Livia: Or, Buried Alive
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About this ebook
Lawrence Durrell
Born in Jalandhar, British India, in 1912 to Indian-born British colonials, Lawrence Durrell was a critically hailed and beloved novelist, poet, humorist, and travel writer best known for the Alexandria Quartet novels, which were ranked by the Modern Library as among the greatest works of English literature in the twentieth century. A passionate and dedicated writer from an early age, Durrell’s prolific career also included the groundbreaking Avignon Quintet, whose first novel, Monsieur (1974), won the James Tait Black Memorial Prize, and whose third novel, Constance (1982), was nominated for the Booker Prize. He also penned the celebrated travel memoir Bitter Lemons of Cyprus (1957), which won the Duff Cooper Prize. Durrell corresponded with author Henry Miller for forty-five years, and Miller influenced much of his early work, including a provocative and controversial novel, The Black Book (1938). Durrell died in France in 1990.
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Reviews for Livia
27 ratings1 review
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5"Well, squinting round the curves of futurity I saw something like a quincunx of novels set out in a good classical order. Five Q novels written in a highly elliptical quincunxial style invented for the occasion. Though only dependent on one another as echoes might be, they would not be laid end to end in serial order, like dominoes - but simply belong to the same blood group, five panels from which your creaky old Monsieur would provide simply a cluster of themes to be reworked in the others. Get busy, Robin!"Having 'killed off' Sutcliffe at the end of the previous book, Blanford spends much of the second book in the series discussing his life and relationships with the imaginary Sutcliffe. In the quotation above, they are discussing the series of novels which they (and Lawrence Durrell himself) intend to write. Each of the five books has two titles, the first of which e.g. "Monsieur" and "Livia" is Blanford's, while the second e.g. "The Prince of Darkness" and "Buried Alive" is Sutcliffe's. Obsessed with his betrayal and desertion by his wife Livia, it becomes clear that the characters and situations in Blanford's novels are based on his own life. Sutcliffe and Toby are aspects of Blanford himself, while Sylvie and Sutcliff'es wife Pia are both combinations of Livia and Constance, and Trash (Pia's lesbian lover, a black academic from the American south) is based on a black prostitute from Martinique who was Livia's lover. Banquo is based on Lord Galen, and Banquo's daughter Sabine is based on Livia and on Galen's vanished daughter. Apart from those based on himself, the origins of Sutcliffe's male characters aren't so clear, but Piers may be based on Hilary (Livia and Constance's brother). I'm not sure about Bruce is based on, but possibly Sam, Constance's husband,since Sutcliffe seems to resent and dislike him for no apparent reason.While "Monsieur" seemed like a stand-alone novel, I found "Livia", which is set in the run-up to World War II, much more of a mish-mash of threads and characters that don't really gel. The gnosticism that runs through the first book is hardly mentioned, and although Lord Galen and his employee Quatrefages are studying the Templars, it is not as historians but as treasure-seekers, trying to track down the lost treasure of the Templars.I have visited the Pont du Gard, when on holiday near Uzès, so I was able to visualise the countryside around it, but I didn't really enjoy much else about this book. I'm not sure whether I want to read the rest of the series, so I'll leave it a while and see if they grow on me.
Book preview
Livia - Lawrence Durrell
Livia
Or, Buried Alive
Lawrence Durrell
For Denis and Nanik de Rougemont
Contents
Preview: Constance
In the name of the Dog the Father, Dog the Son, and Dog the Wholly Ghost, Amen. Here beginneth the second lesson.
Between the completely arbitrary and the completely determined perhaps there is a way?
Five colours mixed make people blind.
Chinese Proverb
ONE
A Certain Silence
WHEN THE NEWS OF TU’S DEATH REACHED BLANFORD he was actually living in her house in Sussex, watching the first winter snow fall out of a dark sky, amidst darker woods, which had long since engulfed an ochre sunset. Actually
, because his own version of the event will be slightly different, both for the sake of posterity and also on stylistic grounds. A deep armchair sheltered his back from the draughts which, despite the rippling oak fire burning in the grate, played about the old-fashioned, high-ceilinged room with its tapering musicians’ gallery. His crutches lay beside him on the carpet. As he put down the swan-necked telephone he felt the knowledge boom inside him, as if in some great tropical conch – the bang of surf upon white beaches on the other side of the world. She would miss reading (the selfishness of writers!) all the new material he had added to his book – a novel about another novelist called Sutcliffe, who had become almost as real to him and to Tu as he, Blanford, was to himself. He took the handkerchief from his sleeve and dabbed his dry lips – dry from the eternal cigar he needed to bite on when he worked. Then he went swaying to the looking-glass over the bookcase and stared at himself for a good moment. The telephone-bell gave a smart trill and a click – long-distance calls always did this: like the last spurt of blood from an artery. The writer stared on, imagining that he was Tu looking back at him. So this is what she saw, what she had always seen! Eye to eye and mind to mind – this is how it had been with them. He suddenly realised that he was surrounded by the dead woman’s books. Underlinings, annotations. She was still here!
He felt his image suddenly refreshed and recreated by her death – the new information was so terrifying, so hard to assimilate. Goodness, there was still so much they had to tell each other – and now all that remained was a mass of severed threads, the loose ends of unfinished conversation. From now on there would be nobody to whom he could really talk. He made a grimace and sighed. Well then, he must lock up all this passionate and enriching conversation in his skull. All morning he had played on the old pipe-organ, glad to find that his memory and his fingers still worked. There is nothing like music in an empty house. Then the telephone-bell. Now the thought of Tu. It is no use really – for once you die you slide into the ground and simply melt. For a while a few personal scraps hang around – like shoes and clothes and unused notepaper with abandoned phone numbers. As if suddenly one had had a hunger for greater simplicity.
Outside children chirped as they skated on the frozen lake. Stones skidded and twanged on the ice. How would his hero Sutcliffe take the news, he wondered? Should he make him whimper in the novel like some ghastly dog? Last night in bed he had read some pages of the Latin poet Tu most loved; it was like sleeping beside her. The phrase came to him: The steady thudding of the Latin line echoes the thud of her heart. I hear her calm voice uttering the words.
There were flies in the room, hatched by the heating. They seemed to be reading Braille. The treble voices outside were marginal. What good were books except to hive off regrets? His back ached all of a sudden – his spine seemed as stiff as a flagpole. He was an ageing war-hero with a spine full of lead.
He wished his own turn would come soon. From now on they could label him Not Wanted On Voyage
or just Unaccompanied Luggage
– and sling him into the hold, into the grave. In his mind he gave a great cry of loneliness, but no sound came. It was a shrill galactic cry of a solitary planet whirling through space. Tu had loved walking naked about the house in Italy, she had no sense of misdemeanour, reciting aloud the 16th Psalm. She said once, It is terrible, but life is on nobody’s side.
So the Sutcliffe he invented for his novel Monsieur shot himself through the mirror in the early version? I had to,
he explained, pointing to Blanford. It was him or me.
The writer Blanford suddenly felt like an enormously condensed version of a minor epic. Buried alive! The crutches hurt him under the arms. He groaned and swore as he dragged himself about the room.
The consolations of art are precious few. He always had a sneaking fear that what he wrote was too private to reach a reader. Stilted and stunted, the modern product – meagre as spittle or sperm, the result of too rigorous pot-training by his mother who had a thirst for purity. The result was retention of faecal matter – a private prose and verse typical of the modern sphincterine artist. In ordinary life this basic refusal to co-operate with the universe, to surrender, to give, would in its final stage amount to catatonia! In the acute
wards at Leatherhead they had one twilight catatonic who could be suspended by his coat-collar – suspended by a meat-hook and hung on a bar where he stayed, softly swinging in the foetal position. Like a bat, dreaming his amniotic dreams, lulled in the imaginary mother-fluid. It was all that was left of a once good poet. The whole of his life had been spent in creative constipation, a refusal to give, so now he went on living like this – a life in inverted comas, to coin a pun. Blanford reached out and touched the earlier manuscript of his book Monsieur. He had given it to Tu and she had had it bound. He wondered where in his imagination, which was his real life, Sutcliffe might be – he would have liked to talk to him. Last heard of in Oxford, famous for his work on his friend’s study of the Templar heresy. Blanford’s last communication from him had been a cryptic postcard which said: An Oxford don can be distinguished among all others by the retractable foreskin.
He risked another thought of Tu again and suddenly felt as if he were running a temperature. Breathless, he rose and succeeded in unfastening the French window, to let in a cloud of snowflakes and a rush of cold air. Then, bending his head, he lurched out on to the lawn, watching his breath plume out before him. He rubbed a little snow on his temples with a theatrical gesture. Then he laboriously returned to his fireside seat and his thoughts.
Cade now sidled into the room with the tea things and set them down beside him without a word, his yellow puritanical face set in expressions of fervent concentration such as one only sees on the faces of very stupid but cunning people. He bore in his arms with a kind of meek pride the new orthopaedic waistcoat-brace which had at last arrived from the makers, tailored to size. There was a good hope that this contrivance might allow Blanford one day to throw away his crutches. He gave an exclamation of pleasure while Cade, expressionless as a mandarin, helped him off with the ancient tweed coat he so loved (with its leather-patched elbows) and locked him into the new garment of soft grey rubber and invisible steel. Stand up, sir,
he said at last, and the writer obeyed in smiling wonder; yes, he was free to walk slowly about, to navigate on his own two legs. It was miraculous. But at first he was only allowed to wear it for an hour a day to get his muscles used to its stresses. A miracle,
he said aloud. Cade watched him attentively for a few moments and then, with a nod, turned away to his domestic duties while Blanford, feeling newly born, leaned against the chimney-piece, staring down at his fallen crutches. Cade would never know how much this new invention meant. The valet looked like the lower-class ferret he was. Blanford watched him curiously as he went over the room, emptying the ashtrays and refilling the saucer of water on the radiator, refilling the vase with its hothouse blooms. Cade,
he said, Constance is dead.
Cade nodded expressionlessly. I know, sir. I was listening on the extension in the hall.
That was all. That was Cade all over. His work done, he took himself off with his customary silence and stealth.
Carbon into diamond
Sand into pearl.
All process causes pain, and we are part of process. How chimerical the consolations of art against the central horror of death; being sucked down the great sink like an insect, into the cloaca maxima of death, the anus mundi! Sutcliffe, in writing about him, or rather, he writing about himself in the character of Sutcliffe, under the satirical name of Bloshford in the novel Monsieur had said somewhere: Women to him were simply a commodity. He was not a fool about them; O no! He knew them inside out, or so he thought. That is to say he was worse than a fool.
Was this true of Constance or of Livia her sister, the writer wondered. The blonde girl and the dark. The girl with the velvet conundrum and the girl with beak of the swan?
Grind grain, press wine,
Break bread, yours mine,
Take breath, face death.
Where had he seen these lines underlined by Constance in a book? At that moment the telephone seemed to thrill again, and he knew at once who it was – it could only be his invention Sutcliffe. He must have heard by telepathy the news about Constance (Tu). He realised now that he had been expecting this call all day.
He did not bother to utter the usual Hullo but immediately said to his confrère, his semblable and frère: You have heard about Tu,
and the voice of Sutcliffe, speaking through a heavy cold, and nervous with regret, replied: My God, Blanford, what is to become of us?
We shall go on sitting about regretting our lack of talent; we shall go on trying to convince people. I am as grieved as you are, Robin, and I never thought I would be. I had so often thought of dying that I thought I had the hippogriff under control; yes, but of course like everyone I cheated in my mind by being the first to die. I suppose Constance did the same.
You made my own life come to a halt when Pia died,
said Sutcliffe both reproachfully and gravely, and then blew his nose loudly. So I set up shop here for a while to completely rewrite Toby’s book about the Templars – to apply a bit of gold leaf here and there, to give it such orotundity as befits a fuddled don. But now he is famous and I feel the need for a change, for a new landscape. Tobias has the Chair in History which he coveted. Why not the Sofa? He will live on in a conical dismay, lecturing loudly on the plasticity of pork to the new generation of druggie-thuggies.
He chuckled, but mirthlessly. What about me?
he said. Have you nothing I could do short of entering the Trappe?
You are dead, Robin,
said Blanford. "Remember the end of Monsieur?
Bring me back then, said Sutcliffe on a heroic note,
and we shall see."
"What happened to the great poem and the Tu Quoque book? asked Blanford sharply, and Sutcliffe answered:
I was waiting to get over Pia a bit before finishing it. It was cunning of you to make Pia a composite of Constance and Livia, but I never felt I could really achieve the portrait of her simply because I was blinded by love. I wasn’t cruel enough. And I wondered about Trash, her black lover. I think your story is better than mine, probably sadder. I don’t know. But the death of Tu, of poor Constance, should be celebrated in verse by an Elizabethan."
For some reason this irritated Blanford and he said with asperity, Well, why not a poem called ‘Sutcliffe’s Salte Teares upon the tombe of Tu’?
Why not?
said his fellow writer, his bondsman, or perhaps in seventeenth-century style, ‘Sutcliffe’s Big Boo-Hoo’.
Poetry,
said Blanford on a lower key, talking almost to himself, which always comes with sadness; poetry, in the jumbo version of the supermarket, enough for a whole family. The economy size. Robby, you can’t go on being cheerful in Oxford. Shall I send you to Italy?
Another book? Why not?
But Sutcliffe did not sound too sure. I really think it’s your turn to write one – and this time the true story of your love, our love, for Constance and indeed for Livia despite what she did to you, to us, to me. Would it hurt too much if you tried?
Of course it would. Good grief!
Blanford did not answer for a long moment. Then Sutcliffe said, in his old flippant vein: "Last spring I went to Paris with a girl somewhat like Pia-Constance-Livia. The word archi had come into vogue as a prefix to almost everything. Our own translation would be super, I suppose. Well, everything was archi this and archi that. I realised that one might describe me as archicocu, what? Indeed I went so far as to think of myself as absolutely archicocuphosphorescent."
In a way I did tell the truth about us,
said Blanford haltingly. Livia carried me out of my depth. I had always needed a feather-simple girl; but Livia was only fit to have her tail spliced by a female octoroon. Damn!
Aha! but you loved her. We both did. But where you lied was to graft onto her some of the femininity of her sister. You made her a female quaire not a male.
After a pause, during which both writers thought furiously about the book which Blanford had called Monsieur and Sutcliffe The Prince of Darkness, their faltering conversation was resumed. If lonely people have a right to talk to themselves couldn’t a lonely author argue with one of his own creations – a fellow-writer, Blanford asked himself.
A hunt for the larval forms of personality! Livia was, as far as I am concerned –
Sutcliffe gave a groan.
A powder-monkey in Hell,
said Blanford almost shouting with pain, because her beauty had really wounded him, driven him indeed mad with vexation.
A dry water-hole,
agreed Sutcliffe. Who is Livia, what is she?
All our swains commend her.
Perfection’s ape, clad in a toga
And beefed up by the shorter yoga
A Cuvier of the sexual ploy
You forged a girl out of a boy.
You wielded flesh and bones and mind,
She was attentive, tough but kind,
Yet unbeknown, behind your back
She sought the member that you lack.
Enough, Robin,
cried Blanford in a wave of regret and mind-sickness as he thought of the dark head of Livia on the pillow beside him. Sutcliffe laughed sardonically and tormented him with yet another improvisation.
I am loving beyond my means
I am living behind my moans!
O!
Tra la la! Tra la la!
Toi et moi et le chef de gare
Quel bazar, mais quel bazar!
Blanford supposed him to be right; for the story for him could have begun in Geneva – on a sad Sunday in Geneva. It was cold; and ill-assorted, straggly and over-gummy were the bifurcated Swiss under a snow-moon. He closed his eyes the better to hear the tumultuous chatter of stars, or dining later at the Bavaria with her face occupying the centre of his mind, he engulfed the victorious jujubes of mandatory oysters. Ouf! What prose! Nabokov, à moi! In hotels their lives were wallpapered with sighs. Then tomorrow on the lake, the white stairways to heaven splashed with a wrinkled sunshine. My sister Livia arrives tomorrow from Venice. She is anxious to meet you.
That was Constance, made for deep attachments as a cello is made for music – the viol’s deepness on certain notes, in certain moods. It was ages before they had both realised that the words which passed between them had a certain specific density; they were registered and understood at a level somewhere below that of just ordinary speech. The sisters had just inherited the tumbledown chateau of Tu Duc (hence the nickname for Constance). It was near the village of Tubain in the Vaucluse. Not too far from the one city which, above all others, held for him the greatest number of historic memories.
Here, Sutcliffe interposed his clumsy presence on Blanford’s train of thought; sniffing and adjusting those much repaired spectacles of his. But Livia had what excited you most – the sexual trigger in the blood; she deserved to be commemorated in a style which we might call metarealism – in her aspect of Osiris whose scattered limbs were distributed all over the Mediterranean. Enough of the pornocratic-whimsical, Blanford. For my part I was hunting for a prose line with more body – not paunch, mark you, but body, my boy.
Remember, Rob,
Blanford retorted, that everything you write about me is deeply suspect – at the best highly arguable. I invented you, after all.
Or I you, which? The chicken or the egg?
"The truth of the matter is that we did not really know much about ourselves in those old days; how happy it made one just to squander our youth, lying about in the deep grass eating cherries. The velvet English summers of youth, deep grass, and the clock of cricket balls marking the slow hours of leisure between classes. The distant clapping when someone struck a ball to the boundary merged with but did not drown the steady drizzle of crickets. We slept in the bosom of an eternal summer.
Tu once said that nature cured her own fertility imbalances by forcing sterile loves up on – illicit in the biological sense. Of what avail our belief in freewill? For her we were sleepwalkers caught in the current of an irresistible sexuality.
He said aloud: Poor enough consolation for the cowardly Robin Sutcliffe, sitting in that sordid house, drinking his way towards his goal – the leap from the bridge. His Charon was the twisted black woman with the crow’s beak, who could procure something for every taste.
I suppose so,
said Rob with a sigh. The bandages, the whip, the handcuffs – I should have put more of that into the book, instead of leaving it for you. She let her dirty rooms out by the hour. I came there hunting for Pia, just as you came in your turn hunting for Livia and found her in bed with that little hunchback with the pistachio eyes.
Blanford winced; he remembered the cracked bronchial laugh, gushing out amidst cigarette smoke and coughing. She had said of Livia: "Une fille qui drague les hommes et saut les gouines. He had struck her across the face with his string gloves. He said to Sutcliffe sternly:
It is your duty to demonstrate how Livia was tailored down to the sad size of Pia."
Pia dolorosa,
said Sutcliffe. It would be more than one book, then?
"Well, squinting round the curves of futurity I saw something like a quincunx of novels set out in a good classical order. Five Q novels written in a highly elliptical quincunxial style invented for the occasion. Though only dependent on one another as echoes might be, they would not be laid end to end in serial order, like dominoes – but simply belong to the same blood group, five panels for which your creaky old Monsieur would provide simply a cluster of themes to be reworked in the others. Get busy, Robin!"
And the relation of form to content?
The books would be roped together like climbers on a rockface, but they would all be independent. The relation of the caterpillar to the butterfly, the tadpole to the frog. An organic relation.
Sutcliffe groaned and said: The old danger is there – a work weighed down with theoretical considerations.
"No. Never. Not on your life. Just a roman-gigogne."
The more desperate the writer the more truthful the music – or so I believed then. Now I don’t know. I wonder a great deal about wrongdoing in art, in a way I never did before.
My dear old Rob, crime gives a wonderful sheen to the skin. The sap rises, the sex blooms in secrecy like some tropical plant. Take an example from me.
All that snowy day Blanford went on talking to his creation, trying to explain himself, to justify his feelings and his thoughts. He was trying to sum it all up – from the point of view of death.
"From the ambush of my disability I watched and noted, hungry for disbelief. I watched my Livia coming and going in the mirror. I watched her walking about Venice from my high balcony, and I saw the woman who was spying on her at my request – for rather a stiff price. Livia was always looking back over her shoulder to see if she was being followed – clever, slender, nervous, and very caryatid, she had won my heart by her effortless sensuality. What a marvellous death-mask that dark face would make – ascetic, heart-shaped and pale. The way the lips and hands trembled when she became passionate.
My God, what a muddle – it was Constance I really loved. She could have been my second skin. What a strange phrase, ‘The rest of my life’. What does it mean? Surely that little rest – the steady diminishing of time – begins at birth? When you discovered you had married a homosexual what did you do, Robin?
The foolish fellow put a pistol to his brow.
Even a writer must be truthful to decay. You burst out laughing first – the predicament was so foolish.
But worse still, I really loved her, Pia,
said Sutcliffe. It was an unlucky dishonour forced upon me. But have you lived with one? They burn up your oxygen, being maladapted and out of true. They remove the classical pity which love engenders. The sadness which amends. And their beauty is like a spear, Blanford.
Like a spear, my boy, like a spear.
In Regent Street, in a sordid pub, a woman I had never regarded as being in any way intuitive listened attentively to my moans and said, ‘Someone has wounded you very deeply and for utterly frivolous reasons. You should try to laugh and tell yourself that one is always punished for insincerity.’ Damn her eyes!
"She was right. But she had never seen Livia at bay, with flashing eyes, lying for dear life – you see, she could not bear it really, her inversion. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone. With her back to the wall she fenced desperately. Tied to the wheel in the sinking vessel of her self-esteem – as who is not? – she foundered in my arms. I had had her closely watched for a little while when one day … my servant Cade had to return to England for his mother’s funeral and during his absence I moved into the Lutèce on a narrow street; there I sat at evening watching the dusk fall, and the lights spring up over the canals. The street was so narrow that the balconies opposite were almost touching ours, or so it seemed. Three floors up, Lord Galen sat reading the Financial Times, full of the sense of his oneliness. I joined him for a cocktail and there, standing on his balcony, I looked across the street and saw the light snap on in a dark room opposite. Two women were just waking from their siesta – yawning and stretching. One rose and came to the balcony to thrust the shutters wide. As she did so the mouse raised her face and her eyes met mine. It was my spy, naked, and behind her in the rumpled bed Livia was drowsing, her fingers on her sex, dreaming – as if fingering a violin one is about to play. Her eyes half-closed, she was presumably riffling through the portfolio of her phantasy life. She had evidently seduced my spy! It was all over in a second. The girl retired, and so did I. Furious and thunderstruck, I said nothing to the old banker, who was particularly worried about the state of copper that day – he had once looked after some of my mother’s modest investments for her and was never free from the delicious anal gnawing of money."
Sutcliffe: So you were crushed with fury, and went down to the bar; the porter gave you a fat envelope full of marvellous press cuttings, fulsome ones, interviews and pictures. I have always wanted to question you a little about them. For example, you are reported as saying ‘I have never sought fame and fortune in my work. I sought happiness.’
Yes, I did say that. I thought that.
And happiness, have you found it?
Sutcliffe put on the adenoidal voice of an interviewer.
You find it only when you stop looking, Rob.
And have you?
No.
Why not?
Now that would be worth answering but I don’t for the life of me know how to.
I thought not. When you got back to the flat later you played on the little harmonium a whole grisly toccata.
"Yes, the background music for a nervous breakdown. And I reflected on all the psychoanalytic twaddle about our oceanic sexual drives. And in my manly agony I cried out, ‘O God, my God, why didst Thou let me marry a Principal Boy?’ When Livia slept with me who was she really loving in her imagination, in her phantasy? Who was my rival, the dark lady of the sonnets? And how could I find out? She had carefully masked her batteries. Once set off by the hair-trigger of a simple kiss she turned her face to this veiled form and used me as the machine à plaisir."
And yet she was full of ideals, Livia.
All ideals are unattainable – that is what makes them worth having. You have to reach for the apple. If you wait until it falls you will be disappointed – you will realise that it is imaginary.
The apple of gravity, Newton’s wish?
Exactly. And besides, never forget how much in the dark we all were about our selves, our predilections, our ruling passions. It took a trip to Vienna with Constance to teach us just a very little.
It resolved nothing, it only unsettled you to know the truth about your sexual predispositions.
Perhaps; yet knowledge is a sort of exorcism. I am very grateful to Constance, who was the only one among us to read German and thus have direct access to what was being written in Vienna and Zurich; moreover despite the abandoned studies she was already a fine doctor. She explained Livia to me satisfactorily.
To what avail?
To no avail; of course it wasn’t enough, it never is, but it enabled me to sympathise with her, to understand many things, like, for example, her deliberate grubbiness at times – the revolt against her femininity, the desire to insult the male. Then always restless, always wanting to be on the move. Several times a day she had to walk down to the village because she had forgotten to buy this or that. It used to puzzle me, it seemed almost deliberate, and of course it was. As Constance said, she was simply a man-at-arms on the look-out for a pick-up! Surely this was valuable, all this information? Eh?
Sutcliffe deliberated for a moment, and Blanford lit a cigar, saying: Soon there will be nobody to talk to except you. It is extremely sad – what shall I do for company? You bore me so! It will probably lead to madness.
We will write a book.
Of what will it treat?
Of the perennity of despair, intractability of language, impenetrability of art, insipidity of human love.
Livia and Constance, the two faces? Transposed heads!
The two faces. You see, Aubrey, the male invert loves his mother, the female hates hers implacably. That is why she won’t bear children, or if she does, makes changelings or witches. What we thought we found was that Livia really loved her sister Constance – that is why she set out to marry you, to cut Constance out. She could not bear to think of you coming together.
But Livia slept with many men.
Of course, but it was with brave contempt, to prove her own maleness, her masculine superiority. A talented Chartreuse. She would run with her bleeding male scalps and show them to her girl friends. This was a way of advertising her wares. ‘Look, this is all men are worth, so easily scalped!’
Alas, it was only too true.
Sutcliffe fingered the little tonsured part of his own huge cranium where recently the baldness had begun to show through. After Pia I had to buy a hairpiece,
he admitted. And specially after all this psychoanalytic gibberish. All I learned was that male lesbians are notoriously kind to dogs – but I am not a dog and don’t qualify. Another question – was Jesus a lesbian?
Cut it out,
said Blanford, I can’t bear idle blasphemy.
At this point Sutcliffe sang the little psychoanalytic song he had once made up to celebrate the great men of the science; it went
Joy, Young and Frenzy,
Frenzy, Groddeck and Joy.
He broke off and said suddenly: "Et le bonheur?"
Exactly.
It cannot be impossible to find. It must be knocking about somewhere, just out of sight. Why don’t we write a big autobiography? Come on, punish everyone!
The last defence! All aboard for the last alibi!
What does a man say when his wife leaves him? He cries out in an agony of fury: ‘Thrice-tritrurated gasometers! Who will burn sugar to this tonsil-snipping tart?’
Or seek the consolations of art: the little choking yelp of Desdemona is pleasant to dwell upon.
Or he will become a widow and in desperation take up with some furry housemaid who will in due course be delivered of some rhubarb-coloured mite.
The Kismet for novelists with cook-housekeepers. But I have only Cade, and he can’t cook.…
The snow went on falling out in the park with its resigned elms full of rooks’ nests. Blanford pondered heavily upon human nature and its uncapturable variety while Sutcliffe in his Oxford rooms turned and put a log on the fire. Toby was coming to lunch with a young girl undergraduate. Then he took up the phone once more and said, The relationship between our books will be incestuous, then, I take it? They will be encysted in each other, not complementary. There would be room for everything, poem, autobiography, short story and so on.
Yes,
said his creator softly. I suppose you have heard of that peculiar medical phenomenon called the teratoma? It is literally a bag full of unfinished spare parts – nails and hair and half-grown teeth – which is lodged like a benign growth somewhere in a human body. It is removed by surgery. It appears to be part of a twin which at some stage decided to stop growing.…
A short story lodged in a book?
Yes. Do you know at what point Pia began to love you? I bet you don’t. It was when you behaved so outrageously at Unesco and fell into the big drum.
You mean Shakespeare’s birthday? They should never have asked me.
You should never have gone. And then to arrive dead drunk and take your place on the rostrum among the greatest modern poets, all prepared to render homage to the Bard. And with Toby in the audience cheering and waving a British flag. It was obscene.
Not entirely,
said Sutcliffe, slightly huffed, it had its moment of truth. Besides, nobody could contravert my twelve commandments – the indispensable prerequisites for those who wish to make works of art. They were particularly impressive when shouted through a megaphone in a hoarse tormented tone. Why didn’t you use them?
I will one day when I write the ridiculous scene. You made Ungaretti faint. And then having recited the whole iniquitous catalogue of drivel you fell into the Elizabethan madrigal society’s big bassoon, festooned with wires and microphones.
Rather like Ophelia,
said Sutcliffe. But I stand by my commandments whatever the French say. Let me repeat them to you lest you have forgotten or mislaid them.
He cleared his throat energetically and recited them for the benefit of Blanford, who wrote them down in shorthand on the pad at his elbow.
He left a long pause for admiration or applause and then said: Alas, it ended badly, but it was none of my fault.
There was another longish silence during which Sutcliffe blew his nose in a plaintive sort of way, feeling that he was disapproved of by his mate and pawn. Then he said: Where will Tu be buried and when?
Tonight,
said Blanford coolly, with a reserve he was far from feeling. In the chateau vault, by dispensation, and no ceremony, no flowers. Some lanterns, I suppose, perhaps some torches.
Will you go down to Tu Duc?
Later, when everything is settled and the château boarded up for the winter. I love the rain falling over Avignon with all its memories. There is a certain melancholy luxury in feeling that everyone has gone, one is completely alone. The place to experience this best of all is on deserted railway stations at night, empty airport lounges, all-night café’s in the town.
Sutcliffe said: And Livia, who in my own personal life and book turned into Sylvie and went mad? What about her in this context?
Livia disappeared, was last heard of on the road to Spain with the old negro pianist. My last news of her was some years ago now, from a girl who had known her; it was in one of those houses which cater to special inclinations – indeed the identical house where you lodged with the old crone. From time to time I passed by just in order to check, because once I had found Livia there, shaking with fatigue or drugs, trembling from head to foot. She said, in a bleary tearful way:
Unless someone takes care of me I am finished. I realised then that I loved her and would never desert her; and all the while a voice inside me was raging and shouting ‘Fool!’
That was where I hunted for Pia.
"We took her to the kitchen, tottering, and set her down on a stool, imploring her to eat something. The hag buttered some bread. Livia suddenly burst into tears and said, ‘J’ai failli t’aimer,’ and the tears ran down her long sweet nose into the plate. Still crying, she began to eat, looking so like a small child in her tearful hunger that I was overwhelmed. I sat there biting my lips and remembering so much that she had told me.
One day in a dark cinema a woman placed her hand lightly upon her thigh and she felt her whole nature tilt like a galleon in a wind, to run seething through fresh seas. She did not move. She did not speak. She offered no response. Then she got up and walked out of the cinema without looking round. In the vestibule she felt so ill she had to lean her head against the cold tiled wall. A hand touched her sleeve and a voice said, ‘Come, let me help you.’ And so it began. And as she diminished in my life I started to reinvent her on paper as accurately as I could. Once when she had gone and I was lonely I took another girl from the same establishment to a hotel – purely for the comfort of sleeping with someone who knew her and could talk about her, even though what she had to tell me was wounding. Cynically and with a strong twang to her French this poor creature told me about Livia’s exploits in great detail, adding as she did so: ‘She gives good value, that one. Among the girls who like it she is known as Moustache.’ My dear Rob, my beloved was known as Moustache to her ingles!
"Perhaps you were wise to make Pia passive rather than active – it gave her a dimension Livia