Instructions for a Broken Heart
3.5/5
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About this ebook
Top 20 Reasons He's a Slimy Jerk Bastard
Jessa: To help you get over your train wreck EX, I've enclosed 20 envelopes. Each one has a reason why Sean is a jerk and not worth the dirt on your shoes. And each one has an instruction for you to do one un-Jessa-like thing a day. NO CHEATING!
Ciao! —C
When Jessa catches her boyfriend, Sean, making out with Natalie "the Boob Job" Stone three days before their drama club's departure to Italy, she completely freaks. Stuck with a front-row view of Sean and Natalie making out against the backdrop of a country that oozes romance, Jessa promises to follow all of the outrageous instructions in her best friend's care package and open her heart to new experiences. Enter cute Italian boy stage left.
Jessa had prepared to play the role of humiliated ex-girlfriend, but with Carissa directing her life from afar, it's finally time to take a shot at being a star.
"Instructions for a Broken Heart transported me—to Italy, back to high school, to the wrench and ache of a first breakup and the exhilaration of self-discovery…with multifaceted characters and realistic complexities, this unforgettable novel is a journey I'm so glad to have taken."
—Eireann Corrigan, author of Accomplice
Kim Culbertson
Kim Culbertson has taught high school English, creative writing and drama for over ten years in both public and private schools and sees her writing as an extension of her teaching. She lives in the Northern California foothills with her husband and daughter, where she loves to drink coffee and look at the clouds.
Read more from Kim Culbertson
Songs for a Teenage Nomad Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Liberation of Max McTrue Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
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Reviews for Instructions for a Broken Heart
28 ratings7 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Jessa is an over achiever, involved in all sorts of sports clubs and activities including drama. Her boyfriend, Sean, is also into drama, but when she catches him making out with the girl everyone refers to as 'boob job' in the costume trailer, her life feels like it's collapsing. Even worse, the three of them are about to depart on a drama club trip to Italy, something Jessa has been wanting to do forever. Watching Sean and his new girlfriend making out on the plane is sheer agony for her. Little does she know that Carissa, her best friend and fellow drama lover, who couldn't come, has prepared twenty tasks for her to do on the trip as a way to get over her broken heart.Jessa isn't pretty or even smooth about handling heartbreak and the tasks assigned to her. There are moments when you want to wring her neck and she's pretty stubborn about doing some of the assignments, but ever so slowly, some interesting things happen to her. The hurt starts to fade, aided by the new crush dumping Sean and taking up with a boy from the other school that joins them on the tour once they reach Italy. Jessa starts to evaluate herself and begins to question whether she's as together as she's always believed. Italy opens her up to some new ways of looking at herself as well as accepting that she might need to own part of the breakup. It takes her a while, but she starts moving past Sean as she re-evaluates her life. When she gets to task #18, 'define the instructions for a broken heart', what she writes and reads to the group during the last creative session before they come home, is as good a piece of prose as I've read in years and is something every teen should have available to read when they're experiencing a breakup.This isn't a perfect book, but it's a good read and one I'd suggest to teens who like drama, Italy or who have been through a breakup recently.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I started this book and BAM! I was hooked and heart broken. Written exceptionally well, Ms. Culberston captures her readers with a great story line that we all experience.What I liked most about this book is the great plot line. Getting over a breakup/cheating significant others is hard. And it even harder when you have to watch them on a school trip! How messed up is that?? I like that through out the plot line the main character, Jessa, grows so much and learns so much. I like how she saw things differently. Some of the things she said made sense. I adored that she stood strong and got some revenge. Though she learn some of those thing did not make her feel better.The characters of this book are very well develop. I adored the Jessa's friends who help her along the way. There were some other nasty secrets that were revealed that made me gasp so much. I am not sure how Jessa is able to handle everything but really this girl got her some back bone. I think I would have had a break down if that were me.The love interest in this book isn't all developed but I like it like that. It left hope for the reader and hope for Jessa that their could be another love. Not all is lost, but that Jessa gain knowledge and experience. I can say that the ending of this book did leave me smiling. I adore that Jessa grew up. She never thought she see the light at the end of the tunnel but she made it.This is a great book a love that is once had but lost. A love that she thought would stand the test of times and didn't. A great coming of age story about love and it's experiences. What is true love anyway? As Jessa begins her new life, she answers many questions she never thought she get.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I hate when I read a book and feel really dense for not getting it. I feel like I should have felt sympathetic towards Jessa and relate to her heart break after having her heart crushed by a slime ball boyfriend but I really couldn't and found it hard to figure out why I should like her at all. If you know why please let me know. I know she's a teenager and just caught her boyfriend rolling around in a tongue lock with another girl but from what we begin to see maybe she did bring it upon herself. She gets so caught up in herself and what's going on in her life that she's oblivious to what's going on around her even with those who are her supposed best friends. Then she obsesses so much over the break up she can't even enjoy herself the tiniest bit even though she is traveling to all these amazing destinations, seeing places I can only dream of and meeting wonderful people like Dylan Thomas, a funny, nice guy, from another school. She even has the nerve at one point to accuse one of her best friends of being distant because he meets someone else on the trip and stops paying her attention 24/7. Then there are all these little things she finds out about her relationship with her boyfriend and best friend that gives you the impression that she was pretty self-absorbed even before the break up.The other part that wierded me out was her relationship with one of the chaperones Mr. Campbell. Maybe it's the way I read it but some of their interactions seemed totally inappropriate for a teacher/student relationship even if the teacher is young and cool. It would not have been so bad if amidst all of her misery and confusion Jessa acts rashly and does something she knows is totally inappropriate but I got the impression that even though the teacher knows it's wrong he wishes he could pursue it. The only part that I found fun in reading this book was the wife of one of the chaperones from the school that joins Jessa's school on the tour. The comments that come out of her mouth are so unbelievable that you just have to laugh. She's the epitome of the ugly American tourist and you can't help but feel sorry for everyone that has to travel with her. Other than that this book was quite the let down for me. There are several other things that bothered me but I don't want to get into as it would start giving away bits and pieces of the story but they just did not flow well in my opinion and never came together in the end.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Instructions for a broken heart by Kim CulbertsonReviewed by Moirae the fates book reviewsThree days before her drama club's trip to Italy, Jessa Gardner discovers her boyfriend in the costume barn with another girl. Jessa is left with a care package from her best friend titled "Top Twenty Reasons He's a Slimy Jerk Bastard," instructing her to do one un-Jessa-like thing each day of the trip. At turns hilarious and heartwrenching, Instructions for a Broken Heart paints a magical Italy in which Jessa learns she must figure out life-and romance-for herself. (Synopsis provided by goodreads)I first heard about this book on another book blog, it sounded like a lot of fun. I found Jessa to be a very fun and very believable character. The different instructions that her friend had her do ranged from the simple to the outrageous. However they were all fun.This book was a very fast light fun read a good beach read. The interactions between all of the characters felt real and the dialog was witty. I loved the conversation towards the end of the book that Jessa has with Natalie. The book had a wonderful ending and I enjoyed the whole thing.I had an issue with an inappropriate interaction with Jessa and one of her teachers. But Culbertson never made it seem okay, she made it very clear that it was inappropriate, so that made me feel a little bit better about it.The images of Italy were very vivid and made me want to visit. I'd read this one again. * Paperback: 304 pages * Publisher: Sourcebooks Fire (May 1, 2011) * Author: Kim Culbertson * Overall rating: *** 3 out of 5 stars * Cover art: I love the cover art. * Obtained: My personal bookshelf.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Kim Culbertson's first book, Songs for a Teenage Nomad, made my Best Reads of 2010 so I was really looking forward to her next book. She writes in style that I really enjoy and gives insight to characters that most YA writers tend to skim over. I really enjoy how her books are more about what the characters are feeling as opposed to just things that happen to them. This story is about about teenage love, drama, friendship and everything in between mixed in with an armchair vacation to Italy.Jessa's had the worse thing that could happen to a teen girl. She catches her boyfriend in the act of cheating with her right before they are set to go on a school trip to Italy together. You can't run away from the pain and hurt and have a good cry or recover when your ex-boyfriend is down the aisle with his new girlfriend. In order to help Jessa get through this time, her best friend Carissa has written instructions on what to do to get over Sean. Through these instructions, Jessa learns more about Sean, Carissa, and her own self.I feel as if Carissa is at sort of a disadvantage in this story because we only get to know her character from the letters she's written Jessa as well as conversations other characters have about her. We don't get to her personally from her and she's not there to defend her actions or viewpoints. Sometimes it even seemed as if the things she was getting Jessa to do towards Sean are things that Carissa wanted to do herself but couldn't. I personally would have like to read a book from her point of view of the whole situation as well.There's a scene that happens with Jessa and her teacher that thankfully does not go further than it does. I've seen this type of seen happen quite a bit in other YA books and while I know that it can happen, I really don't like it because of all the trouble it causes (among other issues). Things don't get too awkward between them afterward and it's almost forgotten about by the end of the book. One plot that I did wish have more closer involved "Cruella" because I didn't feel as if we got full justification of why she acted the way she did.All the scenes involving the actual trip were fun to read and it made me feel like I really was traveling along with the group. Italy is one of the places that I would love to see before I die so every little bit I discover in stories is a joy to read. What I got most out of this book is remembering all the pain from past heartbreaks when I was in high school and college. It just made me remember that even though you feel like you're never going to heal your broken heart again, that eventually it will happen.This is one of the reasons why I love contemporary YA fiction. I like realism in my books and authors like Culbertson make me feel as if I'm reading a real story about a teen girl who I can empathize with. Jessa doesn't always make the right decisions but she does everything with her heart. And I can totally relate to it. I am looking forward to see what Culbertson will put out next.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My thoughts:This was another lovely book by Culbertson, and with this one she has become one of my favourite authors of YA books. She has a way of putting that extra into a tale.Jessa Gardner is a young girl with a lot on her plate, all different clubs and projects. She knows what she wants, but she is also an artist, something she forgets at times. I liked her, and how she found herself again. Because just before leaving for Rome she gets her heart broken by a cheating boyfriend. This is all about her journey, finding who she is, what happened, and what has been going on. She travels through Rome with her drama group, tensions run high, and she follows the instructions from her best friend. And this leads to funny situations, and sad ones too.This is how contemporary YA should be. Warm, funny, thoughtful and it just leaves you happy. Because there is always a rainbow after the rain, and sunshine. It leaves you whole. The writing is good too, it's easy, it flows, and when built around a good story there is nothing to complain about. To be honest the only negative thing I could think of is that Jessa reads The Portrait of the artist as a young man and thinks the book rocks (while I think the book is the most boring book ever written), so there you go, nothing bad to say about it.Conclusion:Like I said, this is how contemporary YA should be according to me. No one too bitchy, not too much drama or angst. But it's still there but not in abundance. I could close this book with a smile on my face and wish Jessa all the best. It's a book I would recommend to all, and I will read more by this author.Rating:Very good.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Days before she is to leave for Italy with her drama club Jessa catches her boyfriend Sean cheating on her. Now she's stuck watching them cuddle and make-out on the trip. She thinks this trip will be torture. But her bff Carissa, has devised a cleaver way to help her get over her jerk of an ex-boyfriend.Plain and simple this is a very good story. I'm not a big fan of contemporary settings. Mostly I love spending time in fantasy and paranormal worlds. But there is something about Ms. Culbertson writing that I absolutely love. Her characters pull me in and don't let go until I know everything about their journey. Jessa was a great character, someone I could relate to. She starts off stunned and broken hearted but she is still able to find herself in all the hurt. Anyone who has ever been cheated on or dumped should read this book.
Book preview
Instructions for a Broken Heart - Kim Culbertson
Copyright
Copyright © 2011 by Kim Culbertson
Cover and internal design © 2011 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by Lisa Novak
Cover images © Laurence Mouton/Photolibrary; Alessandro Guerani Photography/Getty Images; JLGutierrez/iStockphoto.com; Julichka/iStockphoto.com
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Published by Sourcebooks Fire, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410
(630) 961-3900
Fax: (630) 961-2168
teenfire.sourcebooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is on file with the publisher.
Contents
front cover
title page
copyright
dedication
before the envelopes
#1: the polka-dot incident
#2: the audition
#3: dead dog
#4: valentine’s day from hell
#5: quicksand
#6: the chicken and the eggs: an easter limerick
#7: blank
#8: something real
#9: it’s just a reflection (aka mr. narcissus)
#10: the night les mis came to dinner
#11: café dumbass
#12: dictionary definition
#13: backstage
#14: competition piece
#15: friendship
#16: the beat before and after
#17: the dream about nothing
#18: frodo
#19: air, not just for breathing anymore
#20: addendum
acknowledgments
about the author
back cover
for
Peter and Anabella
All through his boyhood he had mused
upon that which he had so often thought
to be his destiny and when the moment
had come for him to obey the call he had
turned aside, obeying a wayward instinct.
—Stephen Dedalus
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
before the envelopes
The costume barn wasn’t much to look at. Just an old, rusting shed out behind the theater. Years ago, some realtor guy in town had donated it. Hauled it over on a flatbed trailer, depositing it to its final resting place. White paint peeled to gray on its exterior, its eight-by-ten-foot frame was starting to cave on one side, and the door never latched quite right, leaving a smile of an opening above the entrance.
But inside, it was a portal to endless worlds.
Jessa hurried toward it. Having just spent every afternoon last week organizing it with three other girls from the Drama Academy, she knew right where the hat was that Mr. Campbell had been asking about in class last period, the black felt derby that Kevin wanted to wear in a scene he was doing with Lizzie for class tomorrow. She’d just grab it for them so they could have a chance to rehearse with it. In fact, since her Community Club meeting was canceled, maybe she’d spend the extra hour giving them a few notes before heading to her SAT tutor at four-thirty.
Swinging the key chain around her finger, she clicked through the double doors that led out to where the barn squatted on a patch of black asphalt; it looked tired and worn in too much spring afternoon light. She could hear the baseball team practicing on the field out beyond the parking lot, that clean crack of the ball against the bat. It was warm for spring, the air full of cut grass and the easy tilt toward the break coming up the following week. Heading toward that smile of the barn’s door, she could already feel the calm that greeted her every time she stepped through it onto the barn’s spongy flooring.
Over the past few years, she had spent countless hours in the barn’s shadowy rows of dresses, suits, capes, and robes. She melted into the chaotic order of the place—the velvety suits in the back, the Dr. Seuss hats resting atop wide, angled jackets from the musical version of Horton Hears a Who! they’d performed for the nearby elementary school last fall. Jessa would lose herself in the dusty air, the material bin oozing bolts of velvet, satin, denim, and a seemingly endless length of silver tulle. In the feathery light of the bare, swinging bulb, she would run her hands along the rack of satin pajamas they had all worn for A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the gossamer fairy wings still attached to the backs.
The buzz that seemed always in Jessa’s ears emptied during those hours, took refuge somewhere else, leaving her head clear and vast, a landscape for dreams or, better yet, for nothing at all. She could just let her mind empty, drain all those equations from chemistry, forget her horrible time at the last track meet, or ignore that stupid thesis statement she just couldn’t get quite right for honors English. She just floated in the haze of the place, buoyed by the number of worlds around her waiting to explode onto a lit stage—each costume a possibility.
The barn held a log of her friends. The ice-blue dress Carissa wore for the Shakespeare festival where she won a gold medal. The gold-threaded tunic Hillary wore as Polonius. Christina’s silver pajamas for Titania in Midsummer. And there was a whole rack of Sean, her boyfriend of nearly a year. The velvet Hamlet suit, the Oliver! knickers with the funny bows at the knees to keep them from gaping, the letterman jacket he wore in The Breakfast Club. He’d been in that Hamlet suit for their first kiss—stage left, behind the sway of a heavy, black curtain. When Jessa worked in the costume barn alone, she would run her eyes over all those costumes, reading the map of her high school days so far, knowing some of those empty, hanging clothes were just waiting to make new memories for her.
As she held the key out to the lock on the barn door, she frowned. It was open and dangling from its funny hinge. Stupid beginning drama class. Mr. Campbell shouldn’t let them anywhere near the barn. She tucked the lock in her pocket and heaved open the door, inviting the cool whoosh of dusty air into her nose.
At first she thought a cat had crept into the barn again. That big, sweet tabby that had a habit of making a nest out of the poodle skirts and petticoats. She could hear him toward the back rustling around. Jessa swore under her breath, hoping he hadn’t turned the chiffon into a giant frayed mess. She swiped at the dangling cord for the light.
It wasn’t the tabby.
There, on top of the Oliver! knickers box she had worked so hard to pack, Sean froze, his arms wrapped around Natalie Stone. It took Jessa only seconds to focus in on the red dress tangled haphazardly around their legs, binding them to one another. The dress she’d worn to play Kate in The Taming of the Shrew, the one they’d had to take the bust in on, the costume mistress with pins in her mouth, her eyebrows all scrunched up, sighing to Jessa, I just have to take this in even more.
Jessa’s eyes fastened themselves to that red dress mostly because she couldn’t bring herself to keep looking directly at them. Like the sun. Or a blinding light from an alien spaceship. More like that.
Because what she was seeing could not in any version of Jessa’s universe be happening to her. Sean twisted into some sort of human pretzel with Natalie Stone. Or as Carissa always called her, the Boob Job.
Jessa must have let out some sort of sound, some sort of small, injured animal sort of sound, because they untangled themselves at the same time, tripping over that dress, the fabric tearing.
The alien spaceship started landing on Jessa’s dress-needs-to-be-taken-in chest.
Jessa, wait…I,
Sean stumbled, that dress tripping him up, for probably the first time he even realized he was tangled up in it. He frowned at it, kicking at the fabric, then caught his balance against the rack of suit jackets Jessa had spent an hour sorting by size and color. Green, taupe, gray, black, pinstriped. He leaned mostly into the pinstripes, the jaunty double-breasted section, the section with his Hamlet suit. With her breath coming in jagged bursts, Jessa’s eyes pinballed around the now-mussed-up barn, lighting on the spilled box of shiny men’s dress shoes, the overturned tub of ties, the box of bright feather boas spilling onto the neatly swept floor—what had they been doing in here?
I thought you had Community Club today.
Sean’s voice rasped across what felt like miles but must have been only feet. She could have reached out and touched his arm.
Canceled,
Jessa said, her own voice sticky, thick, sounding like she’d swallowed cotton. Or maybe a red dress.
The cotton migrated to her ears, everything muffled, far away.
Jessa, did you find that…
Mr. Campbell’s voice trailed off as he stepped inside the barn behind her. Oh.
The floor creaked beneath his weight. A breath of air from the open door fluttered a rack of druid gowns, empty ghosts shuttering in the stale air. Like sad angels.
No one said anything.
***
What did you say to him?
Carissa’s voice crackled into the phone. She must be out at the stables. Her phone got crap reception at the stables.
Nothing.
Jessa huddled on her bed, her clean laundry piled on top of her belly and legs, its clean, lemony scent a force field. She switched her phone to her other ear. Les Mis blared from her stereo, the music bathing her.
Nothing?
Carissa, you don’t understand what I’m saying. You should have seen them. I think I said ‘canceled.’
Jessa watched a fly crawl across her weekly calendar board. Monday: Community Club 3 pm—don’t be late!
Her stomach turned. She pulled a folded pair of socks across her eyes.
Canceled? Like your relationship?
No. He asked why I wasn’t at Community Club.
Carissa blew a wind tunnel of a sigh into the phone. That’s so humiliating.
I’m aware of the humiliation factor, thank you.
Jessa sat up, laundry tumbling around her. She scribbled her blue dry-erase pen through Community Club 3 pm—don’t be late!
Then quickly scratched out SAT tutor, track, chem study group.
She hadn’t gone to any of it.
"Turn off Les Mis. Even Carissa’s voice could roll its eyes.
You’re just making it worse. You don’t need to spiral into some Éponine-On-My-Own-pity-pool."
Supportive. Thanks.
Jessa snatched a gray Williams Peak volleyball T-shirt from the pile on her legs. She rubbed the shirt across her white board, erasing most of Tuesday’s activities along with the fateful Community Club. She paused at Wednesday: Leave for Italy 9 pm bus!!!
Carissa wind-tunneled again into the phone: Don’t be pissed at me. I wasn’t kissing Sean in the costume barn. And I’m not continuing this conversation until you turn off the pity-palooza!
Jessa clicked off her music, then threw her shirt at her laundry hamper. Missed. Why are you being so bitchy? You’re supposed to be consoling me right now. I can’t believe I have to go ten days in Italy with both of them there. I wish you were going.
Silence on the other end.
Carissa?
Yeah?
Oh, I thought the phone cut out or something.
Jessa flicked a piece of hair from her eyes.
So you’re still going to go?
Carissa’s voice sounded small, quiet.
You think I shouldn’t go?
Jessa rubbed her pulsing temple with her free hand.
"Do you really think you should go?" Carissa was feeding her horse. Jessa heard the crunching.
Could you not feed Jumper right now? It’s kind of obnoxious.
Jessa studied her packing job—her clothes lined up in little piles on her dresser; her small tubes of shampoo, moisturizer, toothpaste all organized and ready to go into her suitcase. No, I’m going. I don’t care. He doesn’t get to take Italy away from me too.
Well, I have to baby-sit for the Jensens all week,
Carissa reminded her. To help pay off Santa Cruz.
I know,
Jessa sighed. I just wish you were going.
Sorry.
Carissa was feeding Jumper again. The crunch, crunch, crunch of the carrots sounded like a trash compactor. "Jess, I gotta go. No Les Mis—I’m serious. It’s hazardous to your general emotional health right now."
Right.
Jessa clicked off her phone and turned the music up well past the agreed-on limit her dad had notched onto the stereo knob with a Sharpie.
***
Panic attack. One minute Jessa was staring out the airplane window into the dawning sky and the next she was sweating, her chest squeezing against her sweater like it might implode and that bag of butter toffee peanuts would make an encore. The seat belt was splitting her in two. She had to get out of here. Had to get somewhere, anywhere but this seat. Staring at the back of their two stupid, lying, cheating heads. OK, his lying, cheating head and her stupid, over-dyed, bad-highlights head.
Jessa pulled her iPod earbuds out, cutting off Carol Burnett’s Shy
from Once upon a Mattress in mid-yowl, snapped open the buckle of her seat belt, and stumbled across a still-sleeping Tyler and down the aisle to the back of the morning-hushed plane.
Breathe.
She pushed her way into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror at all costs. She already looked like she had the stomach flu from crying so much and not eating right, and airplane mirrors just made her look all blue and washed out. Last thing she needed was a reflection like that right now, like a Smurf with the stomach flu.
What had she been thinking, getting on this plane? It wasn’t so bad flying through the night, the eye mask firmly clamped across her tired eyes, but now, with the plane starting to wake up, with everyone starting to move and shift and the small plane windows letting in daylight, she couldn’t believe she had actually thought this was a good idea.
She took another breath. Her dad would tell her to evaluate the situation. Very practical. Assess the scenario. Look at assets and obstacles. OK, good. Her breathing was normalizing. Scenario. Somewhere behind her, the sun would soon rise over her own little town in the northern California foothills. Her dad would head to the office. Her mom would tell her sister Maisy, sprawled in front of the Disney Channel eating Oat Swirls from Trader Joe’s out of the box, to turn off the TV and put on her school shoes. And Jessa was here, suspended in blue sky, flying to Italy for spring break with fifteen other members of her Drama Academy. She’d wanted to go to Italy since she was six and had seen her grandmother’s pictures of a trip to Florence. It had taken until junior year, but soon she’d land on Italian soil—well, after connecting in Washington, D.C., and then flying another eight hours. But it was still a good scenario.
OK, now assets: eight hundred dollars on a Visa card she’d earned from saving birthday money, baby-sitting, and filing at her dad’s law office. A very cute new pair of jeans that fit exactly the way jeans should fit. Her iPod full of all her favorite Broadway musicals and as many songs as she could afford to download from the various Glee soundtracks. Her journal and a new black pen. And Tyler let her have the window seat, albeit after playing a rigorous game of rock-paper-scissors. Best three out of five. Still, the window seat. Actually, Tyler Santos sitting in the plane seat next to her was a huge asset; at least she had one ally on the trip. All good. All assets.
OK, obstacles. Two huge ones. Seats 12C and 12B. Sean and the Boob Job. How could he? And with her? The summer before their sophomore year, Natalie Stone had been flat as a board, not even training-bra material, and then suddenly at the start of tenth grade she showed up with a pair of Jessica Simpsons. Even the teachers stared. I hit a growth spurt,
she told Kara Jenkins during volleyball tryouts. More likely, she hit up a plastic surgeon.
Someone knocked on the door. Excuse me?
Jessa slid the door open and the heart-shaped face of the flight attendant appeared, her eyes heavy with taupe shadow. Hey, honey, we’re going to land in D.C. soon. You OK?
Her words sent a whoosh of spearmint gum into Jessa’s face.
Jessa blinked back at her. Not really.
Can I do anything?
The attendant adjusted the collar of her crisp white shirt, and Jessa wondered briefly how the flight attendants stayed so pressed and polished when just sitting on an airplane put wrinkles into every inch of Jessa’s own clothes.
Can you make the guy in 12C not be a lying-jerk cheater?
I could drop a drink in his lap.
She ushered Jessa out of the bathroom. Clearly, a line had been forming and that man in the Baltimore Ravens cap looked annoyed.
Sorry,
Jessa mumbled as she moved past him toward her row, noticing with some vague satisfaction that the line of passengers appeared just as wrinkled and wilted and red eyed as she felt. She paused in the aisle.
Tyler was sitting in her seat.
No fair.
Don’t whine. I was just sitting here until you got back. Just think, only ten hours left.
He slid back over into his middle seat, the buckles on his leather jacket jingling.
Ugh.
Jessa inched into her seat. I’m not going to make it.
But I have a gift.
Jessa noticed the large, bulky envelope in his lap. What is it?
It’s from Carissa, and it’s nonnegotiable.
He flipped his black hair out of his eyes. Probably on purpose since Tyler always seemed halfway committed to an Elvis impression. At least, before Elvis got fat and started wearing jumpsuits.
Jessa frowned. Tyler was using his stage manager voice—that mix of patience, attentiveness, and condescension that made Jessa feel both safe and three inches tall, like at any moment he would usher her in perfect time onto a lit stage or give her a graham cracker and a cup of apple juice. Right now felt like the latter.
Tyler patted the empty seat next to him. Condescending.
Jessa didn’t budge.
Come on. Sit down.
He smiled at her, that smile he had that shot through his dark eyes and made his face gleam. Patient. Attentive.
Thing was, Tyler was a really good stage manager.
She sat.
#1: the polka-dot
incident
Outside, the sky was losing the flashes of pink that had been streaking the sky.
Open it.
Tyler motioned to the envelope in Jessa’s lap. I think it will make your day.
Promises, promises.
She turned the package over. The front was labeled:
Top Twenty Reasons He’s a Slimy Jerk Bastard:
Instructions for Getting Over
One Pathetic Excuse (Key Word Ex)