Chappell Roan's "The Rise And Fall Of A Midwest Princess" Album Has Literally No Skips, But I Attempted To Rank The Songs Anyway

I can't really defend to you, nor myself, putting any of these songs in "last place." It hurts me because I still listen to this song constantly. I adore it so much, and if it were up against any other sampling of songs, I know it would sit much higher. But I have to put something in this spot, so let me try to rationalize it. "After Midnight" is an absolute bop. It's flirty, fun, energetic, freaky, and cheeky. It's light and playful, and it makes me feel sexy. These are all good things! My heart just isn't as connected to it as it is with other songs. I swear I feel some of Chappell's songs in my head, heart, gut, and BONES. This song definitely makes glitter explode in my brain, but it's not squeezing my heart or gut or rattling my bones like some of her other songs. Does that make sense? I really enjoy it, but other songs on this album have a much stronger hold on me. That's all there is to it. Chappell still absolutely ate with this one. 

"Kaleidoscope" puts my heart through the ringer. Chappell paints such a beautiful picture of all the ways love can change and shift, and even if that love looks different than it once did, there's still something precious about it. It's a stunning, heart-wrenching ballad, and Chappell sings it with tremendous emotion. I have a different relationship with this song every time I listen to it. Sometimes, it makes me think, "Love changes, evolves, and sometimes falls apart, and that's okay." Other times, it makes me think, "Love changes, evolves, and sometimes falls apart, and that is a tragedy." It's tough to put into words. I guess I connect with this song in different amounts at different times? There's no denying the raw, vulnerable beauty of the song. It's chilling, almost. It just doesn't rank as high for me, and I don't expect others to agree! 

This song actually devastates me every time I listen to it! I just want to hug this version of Chappell and assure her that she has made, and will continue to make, everyone very, VERY proud. Vocally and lyrically, this song is filled with yearning, homesickness, and the very relatable fear of letting people down. I think it's really poignant that Chappell is so vulnerable and honest with her listeners in this song. She bares her soul and expresses the devastation she feels in leaving home and chasing a dream that seems unattainable. It's really poetic that this song is on Chappell's hit debut album and can be sung from a new vantage point now. Those feelings of homesickness, fear of disappointment, and the isolation of chasing your dreams may never go away, but she's "made it" in a way that is magical to witness. I think this song is best appreciated by those who have followed Chappell's artistic journey and feel particularly emotional about her climb to stardom. The song may not carry the same weight for the average, casual listener, though the themes of homesickness and anxiety are pretty universal. It's a beautiful, moving song, but sadly, it lives a little lower on my list.    

The song itself is so compelling and indulgent that listening feels like a guilty pleasure in and of itself! Every time I listen to this song, I envision some sort of romantic comedy scene where the love interests have finally come to terms with how badly they want each other and are celebrating their mutual attraction. It's euphoric, giddy, flirty, and thrilling. It makes me want to have a crush really, really, reallyyyyyy bad. This song is another example of "glitter exploding in my brain," and while I love it so much and it makes me want to quite literally jump up and down, it wouldn't be *THE* song I'd use to introduce a newbie to Chappell. It's easy to fall in love with and enjoy, but it's not one of the songs that stopped me in my tracks. It's a FUN song! And not every song I enjoy must break my heart, challenge me, or make me reflect. I LIKE that this song just makes me feel light and fun, but it also means I'm forced to rank it a little lower. But I seriously can't stress enough how iconic and sexy this song is, and Chappell's yodeled vocal ad-libs toward the end of the song are SUBLIME.

This song took quite a few listens to really grow on me and climb in my ranking. It went from being a song I passively listened to to a song that broke my heart. I'm unsure if any other song has ever painted such a devastatingly accurate picture of still loving your ex but choosing to love yourself more. This song is for the people who have been heartbroken and perhaps even wronged in a relationship but still carry love around for their ex that they can't shake. It's for the people who know they'd show up if that one special person from their past called them up, but they'd have a hard time trusting themselves to stay guarded. It's for the people who recognize the cycles they fall into after a breakup and want to protect themselves from getting hurt again and again. It's for the people who want to believe they've gotten stronger but know how easy it would be to misstep and fall back in with someone capable of truly hurting them. It's for the people who have previously struggled with boundaries and say, "This time will be different," even if they know that's not the case. It's for the people who know that if their inhibitions are lowered even a tiny bit, they are at risk of getting sucked back in. I could go on forever. This song continues to resonate with me more and more, and I could see it climbing higher in my ranking in the future. Seasons definitely influence the kind of music I listen to and enjoy the most, and I feel like this song may really destroy me come winter. 

This song has started a freaking revolution, so truly no space on this list is even worthy of encompassing all the power that "Hot to Go!" holds. That being said, even the casual listeners know this song is good. Okay, it's obviously better than good, but you get what I'm saying. It doesn't take a hardcore fan to know and appreciate a bit of organized choreo. But this song is more than a catchy tune with inspired dance moves. It's about owning, loving, and embracing yourself as a sexual being. It's about excitement, desire, and craving attention, attraction, and connection. And, yeah, DUH, it's HOT!!!!! The song is so fast-paced and urgent that it makes me want to move my body, so thank god there are already dance moves in place that I can't really mess up! So yeah, it's a certified banger. But it's just a taste of Chappell's genius and talent as a creative lyricist and high-energy performer. I do really love how this song is spreading like wildfire and introducing all sorts of people to Chappell's music; I just want some of her other songs to get the same rabid energy (and, with each passing day, it looks like they are). 

This song really has it all: incredible storytelling, a condemnation of modern dating culture, and an empowering call to action. Chappell calls on women to reflect on their unsatisfying relationships with men, where they've been under-appreciated and overlooked. It addresses many men's failures to respect the wants and needs of the women they date and highlights the many expectations thrust upon women when they enter a relationship with a man. It's an unapologetic rallying cry but also a fun and clever anthem. Chappell is an unbelievably creative wordsmith, and it's incredible how she balances discussing such a genuine issue in dating culture with a campy chorus. The spoken call-and-response portion of the song before the final choruses also makes me go feral. Chappell stops and says, "Ladies, you know what I mean, and you know what you need. And so does he! But does it happen?" to which a group of women reply, "No!" so Chappell asks again, "Does it happen?" and the women, once again, yell, "No!" so Chappell prompts, "Well, what we really need is a..." and Chappell and the women come together to shout, "...femininomenon!" Chappell riles them up and asks, "A what?" and Chappell and the women all cheer together again, "A femininomenon!" It's a call to action for all women, but also a really important song and stance for Chappell as a queer woman who previously had relationships with men and now identifies as a lesbian. The song has LAYERS! But it also has a ton of fun. It's truly well done. 

I have always found myself really drawn to this song! It's both sexy and contemplative. There's passion and desire, but there's also the underlying fear of the person you yearn for not reciprocating your feelings. The whole song feels like it's somewhere between a dream, a seduction, and a plea. It's the warmth in your stomach when the person you desire meets your eye from across the room. It's the suggestive text message that you really want to mean one thing, but fear is totally innocent. It's the brushing of knees under the table that sends electricity through your body, but might've been purely accidental. It's the passionate kiss you envision in your head whenever their eyes linger on yours for an extra second. It's wanting someone so bad and teetering on the brink but being afraid to take the plunge. Every last lyric drips with desire, and Chappell delivers each word with such emotional intensity. Chappell obviously has an impressive and expansive vocal range, but this song primarily sits lower in her chest, except for the flips into falsetto, which almost feel like whimpers. The resonance of her chest voice adds richness to the text and really conveys a deep, carnal longing. It also makes those flips into her head voice stand out and reveal the moments of vulnerability where she's debating whether or not this potential romance is real or a part of her imagination. I find this song completely spellbinding, and I think it may be a bit underrated on this album!

This is one of those songs I want to scream at the top of my lungs from start to finish. The spoken intro could wake me from a freaking coma. This feels like a sister song to "Femininomenon" because both call out the lameness of modern dating culture and rile women up to demand better. While "Femininomenon" feels like Chappell telling women they deserve better, "Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl" feels like Chappell telling HERSELF she deserves better, and it's a loud and proud acceptance and celebration of her queerness. It's empowering, invigorating, unapologetic, and, in true Chappell fashion, riddled with humor. Her entire spoken intro is fierce, and when she says "fugly jeans," I could levitate. Perhaps my favorite line in the entire song, though, is "Not overdramatic. I know what I want!" Women are constantly dogged for being dramatic and unreasonable for expecting the bare minimum in their relationships, specifically with men, and Chappell calls that crap the hell out. I love the celebratory and joyous nature of the song as Chappell confidently embraces herself as a queer woman and tells the "hyper mega bummer boys" goodbye, and accepts that she needs another "super graphic ultra modern girl" to match her energy. Blast this song in every club from now on, please. 

God, I'm in love with this gut punch of a song. If you listened to this song after being in a situationship, liking someone more than they liked you, or calling yourself a "cool girl" while crying yourself to sleep, you may be entitled to compensation. Just kidding! But you are entitled to belt/scream this song in your car, in the shower, at karaoke, etc. On one hand, this song makes me feel so called out. On the other, it helps me find comfort in knowing I'm not alone! Chappell did not have to go THIS hard (yes, she did) and be THIS real (she really, really did). "Casual" is pure catharsis. I knew it had to make my top five because of how specific, evocative, and raw the lyrics and vocal choices are. This is the kind of song you show your friends and wait for them to start screaming along with you. Also, this song actually invented bridges. The whole song builds in frustration and ends in a pained yet satisfying scream, "You can go to hell!" Then, I immediately need three to five business days to process.

I want to dance. I want to kick my feet and giggle. I want to flirt. I want to go streaking??? Okay, maybe not the last one. But this song sends electricity through my body! It feels like falling in love for the first time, which, of course, it parallels in a beautiful, playful, jubilant, queer way. I dare you to listen to this song and not have fun. I don't think it's physically possible. It captures the magic of young love, specifically exploring queer romance. There's a bit of uncertainty and yearning, which builds into a sexy, exciting celebration of connection. For me, this song = the feeling of having butterflies in your stomach. It's intoxicating and joyful. And, musically speaking, there's just such a satisfying build throughout the song. Chappell's vocal and emotional range is obviously unbelievable, and I feel like this song covers a lot of territory. There are lower, sultrier bits, flips into falsetto, and resonant, belted phrases that exude energy. Brilliant!!!

This is the kind of self-love anthem that changes lives. It's shiny and dream-like, it's emotionally profound, and it's absolutely euphoric. It's about how all people deserve a safe haven where they can be authentically themselves and celebrated rather than chastised. Chappell paints a beautiful story of leaving "Tennessee," representing a repressive and likely conservative upbringing, and discovering a world in Los Angeles filled with happy, confident, proud individuals who don't shy away from who they are. "And I heard that there's a special place where boys and girls can all be queens every single day," leaves me with chills every time. Chappell alternates between envisioning "her mother's" disappointment and fear and asserting herself as a happy, empowered individual who has finally found a place where they belong. It's a song I hope all queer young people, or any young person who feels different and afraid, can hear and find comfort in knowing there's a place in this world that will love them as they are. I get emotional every time I see a TikTok of Chappell performing this song for a crowd. It feels like a revolution. "Pink Pony Club" has created a sanctuary for people who may not have a physical safe space where they can be their true selves. It's powerful, theatrical, and undeniably moving. Yes, it's a song that makes glitter explode in my brain, but it's also a song I feel in my bones. 

It's sexy! It's indulgent! It's exploratory! It's passionate! It's queer! It's going to be stuck in your head until you die! It's a fiery seduction and a fun dance beat! This song expertly captures the thrill of the chase and how you get hearts in your eyes when you lock in on someone new, exciting, and enticing. I love it when women are aggressively and passionately sex-positive in their art. Like, let's face it, it's a horny song that smells like red wine breath and fruity perfume. It's completely intoxicating, much like the feeling of attraction toward someone new. It's a dirty, saucy song that manages to sound like bubbles and glitter and butterflies and cotton candy. Also, "I heard you like magic. / I've got a wand and a rabbit!" is cheeky, clever Chappell at it AGAIN with lyrical brilliance. This is an instant classic, and Chappell sings the absolute hell out of it. It's so fun and bouncy that you'd have to be soulless not to feel moved by the music, the lyrics, the vocals, the performance, or all of the above. 

I sense that this may be one of my most controversial placements on the list. If that's the case, I'm only slightly sorry because this song is UNREAL. It's so unbelievably delicious and satisfying. It's a journey from enduring a toxic relationship to witnessing your ex's downfall to feeling vindicated by coming out on top and indulging in every ounce of your ex's well-earned suffering. Everyone loves a bit of justice. Chappell is so real for saying the loud part out loud: It feels so good to watch someone who treated you badly self-destruct and reap what they sowed. It feels so good, in fact, that it's almost dirty. Not only is the subject matter satisfying, but the build of the choruses before climaxing in an uproarious celebration is deeply satisfying musically. The song has incredible build and momentum, obviously paralleling being turned on, riled up, and ultimately, satisfied. It's playful, petty, and oh, so gratifying. It's also so creatively and successfully executed. Throughout this list, I've gushed over Chappell's range as a singer and writer, but I also want to touch on her range as an artist. Throughout one album, she can break your heart, make you fall in love, make you fall out of love, radicalize you, turn you on, and scare you. THAT is a star, folks.