You may have heard the term 'heteronormative' or 'heteronormativity' tossed around here and there, but what does the term really mean? Heteronormativity is basically the view that all relationships are between cisgender, heterosexual people, which is problematic for a number of reasons. Read on for a more detailed definition, why this view is problematic, and why it's important to recognize instances of heteronormativity in everyday conversation, pop culture, and other mediums in order to be anti-heteronormative.
What does heteronormativity mean?
"Heteronormativity is defined as a world view or perspective that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or default sexual orientation," explains Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, owner and founder of Take Root Therapy in Los Angeles. Essentially, heteronormativity is the assumption that everyone is straight unless otherwise stated.
Why is heteronormativity problematic?
A couple reasons. Firstly, heteronormativity disregards the LGBTQI+ community, as Amy Olson, an author at The Absolute Dater, explains. "Heteronormative people believe that LGBTQ+ people are just unusual and have no knowledge of their real sexuality," Olson adds, and culturally, heteronormativity limits the assumption of romance to just heterosexual relationships.
Secondly, heteronormativity includes a view of gender as something that's binary and fixed at birth, says Lurie, which disregards gender identity on a spectrum and room for fluidity.
What are some examples of heteronormativity?
An example of heteronormativity in action would be when you find out someone you know is in a relationship and you assume it's with a person of a different gender than theirs, explains Lurie.
Heteronormativity in pop culture
Unfortch, most pop culture and media leans heteronormative. When it comes to relationships, we mostly see straight relationships with folks that are cisgender, Lurie says.
Heteronormativity is also possible even if a show has LGBTQIA+ characters but otherizes their queer representation in such a way that does not normalize their sexuality as nuanced, and treats it more like a plot point. As Lurie explains:
"Oftentimes, even if there is a LGBTQIA+ character, the show's focus on them is usually on their queerness first and foremost. (We see a similar media phenomenon with characters with disabilities: when they are included, which is rare, they are their disability onscreen, rather than a character who happens to have/be played by someone with a disability.)"
Ultimately, even though a show may be showing more than just cishet couples, "when so much emphasis is put on a character's queer identity or orientation, this underscores the heteronormative myth: that being cisgender and heterosexual is the default, and anything divergent from that is not normal and warrants attention," Lurie adds.
How to be anti-heteronormative
Be thoughtful and intentional about language, Lurie suggests. To be anti-heteronormative, "we can can create opportunities and spaces for folks to tell us how they identify," Lurie says, adding that one way to do this is by introducing yourself with your own name and preferred pronouns, as it makes space for others to do the same.
If you encounter someone else pushing heteronormativity, Lurie says she opts for "calling in" rather than "calling out" the behavior, by saying something like, "Oh, I'm not sure how they identify," in order to let the person you're talking to understand that no assumptions should be made by default about someone's sexuality or gender identity.
"Another way to be anti-heteronormative is to be intentional about what media you consume, and choosing to support shows, movies, and artists that challenge heteronormativity," Lurie adds. Look for shows that happen to have queer actors or characters for whom gender isn't important to the plot at all — Lurie says she personally has been enjoying Theo Germaine and Skye Leighton in Netflix's The Politician as an example.
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