Could you be dating a narcissist and not know it? Psychotherapists reveal the 5 five warning signs - and how 'illness' can be a red flag
- Helen Villiers and Katie Mckenna explained how to tell if someone is a narcissist
- READ MORE: Relationship expert reveals 'ultra easy test' to figure out whether YOU are a narcissist
Two leading psychologists have revealed the signs you might be dating a narcissist, and what you can do about it.
Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, British psychotherapists Helen Villiers and Katie Mckenna - authors of You're Not The Problem, and hosts of the smash hit podcast In Sight - revealed how you might be able to tell if someone close to you is a narcissist.
'Narcissist is such a buzz word these days,' Helen said. 'Not everyone can be a narcissist!
'There's some truth in that, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a serious mental health condition that is defined by a number of characteristics, the main five being Grandiosity, Entitlement, Exploitation, Motivational Empathy and Impaired Self Awarenss.
'Most importantly however is that NPD is is differentiated from other personality disorders by the evidence that shows people who have it intend to cause harm to significant others.'
But how do you know if someone around you is a narcissist or not? Here are five signs you could be dealing with a narcissist.
![Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, Helen Villiers and Katie Mckenna (pictured) psychotherapist authors of You're Not The Problem, and hosts of the smash hit podcast In Sight revealed how you might be able to tell a loved one has the disorder](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2024/05/16/08/84911951-13420893-Speaking_exclusively_to_FEMAIL_Helen_Villiers_and_Katie_Mckenna_-a-6_1715843090808.jpg)
Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, Helen Villiers and Katie Mckenna (pictured) psychotherapist authors of You're Not The Problem, and hosts of the smash hit podcast In Sight revealed how you might be able to tell a loved one has the disorder
1. They make everything about them.
'Whatever you're talking about, somehow you've ended up talking about them and how brilliant they are, or maybe it's an event to celebrate someone else (wedding, birthday, graduation) and they make themselves centre of attention, either feigning illness, or making demands beyond what is reasonable and then getting angry when they're not accommodated.
'The narcissist will make sure that they are always in the limelight, whether it's because they're angry for some perceived slight, or sad for the same, or are suddenly struck down with a mystery illness that they immediately recover from the moment they've had enough attention, or someone suggests calling emergency services.
'God forbid they should actually leave and not get any of that attention anymore!'
2. If you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife
'Whatever adventure, accomplishment, friend or job you've had, they've done it but they did it better.
'They one up everything you've ever done, and if they can't one up it, they will devalue yours.
'They always have to be the best at everything, or if they're not the best, it'll be because it was an active choice not to be, and they will degrade the thing you've done that makes you 'better' than them.'
3. If they want something, they will have it regardless of how it impacts anyone else.
'Imagine you and a co worker are going for a promotion, do you put your head down and work, show your skills and capability for the role?
'Or do you sabotage your co worker, take credit for their work, make them look incapable, make best friends with the promoting person?
'Narcissists will take whatever they want just because they want it.
'They will think nothing of using other people to get that thing either. It might be they want time, labour, money, energy, anything you can imagine, and they will go to extreme lengths to get it, without caring about how it impacts the person they're exploiting to do so.
'And if you call them out, or god forbid tell them no, you will provoke something called "narcissistic rage", which can be either loud and angry or quiet seething resentment and you'll likely be subjected to something called the smear campaign.
'This is where they tell everyone how awful you are either in an open loud way, or in a way where they are painted as the victim in the situation.'
![The pair, who have a hit podcast, warned that if you try to call out a narcissist they will most likely turn it back on you and fly into a rage](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2024/05/16/08/84911953-13420893-The_pair_who_have_a_hit_podcast_warned_that_if_you_try_to_call_o-a-7_1715843096892.jpg)
The pair, who have a hit podcast, warned that if you try to call out a narcissist they will most likely turn it back on you and fly into a rage
4. They're the victim in every story, it's never their fault.
'Listen carefully to how they tell their stories.
'Is it everyone else's fault that xyz happened? The narcissist will always paint a picture where they are the saint and it's everyone else that's bad.
'They never take responsibility for anything, offering insincere apologies and using different emotional abuse behaviours to silence people, or to escape accountability. Often there might be a false acceptance of responsibility, but listen carefully for the justification as to why it isn't their fault.
'If someone truly means an apology, they would say "I did this thing and I shouldn't have done, I'm sorry I hurt you I won't do it again" and they don't.
'They might explain why they did what they did, and they might explain there was no mal intent, but they will still accept that they did a thing that hurt someone else.
'The narcissist will say "I'm sorry you feel that way, I didn't mean it, it's because xyz happened so it's not my fault". There's a big difference!'
5. They make you feel bad for holding them responsible
'Motivational empathy is the cornerstone of how a narcissist escapes accountability.
'They will use your empathy for them to stop you from challenging them. "Oh I'm just the worst person in the world then" "I might as well give up, I'm so useless" (veiled suicide threats are very common and should be responded to with "I'm going to call the emergency services" because if they need them then they will get them, but if you're being manipulated, it will expose the manipulation.
'It also might be "After all I've done for you, you can't do x for me?", "You're so mean to me". Or "I just don't know how I'm going to pay my bills this month, I'm so stressed, I can't even afford to eat…" to entice you to offer them money, because what sort of person would allow another to go hungry?
'NPD is a lot bigger than these behaviours, and we aren't suggesting for a second that you can use this to diagnose someone. But all these behaviours are toxic and are about making the narcissist feel like the most important person in the world.'