THE INTIMACY OF COVID

Dizang asked Fayan, “Where are you going?”
Fayan said, “Around on pilgrimage.”
Dizang said, “What is the purpose of pilgrimage?”
Fayan said, “I don’t know.”
Dizang said, “Not knowing is most intimate.”
—Zen koan

MY INTIMACY WITH COVID-19 began in my own body. I got sick the first week of March 2020 after traveling from New York to a meeting in Los Angeles. As soon as I returned and got off the plane and into the car to drive home, I knew I didn’t feel well.

We didn’t know much of anything about Covid then. I moved my bed into my office, tried, and failed, to get help from my doctor’s office. Eventually I gave up and hunkered down. My husband, George, got sick a week later.

We were very sick, but had no plans to drive ourselves to