Esquire

I Am a Wellness Asshole Now

TO BE A MIDDLE-AGED MAN IN SOUTHERN

California is to find yourself saying, with alarming frequency, “Yeah, I’m one of assholes now.” If you’ve come from somewhere else—somewhere more and and other synonyms for —you may adopt a wholesome habit out here. You may reap physical and emotional benefits, and you be clowned to death by your friends from home. CrossFit, breath work, bullshitting through a gratitude journal—I’ve tried them all. Some have had a positive impact on my life; others have given me items to sell on OfferUp. (I’m looking at you, matcha stirring bowl.)

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