Habits That Erode Trust in Relationships
Here Are 7 Subtle Habits That Can Slowly Erode the Trust in Your Relationship
If love is a verb, then so is trust.
Your actions can either foster or erode trust in a relationship. While trust can be destroyed in a moment through a betrayal like infidelity, the little things that you do on a regular basis can also be damaging.
“Trust is not something that is built overnight; it needs to develop over time through consistent behaviors and interactions,” says Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT and founder of Take Root Therapy. “Small habits, while seemingly insignificant on their own, can collectively contribute to the overall perception of trustworthiness and reliability.”
In other words, when it comes to fostering trust in relationships, the best cure is prevention. Here are seven subtle trust-breaking habits to avoid.
1. Not Sharing Your Feelings
Sharing your true feelings is not always easy. It can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re worried about your partner’s reaction or don’t want to hurt them.
That said, it’s a counterproductive habit — bottling things up in order to avoid conflict breaks trust.
“Not speaking to your feelings erodes safety and transparency in a relationship,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. Melissa Richman. “Harboring anger and avoiding important discussion breeds tension and increases the chance of a fight and reactivity.”
It’s better to have a difficult conversation than to withhold your truth. Moments of emotional vulnerability can strengthen connection and intimacy even if they begin on a more challenging note.
On the other hand, suppressing your emotions creates an emotional wall. Your partner will sense that something is wrong. You may also develop resentment and explode out of the blue, leaving them feeling confused and betrayed.
2. Telling White Lies
If you think that there’s no harm in telling the occasional white lie, you may want to rethink your stance. “Even small lies can create doubts about your integrity and sincerity,” says Harouni Lurie. If your partner catches you lying, it doesn’t really matter whether the lie was innocent and meaningless. They will start questioning why you would bend the truth if you have nothing to hide.
3. Saying Things You Don’t Mean During Arguments
In an ideal world, we would all communicate intentionally and respectfully during moments of conflict.
In reality, it’s sometimes hard to stay grounded when you’re really upset. Showing emotion is OK, but saying something disrespectful out of spite can damage the trust in your relationship — even if you don’t mean it.
Avoid this type of behavior if you want to keep the trust flowing in your relationship, warns Richman. If you feel like you’re going to lose your cool during a fight, it’s fair to ask your partner for a time out instead of letting things escalate to the point of saying mean things.
4. Breaking Small Promises
“Failing to follow through on commitments or promises, whether they are big or small, can lead to a loss of trust,” says Harouni Lurie. “If you consistently fail to deliver on your word, your reliability and credibility will be questioned. Following through on small promises or commitments, no matter how trivial they may seem, shows that you are a person of your word.”
So, treat your word like something sacred and aim to do what you say you’ll do.
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5. Not Having Relationship Check-Ins
Don’t make the mistake of not discussing your relationship just because things appear to be going smoothly. Healthy couples have regular relationship check-ins, and not having these types of discussions can erode trust over time.
“Love has nothing to do with a relationship working. It is always all the other ingredients that do breed trust. Communication, loyalty, talking through difficult conversations, honesty, vulnerability, not being conflict avoidant,” says Richman, who recommends taking time for your relationship on a regular basis, like planning date nights and time together to talk.
“Intimacy is about emotional connection. Sex is not what makes for a trusting relationship, so don’t keep score as being the way you think you are OK in a relationship,” she adds.
6. Taking Forever to Respond
When it comes to communication, little things like responding promptly to messages also showcases your dependability, according to Harouni Lurie. It’s about sending the message that others can count on you to be there. On the other hand, taking forever to respond can send subtle cues that you’re not that trustworthy.
7. Being Inattentive to Details
Finally, don’t make the mistake of being inattentive to details such as your partner’s preferences and things that they mention in conversations.
“Paying attention to small details in a relationship shows that you care about the other person's feelings and preferences,” says Harouni Lurie. “This level of attentiveness can enhance their sense of being valued and understood, leading to a stronger sense of trust.”
Fostering trust takes consistent effort and intentionality. If you avoid the habits above, you’ll be well on your way to creating a deeply satisfying relationship.
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