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Come as you are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Paperback – 3 Mar. 2015
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Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a &;pink pill&; for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer&;but as a result of the research that&;s gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women&;s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.
The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others&; experiences. Because women vary, and that&;s normal.
Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman&;s arousal, desire, and orgasm.
Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman&;s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.
And Emily Nagoski can prove it.
- Print length400 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherSimon & Schuster
- Publication date3 Mar. 2015
- Dimensions15.24 x 2.54 x 22.86 cm
- ISBN-101476762090
- ISBN-13978-1476762098
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Product description
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Simon & Schuster; 1st edition (3 Mar. 2015)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 400 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1476762090
- ISBN-13 : 978-1476762098
- Dimensions : 15.24 x 2.54 x 22.86 cm
- Best Sellers Rank: 888,847 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- 44 in Sex Guides for Women
- 906 in Contraception & Family Planning
- 2,557 in Women in History
- Customer reviews:
About the authors
Emily Nagoski has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a minor in Human Sexuality from Indiana University, and a MS in Counseling, also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She has been a sex educator for twenty-five years. She lives in western Massachusetts with a strange cat, two dogs, and a cartoonist.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book incredibly informative, well-researched, and relevant. They describe the writing style as easy to read, engaging, and clear. Readers also mention the book is written in a conversational style.
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Customers find the book informative, well-researched, and easy to follow. They say it gives them a new perspective and helps them understand and appreciate their bodies. Readers also appreciate the simple, frank explanations and good ideas. They describe the book as empowering and a different way to understand themselves.
"...This is a great book with a lot of insightful theories, and science against myth and breaking down some pretty big wall...." Read more
"A helpful book presenting its concepts well.A lot of scientific information is explained along with anecdotal reporting and explanation." Read more
"Very informative book that makes you think and reflect on not just your own sexuality but the sexuality of society as a whole...." Read more
"Brilliant book. Educational and easy to read. A very reassuring and validating book which helps to explain some really useful concepts...." Read more
Customers find the writing style easy to read, engaging, and well-explained. They appreciate the amazing metaphors, facts, and letters. Readers also appreciate the simple, frank explanations.
"...you do not have to be to understand the book, it is written in an easy to read way...." Read more
"Brilliant book. Educational and easy to read. A very reassuring and validating book which helps to explain some really useful concepts...." Read more
"...Very easy to read." Read more
"Readable and very useful. Recommend this book to unpick your understanding of sex." Read more
Customers find the book written in a conversational style.
"...Her style of writing is very fresh and chatty. I actually found myself laughing aloud at several points as the writer is so funny...." Read more
"Enjoying the way this is written, it's in a conversational style...." Read more
"...Dr Nagoski has a wonderful writing style that manages to remain conversational whilst including a lot of relevant science and without being preachy...." Read more
Customers find the book humorous. They say the advice is told in a relaxed and sometimes humorous style.
"...I actually found myself laughing aloud at several points as the writer is so funny...." Read more
"...of science, anecdote and good advice; all told in a relaxed and sometimes humorous style...." Read more
"...She writes with real passion and flair and a good deal of humour too." Read more
Customers find the stories compelling and say the book debunks myths.
"...Composite stories are surprisingly compelling." Read more
"...Informative, interesting and so many myths busted...." Read more
"Really informative and well explained. Debunks a lot of myths and is very reassuring with lots of excellent advice about stress and the..." Read more
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“There is nothing wrong with you”🌷
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Thought Emily does quote a number of scientific theories and is by her own admission a "nerd" (no judgement I have been a proud geek for years), you do not have to be to understand the book, it is written in an easy to read way. I found there is a lot of truth to this book, and even though it is written primarily for women in mind I think both me men and women can lean a lot from it and will see traits of both in the case studies.
I also think there are some very important messages in this book the main one being the first like and echoed through out the book "you are OK. You are normal. You are not broken". Usually when ever we do not fit the mold or something does not live up out our expectations one of those three thought does through our heads. the other messages that she tries to show us are the messages we are bombarded with through out our lives the "that is wrong", "you should look like this", or "that is not normal". I quite like the idea of celebrating differences then persecuting people for them.
This is a great book with a lot of insightful theories, and science against myth and breaking down some pretty big wall. theories of sex ans psychology have been linked since Sigmund Freud, as some theories have moved on others we still have so much to learn about in others. A great book that should be read by everyone, and commented on what you agree with or disagree with.
A lot of scientific information is explained along with anecdotal reporting and explanation.
I picked this up (after reading some reviews) with the intention of trying to give my SO (who has some body image and anxiety issues) a little bit of a confidence boost. I began reading the first chapter to make sure this was a legitimate book and not some unfounded claptrap (like a lot of self help books). Suddenly I was half way through the book and thoroughly engaged. This book is obviously aimed at women but as a man I feel this could actually teach you a lot about your female partner. A theme that crops up in the book is the pressure a woman can feel to perform for a partner who craves their "love" which creates the adverse effect of reducing the woman's desire for intimacy because they feel pressured to do so. This is fine for the woman realising this by reading it in this book but without the partner learning it, it would still be a one sided realisation so I recommend reading this together as a couple. I wish there was a book in the same vein aimed for the male partner or even a book that encompasses both sides in a relationship.
The book so far has been a thoroughly interesting read backing up the science with evidence provided by past researchers in the field and dropping their names so you can look them up yourself if you want further reading. The science is explained plainly and with some extremely easy to understand metaphors. The rat and the lemon section for example was like a realisation of something you kind of always knew but when spelled out to you that human brains are not as complex as you might have assumed it seems so obvious once it is explained plainly how we tick. Each chapter even has a TLDR section at the end to recap and summarise the previous "lesson" or "message" the chapter is teaching you.
If I can summarise the messages I am getting from this book it is that no matter what problems you feel you have in your love life or with your body (and so many people seem to have such a variety of issues which this book gives examples of) it is that you don't have a problem at all and you are not broken you are completely normal and there are scientific explanations to explain why you are experiencing what you perceive to be problems.
If you want to unravel the ball of string in your mind that is your own perception of your or your partners (or societies) sexuality so you can see both ends of the string (and everything in between) I recommend this book. If you are a couple with a healthy sex life or a couple experiencing a perceived rough patch I would recommend this to both parties as it could improve anyone's understanding of their and others sexual self.
My reason for four stars rather than five is the same reason given as others was that at some points you feel like you are about to get an answer to one of your specific perceived issues (the reason you bought the book) and then the author will say "more on this in chapter 5" which can be frustrating but it definitely keeps you reading and learning more than just the specific issue you were looking for an answer for. This does make you learn a lot more than why you probably bought the book so it is beneficial to you, but if you wanted a quick answer to "why am I like X" it might frustrate you, but carry on reading and you will learn a lot more than you thought you would.
It took me more than ten years to learn and accept the way my body worked. You should read this book so that you don’t waste a decade doubting yourself, like I did.
As I was reading I realised that now, at 42, I knew all the things in this book. I was not aware I knew all of that and I wasn’t aware there was science behind what I learned intuitively, by listening to my body. Most of all, I didn’t know other women were dealing with the same issues. I thought it was just me. So, it all felt very validating.
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