Madonna, 61, declares she's 'never been with a guy with a small d**k' and jokes about 'sharing STDs' and being 'good on her knees' during VERY lewd Madame X show in London
- The Like A Virgin singer made a joke about her former lovers' manhoods
- Madonna was married to director Guy Ritchie, 51, and Sean Penn, 59, and counts model Kevin Sampaio, 31, Warren Beatty, 82, and Vanilla Ice, 52, as her ex lovers
- Wednesday kicked off her 14-night run at London's Palladium having cancelled 10 gigs on the Madame X tour due to illness
- On the first night, Daily Mail's Julia Lawrence declared the show a triumph, writing: 'Painful hip and knee be damned, she dazzled, the trouper she is'
The x-rated jokes came thick and fast from Madonna as she kicked off her London dates at the Palladium this week.
The 61-year-old Like A Virgin songstress is currently on her Madame X tour, and brashly boasted during the opening show on Wednesday night that she has 'never been with a guy with a small d**k and that she's 'good on her knees'.
Madonna asked the audience: 'What do you call a man with a small penis? The answer is, I wouldn't f**king know. I've never been with a guy with a small d**k. You know size matters, don't pretend that it doesn't!'
![Madame X-rated! The lewd jokes came thick and fast from Madonna as she kicked off her London dates at the Palladium this week](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/00/24108428-0-image-m-2_1580431976604.jpg)
Madame X-rated! The lewd jokes came thick and fast from Madonna as she kicked off her London dates at the Palladium this week
Madonna was married to director Guy Ritchie, 51, and Sean Penn, 59, and counts Portuguese model Kevin Sampaio, 31, Hollywood legend Warren Beatty, 82, and rapper Vanilla Ice, 52, as her ex lovers.
According to The Sun, the star, who was forced to cancel a string of dates at the beginning of the eagerly-anticipated tour, sat on a chair, adding: 'Usually I kneel for about 20 minutes and that's fine. I'm good at it, so I've been told.'
She later grabbed a beer from an audience member and then crudely remarked: 'There you go, we have just shared STDs.'
The star is said to have made a joke about classical composer Mozart 'coming out of her p***y' and declared that she trawls gay hook up app Grindr when she needs a new assistant.
![Oh my! The 61-year-old Like A Virgin songstress is currently on her Madame X tour, and brashly boasted during the opening show on Wednesday night that she has 'never been with a guy with a small d**k and that she's 'good on her knees'](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/01/24108544-7950173-Oh_my_The_61_year_old_Like_A_Virgin_songstress_is_currently_on_h-m-12_1580432434842.jpg)
Oh my! The 61-year-old Like A Virgin songstress is currently on her Madame X tour, and brashly boasted during the opening show on Wednesday night that she has 'never been with a guy with a small d**k and that she's 'good on her knees'
![Back to her best: The pop diva performed the first gig of her 14-date UK leg of her Madame X tour after cancelling Monday's show and being ordered to rest by doctors](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/01/24060952-7950173-Back_to_her_best_The_pop_diva_performed_the_first_gig_of_her_14_-a-26_1580434136376.jpg)
Back to her best: The pop diva performed the first gig of her 14-date UK leg of her Madame X tour after cancelling Monday's show and being ordered to rest by doctors
![Homeward headed: She made a glamorous departure in Versace following the show](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/09/24119362-7950173-image-a-8_1580462779410.jpg)
Homeward headed: She made a glamorous departure in Versace following the show
Additionally, Madonna was forced to finish bang on time as she joked that Westminster City Council would attempt to crush her with a nine-ton iron curtain if she breaks her curfew.
She said: 'I’ve got to make it fast. There’s an iron curtain that’s going to come down at a certain time. I’ve been warned by Westminster Council. I hear it weighs nine tons, and that would hurt.'
If the show had overrun, Madonna would have faced a fine for breaking curfew.
![She's back! Madonna appeared ready for her second night at the London Palladium as she arrived in her chauffeur-driven car, flanked by security on Thursday](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/30/20/24097514-7949093-image-m-65_1580415117455.jpg)
She's back! Madonna appeared ready for her second night at the London Palladium as she arrived in her chauffeur-driven car, flanked by security on Thursday
![Fans ahoy: She was greeted by adoring admirers as she stepped out](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/09/24119354-7950173-image-a-9_1580462820061.jpg)
Fans ahoy: She was greeted by adoring admirers as she stepped out
Wednesday kicked off Madonna's 14-night run at the Palladium over the next three weeks, having cancelled 10 previous gig on the Madame X tour due to illness, which so far has been to Lisbon and the USA.
The highest-grossing female solo touring artist took concert-goers through five acts of her classic hits and new recordings from her 2019 Madame X album - her first release after living as a recluse in Lisbon for two years, as well as eight costume changes.
The star was also joined on stage by her seven-year-old twin daughters Stella and Estere and Mercy, 14, as well as her new toyboy boyfriend - backing dancer Ahlamalik Williams, 25.
![Weary-eyed: The superstar looked exhausted as she left the Palladium later that evening after another stellar show](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/30/23/24106144-7949093-image-a-1_1580427628643.jpg)
Weary-eyed: The superstar looked exhausted as she left the Palladium later that evening after another stellar show
![Out and a pout: She was showcasing a plump pout as she left](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/09/24119344-7950173-image-a-10_1580462940393.jpg)
Out and a pout: She was showcasing a plump pout as she left
On the first night, Daily Mail's Julia Lawrence declared the show a triumph, writing: 'Painful hip and knee be damned, she dazzled, the absolute trouper she is,' while fans, who paid hundreds of pounds and travelled from across Europe to see the superstar, posted five star reviews online.
Delighted fan Bidisha tweeted: 'Her ability to innovate musically is incredible - to keep sounding fresh....to refuse nostalgia and complacency, to stay hungry. Re Madonna's injury, YES, she is clearly performing through immense, obvious pain. But odd moments (seconds) of her incredible dancing do flash in.'
George Smith tweeted: 'OMFG last night was PERFECT! @madonna was AMAZING - funny, focused,. sounded and looked stunning. I've never been part of such a buzzy and supportive audience. Seeing her up close and personal in a theatre setting was an experience I'll never forget.'
'Queen Madge you were amazing! 20 years on from the last time I watched you,' added concert-goer Jill Wilding.
![Icon: The Queen of Pop made her return to the stage on Wednesday night, after cancelling ten shows during her Madame X Tour due to illness](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/30/20/24097516-7949093-image-m-67_1580415132315.jpg)
Icon: The Queen of Pop made her return to the stage on Wednesday night, after cancelling ten shows during her Madame X Tour due to illness
She appeared ready for her second night at the Palladium as she arrived in her chauffeur-driven car, flanked by security on Thursday.
The La Isla Bonita legend showed off her quirky sense of style in a Malcolm McDowell Clockwork Orange hoodie and layers of chunky gold chain necklaces, before emerging hours later in a black Versace jacket looking weary.
Attempting to keep a low-profile, Madonna donned a large black hat and red tinted sunglasses. The Vogue singer layered a long black padded coat atop of her baggy hoodie and finished off her casual ensemble with black leggings and patent shoes.
Madonna appeared focused and clutched a smoothie as she made her way into the venue.
![Quirky: Attempting to keep a low-profile, Madonna donned a large black hat and red tinted sunglasses](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/30/20/24097518-7949093-image-m-76_1580415225849.jpg)
Quirky: Attempting to keep a low-profile, Madonna donned a large black hat and red tinted sunglasses
Madonna has swapped arenas for intimate theatre venues for her Madame X tour, and on Wednesday took to the stage at the 2,286-capacity Palladium.
The pop diva wore knee supports as she performed the first gig of her 14-date UK leg of her world tour after cancelling Monday's show and being ordered to rest by doctors over knee and hip injuries.
Gushing social media reviews and five star write-ups from critics heralded the delayed gig, her first London date since 2015, as worth the wait.
The highest-grossing female solo touring artist took concert-goers through five acts of her classic hits and new recordings from her 2019 Madame X album - her first release after living as a recluse in Lisbon for two years, as well as eight costume changes.
The star was also joined on stage by her seven-year-old twin daughters Stella and Estere and Mercy, 14, as well as her new toyboy boyfriend - backing dancer Ahlamalik Williams, 25.
![Stage queen: Madonna still sported her full face of stage make-up and fishnet costume](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/30/23/24106146-7949093-image-a-4_1580427732287.jpg)
Stage queen: Madonna still sported her full face of stage make-up and fishnet costume
![Superstar: The songstress was swarmed by fans as she left via the stage door](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/00/24106604-7949093-image-a-16_1580429006461.jpg)
Superstar: The songstress was swarmed by fans as she left via the stage door
The energetic show was not hindered by the knee and hip injuries that have forced her to cancel previous dates.
Last month, Madonna described being 'in tears from the pain of my injuries'. She added: 'I consider myself a warrior. I never quit, I never give in, I never give up! However, this time I have to listen to my body and accept my pain is a warning.'
Referencing her ongoing injuries, the singer shared an Instagram photo of her skull-topped cane leaning against the sears of the London Palladium after Wednesday's show.
![Putting on a show: Madonna was not hindered by the knee and hip injuries that have forced her to cancel previous dates](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/00/24106594-7949093-image-a-18_1580429016834.jpg)
Putting on a show: Madonna was not hindered by the knee and hip injuries that have forced her to cancel previous dates
![Overwhelmed: Madonna appeared pleased with how the second night went as she sat in the back of a taxi](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/00/24106600-7949093-image-a-19_1580429024068.jpg)
Overwhelmed: Madonna appeared pleased with how the second night went as she sat in the back of a taxi
![Trooper: Referencing her ongoing injuries, the singer shared an Instagram photo of her skull-topped cane leaning against the seats of the London Palladium after Wednesday's show](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/01/24072858-7950173-Trooper_Referencing_her_ongoing_injuries_the_singer_shared_an_In-a-25_1580434136368.jpg)
Trooper: Referencing her ongoing injuries, the singer shared an Instagram photo of her skull-topped cane leaning against the seats of the London Palladium after Wednesday's show
![](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/07/24072008-7950173-image-a-2_1580455408535.jpg)
![](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/31/07/24074302-7950173-image-a-3_1580455420794.jpg)
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Madonna reportedly replies on stretching, warm-ups, meditation and daily ice baths to ease the pain before gigs, refusing to compromise the choreography of her shows, something which both the critics and fans noticed in their gushing reviews.
On Saturday the singer told fans she was 'deeply sorry' but that she needed to 'put her body and her health first', cancelling Monday's schedulled gig.
'Under doctors guidance I have been told to rest for a few days,' she wrote on Instagram. 'As you all know, I have injuries that have plagued me since the beginning of the tour but I must always listen to my body.
'Please know that it hurts me more than you can imagine to have to cancel any shows.' She also cancelled dates in New York, Miami Beach, Los Angeles, Boston, and Lisbon.
Madonna assured fans she was ready to perform before Wednesday's concert as she shared a video of her daughter Estere drumming backstage with the all-female backing act Orquestra Batukadeiras, who are from Portugal, where the singer now lives.
She wrote alongside the video: 'Hello London......... We Finally Made it #madamextheatre #thelondonpalladium'.
![Acclaimed: Daily Mail's Julia Lawrence declared the intimate show a triumph, writing: 'Painful hip and knee be damned, she dazzled, the absolute trouper she is'](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/01/30/20/24060956-7949093-Acclaimed_Daily_Mail_s_Julia_Lawrence_declared_the_intimate_show-a-79_1580417215728.jpg)
Acclaimed: Daily Mail's Julia Lawrence declared the intimate show a triumph, writing: 'Painful hip and knee be damned, she dazzled, the absolute trouper she is'
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