Even though it's the stereotype for long-term couples to have a less-than-active sex life, that's not always the case. So when a Reddit user u/rooks-and-queensasked: "For those in a long-term relationship with a healthy sex life, what does your partner do that keeps the spark alive?" so many couples provided their thoughts and habits. Here are some of their answers:
1."This sounds dumb or obvious to some, but make sex an all-day thing. Not have sex all day, but you can’t just spring it on your partner/wife right then and there because you’re horny now. Flatter them throughout the day, be touchy-feely, make out more, cuddle with them while watching TV, and kiss their neck randomly. Foreplay can be mild and last for hours and hours, and then you will get them in the mood for actual sex."
2."We roleplay fictional characters — and I don't mean just sexually, either. We roleplay them going on dates. The drama between the other characters we play and the huge overarching plot lines are great. The sex is just part of it. This way, we get to have first kisses over and over again, we get to experiment with new things in the bedroom because this character has this kink, and we get to play out all sorts of wild stories. It keeps things fresh. We never even remotely fight or argue; our sex life is superb, and our dates are so much fun! We never left the honeymoon phase, and we've been together for 12 years this year."
3."Willing to try new things and put energy into doing it the way they want; the same goes for me. Honest conversations when you hit a dry spell and how to reconnect after it. A weekend or even a night off without kids to just fuck each other's brains out is also important."
4."He makes me feel loved, cherished, and safe. I feel like an equal partner. I’m not doing most of the mental load. We often discuss fantasies. We flirt. We continue to date. We have lazy days where we lay in bed naked together, and all we do that day is have sex."
5."Exercise (for blood flow and self-confidence), planning date nights, and doing things to intentionally spice up that area — like joining a 'panties of the month' club to keep surprise, fun, and creativity in the mix. We've been married for over 30 years, and our sex life has only gotten better."
6."We have been together for 12 years now. It is the little things. He kisses me before he leaves for work, even if he thinks I'm asleep (I'm not; I'm looking forward to the kissies). He blow-dries my hair because I am afraid of the hottest setting on the hairdryer. It makes me love him. And then that's basically a gateway drug for sex."
7."As a happily married man, I learned that the courtship never ends. DO THINGS WITH YOUR PARTNER! Even if you have kids, you have to make time for each other to go out, have nights together just connecting, painting, playing a board game, make dinner together, dance in the kitchen to your song, go on a walk, get a coffee, try that new restaurant, etc. Sitting at home and watching your favorite show together barely counts if you do it every night. Whatever you did to get your partner in the beginning, keep doing it. This is why it's important to be yourself early in the relationship."
9."We have date night every Saturday. Even if we don't have somewhere to go, we'll go for a walk. On date night, we are not allowed to talk about money, family, or work. I have been with my partner for 24 years this September."
10."This sounds unsexy at first, but we have a weekly meeting to discuss logistics (i.e., upcoming scheduling, short-term/long-term goals), with a sex intermission, and then we talk about feelings (previously difficult for him). It involves a boring but necessary task that creates stability, anticipated sex, and vulnerability through sharing emotions. I feel that keeps our love and appreciation going. Aside from that, we go on lots of dates, as we enjoy eating together. He surprises me with flowers. When he travels for work, he calls me to say goodnight and good morning."
11."10-year relationship here. Communication beats everything. My wife feels safe coming to me to tell me that she's not feeling connected. I'm not really a physical guy, so she will tell me when she feels starved for physical attention (i.e., cuddles, kisses, hugs). So we compromise and discuss what we can do to fix it. It starts outside of the bedroom. Also, I'm a huge fan of enthusiastic consent. I will not pursue any sort of sexy times if I get pushback. She has told me that this is incredibly helpful since she feels no pressure and, therefore, wants it more. The bedroom should be fun, not a chore."
12."Take vacations without kids (if you have them) to adult-only locations."
13."We take breaks. Sometimes a week, sometimes a month just to build up lust for one another then... boom. We're good for another four months or so. We do this twice a year."
If you're in a long-term relationship, tell us how you and your partner keep your sex lives alive in the comments below.
