The Ballad Of Cosmic Dave

FIRST PLACE £200

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‘Yer can f—in stick it, then’, says Cosmic Dave. ‘I wouldn’t wanna drink in here anyway’.

This is a lie. Cosmic Dave would like a drink. He doesn’t really mind where. He quite likes it here sometimes too. Some of the balding, expensive IPA types sat at the bar have interesting deaths.

Dave briefly ponders offering the jumped up little sod behind the bar an olive branch, promising to sit politely and to keep his opinions to himself. Dave has opinions on a lot of things, but mainly he enjoys discussing (loudly, and often to no one) Manchester United, NASA conspiracy theories, and, after a few drops of the harder stuff, the precise layouts and atmospheres of pubs that aren’t there anymore. He doesn’t want to talk about the past today though. Today, he wants to look into the future.

After walking out of the pub, Dave spits once onto the pavement, zips up his parka and walks on towards the City Arms.