Pessimism for Beginners
3/5
()
About this ebook
Sophie Hannah
SOPHIE HANNAH is the New York Times bestselling author of numerous psychological thrillers, which have been published in 51 countries and adapted for television, as well as The Monogram Murders, the first Hercule Poirot novel authorized by the estate of Agatha Christie, and its sequels Closed Casket, The Mystery of Three Quarters, and The Killings at Kingfisher Hill. Sophie is also the author of a self-help book, How to Hold a Grudge, and hosts the podcast of the same name. She lives in Cambridge, UK.
Read more from Sophie Hannah
The Couple at the Table: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Next to Die: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Perfect Little Children: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Woman with a Secret: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Visitors Book Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Warning: A Short Story Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5How to Hold a Grudge: From Resentment to Contentment—The Power of Grudges to Transform Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Fantastic Book of Everybody's Secrets Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Fantastic Book of Everybody's Secrets Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Visitors Book Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Agatha Christie: First Lady of Crime Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Understudy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHappiness, a Mystery: And 66 Attempts to Solve It Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5
Related to Pessimism for Beginners
Related ebooks
Marrying the Ugly Millionaire: New and Collected Poems Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5First of the Last Chances Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5After I Wake Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPrecordial Thump Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Haunted Computer and the Android Pope Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Till the Wheels Fall Off Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5My Index of Slightly Horrifying Knowledge: Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Elegantly Naked in My Sexy Mental Illness: Stories Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMake Him Look Good: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Bookworm: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Money Shot Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5How a Mother Weaned Her Girl from Fairy Tales: and Other Stories Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Lilies Without Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5My Dirty Little Book of Stolen Time: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Panacea Project Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Walmart Book of the Dead Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSilver Girl Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAtrophy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPillow Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I Am Flying into Myself: Selected Poems, 1960-2014 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sorrow Floats: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Contact: And Other Stories Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA New Selected Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The World Is on Fire: Scrap, Treasure, and Songs of Apocalypse Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The First Pancake is Always the Worst Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Complete Tales of Ketzia Gold Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Goddess Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5What Was Lost: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Watermark Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Caribou: Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Poetry For You
The Odyssey: (The Stephen Mitchell Translation) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tao Te Ching: A New English Version Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Iliad: The Fitzgerald Translation Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dante's Divine Comedy: Inferno Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Iliad of Homer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Divine Comedy: Inferno, Purgatory, and Paradise Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Sun and Her Flowers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Bell Jar: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Inward Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Prophet Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Dante's Inferno: The Divine Comedy, Book One Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Selected Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beowulf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Twenty love poems and a song of despair Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Leaves of Grass: 1855 Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Gilgamesh: A New English Version Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Way Forward Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Canterbury Tales Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Poems That Make Grown Men Cry: 100 Men on the Words That Move Them Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Odyssey Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFor colored girls who have considered suicide/When the rainbow is enuf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Edgar Allan Poe: The Complete Collection Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Daily Stoic: A Daily Journal On Meditation, Stoicism, Wisdom and Philosophy to Improve Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Collection of Poems by Robert Frost Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Bedtime Stories for Grown-ups Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Pretty Boys Are Poisonous: Poems Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Beyond Thoughts: An Exploration Of Who We Are Beyond Our Minds Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Complete Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love Her Wild: Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for Pessimism for Beginners
7 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Pessimism for Beginners - Sophie Hannah
I
On Her Tiredness
after ‘On His Blindness’ by John Milton
When I consider how my night is spent,
Either awake or waiting to be woken
From my leased sleep, and never an unbroken
Ten solid hours, I wonder: was I meant
For gigs like this? Somebody should invent
Sleep substitutes, maybe a sleep gift token.
Suddenly it’s as if a voice has spoken,
As if this next advice were heaven-sent:
‘It’s not essential to be sleep-deprived.
Everyone has her limit; you’ve reached yours.
To struggle on would not be right or fair.
The Lord is quite impressed that you’ve survived
This long. Invest some cash in a good cause:
They also serve who hire a Swiss au pair.’
Mary Questions the Health Visitor
He never seems to close his eyes.
All night he wants to feed.
If I give in each time he cries,
Will that encourage greed?
How much, exactly, bottles-wise
Does a Messiah need?
I’ve read Your Child’s Sleep Problems Solved
And wonder what I’ve done
To make things worse. Now I’ve resolved
To cut night feeds to one,
But are more calories involved
In being God’s only son?
They say a mother’s milk is best.
I’m sure it must be true,
But this one wouldn’t take the breast,
Screamed till his face was blue.
Gabriel says it’s not a test
And Cow & Gate will do
And I should simply smile and nod
At all the smug and trite
Advice I get. My child’s not odd;
He’s full of love and light,
But how soon will the son of God
Start sleeping through the night?
No doubt you’ll think I’ve got a cheek
For nagging but, dear Lord,
I bore your child – I didn’t freak –
Sleep is a fair reward.
And if this lasts another week
I’m phoning Gina Ford.
‘No Ball Games etc’
sign outside a London block of flats
Honestly, do we have to spell it out?
No tents, space-hoppers, orgies, Brussels sprout
enthusiasts, no sponsored squirrel fights,
no Ayurvedic quacks, no woolly tights,
no weeping for the joy you think you’re owed,
no winking at the house across the road,
dividing rainbows into seven strands
of single colour, no quick show of hands,
no pastry-cutting, origami, chess,
no taking pleasure in your own success,
no sand, no shark impressions, no culottes
no Christmas pantomimes, no liver spots,
no lurking in the shadows by the shed,
no improvised salutes, no olive bread,
no weightless floating with an auctioneer
in the small pond. No ponds. Hope that’s now