Gate agents have seen it all: from passengers blaming airline personnel for a delayed flight (never mind the dangerous air conditions) to the man who (yes, really) walked up to the podium shaving his face. Having worked behind that podium for years, I can promise that the worse you behave, the less likely airline employees want to help. In the event that your flight is delayed or you're eyeing that seat upgrade, you want us on your side. So, whatever you do, don’t be one of these passengers.
The Hoverer
Boarding time is approaching and you can't wait to get on that plane. You want to ensure you secure overhead space for your bag, or maybe you just see other people lining up and feel the urge to join the herd. Control those impulses. If you're the first person to linger by the podium, you're about to draw every other passenger like the pied piper. Soon, the boarding area will be so crowded that anyone with a question will have to hack their way through a jungle of people. Your seat is assigned and you will more likely than not find it unoccupied when you board the plane.
The Instigator
You’re really annoyed about something. Why does no one else seem angry? The calm and smiling faces around you and the gate agent’s patient demeanor are just grating on your nerves. Do you exercise self control and calmly deal with the situation at hand? No, the only rational behavior is to incite a riot! You exclaim loudly that this airline is garbage. You recount your tragic story about the many times the airline has wronged you. You lament and complain until you’ve achieved your desired state—to have a crowd full of people around you feeling as miserable as you do. The gate agents will surely thank you for making their jobs even more difficult.
The Procrastinator
You’ve been sitting in the gate area for your entire two-hour layover. Finally, other passengers start to settle into the gate area. The time has come at last for boarding, and the gate agent invites the passengers in wheelchairs to board. The next zone is called and suddenly, the most spontaneous thought appears: You, your 3-year-old, and your 4-year-old are all seated in different areas of the aircraft! And you’re all in middle seats! You rush up to the gate agents to tell them you and your children need to be rearranged to sit together. The boarding process has to pause immediately to cater to your needs and somehow rearrange a puzzle of passengers unwilling to trade their aisle seats for your 3-year-old’s middle seat. You’re sure she doesn’t mind though—puzzles are fun.
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The Musical Meditator
You are calm. You are zen. You don’t get fazed by anything. You know why? Because you’ve got your tunes. You know there’s some kind of noise in the background; maybe sound coming through on some rival speakers, much like an announcement, but whatever is being said does not matter because you are content. You see people lining up and make the proper assumption that it is boarding time. You saunter up to the gate area, your head gently bobbing to the beat. You hand that boarding pass to the gate agent. Her lips move, clearly forming words of some sort, but all you hear are the sweet sounds of music. You walk on by, the gate agent’s glare burning on your back.
The Hygienically Negligent
You are feeling simply awful. You’ve been sniffing and sneezing all day and can’t believe you’re stuck traveling when you feel like this. You go up to board the plane, tissue in hand, dabbing at your poor, stuffy nose the whole way. You get to the front of the boarding line, barely managing to smile back at the friendly gate agent. You clutch your tissue in your palm while holding the boarding pass to the agents to scan. Their smiles vanish and you wonder why. Cue sneeze.
The Conversationalist
You know so many people that you can barely keep up with everyone. Your sister just had a baby. Your best friend was just broken up with. These are essential and timely dealings that must be discussed immediately or the social order may crumble. You walk by and scan your boarding pass without the inconvenience of a pause in the conversation or needless eye contact. A pinky wave is your clear and highly considerate way of expressing gratitude for your gate agent before moving on to delight the flight attendants.
