Wallbanger
Written by Alice Clayton
Narrated by Heather Smith
4/5
()
About this audiobook
“An instant classic…highly recommended!” —New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling author Jennifer Probst
USA TODAY bestselling indie author Alice Clayton delights readers with the sexy, laugh-out-loud romance of Caroline and Simon in Wallbanger, the first book in the Cocktail series!
The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she’s gaining an—um—intimate knowledge of her new neighbor’s nocturnal adventures. Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy’s athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems (as loud night after loud night goes by) like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed “dating hiatus,” and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise. So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed. Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborly…
In a delicious mix of silly and steamy, Alice Clayton dishes out a hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight.
Alice Clayton
Alice Clayton worked in the cosmetics industry for over a decade before picking up a pen (read: laptop). She enjoys gardening but not weeding, baking but not cleaning up, and finally convinced her long-time boyfriend to marry her. And she finally got her Bernese Mountain Dog.
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Reviews for Wallbanger
950 ratings88 reviews
What our readers think
Readers find this title to be a mixed bag. Some reviewers found the book entertaining and enjoyable, praising the narration and humor. However, others found it boring and cringeworthy, criticizing the cheesy dialogue and awkward banter. The book received mixed reviews regarding the narrator's voice, with some finding it fitting and others finding it too old. Overall, the book had a good plot but was let down by certain aspects, making it a disappointing read for some readers.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The book was good but the narrator is breathy and it made it hard to enjoy.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5I tried. I really did.
But the woman on woman hate, CONSTANT name dropping expensive home brands (?) and it also weirdly pro capitalism in the most boomer way possible.
Maybe the reason she can't "find her O" is because she can't even say "orgasm" to herself in her own room at night when she's masturbating?
The blurb seemed great! I love the concept! But it's so incredibly dated and toxic in that 90s/ early 2000s way. I could tell it would be distracting enough that it completely negate the comfort readability I was looking for. - Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The narrator did great job. Definitely funny, but not that great book.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Cute and entertaining. I needed a bit more to happen, but it was purely about the relationship development from dislike to love.
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Meh. Too long. The sexual tension banter was cheesy. By the time I got to chapter 14 I just called it quits. I couldn’t finish this.
First I didn’t care for the narration.
Next the whole back and forth internal struggle within both Caroline and Simon as to why he rejected her is a drag. - Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5not my type of story. it was a liittle too cringy for my taste
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Boring. Couldn’t finish the book. It took forever to get to the point and there was nothing interesting about it IMO.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is a delightful read! I enjoyed it thoroughly. Need to binge read this author's works!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It was a good listen. The last third of the book was difficult to get through though.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5I couldn’t get past chapter 4.
If there is a sex scene between the main character and the neighbor I didn’t get there so I don’t know how it rates.
The dialogue in this book is … cheesy doesn’t even cover it… when the author is talking about the friends I literally though she was describing the Golden Girls…
I’m not normally a negative book reviewer, especially when they’re free, but this was just awful. Maybe physically reading it wouldn’t be as bad… listening I would pass. - Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5This turned out to be disappointing. I loved the first half of the book and then it seemed someone totally different took over. The clever banter and cadence was replaced with boring quips and babbling characters with the wrap up to the story being 4 hours long. It was truly frustrating. I say don’t bother.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Narration was terrible, the voice sounds too old and mature for this particular book. I couldn’t seem to get into the book due to the narration of it. Would love to listen from another narrator.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Totally unexpected! I absolutely loved wallbanger. Go ahead and read it!
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This book was excellent... until, I think, 20th chapter, there should have been the end! But, no! The next part of the book was soooo boring, long, childish, like one person wrote first half and another wrote second. But, all in all... 3 stars!
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Good plot and enjoyed book. Younger narrator voice would help.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book is amazing! The narration was great, and the storyline was even better!
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Couldn’t finish this book due to the amount so sexist under stones and homophobic comments. This book had a big potential and I’m sad the writer went this route
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This was such a fun book! I love the humor. First I didn’t think I would like the narrator but by the end I realized she was absolutely perfect.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5This was the most uneventful romantic comedy I've ever listened to it's taken years off of my life..
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Just couldn't get into it, the narrator came across as a 60+ woman. Probably the point but being 20s I just can't get into a book about someone so much older then myself
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/52nd review, not really happy with it. Clicked on something and lost it all and had to rewrite from memory. Wasn't going to write anything but wanted to share some of my thoughts.
So I did not heed the advice and started this at night and it was a very bad idea. The book is too funny to read when other's are sleeping. You could wake the dead with the very loud laughter this book elicits.
The protagonist Clive is smart, adorable and a badass protector of his people. He loves to have fun, but is also very responsible when it comes to his woman. No man messes with his woman and gets away unscathed. His isn't the one woman kind, but never forgets the one that's always been there. Clive loves to relax and watch over his neighborhood. No need for a guard dog with Clive around.
What? Clive isn't the protagonist? Then who the hell is? Read the book and please let me know. LOL
It was very refreshing being in Caroline's head. Caroline Reynolds is pass her low self-image days, she knows she hot (she's not vain) and can catch the eye of a guy without trying. She's witty, sassy, and as crass as a lady could be. She has a great life, career, and great friends. Caroline moves into her new apartment and had the unfortunate luck (not too sure about that) of having a very noisy neighbor. Her neighbor Simon partakes in nightly extra-curricular activities that keeps her awake but entertained at the same time. Caroline jokingly coins Simon as Wallbanger. Caroline has lost her O and Wallbanger's, very healthy sex life was interfering with her mission to get it back. Caroline and Simon meet and things got even more interesting, funny, and freaking hot.
Oh, Simon Parker, yummy. A lover not a fighter, cheesy, I know. Even with his many sexcapades, you can't help going crazy over Simon. He wasn't a jerk, or a 'manhore' by any means. He had his reasons for his flourishing sex life and he plays no games. He and Caroline had it out with a thin bedroom wall coming between their thick sexual tension when around each other. They had to come to an agreement on how to deal with their situation. It helped learning about Simon's past to understand how it shaped him into the person he is now.
Funny as hell, with a cast of shameless characters. Very steamy and good story. Loved the texting conversations, and the road trip internal monologue. Very, very funny. Still need to know who is the heroine or hero of the book if it's not Clive. - Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Everything about this book was cringey. The main character feels super childish and uncomfortable. There’s a lot of weird stream of conscious narrating which completely takes you out of the story. The steamy scenes are pretty bland and boring even when they’re trying to be graphic. And oh my God the “banter” is so awkward and lame. I really wanted to like this but I feel like I just wasted a day of my life..
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Is the cover of this book supposed to spin me out so much? When I first saw it, I thought, "OH HOLY HELL, what on earth is wrong with that man's arms?!"
Just me?
I thought so. :)
Cover aside (although, you're still thinking about it, aren't you?), this book wasn't too bad. I love the first half, hilarious, witty and flirty, but the characters completely changed in the last quarter. Where did all the sarcastic chemistry disappear to?! It was farcical to be honest. I felt like Clayton created and built up these unique characters and then they developed entirely new personas in a matter of a few pages. A let down, to be honest; it seriously affected my overall rating of the book. - Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5This book is about an emotionally stunted, slut shaming drama queen unwilling to unpack a lot of internalized misogyny and includes writing like 'diving over and under like a sexual porpoise'. there's just no way these narrators make enough money.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5pretty lame
i just removed its sequel from my reading list.
Had hopes from this but it just turned out be dumb CHICK LIT.
What is with these 'OMG! Super-Hot! Fun!' books that become all the rage here on GR lately? And they are all the same.
A Mary Sue heroine with a perfect job and perfect friends who looks perfect but for some reason is alone and sexually frustrated. And she's all kinds of batshit about her perceptions of men or sex or men AND sex. Thus, the heroine of what exactly?
Then the hero. Well he's of course otherworldly gorgeous and fit, although he puts absolutely no effort into becoming that way, and most of the time he's super rich (of course) and the very definition of Prince Charming, except more rouge and rascal than sweet and heroic. Thus, not really a hero.
Even so, I usually make it farther than I did in this book and not because this book is worse - by no means will anything scar me worse than the virginity scene in In Flight *shivers* - but because I've just had enough. If I hadn't had enough I might have struggled through and given this 3 stars in the end.
But that's another reason I'm doing this this way. 4 stars overall rating for this book? That is hysterically misleading.
And this girls problems with her frakkin O and all of these blatant attempts as farcical humor are just too damn much. Oh, and this cat everyone is mooning over, Clive? He's the most unrealistic of all. He's like cartoon Garfield unrealistic. And trust me, I know some cats with personality but this is just stupid. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It was so much better than I expected. I thought it will be a chick lit story with some funny moments and a bit silly heroine. Something Bridget Jones – like. I'm glad I was totally wrong. This is actually a great, light story with a likable couple and some excellent dialogs.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5BookNook — Young Adult book reviewsWallbanger hilarious, but it also borders on ridiculous. There are some parts of this book that are really, really weird; so weird, that I'm not really sure how much I liked them. But overall, Wallbanger was an enjoyable, funny, sexy read! Once the relationship transitioned from hate, to friendship, and then to romance, it was super sweet, they had so much chemistry, and that's really what made the book!Could I spend a little more time trying to come up with a more clever name for Simon's penis? Probably. It deserved it. Mammoth Male Member? No. Pulsating Pillar of Passion? No. Back Door Bandit? Hell no. Wang? Sounded like the noise those doorstopper things made when you flicked 'em...—Wallbanger, page 229 I have to admit, there's actually less sex in this book than I thought there would be. We don't actually see a sex scene until like the 85% mark or thereabouts. I guess, in a way it makes sense, because this book is all about Caroline going on a dating hiatus and losing her orgasm, but for some reason I thought there would be more banging! But believe me.. once they started, they didn't stop. And it was HOT!But for the most part, this book reads more like a contemporary romantic comedy than anything else. And I kind of liked that. It was about work, dating, not dating, friendships, awkwardness, and an adorably hilarious cat. The cat was seriously my favourite character. He was really heavily personified (almost to the point where he did things that I swear no cat would do), but that's what made him awesome. Even though Wallbanger does get frustratingly taunting in some places, I mostly breezed right through this book and enjoyed it.The best part of Wallbanger is how much chemistry Caroline and Simon had. WOW! The chemistry was so thick that I could barely breathe. These two are literally perfect for each other. Their hilarious banter (riddled with sexual innuendos) was one of the best parts to read. That's also what made this book so frustrating; they so obviously had great chemistry but they deny their attraction for SO. FREAKING. LONG.Would he notice if I licked his shoulder? Just the tiniest taste?—Wallbanger, page 199 I LOVED Simon. At first I thought he was going to be an asshole—and at first maybe he is a little bit—but it turns out he's a really, really great guy. He's sweet, he's attentive, he's smoking hot, and he has his little deep insightful moments. Even though he starts out a playboy, he turns into a great "potential boyfriend" figure.The parts I didn't like, all revolved around Caroline talking to her orgasm. Yes. TALKING TO HER ORGASM. At first it was a little funny and I chuckled at a few lines. But after a while—especially in the second half of the book—it just got a little repetitive and even weirder. A little too weird for me, I think. It reminded me too much of Ana's inner goddess prancing around town in Fifty Shades of Grey. But this was even weirder. It was funny during the first part of the book, but then it's like Caroline took things into overdrive and it just got to be a bit much...During month four of The Missing O, I'd started to talk to my O as though she were an actual entity. She felt real enough when she was rocking my world back in the day, but sadly, now that O had abandoned me, I wasn't sure I'd recognize her if I saw her.—Wallbanger, page 4 I think O even popped her head up for a moment, like a groundhog. She took a quick glance around and pronounced it much closer to spring than she's been in months.—Wallbanger, age 168 I peeked over the edge, I saw her. O. She waved at me, diving under and over the water like a sexual porpoise. Crafty little bitch.—Wallbanger, page 282 Ultimately I think this is a book that will be all over the map for people. Some will love it, others will hate it, and a few people will be in between. I really enjoyed it, but I could also see the ridiculousness of it (the whole O thing). So if you're thinking of picking it up, I would definitely recommend reading a few quotes (or an excerpt, if you can!) before digging in! I think the quotes will really help you get a good sense of whether or not you'll enjoy the humour and writing style.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5So I did not heed the advice and started this at night and it was a very bad idea. The book is too funny to read when other's are sleeping. You could wake the dead with the very loud laughter this book elicits.The protagonist Clive is smart, adorable and a badass protector of his people. He loves to have fun, but is also very responsible when it comes to his woman. No man messes with his woman and gets away unscathed. His isn't the one woman kind, but never forgets the one that's always been there. Clive loves to relax and watch over his neighborhood. No need for a guard dog with Clive around.What? Clive isn't the protagonist? Then who the hell is? Read the book and please let me know. LOLIt was very refreshing being in Caroline's head. Caroline Reynolds is pass her low self-image days, she knows she hot (she's not vain) and can catch the eye of a guy without trying. She's witty, sassy, and as crass as a lady could be. She has a great life, career, and great friends. Caroline moves into her new apartment and had the unfortunate luck (not too sure about that) of having a very noisy neighbor. Her neighbor Simon partakes in nightly extra-curricular activities that keeps her awake but entertained at the same time. Caroline jokingly coins Simon as Wallbanger. Caroline has lost her O and Wallbanger's, very healthy sex life was interfering with her mission to get it back. Caroline and Simon meet and things got even more interesting, funny, and freaking hot.Oh, Simon Parker, yummy. A lover not a fighter, cheesy, I know. Even with his many sexcapades, you can't help going crazy over Simon. He wasn't a jerk, or a 'manhore' by any means. He had his reasons for his flourishing sex life and he plays no games. He and Caroline had it out with a thin bedroom wall coming between their thick sexual tension when around each other. They had to come to an agreement on how to deal with their situation. It helped learning about Simon's past to understand how it shaped him into the person he is now.Funny as hell, with a cast of shameless characters. Very steamy and good story. Loved the texting conversations, and the road trip internal monologue. Very, very funny. Still need to know who is the heroine or hero of the book if it's not Clive.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Ugh I couldn’t even finish this. The narrator is going for breathy and sexy with her voice but it just come across as shrill and annoying.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5SummaryWhen Caroline first moves into her new apartment, she is kept away by a constant moaning and groaning and banging against her bedroom wall. And it continues and Caroline learns the nocturnal habits of her neighbor. She learns that he has a "harem" of women, and for the fun of it she nicknames them since she can't get any sleep. But then one night she has had enough, and bangs on his door demanding he quiet it down so late at night, dressed in a baby doll nightgown, she doesn't appear to be the prim neighbor that Simon believes her to be. “Now you listen here, mister,” I said, trying for a more adult tone. “I’m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash you girl’s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone!”At first the tension is thick between them, and slowly they turn from neighbors who can barely speak to one another without becoming angry, to friends and then something changes between them. Their relationship turns into something more, can Simon and Caroline get past the hurdles and stumbling blocks and find a happy ending....The HeroSimon, lost his parents when he was just a teenager and at first his world came crashing down. But then he developed strong friendships and found a talent he was good at and one that he loved. He travels the world being a professional photographer only stayed at home for short periods of time. He knows that no woman would tolerate him being gone so often. So he doesn't feel bad sharing his bed with friends who share "benefits" and he didn't think anything of it until a passionate woman comes banging on his door. Simon is a hero that was quite fun and entertaining. He is quite the hound dog though, he likes his variety and has a great sense of humor. He doesn't take things too seriously, and can be very spontaneous and loves his bread. “You done with work? Yep, at home waiting for you. Now that's a nice visual... Prepare yourself, I'm taking bread out of the oven. Don't tease me woman...zucchini? Cranberry orange. Mmmm... No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do. Ha! When you coming? Can't. Drive. Straight. Can we have one conversation when you're not twelve? Sorry, I'll be there in 30 Perfect, that will give me time to frost my buns. Pardon me? Oh, didn't I tell you? I also made cinnamon rolls. Be there in 25.”I really gravitated toward his personality, I loved how loyal and playful he is.The HeroineCaroline is more serious minded, and very goal and career oriented. She is working her ways toward building a career in interior design and is really good at what she does. She struggles with finding the O (Orgasm) and her past relationship have not had good endings. Caroline doesn't know what to make of her banging neighbor who is enthusiastic enough in the bed to knock off her framed pictures off the wall. She lives vicariously through his sex life. She feels like a peeping tom because quite frankly she doesn't have a sex life so why not. Caroline is a character that is funny with a dry sense of humor but isn't afraid of going after what she wants. I think what I really liked the most about her is how well you could relate with her in various ways. She seems realistic and you could definitely see yourself being her friend any day of the week.Plot and Story LineNow I have heard of this book for quite a long time, and honestly the name of the book I think is what drew me away from it for so long. I don't know why, but I avoided it but the past year especially I have heard so many wonderful things about this author, and I just knew that I HAD to try her out and I am so glad that this title was available through my local library. I read this in one sitting....it was so dang good and freakin' hilarious. I had a ball of fun and laughter with this book. I don't think I have laughed so much in a very long time in reading a book. My goodness, I got hooked pretty quickly on Clayton engaging writing that pulls you write in. The first sentence just drew me in and I was hooked and couldn't put it down. It definitely was not what I expected and I had a fun time seeing these two turn from not liking each other, to becoming friends and falling in love. Clayton handles their dynamics very well and even though the last part of the book was a bit too much sex than I would like, the rest of the book makes up for it. The romance that develops between them is so endearing. I really enjoyed seeing how comfortable they become with each other as friends and how that relationship turns into something more grounding for both of them. It isn't the most "realistic" of romances I have read, but its one of those books you can jump into and escape reality and seeing two people who seem to have everything together and see a sweet and playful relationship develop. It was the perfect distraction that I needed. I am eager to see how this couple grows in future books of the series. “You really have no idea, do you?” “No idea about what?” I murmured, allowing him to press me against the wall. “How thoroughly you own me, Nightie Girl,” he said, leaning in to whisper this part in my ear. “And I know I love you enough to want you to have your happy ending.”The CoverSexy and Hot!!! And I like the colors used and how the covers for the whole series match up.Overall ViewWallbanger was a romance that is charming, hilarious enough to knock your socks off....and guaranteed to give you an escape from reality and a love that mixes things up....LIVELY AND HEARTWARMING!