Do YOU have a 'mother wound?' Psychologist reveals four signs you may have trauma from a lack of maternal attention in childhood - including perfectionism and control issues
- UK Chartered psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani revealed signs of mother wound
- READ MORE: Psychologist reveals signs your partner is manipulating you
A psychologist has revealed four signs you may have a mother wound.
Birmingham-based chartered psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani, who is the author of High-Functioning Anxiety A 5-step Guide To Calming The Inner Panic and Thriving, revealed perfectionist and those who suppress emotion are among those who could have a mother wound.
A mother wound is the pain, trauma, and unresolved emotions passed down through generations on the maternal line.
While not a clinical diagnosis, the mother wound is described by The Attachment Project as an attachment wound that results from 'not receiving warmth, care, and attention from our mothers in childhood'.
The organisation adds that 'when a child receives physical care from their mother but not emotional support, we call this the mother wound'.
Speaking in a video posted to Instagram about the topic, Dr Suglani discussed different behaviours women with this type of wound may exhibit.
A psychologist has discussed several behaviours women with a mother wound may exhibit (stock image)
According to the psychologist: 'A woman with a mother wound can struggle with things like perfectionism, where she constantly strives for flawlessness, believing that only by being perfect she can earn love and acceptance.'
Continuing, she added that control issues could be another struggle faced by women with a mother wound.
This is when she may 'attempt to control her environment and her relationships to avoid disappointment, abandonment and hurt', Dr Suglani explained.
The third behaviour she listed in the video was low self-esteem.
She said: 'This is where she can feel unworthy and inadequate due to the conditional love and approval that she may have received from her mother.'
Moving onto her fourth sign, the psychologist said: 'Another struggle is emotional suppression, and this is where she may struggle to express her emotions or even recognise her own needs or feelings.'
Offering viewers support, Dr Suglani concluded: 'Just remember you. don't have to earn your love.
'You don't need to prove that you are enough, because you are enough, as you are, but you need to see that. And that's where inner work is so powerful.'
A caption accompanying the video added some further information.
In it, Dr Suglani wrote: 'A woman with a mother wound also shows up as being a mix of high achiever, perfectionist, and people pleaser [and] feeling regularly overwhelmed.
She added that those with a mother wound may also be 'guarded, argumentative, untrusting, and avoid being vulnerable'.
The psychologist also discussed how the issue may impact the type of men heterosexual women choose to have relationships with.
She explained they may select 'men who need her to mother them', meanwhile, 'she isn't being taken care of in return'.
It comes after Fr Suglani revealed how to deal with a breakup, when others are trying to minimise your pain.
In a recent video on Instagram, the psychologist discussed relationship breakups, and how painful they can be.
A psychologist has revealed what you should do if people are minimising your pain after a relationship breakup (stock image)
The video, which was titled Losing the Love of your Life, was accompanied by a caption about how people around you may behave after you've suffered from a breakup.
'Are you going through a breakup?' the caption asked. 'Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking "it's not that deep" - breakups can be incredibly painful.
'I've seen many people retreat into darkness after a heart-wrenching parting.'
She ended the caption with a piece of advice, writing: 'Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the time and space to heal.'
Speaking in the video about the impact splitting from a partner can have on your mental health, Dr Suglani said: 'It can feel so overwhelming when we have a breakup.
'It's like we have to rethink our entire life without that person. And this process of grief is difficult and it's different to each and every one of us.'
She then explained that the 'hard truth' is that 'not everyone's going to understand your grief'.
The psychologist continued: 'People may say to you that you need to get over it now, or you need to find a new hobby, but it's not as easy as that. It's important that we don't lose compassion for ourselves.
In an earlier post, Dr Suglani outlined seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup in a post on Instagram (stock image)
'You know how much you loved, and how much you cared in that relationship, and it's important for you to have the space to process [the feelings], to learn and understand more about how you want to show up in the future.'
Dr Suglaani's video followed an earlier post she shared about the seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or break-up.
She said that everyone will go through the seven different stages she has outlined at different times.
Speaking more broadly about loss and breakups, she noted that no one can predict exactly how long it will take to build a life around the pain.
In a caption accompanying her post, the psychologist wrote: 'Every person is different. Don't compare yourself with someone else's journey.'
She continued: 'Going through a breakup can be very difficult and stressful, and there's no one way you're supposed to feel about it.
'Often, you are filled with many confusing emotions at once, and you may wonder if what you're feeling is normal.
'For a while, you might even become overwhelmed with emotions, it's normal to feel this way. It's quite a process to 'let go' of a person you really loved or the reality you thought existed.
'Your mind has to re-adjust to a new way of being without this person in your life.'
Listing the seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup, Dr Suglani started with shock and denial.
The second point she listed, which is sure to strike a chord with anyone who's suffered through a breakup is feeling a 'desperate need for answers'.
Thirdly, she listed feeling a sense of fear, loneliness, and sadness.
Fourth came bargaining, and fifth came anger.
The sixth emotional stage listed by Dr Suglani was peace and acceptance.
And finally, in seventh and last place, she listed forgiveness.
Concluding her lengthly caption at the end of her post, the psychologist pointed out that working through these various stages is not a linear process.
She wrote: 'You can go up and down these stages and be in several at once. Be kind to yourself during this time.
'You are shifting. It can take time. And just because you feel ready to forgive doesn’t mean that something else will not trigger you back into feeling angry or sad.
'It's having the tools to help you regulate and manage the emotions that can come up, as you’ll get to a point where you stop seeing the relationship through the rose tinted glasses.'
Another important note the psychologist made on the post was that however much you wish it were possible, one person alone 'can't make a relationship work if [they] are the only one who wants it to work.
'Healthy relationships require effort from both partners, and you can't blame yourself for not being able to uphold a relationship on your own,' she concluded.
