Dearest Emily,
I regret to inform you that I bought a can of the new THC-infused Coca-Cola today. I know the last time we spoke, I made it a point that under no circumstances would I purchase this monstrosity, but realistically, what other choice did I have? The company took over every billboard in Los Angeles, so whenever I left the apartment, I was bombarded with bright green holograms of pretty people chugging can after can of the stuff, and it turns out I’m not as strong-willed as I thought.
I also regret to inform you that the aforementioned soft drink (or is it a hard drink? Let’s go ahead and call it a “medium drink”) was actually quite delicious. I bought one at Ralph’s—remember in your garage? I miss those days. But anyway, I bought one from Ralph’s, and can you believe the gumption this beverage corporation has? Apparently, all the billboards in L.A. weren’t enough; the only thing in the entire store, on all the shelves, was this medium drink! So before you get on my case for going back on my word, just know that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have purchased anything else. Sure, I could have tried some other store, or not bought anything at all, but I’m only human. So I bought a can from the teen-aged cashier, who was drinking one in secret. I nodded to him approvingly, but he must have been on his twelfth can, because his eyes were bloodshot and all he could do in return was shake his head “no.” I tried to hand him my money, but he just kept on staring at me, so I left it on the cash register and walked out into the sunshine.
