The Salinger Contract: A Novel
By Adam Langer
3.5/5
()
About this ebook
Adam Langer, the narrator of this deft and wide-ranging novel by the author of the same name, tells the intertwining tales of two writers navigating a plot neither one of them could have ever imagined. There may be no other escape than to write their way out of it.
Adam is a writer and stay-at-home dad in Bloomington, Indiana, drawn into an uneasy friendship with the charismatic and bestselling thriller author Conner Joyce. Conner is having trouble writing his next book, and when a menacing stranger approaches him with an odd—and lucrative—proposal, events quickly begin to spiral out of control.
A novel of literary crimes and misdemeanors, The Salinger Contract will delight anyone who loves a fast-paced story told with humor, wit, and intrigue.
Adam Langer
Adam Langer is a journalist, editor, and the author of a memoir and five novels including The Washington Story, Ellington Boulevard, The Thieves of Manhattan, The Salinger Contract, and the internationally best-selling novel Crossing California, which was described in the Chicago Tribune by James Atlas as “the most vivid novel about Chicago since Saul Bellow's Herzog and the most ambitious debut set in Chicago since Philip Roth's Letting Go.” Formerly a senior editor at Book Magazine and a frequent contributor to the New York Times, he currently serves as culture editor at The Forward.
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Reviews for The Salinger Contract
51 ratings11 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A novelist is approached by a mysterious, sinister man who offers him a bizarre but highly lucrative writing contract, one that has supposedly also been taken up by such literary giants as J.D. Salinger and Harper Lee. He takes it, of course, and -- of course -- finds himself caught up in some nefarious doings.The literary angle here was fun, at least for a bibliophile like me, but the plot is ridiculous. Ridiculous enough, in fact, that I can't believe we're meant to take it especially seriously, which makes it mildly amusing, rather than annoying. Still... it's really, really ridiculous.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Salinger Contract by Adam LangerWhen an author can climb into my head and read my thoughts, knows what I want, from the get go, the book will be ravished, giving up everything near and dear to make it a one-sitting experience. This book was one of those.The book is an experienced view of the current publishing world - the plummeting book sales, the blogging phenomenon, the influence of online reviews being often less forgiving than the printed versions, the wheeling and dealing behind the scenes. Two ingenious tales are snaked through the narrative, involving two authors with both their families being trapped in an existential panic. They are basically honest people pushed to their limits forced to make choices they wouldn't have made under ordinary circumstancesBooks can safe or destroy lives. Sometimes in fiction you had to mute reality in order to make it seem more believable.Five flashing stars for this brilliant story! There is not a single dull moment anywhere in this book. I could not stop reading it until it was all finished. I am definitely an Adam Langer fan after reading this book.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I received this book free from Goodreads in exchange for a review.This book, The Salinger Contract really is just a very padded version of a concept. Fortunately the padding is quite interesting and carries the book along just fine. Langer takes the idea of a wealthy collector of books who wants the ultimate first editions and uses a "writer talking about writing" approach to make a thriller out of it. Not exactly a typical approach to a novel but it works, works quite well in fact.As you'd expect in a writing about writing book, there was literary name dropping, principally Norman Mailer, Truman Capote, Jaroslaw Dudek, Thomas Pynchon, and Harper Lee. And as you'd guess from the title, J.D. Salinger's name made many an appearance and contributed to an interesting plot twist at the end.The main characters of the book are expertly drawn. Both the narrator, Adam Langer, and the protagonist, Conner Joyce, another author, really come alive in these pages but also other characters like Dex, Margot Hedley, and especially Pavel add interest and depth. This is a really enjoyable book.I'd be remiss not to remark on the book itself. I received an uncorrected proof from Open Road Integrated Media and the quality was remarkable. The cover itself had an odd but very appealing feel---like it was lightly coated in silicone similar to the feel of the keyboard Kindles---with good quality paper used and a thicker than usual ink depth. I was quite impressed with the overall presentation. Kudos to Open Road Integrated Media.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This was a pretty enjoyable, offbeat read. Adam Langer is also the main character, telling the story of author Connor Joyce, a crime novelist losing his audience and his publisher. Connor gets a very interesting proposition to write a book for a collector and confides only in Adam. They aren't great friends but Adam is living in Indiana with his wife and child, leading a less than exciting existence as a one book author, so he is intrigued by Connor's tale.This is a short book but manages to have a story within a story, a twisty thriller, and an inside look at the publishing industry. It was original and compelling. I would recommend this to anyone bored with some of the same old, same old offerings.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Told from the point of view of the author, this literary mystery describes the relationship between two authors, each of whom is dealing with writing struggles and family situations. The narrator's acquaintance, a thriller writer, chooses him as a confidante after he accepts a deal from a wealthy mystery-man to write a book that no one else can know about or read, in exchange for a great deal of money. Things become sinister for the acquaintance when he feels like he is being followed and bugged in everything he does.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Adam Langer's excellent book, "The Salinger Contract," comes out during a time flush with new J.D. Salinger materials currently being and soon to be released. A biography by David Shields and Shane Salerno just came out to accompany a new Salinger documentary, both of which breathlessly anticipate a series of posthumous publications of previously unpublished Salinger works slated to start appearing in 2015.Despite what its title may otherwise intimate, Langer's work is a not another Salinger biography. Instead, it's a superbly written novel about the modern book publishing industry, imbued with equal parts mystery and thriller, comedy and tragedy, and love unrequited. The tale is set here and now, years after Salinger's death. Yet Salinger's place in the novel is pivotal to a story that explores why authors write when and what they do. As well as deftly satirizing the publishing industry, "The Salinger Contract" brims with clever philosophical ruminations about whether "The Catcher in the Rye" would be published were Salinger alive to debut it today. Equally interesting, Langer's novel also ponders if Salinger would be inspired to unleash Holden Caulfield in today's fractured publishing climate, rather than choosing to keep the seminal teenage icon forever locked away in the author's New Hampshire hermitage, along with the rest of his writing, never to be published. That is, never to be published unless a very rich man offers a huge sum of money for the only manuscript copy that will ever exist...Incidentally, "The Salinger Contract" is a book every presently successful, once but no longer successful, and never yet successful novelist should read. People always clap for the wrong things, but Langer's book isn't one of them.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5There were some things I found predictable about this story, but that's only because I read so much I'm able to see things that other people don't (or so I'm told). But overall this was a delightfully original premise with excellent writing by an author who knows his stuff. I read it in less than a day; the fusion of literary fiction and crime/drama/thriller/genre fiction was exactly perfect. Highly recommended. The only reason I offer it four stars rather than five? I found the ending to be too rushed and slightly implausible. Adding another 25-30 pages to flesh it out just a tad more would have added much value to the book.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This was a fun, thrilling book that I got as a part of my Book Riot Quarterly subscription. (It's true, happiness is books and bookish things!)
This is a modern thriller about writers and the publishing world--so it was interesting to me on so many levels! Characters find themselves in compromising book relationships...and are forced to decide who they are.
It was just a fun, playful read. So glad I picked it up! - Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5it's a B rate tv movie if I ever saw one. 2.5/5 I would suggest reading this if your one of those people who reads multiple books at once, espl if your other books are heavy/difficult reads
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Salinger Contract by Adam LangerYears ago I read Crossing California, also by Adam Langer. It wasn’t a bad book, and I did enjoy the writing for the way Langer makes conversations and descriptions flow so easily on the pages. But in summing up the book, I felt at the end it was too dispassionate. My view was that Langer needed to express more in his characters so they would come across less wooden. The Salinger Contract has none of the qualities that I found distracting in CC. TSC took me by the hand from the very beginning and never let go until the very end. It was absorbing with its plot details, it had some twists and turns I never saw coming until Langer was ready for me to see what he was revealing, and, best of all, I wasn’t very far into the book before I realized I could NOT put it down. That’s my main criterion in judging the books I read. I always finish books I start, BUT is that rule an endurance test, or is it almost a chase to the end because I gotta know what this is all about? I was so engrossed in The Salinger Contract I finished it in one day. What’s more, I need to read it again. And probably again.The story of The Salinger Contract is told by a narrator, but the basic story is not about him; at least, not at first. It begins with the narrator running into a man he remembers from the past, but he doesn’t remember their relationship as one that was as close and friendly as the other man, Conner Joyce, seems to think it was. However, after spending time with Conner, Langer, the narrator, begins to accept that he and Conner were the kind of buddies Conner implies they were. Langer believes the story Conner relates to him, and he comes to believe, as Conner keeps reassuring him, that he and he alone can help Conner with a problem that has grown way out of hand. All of this centers around recluse authors who wished to disappear from the face of the earth rather than deal with the attention and notoriety that goes with becoming famous; authors like Thomas Pynchon, Harper Lee, and J D Salinger. Conner Joyce has something in common with these authors, and it has caused great disruption in his life.this is why he turns to his good friend and buddy, Adam Langer.There were some special features about TSC that, for me, were good touches. For instance, I loved that Langer named his daughters Ramona and Beatrice. I liked his use of names of well known authors. This gave the story more authenticity than if all the authors names were made up. I particularly enjoyed the way Langer layered his story. The reader is so flawlessly led down whatever trail Langer is following until he begins to sort things out more logically and realizes this may not be all as it appears to be. Add to that a pretty powerful ending, and The Salinger Contract is a book to be enjoyed more than once.Langer has made me a fan with this book, and I will be looking for other books he’s written, only now when I read him, my perspective will be different. I have rated The Salinger Contract 5 Stars. I cannot wait to see what Langer does next.I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley.com in exchange for a review.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5With the recent release of the J. D. Salinger biography and documentary, this novel’s appearance is timely. The non-fiction suggests why Salinger chose to avoid the limelight; the novel offers an alternate explanation for his withdrawal – and that of other writers like Harper Lee, B. Travern, and Thomas Pynchon.The narrator is Adam Langer, a house-husband/stay-at-home dad, who once conducted interviews for a literary magazine and wrote a single novel, “its basis in autobiography” in that it concerns the search of a man for his father about whom he knows nothing but a name. By chance, Adam reconnects with Conner Joyce, an author whom he had once interviewed, and he soon becomes Conner’s confidant. Conner’s writing career is waning when he makes a Faustian-like agreement with a wealthy, mysterious bibliophile. Of course, all does not go well. Conner meets with Adam several times and relates what is happening as the situation becomes more complicated and fraught with danger.The choice of narrator is interesting. For the most part, Adam narrates the story as told to him by Conner. As things spiral out of control, Adam comes to doubt Conner’s version of events. The reader also comes to suspect the veracity of Conner’s story but has the additional problem of trying to determine if Adam is himself a reliable narrator. Suspense is a natural corollary.An aspect I especially liked about the book is its examination of the world of writers and publishers. The reader will find him/herself pondering several questions: Is a writer responsible for how a reader uses a book (as Mark David Chapman used The Catcher in the Rye to justify his murder of John Lennon)? Is it really possible for a writer to keep his/her integrity in an age when “no one regards writing books as an actual career” and making a living by writing is so challenging? What would a publishing house be willing to do in order to protect a franchise superstar (e.g. Stephanie Meyer, J. K. Rowling)? Can a reader understand “more about a book than its writer” or understand “more about [the author] from reading [a book] than [the author] did from writing it?”The author’s skewering of academia is wonderful. Adam and his wife Sabine, a university professor, write a “private blog” to amuse themselves; it contains “remarks about [Sabine’s] colleagues’ sexual proclivities, professional indiscretions, weapons collections, and poor hygiene habits.” The observations in that blog are hilarious.The novel is a quick read and an enjoyable one . . . until the confrontation scene in Dex’s apartment. Coincidentally, everyone arrives at the same time. From that point on, the plot seems contrived, and there are a number of plot issues that are not satisfactorily addressed. DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ SPOILERS! (e.g. Pavel chooses a convenient time to quit his job. Is it credible that he would have kept Conner’s letter all those years? What happens to the “real story” Conner has Margot write about what happened? Angie realizes Conner was telling the truth “When Margot Hetley called looking for [Conner],” but there is no explanation given as to why Margot was looking for Conner. Adam writes about “everything that had happened with Dex and Jaroslaw Dudek and Margot Hetley” and accuses “Margot Hetley of a crime without any actual proof” but he doesn’t worry about charges of libel? Dex and Pavel never overhear Conner and Adam’s conversations? Conner confides in Adam because Adam’s father made a contract that Dex wouldn’t “’mess with one of his sons,’” but how does Dex’s contract with Salinger prevent Dex from messing with Conner?) Unfortunately, this weak denouement leaves a lasting negative impression.The book has merits. Its observations about the publishing industry are astute and those about life in a “sleepy little college town” in the “desolate, insular heartland” are humourous. The plot is entertaining too, until about the last half dozen chapters when events feel strained. Alas, the great reveal is not so surprising since the clues are so many that the reader does indeed “understand so much more about a story than [Adam] himself.”
Book preview
The Salinger Contract - Adam Langer
1
I never believed a book could save your life. It makes sense that Conner Joyce would be the one who changed my mind about that. The story of how one book saved me while another nearly killed Conner began, appropriately enough, in a bookstore—to be more precise, at Borders in Bloomington, Indiana, where I saw a poster with Conner’s picture on it. By then, I had nearly forgotten Conner. I had figured I was done with books.
After my magazine, Lit, folded half a dozen years earlier and I lost my plum position as books editor, I pretty much stopped reading contemporary fiction, particularly crime novels like the ones Conner wrote. I may have spent a fair amount of time decrying the demise of America’s reading culture, but it wasn’t like I was helping to improve the situation. My wife had a good gig at the university, and we had two young daughters: Ramona, age six, who was just starting chapter books, and Beatrice, two and a half, who was a voracious consumer of picture books, and that’s pretty much all I found time to read. As far as I was concerned, the interesting part of my life was over.
When I lived in New York and worked for the magazine, I wrote author profiles—pieces of 1,500 to 2,000 words that allowed authors to tell their stories in their own words in an environment in which they felt comfortable. I walked the Freedom Trail in Boston with Dennis Lehane; rode the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island with E. L. Doctorow; attended a Springsteen concert with Margaret Atwood; and went camping in the Pocono Mountains with Conner Joyce and his wife, Angela De La Roja. Not exactly hard-hitting journalism, but the authors usually liked the articles because I printed their quotes verbatim and cleaned up their swearwords if they asked. Plus, the pictures that accompanied the articles were extremely flattering. Hardly anyone had ever called Maurice Sendak or Stephen King handsome before they saw my profiles. And even Conner Joyce—once named one of America’s Sexiest Writers by People magazine—told me he’d never seen a better photo of himself.
My Lit profiles usually conformed to one of two basic templates—either an author was exactly like the characters he wrote about in his books or (surprise!) he was nothing like them. My profile of Conner (His Aim Is True: How Stories Saved Conner Joyce’s Life
) fell somewhere between the two: though I sensed he was too compassionate and earnest to commit the crimes he wrote, the humanity of his characters was clearly his own.
When I interviewed Conner in Pennsylvania, we talked a lot about books. I turned him on to my favorite authors, Italo Calvino, Alain Robbe-Grillet, and José Saramago; he tried to convince me of the merits of Jarosław Dudek and J. D. Salinger. Most of his favorite authors were recluses, he said. He admired writers whose own stories were as interesting as the ones they wrote. He loved the mystery of Salinger, holed up in his home in Cornish, New Hampshire, refusing to publish for more than forty years. He was captivated by the life of Jarosław Dudek, the Olympic shot-put silver medalist and Ministry of Internal Affairs functionary who won just about every international literary award with his only novel, Other Countries, Other Lives, then disappeared shortly after the fall of the Berlin Wall. Conner had read every biography ever written about B. Traven, the author of The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, who concealed his identity using anagrammatic pseudonyms such as Ret Marut and Hal Croves and was rumored to be the son of Kaiser Wilhelm. He had spent hours admiring and puzzling over the last-known photographs of Thomas Pynchon taken at Cornell University. He had written a high school research paper about Roland Cephus, the unofficial poet laureate of the Black Panther movement who had gone underground after the 1971 publication of A Molotov Manifesto.
As a boy and as a teenager, Conner had written letters to the agents and publishers for Dudek, Salinger, Pynchon, and Harper Lee. He hoped his heartfelt appreciation of To Kill a Mockingbird and Atticus Finch would make Lee break her silence and tell him about her quiet little existence in Monroeville, Alabama. He never received responses, yet he fantasized about meeting those writers, and he still wondered what it would be like to be so intriguing that people would actually care if he disappeared.
The way I remembered him, Conner was one of the good guys—a big, earnest Irish-Catholic from a family of police sergeants, fire department captains, Eagle Scouts, and Navy vets. The kind of guy you wanted to captain your ball team, to help talk your way out of a bad neighborhood after dark, or to pilot your plane through rough weather. He was one of the few authors I interviewed who actually seemed more interested in hearing about me than I was in hearing about him.
In the time we spent together, even though I told him I didn’t really like talking about it, somehow he got me to tell him my whole family story—what I knew of it anyway: being born to a single mom; growing up in a two-bedroom apartment on West Farragut Street on Chicago’s drab north side; putting myself through college at UIC; refusing my mother’s offers of money because I knew how cash-strapped she was; working as a waiter, a writer for CBS Radio, and a freelancer for various alternative newspapers such as Neon, Strong Coffee, and The Reader; meeting my future wife, Sabine, one night at the Lakeview café called Java Jive when she was on a study-abroad program and I was working behind the counter, long before anyone had heard the word barista
; moving with Sabine to New York, where she went to grad school and I edited Lit. I told Conner about my vain attempts to track down my birth father, about my tight-lipped mother, Trudy Herstein, a longtime worker for the Tribune Company who cocooned herself in silence whenever I asked about her life before I was born. When I told Conner I was writing a novel about my search for my father, he said it sounded like a great book and he’d love to read it.
When I finished writing up the interview, I let him approve his quotes before I published the piece. He didn’t ask me to change anything, and only requested that I airbrush the cigarette from his pictures. He wanted to be a dad someday, he said, and didn’t want his kid to see him smoking. I got into a big fight about it with my publisher, M. J. Thacker, who had been trying to get Philip Morris to take out a full-page ad, but ultimately, I won that battle for Conner.
When I needed someone to endorse Nine Fathers—my first and, to date, only novel—I sent out about a dozen e-mails and letters to various authors I had interviewed. And though, at the time, Conner was one of the biggest names among them, he was first to respond. He didn’t act busy and self-important like E. L. Doctorow, whose agent told me he didn’t have the time to devote to a first-time author. And he wasn’t one of those patronizing assholes like Blade Markham, who tossed off something in half a minute, misspelling my name and getting the title wrong (Nineteen Fathers) just to let me know he was doing me a favor and hadn’t read a word. From what Conner wrote, you could tell he had actually read the whole book, had thought about it carefully, and apparently understood more about me from reading it than I did from writing it. Revelatory,
he wrote. Keeps all its secrets until the very end, which is a whopper.
I thought the blurb was a little over the top, but it looked good on the jacket.
The last time I had seen Conner—at the New York premiere for the movie adaptation of his debut novel, Devil Shotgun: A Cole Padgett Thriller—he told me to give him a ring whenever I passed through Pennsylvania, and he didn’t seem like the type of guy who would bullshit about something like that. But then my wife got her faculty gig here at the Graduate School of Foreign Policy and we moved away. I fell out of touch with most of my old contacts, and I barely spent any time in Manhattan, let alone in Philadelphia. When Nine Fathers was published, I kept wishing vainly that my old assistant, Miriam, who now worked as one of Terry Gross’s producers for Fresh Air, would book me for an interview in Philly so that I would have an excuse to call Conner up.
But that never happened. Conner had his life writing crime novels in Pennsylvania; I sat on my front porch with my laptop, or in my wife’s library carrel in Indiana, surfing other people’s iTunes playlists and trying to think of ideas for a follow-up to Nine Fathers that wouldn’t offend my mother.
When I saw the poster at Borders advertising Conner’s reading, I was with Beatrice. We were shopping to replace her copy of Knuffle Bunny Too, which I had accidentally washed along with a load of her cloth diapers. This had become my life—cooking dinner, walking the dog, squiring Ramona to school and Beatrice to day care, and taking the two of them to cafés, ballet class, gymnastics, play dates, birthday parties, and bookstores. I would write a few pages per day on drafts of stories and books I wasn’t sure I would ever finish while my spouse slaved away on the syllabi, scholarly articles, and book proposals that would win her tenure so that we would never have to worry about health insurance or the price of college tuition.
Dr. Sabine Krummel, my spouse, was a graduate of both the Freie Universität of Berlin and Columbia University. She had published one book with Routledge Press (Fusion and Diffusion: A Network Analysis of How Rules Governing Nuclear Power Safety Procedures Transfer Across European Member State Borders) and had a contract for her follow-up book with Cambridge University Press (Autostimulation and Autonomy Under Import Substitution in Postcolonial Society). She was a shoo-in for tenure, man,
at least according to her dreadlocked, eternally stoned department chair, Dr. Joel Getty, who was better known by his nickname, Spag.
Occasionally, I groused to Sabine about our life in Bloomington, and how much it paled in comparison to the life we had led in Manhattan. To keep ourselves amused, we kept a private blog under the pen name Buck Floomington. We wrote awful, nasty stuff about Sabine’s colleagues that we never shared with anyone: who was sleeping with whom, who liked to go shooting at the target range behind Brad’s Guns outside Indianapolis, who had threatened his family with a chainsaw, who hired only Asian women to serve as his work studies, who kept a shrine to basketball coach Bobby Knight in his rec room, who had gotten banned from the strip mall massage studio for demanding a hand job … It was cathartic. Sometimes, in the desolate, insular heartland, you do whatever you can to keep your mind alive.
Still, what from the outside may have looked like complacency actually felt a lot like security. Bloomington was a quiet college town that may have offered little, but it also expected little in return. And though most of the faculty spouses I knew had either settled or given up, there was a certain comfort in surrender. Sure, I could have finished a second book or freelanced this or that article. I could have competed for a lecturing gig at Butler University or Ivy Tech or for an editorial job at some magazine, such as Indianapolis Monthly or Bloom. But if I wanted to spend my days literally bleaching the shit out of diapers and mastering the art of vegetarian cooking with the aid of cookbooks by the only authors I read anymore, Mark Bittman and Deborah Madison, then that was fine too.
The Bloomington Borders, located next to a FedEx Kinko’s and across from a Panera Bread in the College Mall, was going out of business, and all kids’ books were 50 percent off. Beatrice and I were stocking up on Mo Willems and Dr. Seuss books when I saw the color Xerox of Conner, smack dab in the center aisle. The shot looked just like the ones we had used in Lit—Conner with a full head of black curls and five o’clock shadow, his serious, pale-blue eyes staring straight at you as if he had something important to say and was hoping you’d give him the time to listen. He was wearing a sport coat, a pressed light-blue shirt, and boots. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, one thumb tucked in a belt loop. On one of his wrists was an expensive-looking watch. He looked tough and earnest, the publishing world’s answer to Josh Brolin—what John Irving should have looked like but didn’t. I was studying Conner’s photo when I noticed Beatrice tugging on my sleeve.
Who’s that person you keep staring at?
she asked.
Guy I used to know,
I said. His name is Conner.
Is he your friend?
I said I wasn’t sure, but I would probably go to his reading, and maybe I would ask him to come by our house for dinner or dessert. Maybe you’ll get to meet him too,
I said. Wouldn’t you like that?
No.
Beatrice began to toddle off in the direction of the children’s section. She seemed a bit scared of the guy in the picture, or perhaps scared of what she thought my friendship with him might bring. But I couldn’t begin to imagine what could possibly frighten her about a good-looking, all-American guy like Conner, or about the fact that I still wanted to be his friend.
2
As it turned out, Conner didn’t come to our house for dinner or dessert; it was a school night and the kids needed to be in bed by nine. But I did go to the reading. I had figured I would sit in the back and mill about until he was done greeting his fans. But the turnout was poor. Really poor. Authors tend to exaggerate the number of people who come to readings, or at least I do. Usually, if you divide by three, you get the true figure. When you say only seven or eight people showed up, everyone gets depressed, uncomfortable, and judgmental, particularly in a college town where no one regards writing books as an actual career.
Right, but what do you do for money?
my wife’s colleagues continually asked me when I trailed along to departmental parties or when I ran into them at Lowes or Home Depot or Best Buy. In their line of work, or whatever they did that passed for work, writing was just one of the many things you did to keep your job—you didn’t expect anybody to read what you wrote, let alone pay you for it. After all, you’d gotten your job by convincing your employers you’d read hundreds of books they probably hadn’t read themselves. When you told these folks honestly that you had a lousy turnout, they tended to guess twenty-five or thirty people came. But when I showed up at the Bloomington Borders for the Conner Joyce reading, only eight people were there, including the events coordinator.
On the metal folding chairs positioned in rows in front of a podium and a signing table were a pair of trampy white women in their late thirties or early forties; they were wearing tight, sequined blue jeans and were holding copies of People magazine’s bachelors issue, circa 2005, for Conner to sign. There was the de rigueur weedy, sunlight-averse guy with copies of each of Conner’s books stacked in a wheeled pushcart, undoubtedly hoping to move autographed first editions on eBay (Just your signature. No inscription,
he said). There was a doughy lady in her early fifties with a library copy of Ice Locker and a digital camera so she could take a photo of Conner for her blog, Authors Are My Weakness. Conner gamely agreed, but after she snapped the pic and he mentioned his wife, she didn’t stick around.
A homeless dude was sprawled across three chairs in the front row; there was a white boy with baggy jeans, a turned-around vintage Montreal Expos baseball cap, dragon tattoos on his shoulders, and an iPod, reading a copy of XXL; an Asian girl with a mug of coffee was studying for the SATs and leaving coffee rings on her test-prep book. None of them seemed to know who Conner was. Maybe some had seen the straight-to-DVD movie of Devil Shotgun (pretty good performance by Mark Ruffalo in the lead role of Detective Cole Padgett if you feel like streaming it on Netflix), but they didn’t seem aware the author was in the store. The other customers in Borders were either purchasing coffee, reading books and magazines they hadn’t paid for and weren’t intending to pay for, or buying discounted books by James Patterson, Stephenie Meyer, or Margot Hetley.
Conner, wearing his traditional getup of a good heavy sport coat, jeans, and a light-blue button-down shirt, was adjusting the microphone at his podium and studying a sheet of prepared remarks through a set of half glasses. Those glasses were the only sign he had aged at all since I had last seen him. Otherwise, he looked eager and energetic, smiling all dimples at the women in the front row seated next to the homeless guy. Conner smiled as if he didn’t notice how small the crowd was, or as if he felt flattered that anyone would go out of his or her way to hear him speak. The humility I have always worked so hard to affect seemed to come naturally to Conner.
I didn’t know whether I would be doing Conner more of a service by sitting up front and making the crowd look bigger or by sneaking out and pretending I hadn’t noticed how few people were there. But before I had decided, Conner caught sight of me by the bestsellers shelf, where I was flipping through The Fearsome Shallow—the eighth book in Margot Hetley’s Wizard Vampire Chronicles series. I was wondering how Ms. Hetley, who seemed to occupy just about every slot on the New York Times hardback, paperback, and e-book bestseller lists, had managed to wring eight five-hundred-page installments out of the concept of wars between rival gangs of vampires and wizards when it seemed obvious to me that all a wizard would have to do to kick a vampire’s ass was pounce on it during the day while it was sleeping. How could anyone take this stuff seriously, I wondered. Hetley’s graphic depictions of wizard-on-vampire sex, which was creating a bloodthirsty, mutant race of evil, soulless vampards,
seemed absurd. I was still scanning Hetley’s book when Conner’s voice boomed out, as loud as if he had been speaking over the public address system.
I was wondering if you’d come out of hiding, buddy; I was thinking maybe I was gonna hafta track you down,
he said with a laugh. I put down the