The Atlantic

I’ve Been Secret Friends With My Son’s Ex for 30 Years

“I’ve realized that you have to look for friendship in places you would never expect it.”
Source: Wenjia Tang

Each installment of The Friendship Files features a conversation between The Atlantic’s Julie Beck and two or more friends, exploring the history and significance of their relationship.

This week she talks with a woman whose best friend is her ex-boyfriend’s mother—and more than 30 years into the relationship, they still haven’t told him they’re friends. They discuss how their friendship has evolved since the days when Alison thought she might one day be Karen’s daughter-in-law, why Karen hasn’t told her son about Alison, and how the lines between “friend” and “family” have blurred for them.

The Friends:

Karen Johnson, 79, a retired secretary who lives in Vancouver, Washington
Alison Silva, 51, a landlord who lives in Portland, Oregon

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.


Julie Beck: Your friendship has an unlikely origin story—tell me how you met.

Alison first came to our house

You’re reading a preview, subscribe to read more.

More from The Atlantic

The Atlantic3 min read
The End of Biden’s Candidacy Approaches
At the start of the day yesterday, it was conceivable that Joe Biden might manage to hold on to the Democratic nomination for president. But this morning, things seem to be slipping out of his grasp. The blows to Biden were both procedural and politi
The Atlantic4 min read
J. D. Vance’s Permanent Grin
J.D. Vance’s speech at the Republican National Convention completed his transformation from Never-Trumper to Trump’s MAGA torch-bearer. Vance dutifully spent his first five minutes praising the GOP leader sitting in front of him. “Consider the lies t
The Atlantic6 min read
Why You Should Trust Your Gut
Want to stay current with Arthur’s writing? Sign up to get an email every time a new column comes out. If you are looking for a job right now, you’re not alone. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, last month, 6.8 million Americans were not e

Related