Dear Annie: I’m writing to seek your guidance regarding a challenging situation with a member of my team. The relationship with this staff member has been tumultuous, marked by frequent ups and downs that have left me and the rest of the team feeling unsettled and uncertain about how to proceed.
This team member has pronounced personality issues that manifest in a few significant ways. Whenever her capabilities or work outputs are questioned, she takes offense and reacts negatively. Early in our working relationship, she expressed that she has trust issues with me and accused me of promoting a toxic environment. This sentiment seems unique to her as no other team members have voiced similar concerns.
Our interactions often follow a pattern. After a period of tension and conflict, she experiences what I can only describe as “lucid intervals,” during which she expresses satisfaction with my management and the team dynamics. However, these periods are short-lived, and she soon reverts to her earlier behavior. I have come to learn that she has serious domestic issues and is a victim of abuse, which undoubtedly contributes to her erratic behavior. She also has an approved Family and Medical Leave Case due to these “episodes.”
The rest of the team, except for her best friend, is deeply affected by her behavior. They find her presence toxic and have expressed a wish that she would leave the organization. This sentiment is understandable given the impact on team morale and productivity, but it also adds to the complexity of the situation.
I have tried to handle this with empathy and fairness, but it is challenging because she takes advantage of whatever is done in her favor. She actually makes me feel like she wants me to fall into her trap. I recognize that her behavior is likely influenced by her difficult personal circumstances. I have done my part to support her as much as possible, but it feels like it is not working. Ultimately, I need to consider the well-being of the entire team and the overall work environment.
Annie, I am at a loss for how to balance these conflicting needs. Any advice you can offer on managing this delicate situation would be greatly appreciated. -- Challenging Team Member
Dear Challenging: First, loop in HR immediately, if you haven’t already, about how she’s affecting morale. Set clear, consistent boundaries and expectations, offering her support while making it clear her behavior needs to improve. Keep clear documentation of this woman’s behavior and interactions. If your organization has one, involve a counselor or mediator to assist with regular check-ins, giving feedback and monitoring progress.
If her behavior doesn’t change after being given this structured support, you and your colleagues need to consider taking stronger action to keep the team harmonious and productive. It sounds like you’ve tried to be sensitive to this woman’s situation, but ultimately, you must do what is best for the success of the rest of your team and your company.
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View prior ‘Dear Annie’ columns
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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