Standing sex is a little like wasabi: Amazing when used sparingly for a lil spice but maybe not really a main course kind of deal.
“First of all, it is nothing like it is in the movies,” says Nadia Charif, RD, a wellness coach and health advisor at Coffeeble. “Standing up with another body hitched to you is hard work. And that’s coming from the one being lifted. Clinging on for dear life with your ankles, knees, hips and arms take its toll very quickly.”
But when it's good, it's so very very good. “Standing sex is perfect for when you’re busy and want a quickie or simply need to squeeze in a small space,” says Jessica O'Reilly, global ambassador for We-Vibe, Arcwave and Womanizer.
Standing sex is great for I MUST HAVE YOU NOW quickies (or, if slow sex is your thing, lie down and try these way to have slow super intense sex). It's also great when you are looking for a new position to try (like Standing 69 if you're feeling ambitious and strong).
The way to make standing sex work is to decide that it's whatever it is you want it to be. “To have fun while doing it, don’t get hung up on penetration; you can play with a variety of sex acts while standing,” says O'Reilly.
But before we get into the positions, let's start with some basic tips on how to nail standing sex:
1. Assess whether it's even possible
“Before you consider any vertical shenanigans, consider if the dominant partner is in reasonable shape and they are able to support your weight somewhat for at least a minute. Once you have established this sturdy ‘base,’ you can experiment,” says Charif.
If no one's up for full-on lifting, go ahead and try a modified standing situation like standing oral where, while standing, you masturbating or use toys on each other. Another option: Just lie down and do whatever the F you want. “Remember that sex isn’t an Olympic sport—whether it be oral, masturbation or penetrative—so don’t put to much pressure on yourself and your partner. Just have fun and listen to your body,” says Todd Baratz, brand wellness expert for Pjur.
2. Adjust according for height
“Use a step to get a little extra height or even use a desk or kitchen bench if you need an extra boost. The more aligned your pelvis is with your partner's, the better,” says Emma Hewitt, sex educator, writer, and host and producer of sex-positive podcast The Electric Rodeo. “You can also try standing on something that makes you taller, like a step or milk crate. You can even wear some high heels if you have no trouble standing up while using them,” adds Dainis Graveris, certified sex educator at relationship expert at SexualAlpha.
3. Expand your definition of what standing sex even is
“It helps to get creative. Most folks imagine standing sex positions as just a few things, but standing sex positions a) don't have to involve both/multiple parties standing, and b) don't have to be penetrative,” says Laura Borichevsky, sex educator and founder of Sex Outside. “This leaves open a lot of room to explore various positions where oral sex is involved, and also broadens the definition to be inclusive of folks for whom standing during sex may not be accessible, but for the partner(s) it might be.”
4. Point your toes
“Pointing your toes or standing on your tiptoes tightens the pelvic floor. For the receiving partner, it contracts the vaginal and anal muscles for a stronger grip feeling for the inserting partner. For the person doing the thrusting, pointing your toes can add inches to your insertion and give you a stronger stroke,” says Goody Howard, sex educator for sexual hygiene and body care company Royal.
5. Lube it up
“Lube is one of the most important sexual health products out there. We don’t always think of it as being an assistant to what we want to accomplish, but it totally is,” says Rachel Wright, sexual wellness expert for We-Vibe. “Lube will help the gliding in any position, especially when the angle is a little wonky, like when you’re standing.”
6. Mind your dildo size
“When it comes to strap-on sex, the size and density of the dildo can make a big difference, regardless of your standing position,” says Sarah Riccio, queer sex educator and co-founder of Delicto. “In my experience, dual-density dildos are ideal because their firm core keeps them erect, while their squishy exterior gives me room to play. Additionally, dildos longer than 5 inches allow a little extra wiggle room when it’s time to comfortably switch positions.”
7. Try using a strap
“Invest in a ‘doggie style strap’—aka bondage gear that is essentially a pad that has two straps on each side. The straps essentially replace the need to hold on to the person’s hips and it definitely helps ease pressure on the lower back and hips and love handles,” says Wright. “This gear also allows for deeper penetration!”
8. Leverage your body weight
“Particularly for shower or outdoor sex, it can be helpful to hike a foot up on an elevation, or bend over and lean against something standing (like a wall, tree, fence, etc.) to give your partner an excellent angle from behind and lots of comfort and mobility to move,” says sex coach Cara Kovacs.
If you want something to stick in the shower, try a suction foot rest. Prop your foot up on it with its sturdy and waterproof design for deeper levels of penetration.
9. Lean against the wall
“If you are facing each other, tell your partner to lean against a wall and wrap your leg around their waist (or vice versa). It will give you maximal capability to kiss and caress, while using the elevated leg to make the actual mobility of insertion comfortable and attainable,” says Kovacs.
10. Don’t neglect oral sex
Penetrative sex is fun obvi, but sometimes it just…doesn’t work. If it feels difficult or uncomfortable, standing oral is an absolute fabulous alternative, recommends Kovacs.
11. Use your surroundings
“If you prefer face-to-face positioning, a desk, table, or countertop can be handy,” recommends sex therapist Stefani Goerlich. “Have the receiving partner place their booty on the edge of something and spread their legs. The penetrating partner can then stand between their legs and enter them with lots of opportunity for kissing.”
12. Try some swing technology
“The best way to have standing sex is to have help taking some of the weight from both of you (so you can actually relax enough to enjoy it),” says Miyoko Rifkin, former Playboy TV and radio host. Try a wearable harness that supports the weight of another person. Use it face-to-face for a more intimate connection, or standing doggy-style for deeper penetration.
If your lover has back problems, try a door sex swing set like the one below—it will ease the weight even more than just a normal sex swing.
Buy Now Bondage Boutique Door Sex Swing, $40, lovehoney.com
13. Don’t feel like you have to finish while standing up
“It can be hard to achieve orgasm while standing up—especially if you are accustomed to having sex while lying down. Don’t be afraid to start in a standing position, but finish in another fave one,” says Good Vibrations sexologist Carol Queen.
Ready to try some positions now?
The Occupado
“Before the pandemic and everyone’s social life went on lockdown, I loved a good bathroom hook-up,” says Ryn Pfeuffer, sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating. “Whether it happened with a known partner at home while we got ready to go out, or at a dive bar during karaoke with a stranger I’d just met, there’s something sexy AF about leaning over a bathroom sink, widening your stance, and watching a hand or penis fuck you in a mirror.
The person can grab your hips, smack your ass, or reach around for your tits. If you plan to give this position a whirl in a public bathroom, remember to keep it quick, quiet, and as discreet as possible.”
The Frisk
"This position can be fun in the context of role playing—think cop and perpetrator play,” says Lori Lawrenz, PhD, a clinical psychologist specializing in sexual health at the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health. “The 'frisking' partner can enter from behind via penetrative acts. The partner being frisked can receive touching and pleasure. Blindfolds can also be used in the frisk position.” F the police, indeed.
Standing Oral
“This can be girl-on-girl, or boy-on-girl, boy-on-boy, everyone is welcome!” says Charif. “One partner stands and leans back and relaxes against the wall while the other kneels to provide the titillating experience. It can be hot and steamy in the shower cubicle, building up anticipation on the corridor to the bedroom, or releasing the horn in the hallway after falling through the front door.”
The Door Jam
Not quite the spontaneous up-against-the-wall-have-me-right-now now vibe that makes standing sex so sexy, but if you're willing to take a few moments to arrange yourselves, this will give you deep penetration and perfect internal stimulation. Lean back against the door frame for stamina/leverage and you'll have your hands free to roam.
Yourself on the Shelf
Perch your ass on the very edge of a counter or dresser top. He stands to enter but instead of him thrusting like the normals do, put your feet into his hands and have him rock you back and forth over his peen. New sensations plus super yummy directed focus on the top wall of your V.
Stand Up Guy
You know that sex-looking “hike” part of the a football game? Borrow the stance and lean over, bending your knees. Touch the ground or brace your hands on your knees. He enters, standing from behind, entering a hole of y'all's choice. Further the football metaphor with some adept ball handling—just reach back and gently cup and stroke his balls.
Standing O
If you're feeling a little bondagey, which is not a word but totally a real thing, invest in a pair of over-the-door restraints. Your hands are bound above your head while your partner kneels on the ground before you, leaving you helpless to do anything but succumb to the very good things they are doing with their mouth. (If you're not trying to go all out, this still works if you just hold on to the doorknob.)
The Jack and Rose
If you're athletic, unduly risky and a bit extra, have your dude stand up with his legs bent and feet slightly apart to brace himself. He lifts you (jump a little to give him a break) til you're penis-height and impaled thereon. Bend your legs and wrap your feet back around his bum. He wraps his arms around your waist, you lock your arms back through his. Try not to die. (For a wimpier version: do the same thing but stand next to a sturdy counter and rest your hands on it.)
Taylor is the former Sex and Relationships editor who can tell you exactly which vibrators are worth the splurge, why you’re still dreaming about your ex, and tips on how to have the best sex of your life (including what word you should spell with your hips during cowgirl sex). You can follow her on Instagram here.
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
