16 People on What Makes a Good Kisser

“I think it’s important to be in flow with the other person. Some kissers are too forceful—the obvious thing being that they shove their tongue into someone’s throat too aggressively. But being able to flow with someone and go at the same pace is a major key. Unfortunately, if someone is a bad kisser and doesn’t have my same rhythm, there’s almost no chance I’ll go out with them again.” —Nick, 27

“I can always tell if someone is a good kisser by the way they sync with the movement. If they want to lead and it works, great. But otherwise, they have to adapt to me! I think it’s great when you’re both on the same page when it comes to pace and pressure and adapting to the other person’s body language.” —Jen, 24

“Body language! If he has confidence when he grabs your face and hands, yes! If he advances toward you with his whole body instead of being really nervous and shy, then you can immediately tell he is a winner. I also don’t want someone who’s going to swallow my face; wet kisses are gross. A little tongue is fine, but no choking with it.” —Sam, 22

“I think I can tell from the beginning if someone is good or not by the way they hold you when they’re going in for the kiss. Some of the best kisses I’ve had have been with guys who pulled me in by the waist or by the back of my head. Some of the most awkward and bad ones I’ve had are from guys who had no idea what to do with their hands. And as for the kiss itself, please don’t be all fishy-lipped. Some guys will kiss you like they’re fish out of water or slobber all over your chin—and that’s gross! —Sophia, 27

“First and foremost, a good kisser is someone who seeks consent before going in for the smooch. Nothing gets me ready to go like a guy’s kind ‘May I kiss you?’ Once that is settled, it’s usually safe to start soft and amp up the sexual energy as the kiss goes on. I appreciate a kiss with intention; I want to feel their interest in me through their mouth. Give me tongue muscle, give me gentle lip movement, give me varying head angles, pull me into you. Further, I need their lips to align with mine. In the past, I’ve had some negative experiences where partners slobbered up my entire nose to chin area, leaving me chafed and wet. Don’t do this. It’s A-OK to transfer some saliva, but make sure that saliva is microdosed. I did not consent to shots of your spit.” —Ryan, 24

“To be a good kisser, you have to make sure your lips are moisturized. This is a minor step with major impact on the entire process. You can always tell when someone has dry, cracked lips, and it can ruin the entire mood. Good kissers do more than kiss—they also hold your waist or touch the side of your face. When in the process of kissing, you want to start off slow, with small pecks. Then, you can add more lip locking and move forward to rubbing your tongue toward the roof of the person’s mouth. You can also get playful and lick their tongue or grab it gently with your lips. You want it be effortless so you don’t notice there is an exchange of saliva. Different people kiss in different ways—good kissers are able to pick up on the rhythm of the other person so you guys aren’t bumping heads or teeth. Don’t think about it too much, just go with the flow.” —Philtrina, 23

“So first off, make sure you have fresh breath and chapstick at the ready, and analyze the person’s lips (if they are full, small, wide, etc.) to figure out the best way to proceed with the kiss. If they have full lips, it’s seductive to suck on their bottom lip as the kiss lingers. You want to make sure to tilt your head to the side so you aren’t bumping heads during the kiss. Rub the back of their neck during the kiss and put your all into it! Once your head is tilted and you guys are going at it, make sure to use your tongue and move in a slow, stroking motion, caressing your partner’s tongue. Under no circumstances should you be moving your tongue at a fast speed.” —Bobby, 26

To me, a good kisser is aware that different people have different preferences, so it’s important to get a feel for the way the other person wants to kiss. A kiss is not one-sided, and it’s more enjoyable when the people involved want to please each other. A good kisser won’t just lunge at someone’s mouth with their tongue. The technique is super important because it can make or break the kiss before the kissing even begins. If somebody is super aggressive at first, the whole thing is going to be thrown out of whack. I prefer kisses that start close-mouthed and sort of plain—that way, the lips can fall into the motion naturally. From there, the lips should open with the kiss, and then the tongue may be introduced if both parties are ready and willing.” —Wesley, 23

“A good kiss should feel like you’re having a conversation. If you’re slowing down, if you start slipping tongue, and your kissing partner responds to that and matches your pace, then you can play off that! If you slow down and your partner speeds up, you can respond to that by meeting them halfway or speeding up to meet their energy, whichever you’re feeling. Also, great kissers use their teeth—light biting of lips, jumping over to ears is so awesome. But if your partner is using teeth in the sense that your teeth are knocking against each other, I would leave ASAP and not even feel bad about it.” —Ali, 23

“I love to kiss. I feel like it’s a beautiful, intimate way to connect with someone and express your passion. I like to kiss with my whole mouth: I love to bite my partner’s lips and use my tongue to lick all their teeth. I like when my partner spits in my mouth. The key to kissing well is interest. You have to be focused on the task at hand. You have to want to kiss. The mouth is such an intimate part of the body, it’s kind of gross and full of germs and smells and ephemera from the weird fun-size Snickers you decided to eat after breakfast, but you have to want the person so badly that you want all their grossness inside of you.” —Laura, 28

“The most basic thing that makes someone a good kisser is paying attention! What I like personally of course differs from what other people like, but, say, if you’re constantly trying to use your tongue and I’m not opening my mouth, it should be obvious I don’t wanna French right now. Try not to just be ‘leading,’ so you can get a sense of what they like in how they kiss you—but also don’t just ‘follow’ because then you don’t seem interested. Also, be situationally appropriate: A peck before hopping on the subway is super cute, something sloppy is not. Even if you’re ‘good’ at kissing, if you only have one setting, it’s awkward to work around. Bad kissing is coming at someone like they’re food or like you’re attacking them. Being too sloppy is also bad—my mouth shouldn’t be entirely in your mouth, I shouldn’t feel the need to wipe my lips, etc. Kissing is a rare area where more lubrication is not better.” —Syd, 26

“I think the key to a good kiss is that there has to be a crescendo to tongue use. It’s kind of like a good classical music piece. It’s all about anticipation and leading up to a climax. My least favorite kisses have been the ones where someone goes straight for the tongue. It feels like they are trying to score points in a game or something. Also, I’m a sucker for the around-the-face kisses. I think there’s a heightened sense of vulnerability when someone lets you kiss their eyelids or just to the left or right of the lips.” —Ryan, 24

“I like when the person I’m kissing isn’t very forceful and when we fall into a natural rhythm of head tilts/smooches. I don’t like a lot of tongue, but some tongue when timed right can be perfection. I also like to lightly bite their lower lip or for them to bite mine! It’s so sexy and makes things more intimate. I think I’m a good kisser because I don’t put a bunch of effort into the kissing. It should feel natural but not like you’re just sitting there receiving the kissing. The key is to relax your mouth enough to just mesh your mouth with the other person’s. Take your time as well—there is no reason to rush, and each kiss should feel like you mean it!” —Sarah, 21

“The thing I hate the most is when someone uses too much tongue. It’s not only extremely messy but I also feel like I have to get my tongue in there and then it’s just, like, tongue everywhere. At that point, all I can think about is your tongue and the kissing is no longer sexy. If someone uses tongue, it’s more surprising and fun if it’s gentle. It gives the kiss more passion. Just little slips of it here and there. I’m also fond of a playful bite. When someone bites on my lower lip or sucks it, that immediately makes me put you in the good-kisser category. I think another important part of what makes you a good kisser is if you’re putting in the same amount of effort into kissing me that I’m putting into kissing you. If I feel like I’m craning my neck to get to your lips or you’re just pecking, I’m immediately not going to be into it.” —Hannah, 25

“An ideal kiss starts off slow and tender—like a soft graze of lips. Rather than pecking, lips should be interlocked. As the kissing progresses, the kissing should speed up. Hands should definitely be involved with touching the face and neck. As things get more heated, you can touch someone’s hair too. Tongue can be involved but kept to a minimum—quickly play with the other person’s tongue or slide it across the top of the interior of their mouth. A small nibble of the lip can definitely be sexy too. There are no specific techniques that enhance somebody’s quality of kissing, because it’s all very subjective. A good kisser is self-aware and conscious of their partner’s kissing habits. They adapt to how their partner kisses them back and don’t come on too strong. A really good kiss is when each person is connecting passionately and naturally responding to how they are being kissed.” —Jami, 26

“The key is making the experience exciting and varied to keep it interesting. The basic motion involves light to heavy sucking on the lips of your partner while opening and closing your mouth in rhythm with theirs. Experiment! You can use your mouth to suck their lips or tongue lightly to change the pace and excite them. The mouth is a highly erogenous zone and is super important for proper arousal and sexual compatibility! Another place to kiss is the neck—it gives everyone a chance to breathe in a heavy make-out session and also keeps the energy going, as the neck is highly sensitive to your soft lips and tongue. Don’t use too much pressure or they’ll be wearing turtlenecks for days!” —Giselle, 23