EXCLUSIVEThe psychology behind a woman beater: Experts reveal the traits men like P. Diddy, Chris Brown and Ike Turner all have
The world watched in horror last month as footage emerged of former hip hop superstar P. Diddy violently attacking his former girlfriend, singer Cassie Ventura, in a hotel hallway.
The disturbing video surveillance showed the star slam her to the ground, then kick and drag her across the floor in an attempt to prevent her from leaving.
He is far from the only celebrity to commit acts of violence against a partner. Legendary performer Tina Turner said she endured years of abuse at the hands of her husband Ike, while, in 2009, R&B singer Chris Brown was accused of punching his former partner Rihanna.
Many of the female victims say they were surprised by the violent behavior of the person they loved — who was gentle and kind when she met him.
So how can women spot a person with the potential to become violent? Speaking to DailyMail.com, experts say while there are a multitude of reasons why men become abusive, there are a few common predictors.
Recent footage released of former hip hop superstar P. Diddy shows him slamming his then-girlfriend Cassie Ventura to the ground, kicking her and dragging her across the floor
In 2009, R&B singer Chris Brown was accused of punching his former partner Rihanna
These include a need for control and power, a feeling of entitlement, a lack of self esteem and cultural attitudes about domestic violence they use to justify their behavior.
Case workers who rehabilitate abusers have told of reasons cited by the criminals themselves. These include using physical force as a way of obtaining sex and preventing partners from leaving.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) estimates one in four women and one in nine men in the US experience some form of domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence.
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by their partner, equating to more than 10million men and women per year.
The US saw an increase in DV during Covid, as lockdown measures limited victims’ access to resources and the outside world and exacerbated factors typically associated with violence, such as stress, money struggles and alcohol and substance use.
While abuse can be perpetrated by men and women against both men and women, the US Department of Justice found at least 85 percent of victims are female.
Crystal Justice, the chief external affairs officer at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, told DailyMail.com: ‘Domestic violence is not always physical. Intimate partner violence can manifest in many ways, including instances of physical, emotional, digital — use of technology to cause harm — and financial abuse and control.
‘The non physical forms of abuse can be just as harmful but harder to identify.’
Domestic violence may start subtly and then escalate.
The abuser may express a need to take ownership of finances, where their partner goes, who they talk to and what they wear.
They also bully and manipulate, verbally berate and make their partner feel guilty for no reason.
Experts told this website common red flags of a potential abuser include jealousy, wanting to isolate a partner, being forceful during sex, being violent towards animals, blaming others for their problems or feelings, advancing the relationship quickly and placing unrealistic expectations on partners.
Gayle Weill, a licensed psychotherapist in New York, told DailyMail.com: ‘There’s no single reason or factor that determines why someone becomes abusive, but there are some common psychological factors that can contribute.’
These include a need for control that stems from a man’s low self-esteem, feeling threatened by their partner’s independence or success.
Many abusers may also have a history of witnessing abuse, for instance between their parents.
They may also view violence as an appropriate way to resolve conflict or have difficulty expressing emotions that can lead to aggression.
Abusers may think they have a right to power. Often, they believe men are dominant figures in relationships, leading them to use abusive tactics to get and retain control.
Additionally, Ms Weill said cultural beliefs and environment play a major role in abuse and social pressures also contribute.
She added: ‘Societal narratives may downplay or even excuse abusive behavior from men, particularly if it's seen as "assertiveness" or "protectiveness." This can lead men to minimize their violent actions and prevent them from seeking help for unhealthy behavior patterns.
‘Watch out for friends who joke about controlling their partners, make light of violence, or blame victims can normalize abusive behavior. This can make a man who is already struggling with anger or control issues feel like his actions are acceptable.’
Dr Brian Tierney, a psychologist, agreed, telling this website he believes ‘the social construction of masculinity is toxic’ and pop culture, like movies and music play, ‘important part[s] in influencing the male internal narrative and emotions.’
America’s sweetheart Anna Kendrick said she suffered emotional and psychological abuse in a previous six-year relationship but has never revealed her abuser’s identity
Legendary performer Tina Turner said she endured years of abuse at the hands of her husband Ike Turner, including being beaten while pregnant
Chuck Derry, co-founder of the Gender Violence Institute, added: ‘One of the biggest contributors to [abuse] is the social norms that men are the head of the household, men are better than women, women are weak, women are emotional, women are stupid… all this cultural language that we [are exposed to].
‘So it all supports this notion “I'm in control. This is my house. You'll do what I say. You're married to me, and I own you.” It's really about men who are being selfish — incredibly selfish — and willing to hurt others to get what they want.'
Mr Derry, who has worked with abusive men facing the justice system for more than 40 years, said abusers can’t hide behind the excuse of mental health issues.
He told DailyMail.com psychological evaluations of the men that attended his groups revealed they are no more likely to suffer mental health problems than the average person.
While several experts told this website many abusers were abused themselves or witnessed domestic violence as children, Mr Derry said that doesn’t guarantee a man will repeat the cycle.
Through his court work, he discovered many of the men were not victims and did not witness violence. Meanwhile, he knows of siblings of abusers, subjected to the same domestic violence, who do not go on to be violent.
Mr Derry said: ‘I’ve worked with so many men who are one of three or four brothers and their father was very abusive... but only one of those brothers grew up and became abusive. The other three said, “no way will I ever put this kind of pain on somebody's life just to get what I want.”
‘But one brother said, “oh, this kind of worked and dad got what he wanted whenever he wanted.”’
To help understand what makes men violent, Mr Derry asks men why they abused and what they felt were the ‘benefits.'
They said it earned them respect, allowed them to control finances, establish power and dominance and get sex whenever they wanted it.
Responses included: ‘She won’t spend money’ and to ‘get my way,’ as well as to scare her into staying and controlling behaviors the abusers do not like, like going out or wearing certain clothes.
Some men said they abused because it allowed them to ‘convince her she’s screwing up’ or isolate her from her family and friends.
In the majority of cases, men only decide to change their behavior when they are facing jail time and being forced to attend court-mandated treatment, according to Mr Derry.
Men who are abusive, Mr Derry said, have ‘decided to be physically violent’.
The notion that they ‘just snap’ one day is a common misunderstanding.
He says: ‘When they're physically violent, they've decided to be physically violent. They either decided right at that moment or two weeks ago, or two months ago, that they'll smack her if she ever does that thing again.
‘The snap [belief] suggests that abusers just lose control… and they don't. They have full control.’
While many outsiders will ask victims why they stayed in the relationship and why it took them so long to leave, experts say, ‘leaving an abusive relationship is never easy — and it isn’t always the safest option.’
Some may stay because they have no access to their money or have lost touch with their support system. Their partners may track their location, making it impossible to escape. They may also stay if children or pets are involved and they do not want to leave them behind.
What is encouraging, however, is the conversation surrounding domestic abuse has opened up recently, with the stigma of shame victims feel dissipating and people more willing to talk about it.
This is hugely helpful in assisting victims of abuse safely leave their toxic relationships and heal from their trauma.
A domestic abuse survivor told DailyMail.com; ‘It’s been nearly 10 years since I left my mentally and psychically abusive relationship of six years and I’ve only now begun to shed the shame I bore from it and share my story.
'I’m becoming less embarrassed and I hope by speaking up, other young women will see there is light on the other side and they are not victims of domestic abuse, they are survivors.’
