SURREAL

BOSH - AND THE ADVERT IS BACK Just shamelessly reposting this advert because we spent money on it and we need to squeeze every last view out of it. Remember, the more you watch it, the less we have to post it. That's the deal.

BAD/GOOD NEWS (IT DEPENDS WHICH DEPARTMENT YOU WORK IN) Mistakes happen. That's just part of life. What's important is how you deal with them. A good business, with a healthy culture, doesn't dwell on mistakes. They fix them and move on. But that's not our style. We much prefer to publicly shame the culprits, as a warning to others. Ideally we'd go for a medieval-esc stocks and rotten tomatoes style shaming, but HR said that's not allowed anymore, so we'll just have to settle for shaming our staff on social media instead.

ABCs of Business - perfect for if you're just starting school A is for Awkward small talk at the start of a zoom call B is for Business Development Execs sliding into your DMs C is for CC-ing someone’s manager when they’re giving you grief D is for Deadlines you’ve completely missed E is for Emails you’re ignoring about the Deadlines you’ve missed F is for “FFS Steve I know I’ve missed the deadline, just leave me alone” G is for Gardening Leave. Sweet, sweet Gardening Leave. H is for Handing in your notice and Hoping you get Gardening Leave. I is for I cba doing any work today J is for Judgement - “You displayed poor judgement at the summer party last week” K is for KPI’s - those things you get in January and ignore until December L is for LUNCHTIME M is for “Management have decided we no longer offer oxygen as a perk” N is for “Naked Wednesdays have also been cancelled” O is for Office Gossip - the only good thing about coming into the office P is for Posting on LinkedIn when you’re meant to be doing work Q is for “Quarter 3 is looking very, very, very bad” R is for “RE: Your unacceptable behaviour at the summer party” S is for Subtly Slipping Surreal Sales messages into content B is for Buy Our Cereal T is for TikTok Trends that I can’t keep up with U is for “underwear must now be worn every Wednesday” V is for Value, as in the phrase “You add no value to this business” W is for Why do I have to come to work X is for “X Rated LinkedIn posts are surprisingly bad for business” Y is for Yawning whenever Martin from Sales starts talking Z is for Zoom calls are the bane of my life

By now you should've somehow realised what you gotta do (buy our cereal)

FINALLY USING OUR GCSEs We spent 5 years learning about oxbow lakes and right-angle triangles, only to end up working for the UK's 47th largest cereal company. So, in honour of GCSE results day, we've decided to finally put our, ahem, "knowledge" to good use, and make some cereal adverts using everything we learnt. If only our teachers could see us now, they'd probably say "you've turned out even worse than expected, and we had low expectations to begin with".

A Taylor Swift song for every office eventuality: - Someone says “Can I have a word?” - You need to calm down - Someone’s been eating tuna again - I hate it here - Office AC way too cold - cardigan - Your boss gives you more work - Mean  - Your work bestie goes on holiday - Come Back… Be Here - CC-ing someone’s manager - Look What You Made Me Do - Keeping your weekend chat ‘professional’ - Long Story Short  - Your brain on a Tuesday morning - Blank Space

Leg day and breakfast - two things you famously shouldn’t skip. Youtube ads, on the other hand? You go right ahead and skip those. (Except ours. Don't skip our Youtube ads. Watch them all the way through and then buy whatever they’re advertising. Especially if they're advertising our limited edition Gymshark cereal.)

YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS What do gymwear, hot sauce, olive oil, baby food, ginger shots and cereal have in common? Not a lot tbh. But that’s not stopped us getting with Gymshark, Flying Goose Brand, Belazu | B Corp™, Piccolo (Organic Baby & Toddler Food) and MOJU to spice up our lives/adverts. Zig-a-zig-ah.

EAT REPS FOR BREAKFAST Gymshark do gym. We do protein. Together, we've made this very limited edition Cardi-Os high protein cereal. Eat it pre-gym. Eat it post-gym. Heck, eat it in the gym if you like. You might get a few weird looks but whatever. Pick it up from our website or from Gymshark's stores. Then put it down. Then pick it up another eleven times, and repeat for two more sets.

SIGH We've seen everyone hopping on this lime green trend thing. Being the hip, cool, current, zeitgeisty brand that we are, we decided to wait until the moment had completely passed before hopping on the bandwagon just as it runs out of legs. Feels like a new low but whatever.