyone We’re doing the best we can He said we don’t know what we’re doing And we probably never will ‘Cause we can never seem to get moving And we can’t sit still And it feels like we’re always losing Chasing what we’ll never fill ‘Cause we can never seem to get moving And we can’t sit still
10.
We both know the first thing About the worst thing About falling in love We’ve been up and down And kicked around And thrown off of the horse into the mud And I know nothing about horses Except they’re fickle and they scare me half to death But I think I’d like to learn, if you can learn To help me ease my breath And there’s things I’d like to tell you That even I can’t understand And I’d like to walk these streets But only if you hold my hand Would you wanna come home And have Thanksgiving with my family And sleep on separate beds? You don’t know the first thing About turning A 6-4-3 double play But your dog’s got a collar With my team right beside his name And it’s endearing to put your faith Into something with a future so dark And it kind makes me nervous when you laugh Every time he barks And I know that you get sad Sometimes when I’m gone We do the best we can From 1000 miles long But it’s never too far Before we don’t have to fall Asleep in separate beds There’s things I don’t believe in Like wishing on a star But for you’d, I’d build a rocket And we can sail to worlds afar And when we get home We’ll take your dog to the park But he’ll have to sleep on a separate bed

about

This record was (mostly) written and recorded in my living room while the world was on Covid lockdown between 2020 and 2022. Mostly written as an act of self-therapy to fight the isolation, I didn't really have any ambitions with them. Joe Maiocco convinced me that they deserved some time and to see light of day, so I turned the demos into full recordings as best I could with what I had at my disposal. Three songs ("Health and Safe Passage", "Nahmericana", and "Separate Beds") are older songs, some of which I used to play live that had never been recorded, and I felt if I was going to do a project like this, I at least owe it to those few folks who have been asking for those songs. I'm proud of where this landed, and what I learned from the process. Hope you like it too.

credits

released May 3, 2024

All songs written, arranged, recorded, played, and agonized over by Todd Farrell Jr. in his living room in Nashville, TN and then given kind overdubs from friends in their respective home studios between June 2020 and November 2021. Some of the songs are older than that, but you get the idea.

Additional performances by:
David Beaman – bass on tracks 1 and 7
Cory Tramontelli – bass on track 2
David Murphy – piano on track 3
Jack Whitis – bass on tracks 4 and 9
John Calvin Abney – guitar on track 5, mellotron on track 8
Scotty Sandwich – additional guitars on track 9

Track 5 is dedicated to Chris Porter

Mixed and mastered by Scotty Sandwich at The Sandwich Shoppe in Durham, NC

Creative Direction and artwork layout by Joe Maiocco, maiocco.com
Photography by Tom Macconnell, macconnellphoto.com

Thank you to Vicki, Goldie, and Kimball for tolerating and encouraging my habit. Joe for your talents, kind heart, and forcing me to record these songs. Scotty for being my brother in shred and a patient ear. Jack, Murph, David, Cory, and JCA for lending your time and talent to these silly things I made in my living room and gave them life. Thank you to everyone who still cares about the sounds I make and listens to them, sees me play, and considers themselves happier because those sounds exist.

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Todd Farrell Jr. Nashville, Tennessee

Solo material from Nashville based songwriter/guitarist Todd Farrell Jr, of Benchmarks.

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