Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment
By Steve Harvey
4/5
()
About this ebook
“Harvey offers surprising insights into the male mentality and gives women strategies for taming that unruly beast.”
—Philadelphia Inquirer
“Women should listen to Steve Harvey when it comes to what a good man is about. Steve Harvey dispenses a lot of fabulous information about men.”
—Aretha Franklin
The #1 New York Times bestseller from the new guru of relationship advice, Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is an invaluable self-help book that can empower women everywhere to take control of their relationships. The host of a top-rated radio show listened to by millions daily—and of cable TV’s The Steve Harvey Project—Harvey knows what men really think about love, intimacy, and commitment. In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, the author, media personality, and stand-up comedian gets serious, sharing his wealth of knowledge, insight, and no-nonsense advice for every good woman who wants to find a good man or make her current love last.
Steve Harvey
The author of Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success; Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man; and Straight Talk, No Chaser, Steve Harvey began doing stand-up comedy in the mid-1980s. His success as a stand-up comedian led to the WB’s hit show The Steve Harvey Show, which has won multiple NAACP Image Awards. He was featured in Spike Lee’s film The Original Kings of Comedy. In addition to his nationally syndicated Steve Harvey Morning Show, Steve hosts a daily talk show on NBC, is the gameshow host for Family Feud and Celebrity Family Feud, and most recently NBC’s top rated new show, Little Big Shots. A philanthropist, he is the founder of the Steve and Marjorie Harvey Foundation. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia and Chicago, Illinois.
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Reviews for Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
225 ratings36 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book helped me to understand men better though personally for me at least it seemed like a lot of the stuff was kind of obvious. I enjoyed reading it though and it was a very quick read for me.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Mrg. A few kernels of wisdom here about the ways men and women tend to think differently about love, but mostly reductionist. And the tone put my back up.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Ok so, I definitely have mixed feelings about this book. On one hand, I admire the fact that Steve Harvey gives it to you straight and without a TRACE of subtlety (or sugar-coating if you will), the reasons why the majority of men ARE the way they are, and why we, as women, are unknowingly encouraging them to continue bad habits. He made some very valid points, though I felt that many of them should ALREADY be obvious to woman everywhere (i.e. set standards for yourself, RESPECT yourself in order to be respected, don't accept being just his "plaything"....like, cmon now).On the other hand-and I suppose this has a lot to do with the fact that I was raised in a time where chivalry was (and still IS) unheard of, and feminist views were strongly imparted in schools and within society- I simply cannot accept Steve's obvious conclusion that women need to put forth MORE than half the effort to land a GOOD man. Steve even goes on to (indirectly) blame women for their cheating spouses; their child's uninvolved father. Call me young and ignorant, but the real truth here, is that boys in this day and age just AREN'T being taught to be REAL MEN anymore. Someone needs to write THEM a self-help book on how to smarten the HELL up.Overall, I recommend this book for those with an open mind and a need to understand our male counterparts a little better-just take what you need from it.End venting.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I enjoyed the book and loved the movie even more. I suspect they are going to muck it up with the sequel though. Both the book and the movie left me fully satisfied, not longing for more. I suspect the sequel is just a money grab that will disappoint viewers - like the Sex and the City movies, totally unnecessary because the SATC book and TV show told the whole story. When a work is finished, be done with it, already and move on to a different work.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5At first, I was hesitant about selecting this item for a School Library Media Center’s collection but was pleased to see that it is recommended for ninth through twelfth graders by Follett’s Titlewave. In addition, when I read Kam Williams’ review his suggested target audience would fit most of the students who I have worked with in alternative school settings. Therefore, I might not recommend this book for all high school Media Centers but I would suggest it for populations where female students would be interested in reading a fun yet informative book about dating relationships and/or males who want to know what Steve Harvey is telling young ladies about them as this book would meet high interest and possibly low reading level in an urban setting.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5While working, a library customer approached me asking for this particular book. And at once, I was intrigued by both her interest and the title. Once I started reading, I thought to myself: “Where was this book when I was dating?” Steve Harvey offers practical advice for all ladies to the inner workings of the male mind; namely how they view themselves among other men and in society. In a nutshell, men view themselves in three categories: 1. Who they are, 2. What they do, and 3. How much he makes. And if he has all three things together, then he can focus on adding a woman into their lives.Harvey offers advice on how to be a “keeper” instead of a “throwback,” what 3 things men are looking for in a woman (1. Support, 2, Loyalty, and 3, the “Cookie”). But Harvey’s quote about the fear of failure really spoke to me. “The number one cause of failure in this country is the fear of failure.” This can be applied to roughly everything. But in context, he was talking about not being afraid to lose your man just because you’re afraid you’ll find no one afterwards.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Comedian Steve Harvey of the nationally syndicated Steve Harvey Morning Show shares with us his ideas on how a woman can catch and keep a man. He gives us a heads up (in case we didn't already know this) that most men are out for one thing only. There are tips on how spot a mama's boy, how to train your man and even answers the questions you've always wanted to ask a man but never did. I enjoyed this book much more than I thought I would. A lot of woman who've read this book have been offended or turned off by his thoughts saying that he's sexist. First of all he's a comedian not a relation ship guru but second of all there's a lot of truth to what he shares. If you start a relationship by letting the man run all over you that's what he'll do the whole time but if you put your foot down in the very beginning he'll either shape up or ship out. And no one knows this better than Steve Harvey... his wife did it to him when they first got together. Nothing I read was new to me but seeing it laid out like this by a man just kind of gives you a refreshing take on it. Harvey is direct at times but he's always honest with humor thrown in. And the book is not just for single women in the dating world but for any woman in a relationship or not. I was reminded of a few things I could do to improve my own marriage and I recommend this to anyone who wants to understand men better.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Excellent book. He gives a few tips to women with a comedic twist. He really reinforces the 3 P that men follow in life when choosing their future wife. He says you should wait 90 days like if you were in a job to give a man the benefits. This was an excellent book that I finished in almost one day.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Insightful, funny and at times hilarious. Good read for my daughter of 20, at the beginning of her first serious relationship and for me, after almost 30 years spent with my husband. Eye opening and entertaining at the same time; in one word: Excellent!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5He killed it! Totally enjoyed reading this masterpiece and of course I learned a lot.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5After having listened to the audiobook
They have a really soothing voice, the words flow so well. The author's no-nonsense, no sugar coating confidence projects how much we needn't worry so long as we use this book as a play guide. Few chapters in and I now understand where men are coming from. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Thank you! Wonderful job! That’s all I’m going to say.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5not downloading
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/55
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Gold
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5lil
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5cool and funny
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This seems too simple an approach to understanding men, but as Steve Harvey says, men are simple. There are some enlightening, common-sense points made here, very readable and with humor. You'll have to accept that traditional man/woman attitudes continue to exist, no matter how progressive you are. If you're having trouble attracting a good man, or understanding the one you've got, consider this as a potential resource.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I am torn by this book. On the one hand it's true, on the other, it's disturbing. The thing I liked least about the book is that Harvey seems to think women should accept men while changing themselves...to please the man. Um, okay, while I am willing to admit that he's right about what a man would like and how he thinks, I'm wondering if he'll right a sequel telling MEN what we like and how we think. We have dozens of magazines telling us all about how to please men. When is someone going to address us and our needs?????? However, aside from my obvious distaste for the motives of this book, yes, it is well written, well thought out and yes, sad to say, probably true.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Encouraging toxic masculinity. This book was definitely written by a old macho man but it's not completely useless I just won't recommend following some in the 21st century.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A must read for both men & women
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5amazing
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5this book takes u there.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great quick read that allows women to look at dating in a different light.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This book has been sitting on my TBR pile for about a year and I decided to read this book now for a few reasons. One of the reasons is I had seen Steve Harvey on the Dr. Phil Show promoting this very book. Reason number 2 is with the problems I am currently having in my marriage I thought this book could possibly enlighten me about men. Now you know there is a third reason, always a third reason. The third reason is because I had read Maria Bastillo's book Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Woman, (Absolutely wonderful book), which was written in response to this book. Those are the reasons I decided to read Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man.So far I have to say this book is funny, informative and is proof that women are superior to men. Okay now that I have your attention you maybe asking yourself why I say women are superior to men. I will just say that is my opinion. The reason I feel that way is because from just reading 50 pages, I feel that men have no depth to their personalities. Women can handle a lot while a man can only handle 3 things and that is to Profess their love for you, (possibly only once in a blue moon), provide for you and protect you and that is it. Men think that is all that matters, those are important yet a true man can grow and learn to add more to their personalities. Women are able to achieve those 3 elements and also include nurturing, listening, friendship and we can also make sure you get the best damn "cookie" in the bedroom without thinking of ourselves. Yes that is how I feel from reading 50 pages.Now this book is written in 3 parts. Part 1 is the Mind Set of a Man. My first two paragraphs about sum that section up. Part 2: Why Men do What they do. I could say a few choice words or statements to answer this question but I will wait till late to voice them. Part 3: The Playbook: How to win the Game (Do we really want to?). By winning the game Steve is implying that all women want is the ring.So I have read part 2 and still I believe that women are superior to men. I also feel that men are very self centered. Now part two discusses Why men are the way they are. Well I will try to say this as nice as possible,Men don't think with their brains, they think with their... you know what they think with. In this book Steve Harvey "enlightens" women to the fact that men do what they do because they can. I have to say that is true, or better yet I will say me do what they do because they think they can. This section informs us that men only want one thing from women and I don't have to tell you what it is. Men also think about women in two ways either a Keeper or a Throw back. Also covered in this section is Why Men Cheat. From personal experience I have to say men cheat because they are a**holes, idiots, and only care about themselves. I do have to say that I found the cheating chapter informative and did help me in realizing that I don't want to be with a man who cheats. Once a man cheats he is always going to be a cheater. Even after being married for 21 years, he will always be a cheater. This section can be helpful if you are open to actually realizing that things about yourself, men and how you handle relationships.Now onto the Playbook, so that us women can win the true man of our dreams!!! I have to tell you I wrote in this book. Don't get mad or angry, I usually don't write in books but this section allows it and so I decided to do it. So that I can set my standards and get the respect I deserve from a man.The third section tells us how to get the final prize of the ring. Steve Harvey reiterates over and over again that men are simple beings. They don't think as much about commitment as women do. I found this section very informative in telling women what to do and not to do to gain the commitment they want. Women should not get into deep with a man before asking questions. Steve mentions 5 questions we should ask over a period of time and before giving up the cookie.There is so much a woman will learn from reading Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man. You will gain a better understanding of how 2 dimensional men really are. Now that I have read Steve Harvey's book I am hoping to try some of his suggestions mentioned in the book. I also found myself analyzing my current relationship which seems on the verge of a divorce. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is a wonderful book for all women to read.Remember Women to always act Like a Lady, because it will make your man happy!!!
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5love it!!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I have seen the movie but I haven't read the book yet
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Harvey God bless you
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great and so true
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5i love this book....it honestly tells alot about relationships these dayz. awesome book steve harvey :-)
Book preview
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man - Steve Harvey
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS IS RIGHT HERE
I’ve made a living for more than twenty years making people laugh—about themselves, about each other, about family, and friends, and, most certainly, about love, sex, and relationships. My humor is always rooted in truth and full of wisdom—the kind that comes from living, watching, learning, and knowing. I’m told my jokes strike chords with people because they can relate to them, especially the ones that explore the dynamics of relationships between men and women. It never ceases to amaze me how much people talk about relationships, think about them, read about them, ask about them—even get in them without a clue how to move them forward. For sure, if there’s anything I’ve discovered during my journey here on God’s earth, it’s this: (a) too many women are clueless about men, (b) men get away with a whole lot of stuff in relationships because women have never understood how men think, and (c) I’ve got some valuable information to change all of that.
I discovered this when my career transitioned to radio with the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Back when my show was based in Los Angeles, I created a segment called Ask Steve,
during which women could call in and ask anything they wanted to about relationships. Anything. At the very least, I thought Ask Steve
would lead to some good comedy, and at first, that’s pretty much what it was all about for me—getting to the jokes. But it didn’t take me long to realize that what my listeners, mostly women, were going through wasn’t really a laughing matter. They had dozens of categories of needs and concerns in their lives that they were trying to get a handle on—dating, commitment, security, family baggage, hopes for tomorrow, spirituality, in-law drama, body image, aging, friendships, children, work/home balance, education. You name the topic, somebody asked me about it. And heading up the list of topics women wanted to talk about was—you guessed it—men.
My female listeners really wanted answers—answers to how to get out of a relationship what they’re putting into it. On those Ask Steve
segments, and later, through the Strawberry Letters
segment I do on the current incarnation of the Steve Harvey Morning Show, women have made clear that they want an even exchange with men: they want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect the premium that they put on commitment to be equally adhered to, valued, and respected. The problem for all too many women who call in to my radio show, though, is that they just can’t get that reciprocation from men, and women then end up feeling disappointed, disenfranchised, and disillusioned by their failed relationships.
When I step back from the jokes, and the microphone gets turned off and the lights in the studio go down, and I think about what women ask me every morning on my show, I get incredibly perplexed—perplexed because even though my callers have all presumably had some experience with men (whether they are friends, boyfriends, lovers, husband, fathers, brothers, or co-workers), these women still genuinely want to know how to get the love they want, need, and deserve. I’ve concluded that the truths they seek are never as obvious to them as they are to us men. Try as they might, women just don’t get us.
With this in mind, I stopped joking around and got very real with my audience. Through my answers, I started imparting wisdom about men—wisdom gathered from working more than half a century on one concept: how to be a man. I also spent countless hours talking to my friends, all of whom are men. They are athletes, movie and television stars, insurance brokers and bankers, guys who drive trucks, guys who coach basketball teams, ministers and deacons, Boy Scout leaders, store manager, ex-cons, inmates, and yes, even hustlers. And one simple thing is true about each of us: we are very simple people and all basically think in a similar way.
When I filter my answers through that lens of how men view relationships, the women in my audience start to understand why the complexities and nuances they drag into each of their relationships with the opposite sex really serve them no justice. I teach them very quickly that expecting a man to respond to them the way a woman would is never going to work. They then realize that a clear-eyed, knowing approach to dealing with men on their terms, on their turf, in their way, can, in turn, get women exactly what they want.
Indeed, my advice for the folks who called in on the Ask Steve
segment of the Steve Harvey Morning Show became so popular that fans—women and men—started asking me when I was going to write a relationship book—something to help the women who genuinely want to be in a solid, committed relationship figure out how to get one, and help the men ready for those relationships to be recognized for what they can and are willing to bring to the table. I have to admit: I didn’t really see the value of writing a relationship book at first. What, after all, did I have to add to the conversation beyond the answers I give to an audience of millions every morning? Even bigger than that, how could I be taken seriously? Hell, I’m not a writer.
But then I started thinking about the relationships that I’ve had in my lifetime, talked to some of my male friends and some of my female co-workers and associates, and put together a few informal focus groups. I considered the impact that relationships have on each of us, and especially the impact they’ve had on me. My father? He was married to my mother for sixty-four years. My mother was invaluable to him. And she was invaluable to me—the most influential person in my life. Equally valuable to me are my wife and my children. In fact, my girls and my concern for their future inspire me here as well. They will all grow up and reach for the same dream most women do: The husband. Some kids. A house. A happy life. True love. And I want desperately for my children to avoid being misguided and misled by the games men have created just to perpetrate the greed and selfishness we tend to show the world until we become the men God wants us to be. I know—because of my mother, my wife, my daughters, and the millions of women who listen to my show every morning—that women need a voice, someone to help get them through and decipher the muck, so they can get what they’re truly after. I figured I could be that guy to wave across the fence and say, I’m going to tell you the secrets—the real deal about men, the things we wish you knew about us, but that we really don’t want you to know, lest we lose the game.
In essence, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is a playbook of sorts. You remember how a few years back, the New England Patriots got accused of one of the biggest cheating scandals in NFL history? NFL investigators found out that the team had been secretly videotaping practices and reading mouths to figure out the plays of their opposing teams—a practice that gave them a distinct advantage over their rivals. For sure, the Patriots’ dirty ways were almost as advantageous to the New England team as if they were reading the opposition’s playbook. With the advantage, the Patriots were able to win games.
This is what I wish for the women who read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I want every woman who truly wants a solid relationship but just can’t figure out how to get one, and those who are already in a relationship and trying to figure out how to make it better, to forget everything she’s ever been taught about men—erase the myths, the heresy, everything your mother told you, everything your girlfriends told you, all the advice you’ve read in magazines and seen on television—and find out here, in these pages, who men really are. What men count on is that you’ll continue to get your advice from other women who do not know our tactics or our mind-set. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is going to change this for you. If you’re dating, and you want to find out how to take it to another level, this book is for you. If you’re in a committed relationship, and you want to get the ring, this book is for you. If you’re married and you want to regain control and strengthen your bond, or if you’re tired of being played with, then I want you to use this book as a tool—to take each of the principles, rules, and tips in this no-nonsense guide and use them to anticipate a man’s game plan, and to counter with an offense and defense that’s unstoppable. Because trust me: the playbook you all have been using is outdated, and the plays don’t work. In fact, the biggest play you have in your arsenal—the one where you walk into a relationship thinking you’re going to change
your man, is the worst and most doomed play of them all. Why? Because no matter what other women are shouting from the covers of magazines, on the television talk shows, during your girlfriend getaway bonding trips, and on blogs from here to Timbuktu, there are basic things in men that are never going to change. No matter how good you are to a man, no matter how good you are for him, until you understand what his makeup is, what drives him, what motivates him, and how he loves, you will be vulnerable to his deception and the games he plays.
But with this book, you can get into a man’s mind-set and understand him better, so that you can put into play your plans, your dreams, and your desires, and best of all, you can figure out if he’s planning to be with you or just playing with you.
So act like a lady, and think like a man.
PART ONE
The Mind-Set of a Man
1
WHAT DRIVES MEN
There is no truer statement: men are simple. Get this into your head first, and everything you learn about us in this book will begin to fall into place. Once you get that down, you’ll have to understand a few essential truths: men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes). These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood—the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he’s truly fulfilled his destiny as a man. And until he’s achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you’re dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.
Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, the first thing everyone around him starts doing is telling him what he must do to be a real man. He is taught to be tough—to wrestle, climb, get up without crying, not let anyone push him around. He is taught to work hard—to do chores around the house, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, shovel the snow, cut the grass, and, as soon as he’s old enough, get a job. He is taught to protect—to watch out for his mother and his younger siblings, to watch over the house and the family’s property. And he is especially encouraged to uphold his family name—make something of himself so that when he walks in a room, everybody is clear about who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. Each of these things is taught in preparation for one thing: manhood.
The pursuit of manhood doesn’t change once a boy is grown. In fact, it’s only magnified. His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels like he’s achieved his mission. And until a man does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life. He’s not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he’s got all three of those things in sync. I’m not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it.
This is certainly how it worked for me. I’ll never forget how disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy I was when, in my early twenties, I was laid off from the Ford Motor Company. I was already a college dropout, and now, without a job, I hardly had enough money to take care of myself, much less a family. This left me unsure of my future—what I was going to do, how much I was going to make, and what my title would be. The titles college graduate
and Ford inspector
were gone; having no job pretty much meant that my chances of bringing home a good paycheck were zero; and I hadn’t a clue how I was going to make money. It took me a while to find my footing. I dabbled in various jobs: I owned a carpet cleaning business; I sold carpet; I sold Amway products, the Dick Gregory Bahamian Diet, and ALW Insurance and Commonwealth Insurance. It was madness what I was doing to try to get my life together. Finding someone serious to settle down with was the absolute last thing on my mind.
Then, one night a woman for whom I used to write jokes encouraged me to go to a local comedy club and sign up for amateur night. See, I knew I was funny, and I made a few dollars—very few dollars—writing material for up-and-coming local comedians who were trying to find their way into the industry. But I hadn’t a clue, really, how to go about getting into the business for myself. Still, this woman saw something in me and told me to take the stage.
So I did. And I killed. I won $50—which today may not seem like a lot of money, but when I was broke at that time, it felt like $5,000—for telling jokes. I also was guaranteed another fifty dollars if, as the winner, I opened the following week’s amateur night competition. The next day, I went to a printer and spent fifteen dollars of my winnings on business cards that, along with my phone number, read: Steve Harvey. Comedian. They were flat and flimsy and didn’t have any raised lettering, but those business cards announced that I was Steve Harvey (who I am), and that I had a special talent in comedy (what I do). How much I was going to make remained to be seen, but at least I had the who I am
and the what I do
lined up.
If men aren’t pursuing their dreams—if we’re not chasing the who we are,
the what we do,
and the "how