Every good relationship starts with the classic talking phase. You know the one: You’re excited to check your phone every morning to see if they’ve texted you, you meticulously plan your outfit for each and every date, the butterflies in your stomach are out of control, and you want to know every single thing about them and what made them who they are. You’re catching the feels! There’s nothing more heart-pumping than that.
But more than just flirting and going on fun dates, you’re also probably eager to learn about the things you have in common and the areas where you’re different, especially if they’re deal breakers, and especially if you want a more serious, long-term relationship. That’s why it’s so important to keep a list of getting-to-know-you questions handy for first dates during the early stages. You’ll never run out of things to talk about, but hopefully, you’ll also never run out of things to learn about each other. People evolve! So whether you’re on your first date ever or it’s your tenth anniversary, this list of questions is a great one to re-visit whenever you want to connect.
Quick disclaimer: You do have to enter into serious, personal territory to really connect, but not all the questions have to unpack past trauma and lead to tears. They should, however, all be engaging and require more than a “yes” or “no” response. The goal is simple: Get talking.
Now, without further ado, here are 200 getting-to-know-you questions to ask, so you’ll never have to talk about the weather again!
General Likes/Dislikes
Consider these questions great starting points and icebreakers to scratch the surface. They’re especially great for first dates and conversations on dating apps. The questions near the top are lighter than the ones near the bottom, so consider going in order depending on the vibes!
- What’s your favorite snack food?
- What’s the best dish you can cook?
- If you could have dinner with one person (living or dead), who would it be?
- Cats or dogs?
- If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you choose?
- Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
- What’s your strangest talent?
- What’s the last dream you remember?
- What’s the *best* dream you remember?
- What’s your favorite conspiracy theory?
- Describe yourself in three words.
- Oh, no! There’s a spider in the house. What’s the move?
- How do you feel about reality TV?
- Have you ever become intensely invested in the fate of a TV show character?
- Which TV or movie character do you identify with and why?
- Thoughts on scary movies?
- Do you like going to the movies or would you rather wait until it’s available on streaming services?
- If your life were a movie, what scene would you watch over and over again?
- Have you ever met any celebs? (If yes,) What were they like?
- What’s your favorite streaming service?
- Are you Team Spotify or Team Apple Music?
- What’s your go-to karaoke song?
- What type of music do you like the most?
- What music really affects your mood?
- What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?
- Who would you drain your savings to see live?
- Have you ever been to a music festival?
- Which song or artist are you too embarrassed to say you absolutely love right now?
- Have you ever read a book that changed your life?
- Are you into any podcasts?
- What app do you use the most?
- What was the best trip you’ve ever been on?
- Would you prefer to go camping or chill at a resort?
- When you vacation, do you prefer a relaxed vibe or something adventurous and/or touristy?
- What’s your ideal way to spend your birthday?
- What age do you feel like?
- What’s your favorite season and why?
- Where is your happy place?
- Do you play board games?
- Where are you most likely to be at a party?
- What’s your biggest pet peeve?
- If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
- What animal would you *want* to be?
- What do most people overestimate or underestimate about you?
- What’s a moment you’d love to be a fly on the wall for?
- What scrambles your brain every time you think about it?
- Are you a better talker or listener?
- What’s your “and then it got worse” story? (Aka: a scenario you’ve lived that just kept getting worse and worse.)
- What do you hoard?
- When was the last time you felt excited? And what was it for or because of?
- What’s the funniest thing your inner child wants?
- What’s your go-to French fry dip?
- What movie always makes you sad? What movie makes you happy?
- What would be your last meal?
- What do you like about yourself today?
- Does social media make you feel better or worse about yourself?
- What’s the best decision you’ve made in your life?
- What’s the best decision you’ve made today?
- What are some of your biggest fears?
- What are some of your biggest irrational fears?
- What’s your love language?
- What do you love most in your life right now?
- What was your last wish, like on your birthday or the last time you threw a coin into a fountain?
- Who is your biggest influence and why?
- What are your favorite guilty pleasures?
- Do you have any vices?
- What’s your most prized possession?
- What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
- What’s the worst gift you’ve ever received?
- What makes you cry and why?
- When was the last time you got really angry, and why?
- What is your best quality?
- Ask them to complete this sentence: “I most enjoy having someone to do ______ with.”
- What’s one question you wish more people asked you?
Growing Up
Understanding someone’s upbringing is key to learning more about why they are the way they are, and knowing more about their family dynamic can give you insight into how they’ll approach your relationship. Some of these are light, and some dive a little deeper—how far you go is totally up to you and the energy and nature of your date. But of course, read the room. You don’t want to pry too much if they seem uncomfortable or like they’re not ready to open up yet.
- Where did you grow up? Is it the same place you were born?
- How did you like growing up there?
- Did you have a childhood best friend growing up?
- Did you have pets growing up?
- Did you collect anything, like cards or coins?
- What was the worst phase in your life?
- Did your parents ever make you do any chores?
- Did you have a favorite toy growing up?
- What year was your favorite birthday?
- What embarrassing moment has stuck with you over the years?
- Did you ever study abroad?
- What was your favorite vacation growing up?
- Were you pretty well behaved in school, or were you a troublemaker?
- Did you have a favorite teacher?
- What was your favorite subject?
- What was your worst subject?
- Did you ever go to detention for anything?
- Did you play any sports or instruments as a kid?
- (If yes,) do you still play them now?
- Did you ever go on any really exciting field trips?
- What was your most embarrassing moment in school?
- Did you ever have a classroom crush? Where are they now?
- What has surprised you the most about adulthood?
- What would you tell your childhood self?
- Who did you turn to as a child when you were going through something tough?
- What was the scariest moment you experienced, and how did you handle it?
- Did that, or anything else, stay with you, and would you consider yourself healed from it?
Family and Friendships
If you and this person are going to work out long-term, it’s important to know how big of a role their friends and family will play in your relationship. Plus, understanding their family dynamics can tell you loads about how they view relationships and the future. But again, read the room—everyone’s upbringing is different.
- What is your relationship like with your family?
- How did your family connect growing up?
- How did your parents meet?
- Which traits of your parents do you hope to never gain?
- Which traits of your parents do you hope to adopt?
- Use five words to describe your mother/father.
- Are you closer to one particular parent or are you equally close to both?
- Do you have any siblings?
- Do you have any cousins you’re close to?
- Did you have a close bond with any of your grandparents?
- Have you ever lost someone close to you?
- Have you ever been to a family reunion?
- If you ended up in jail, what would your friends and family think you did?
- Do you have a best friend?
- How did you meet your best friend?
- How did you meet the majority of your friends?
- How would your friends describe you?
- Do you and your friends have any annual traditions?
- What’s your favorite memory with your friends?
- Are you comfortable being friends with your coworkers or would you rather keep those relationships professional?
- Who was your celebrity crush when you were a kid?
- Who do you look up to the most?
Dating and Relationships
Some of these questions might seem a little personal, but you are in the early stages of dating, so it’s important to know about their past and what they’re looking for now. You can still have fun with these (ahem, “What’s your best pickup line?”), but see how your dynamic feels and consider holding on to some of these (read: anything about their exes) until date two or three.
- Tell me about the best date you’ve ever been on.
- What’s your ideal first date? (For example, are you into the whole dinner/drinks thing or would you prefer chatting over a coffee?)
- Tell me about the worst date you’ve ever been on.
- Have you ever tried dating apps? (If yes,) How do you like them?
- Tell me your best pickup line.
- Has anyone ever tried a pickup line on you?
- Would you prefer to meet people online or in person?
- Have you been in a serious relationship(s) before?
- If you’re comfortable sharing, what happened in your last relationship that led you two to break up?
- Are you friends with any of your exes?
- What do you look for and value most in a long-term partner?
- What qualities do you have that make you a good partner?
Values and Beliefs
Most folks will tell you to hold off for a while before talking about politics and religion, but there are benefits to getting the conversation out of the way early. You’re not wasting time on someone you know isn’t fundamentally compatible with you, and you can weed out any deal breakers early. Take it slow! These might not be great to ask, say, within the first five minutes of meeting, but they could fit somewhere near the end of a good, comfortable first date, or perhaps a second.
- Were you raised under a certain belief system or religion?
- Do you currently have any spiritual or religious beliefs?
- Do you believe in life after death?
- Do you have a life motto?
- Do you believe in karma?
- Do you believe in astrology?
- Are politics important to you?
- Are there any social issues that you really care about? Why do they matter to you?
- Do you feel strongly about any specific charitable causes?
- Have you ever volunteered for an organization?
Career
How you pose these questions is key to making them feel like “getting-to-know-you” questions and not like a job interview—which you probs want to avoid! But talking about work and the day-to-day grind can give you key insights into their routine (do they work late every night?) and what really matters to them.
- How did you decide what to do for a living?
- Do you like your current job?
- What do you like about it?
- Would you say you feel fulfilled at work?
- What’s the most fulfilling part about it?
- Would you say your job is stressful or do you have it pretty down pat?
- Are you friends with your coworkers?
- Do you want to stay in your current work role for a while?
- What’s your favorite part of the workday?
- If money wasn’t a factor, would you still choose the career you did?
- What was your first job ever?
- Did you have any odd jobs growing up?
- Have you ever had a side hustle?
- When will you know you’ve “made it” at work?
- Have you ever had imposter syndrome?
- Do you want to do this kind of job until you retire, or do you see yourself doing something else one day?
- If you could start a business, what would it be?
Goals and the Future
Questions about goals—especially big dreams—can tell you a lot about what they’re working towards and what drives them. It’s one thing to talk about careers and work (and it’s important!), but these questions are more about what they want to see happen in their life outside of their 9-5.
- What makes you feel accomplished?
- What’s the next big purchase you want to make?
- What’s your dream car?
- What’s your dream vacation?
- What would you do if you won the lottery?
- What are you most determined to accomplish?
- Where would you be happiest to live?
- Is there an area of your life where you feel like something is missing?
- What are your long-term goals?
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- What are you most proud of and why?
- If money wasn’t a factor, what would your dream life look like?
- Do you see yourself getting married?
- Would you ever want to start a family?
- What does your dream house look like?
- Would you ever want to live abroad for a while?
Daily Routine and Habits
Again, you never want to make someone feel like they’re interviewing for a job, but asking them questions about their daily routine (though sometimes less fun), is a good way to see if they’re baseline compatible with you. You might not want to date someone with a totally opposite schedule, or they might prioritize their free time in a way that you might not agree with. You never know what you’re going to learn, and since this “getting to know you” phase is so important, it’s better to over-ask (you know, respectfully!) than to leave things up in the air.
- Are you a morning person or a night owl?
- What time do you usually get up?
- What’s the best way to wake up in the morning?
- What does your morning routine look like?
- How do you take your coffee in the morning? Or are you more of a tea person?
- Do you work from home?
- What’s the first thing you do when you finish work, or when you get home from work?
- Do you have a nightly routine?
- How often do you see friends?
- Do you have a favorite happy hour spot?
- Do you like to cook?
- (If yes,) Are you good at cooking?
- What meal is your favorite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
- Do you have a favorite restaurant in your neighborhood?
- Are you a neat person or a messy person?
- Are you usually on time, or fashionably late?
- What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?
- How do you usually spend your weekends?
- How do you deal with finances? Do you try to stick to a budget?
- Do you have roommates? (If yes,) do you get along with them?
- What do you need during periods of stress? Do you call someone to vent? Do you spend time alone to think it through?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do you seize the day?
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Taylor is the former Sex and Relationships editor who can tell you exactly which vibrators are worth the splurge, why you’re still dreaming about your ex, and tips on how to have the best sex of your life (including what word you should spell with your hips during cowgirl sex). You can follow her on Instagram here.
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries). She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at Women's Health, Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she's not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she's likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip. Ideally at the same time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.