Welcome one and all to the 2023 Bellen d'Or ceremony - where we crown the biggest sporting idiot of the year.
Forget the boring formalities, the fancy frocks and Gary Lineker somehow getting involved in one way or another. There's none of that here at the Daily Star's annual award that shines a light on the year's major mishaps and misdemeanours.
Only one can emerge victorious from a packed field to follow in the footsteps of inaugural winner Matt Le Tissier and 2022 champ Gianni Infantino. So without further ado, let us take a look at the unlucky 13 nominees.
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SkyJordan Henderson
Of all the defectors who cashed in on the Saudi Pro League, Jordan Henderson stands head and shoulders above the rest as the biggest let down. He was out of Liverpool quicker than you can say: "How much a week?"
Tearing the rainbow laces off his boots would've been less of a slap in the face to the LGBTQ+ community he was supposedly an ally of. And the former Reds captain's "sorry you feel that way" response was straight out the gaslighting textbook.
Hypocrite Hendo reckons playing in front of crowds smaller than most National League North sides garner is not money motivated, and couldn't understand why he's since been booed for England. Give your head a wobble.
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Gerwyn Price
Given it was the first day of the year Gerwyn Price might have thought he'd gotten away with his ear defenders stunt at Ally Pally - well think again, Iceman.
With Gabriel Clemens giving him a right royal beating in the quarter-finals of the World Darts Championship, Price emerged with protective gear usually seen on building sites because he didn't like fans booing.
As if his attempts to block out the English-heavy crowd weren't embarrassing enough, he then lost the next two sets and was sent packing back to Wales by Clemens.
Luis Rubiales
Richard Dunne would be proud of the amount of own goals Luis Rubiales produced in the aftermath of Spain's triumph over the Lionesses at the Women's World Cup final in Australia.
The nation's FA president grabbed his crotch next to Queen Letizia and her 16-year-old daughter while celebrating the full-time whistle, which was merely a warm-up for the obscenity which was to follow.
Congratulating the victorious squad as they collected their medals, Rubiales grabbed striker Jenni Hermoso and pulled her in for a non-consensual kiss on the lips.
He may have been able to rescue what was left of his reputation had he held up his hands and accepted his fate - but he refused to resign, while his 72-year-old mum went on a hunger strike which left her hospitalised.
Even FIFA knew how badly he'd f***ed up - and that's saying something - banning him from all footballing activities for three years, while he's facing legal action from Hermoso.
Perhaps being Down Under had scrambled Rubiales' brain. Or more likely, he's just a complete and utter w***er.
Rickie Lambert
From claiming the "end game is imminent" to theorising that talking to water can make it clean, Rickie Lambert has picked up the conspiracy nut baton from fellow former Southampton forward Le Tiss and run with it.
There really should be a scientific investigation into what repeatedly heading balls on the south coast does to the brain - although neither would believe the results anyway.
Lambert says he experienced an awakening after retiring and realised what was truly going on in the world, with his friends and family thinking he'd gone "a little bit crazy". You don't say.
Just Stop Oil
One of the magic things about sport is that it brings people from far and wide together - and nobody has united fans more than those idiotic Just Stop Oil looneys.
The orange-wearing wackos have popped up at just about every event imaginable this year when they're not p***ing off the public by blocking roads and scuppering their own cause.
The Ashes, World Snooker Championship, golf's Open, Premiership rugby final, Wimbledon - you name it, the environmentalist eejits have hit it.
They'll no doubt be back on this list in 12 months' time unless they just stop being b*****ds.
Glazers
Just when Manchester United supporters thought the Glazers couldn't get any more unlikeable, Avram and Joel teased their long-awaited exit from the club for the whole of 2023 before deciding to stay put anyway.
Sheikh Jassim played their cat and mouse game for months, offering a sum in excess of £5billion to take the Red Devils off their hands - which any right-thinking member of society would've accepted.
But the money-grabbing Americans would rather hold out for double that, because of course they would. To top it all off, they announced Sir Jim Ratcliffe's purchase of a 25% stake in the club on Christmas Eve. Ho, ho, horrible.
Conor McGregor
Conor McGregor's going to fight in January! Or February. Maybe March. Actually April. Move it back to May. Could be June. July? Any chance in August? Surely September. Has to be October. Not November. December it is.
And before you know it, the year is out and McGregor is still yet to step into the Octagon as promised. Instead he's been cruising around on his Lamborghini yacht and making a t*t of himself at all the big fight nights.
You could argue the Notorious has earned the right to do what the hell he pleases. But do us all a favour eh, Conor, and stop dodging Michael Chandler in 2024.
Joey Barton
Joey Barton must've got wind that our Bellen d'Or award was just around the corner because he's done everything in his power to make himself a top contender over the last few weeks.
Getting sacked by Bristol Rovers in October let him loose on his keyboard, which has been getting a good old sexism-fuelled bashing. His rampage against female pundits has come across as a desperate cry for relevancy.
And his claim that he'd score 100 out of 100 penalties against Sports Personality of the Year Mary Earps - despite twice missing from 12 yards during his career - would've been enough to earn him entry here alone.
That's not to mention his despicable and factually incorrect description of the racially-motivated murder of teenager Anthony Walker - committed by his brother Michael and cousin Paul Taylor - as "a f***ing scrap". Get in the Bellen d'Or bin.
Mikel Arteta
Every footy manager likes a good moan - but for the love of God, would Mikel Arteta just give it a rest. The Arsenal boss has got a chip on his shoulder bigger than Barton's complex.
Barely a game goes by when he isn't waving his hands around on the touchline like the person who guides a plane in to park. He'll be catching Barton up for bookings if his pathetic antics carry on.
His rant after defeat away at St James' Park in November - which was backed up by an equally pitiful club statement - should've earned him a ban, but the slimy Spaniard managed to argue his use of "disgrace" was confused with "desgracia" from his native tongue. We're not letting you off as lightly, Mikel.
Max Verstappen
It was certainly no revelation this year that Max Verstappen is a bit of k**b. That's been abundantly clear since he stepped through the door at Red Bull.
But his reign of terror over F1 has made even fewer people like him, if that was possible. Granted, being so good and having by far the best car isn't his fault.
However, even when he's able to win races going in reverse he's still being a d**k to poor engineer Gianpiero Lambiase, who was on the receiving end of countless tirades over the team radio.
PGMOL
We'd be here until 2025 dissecting all the c**k-ups from Premier League referees in 2023. It couldn't get any worse this season, right? Wrong.
And how bloody wrong too. PGMOL chief Howard Webb's given up dishing out apologies at this point, and his new show with Michael Owen's done sweet bugger all to get fans on side.
The most glaring of gaffes of course was Luis Diaz's wrongly disallowed goal for Liverpool away at Tottenham, with the released VAR audio putting the officials in good stead for a career change to the circus.
Joe Westerman
Oh Joe. You really had a stinker here pal. The rugby league star was caught with his pants down - literally - performing a sex act in an alleyway with a woman who it quickly became clear wasn't his wife and the mother of his three children.
An avalanche of apology texts couldn't save his marriage and when he returned to the pitch for the Castleford Tigers, he was taunted with chants of: "Sing when you're r***ing, you only sing when you're r***ing!"
Fast forward a few months and Westerman went public with a new romance, having started dating estate agent Ally Hopkinson - who is the ex of his former friend Carl. Quite the knock on.
2023 Bellen d'Or Winner - Luis Rubiales
Nobody made a more monumental mistake (which is putting it very lightly) this year than Rubiales, who earns the unwanted title of being Daily Star's Bellen d'Or winner for 2023.
His scumbaggery knew no bounds and as much as we like to poke fun and make light of the crimes to sport, he's got everything he deserved for such a disgusting act.
Luis, if you'd like to come up and collect your aw- actually, on second thoughts stay right where you are.
