The fluidity of sexuality

When you stumble upon your sexuality in your mid-20s, or rather realise your heterosexuality is presumed rather than definite, the experience is similar to a really well-planned surprise party. You have no idea it’s going to happen although you’ve definitely thought about it once or twice, and when it does you feel both bewildered and excited. Your initial fight-or-flight terror is quickly replaced by total, unselfconscious joy. When your sexuality reveals itself, beaming with a loud “SURPRISE!” you experience a level of uncertainty that a stable, heteronormative upbringing does not prepare you for.

For me, this sexual stumbling was more of a faceplant; haphazard, ungraceful, kicked off by a moment of shared frisson with a friend who joined me in the hope that someone had planned their surprise party too. In this moment, you feel a new colour has appeared on the palette of your life. It repaints elements of your world, amending the mural of your memory — your past now both familiar and alien.

If you’ve ever had a surprise party, you’ll know that the “SURPRISE!” moment of the party is often the most chaotic. Multiple bodies