If you have a vulva, want to feel like an absolute boss, and love orgasms, then the cowgirl sex position has officially entered the chat. When you’re on top in cowgirl, you get to control everything—the speed, the depth, the angle and the motion—making it one of your best bets for an orgasm during penetrative sex. And if you’re on the bottom, your job is pretty much to lie there comfortably and enjoy the view. Win-win for everyone!
If you’re up there in the saddle and not sure quite what to do, fear not—that’s totally normal, says Rachael Farina, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in sex therapy and addiction. “The important thing to keep in mind is that there's no ‘right way’ to do it,” says Farina. That means you get to experiment! Cowgirl lets you use your body to fire up all the right areas and move in whatever way feels good to you and your partner, says ob-gyn Renée Hilliard, MD, a sex and relationship coach.
The basics: Straddle your partner, lower yourself carefully onto their penis or strap-on, then angle yourself for optimum friction. You can grind, thrust, or (pro tip) spell the word “coconut” with your hips. Move at whatever pace feels right in the moment, just don’t go too crazy with vigorous up and down thrusting. “Cowgirl is one of the positions most likely to lead to a broken penis,” says certified sex and relationships coach and clinical sexologist Elaine S. Turner. (Which, hard pass.)
If you are one of the many vulva-owners who struggles to have an orgasm with penetrative sex alone (so very normal), it’s easy to add the clitoral stimulation you crave. Use your hand, a toy, or even better, have your partner take care of you—you’re busy up there! You can also switch it up with anal sex or turn around for cowgirl’s more butt-centric cousin, reverse cowgirl.
Ready to ride or be ridden? Saddle up with one these expert-recommended cowgirl sex positions.
1. The Headboard
If there’s a sturdy headboard, put it into service for the worthy cause of well-targeted internal stimulation. If the receiver squats, holds onto the headboard, and leans waaay back, the angle allows the penetrating partner's penis or strap-on to rub against that really great, extra-sensitive area on the upper wall of the vagina. If they use a vibe on the receiver, even better.
How to Do It: The giver sits, leaning back onto the headboard with their legs straight. The giver squats over them, holds onto the headboard and leans back.
2. The Viewing Area
For a raw, animalistic vibe, the receiver can squat over their partner, using their partner’s thighs as a chair-back. The receiver can blow their partner’s mind (and their own) by spreading their knees wide so their partner can see ~exactly~ how they play with themselves.
How to Do It: The penetrating partner lies on their back with their knees bent so their partner can lean back on their thighs. The receiver squats over them, opening their knees wide and using a toy on themselves.
SHOP NOW Eve's Petite Private Pleasure Wand, $40, Adam & Eve
3. Down, Cowgirl
If the receiver wants to adjust angles as they go, it can be done! Just bending a leg up and keeping one straight lets the receiver shift their weight to get that D/strap-on angled exactly where they want. A wearable toy adds even more sensation.
How to Do It: The receiver lies on top of their partner, leaning forward, holding their weight their forearms. They have one leg bent up by their partner’s hips and the other straight. They can shift their body from one leg to the other to adjust the angles.
SHOP NOW Tiani Duo, $199, Lelo
4. Lap Limbo
Want to be on top, but not do a ton a work? Behold the Lap Limbo—an intimate position that’s great for kissing. “This position is great because it allows access to the clitoris for external stimulation from self or partner, and also heightened face-to-face intimacy,” says Farina.
How to Do It: The giver sits on a chair, while the receiver sits on their lap facing them, leaning back with their hands on their partner's thighs and their feet on their partner's shoulders or wrapped around their butt.
SHOP NOW Astroglide X Silicone Spray n' Glide Premium Silicone Personal Lubricant Spray, $12, Amazon
5. The Chairman
The Chairman is a great go-to if you're a little shy and want to feel a little less on display. “It allows for the external stimulation from oneself or a partner, and also allows access to other erogenous zones such as the neck and thighs,” says Farina. If your partner nuzzles your neck while you fire up a vibrator, all the better.
How to Do It: The penetrating partner sits in a chair or at the edge of a bed. The receiver lowers themselves ~slowly~ onto their partner’s lap, facing away. If you want to make this an anal position, go right ahead.
SHOP NOW SKYN™ Arch, $25, Skyn
6. Seated Wheelbarrow
If you’re feeling extra acrobatic, try this next-level position. “It allows for all the same pleasures that come with classic doggy style, and also allows the opportunity for access to anal play for the female partner’s pleasure,” says Farina. The head rush is just a bonus.
How to Do It: The penetrating partner sits in a chair or at the edge of a bed. The receiver sits on their partner’s lap, then leans over so their hands are on the floor and their legs are wrapped behind their partner’s hips. The motion can come from any or all of the following: the giver can thrust upward, the receiver can circle their hips, or the giver can hold the receiver’s butt to guide their movements.
7. The Leaner
If you want an easy and comfortable ride, try leaning forward slightly, suggests sex expert Mayla Green, co-founder of TheAdultToyShop.com. Not only will you get the stimulation your clit craves, but you can rest some of your body weight on your hands.
How to Do It: The receiver straddles their partner and leans forward slightly, holding themselves up with their hands on their partner’s chest. If the receiver has a vulva, they can press their clit and vulva into their partner’s pubic bone.
8. The Coffee Grinder
Instead of bouncing up and down (see above: penis-breaking), do a slow grind against your partner. Apply some CBD-based lube and grind against their pubic bone. Spread your legs extra wide to get more friction across your entire vulva.
How to Do It: Apply a CBD-based lube a few minutes beforehand. The giver lies on their back. The receiver straddles their partner’s hip with their legs spread extra wide and grinds against their partner’s pubic bone
SHOP NOW "Highly Orgasmic" Pleasure Oil, $60, Her Highness NYC
9. The Wild Horse
Switch up the depth of penetration and speed to maximize the stimulation you’ll both be getting. If you need a template, try four quicker, shallower thrusts, then on the fifth thrust, sink slowly all the way onto your partner. That deep fifth thrust will feel so amazing to both of you.
How to Do It: The giver lies back, resting their weight on their elbows. The receiver straddles their partner’s hips. Their receiver gives four quick shallow thrusts, followed by one deep slow thrust.
10. The Switcheroo
Instead of you doing all the moving around, have your partner do some too. Ask them to meet you halfway and thrust from below, says certified sex educator Alicia Sinclair, founder and CEO of The Cowgirl Premium Sex Machine. It changes the whole dynamic, plus gives you a little break. And if they want to do all the thrusting, hi, yes, that’s cool too.
How to Do It: The giver lies on the bottom, with their feet on the bed for leverage to thrust upwards. The receiver straddles their partner, leaning over and staying still.
11. The Show Off
Feeling shy up there? “The best way to overcome it is with practice and showing off,” says Turner. “Grab your favorite bullet or wand vibrator and get it involved while you're on top. Or you can grab your partner's hand and show them where you want them to touch you.” When you’re really into it, you forget about being self-conscious, fast.
How to Do It: The giver lies on their back so they’re comfortable. The receiver is on top, either holding a toy or hand to their groin or guiding their partner’s hand to touch them.
SHOP NOW Magic Wand Plus, $89, Good Vibes
12. The Kinky Cowgirl
“Putting a blindfold over your partner's eyes or tying them up to the bed can be a massive turn-on,” says Turner. “Incorporating sensory deprivation means focusing on the sensations and maximizing their enjoyment.” (If you feel vulnerable or exposed when you’re on top, a blindfolded partner can help you feel less inhibited.)
How to Do It: The person on the bottom lies flat on their back with a blindfold covering their eyes. The person on top gets on their knees to straddle their partner. This is a good one to combine with sensation play.
SHOP NOW Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold, $6, Lovehoney
13. The Spotter
You know how when someone’s holding your legs, you can magically do sit-ups better? Harness the same principle by tucking your legs under your partner, suggests Sinclair. (Just slide your feet under their butt.) This move can help stabilize you and keep your thighs from tiring out, she says.
How to Do It: The penetrating partner lies flat on their back. The receiving partner gets on their knees and straddles their partner, and tucks their feet under their partner’s butt or thighs for better leverage.
14. Face-to-Face Cowgirl
Make cowgirl instantly more intimate by having your partner sit up instead of lying on their back. "This can help take some of the pressure off your thighs, switch up the rhythm, and allow you to hold onto them for support," says Sinclair. It’s also excellent for sweet kisses and eye-gazing.
How to Do It: The penetrating partner sits, leaning back on their hands and keeping their legs straight. The receiver gets on their knees to straddle their partner so you are both (relatively) face-to-face for kissing and boob-play.
15. Ramp It Up
Feel like you’re not quite getting the right angle? Try a sex pillow or wedge. “Giving the partner on top a little more leverage and aligning genitals a little better for comfortable insertion makes a huge difference in terms of making this position both more comfortable and more pleasurable,” says co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly, Tara Struyk, who recommends the Liberator Wedge and Ramp Combo.
How to Do It: The giver lies back onto a sex wedge, adjusting their body for optimal positioning and comfort. The receiver straddles their partners hips to ride.
SHOP NOW Liberator Wedge and Ramp Combo, $275, Adam & Eve
16. Suspended in Time
“People think cowgirl is all about lots of movement and activity (with an occasional shouted yee-haw),” says sexologist Anka Grzywacz, certified sex coach at Good Sx Coaching. “Add some pelvic muscle squeezes and deep breathing to that, pause, and see what happens.” (Spoiler: Good stuff, that’s what happens.)
How to Do It: The giver lies flat on their back. The receiver straddles them to ride, but pauses occasionally for pelvic squeezes and deep breathing.
SHOP NOW K-Y Warming Jelly Intimate Lubricant, $12.34, Lovehoney
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
