Lies in Silence
By SJ Hart
()
About this ebook
Lies In Silence advocates for improved diagnosis and treatment for bipolar and co-occurring disorders by describing the devastating toll the disorders took on three generations of the author’s family. An insightful and compelling look that gives the reader an understanding of the depth of pain and suffering experienced by people who have these genetically transmitted diseases.
SJ Hart
SJ Hart is a therapist, advocate, and author. She has more than 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents, adults, and families who suffer from genetically transmitted mental illnesses.SJ provides training and education for various groups including current and future medical and mental health providers, allied health professionals, educators, and law enforcement.
Related to Lies in Silence
Related ebooks
LGBTQAI+ PHOBIA IN THE MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAn Unusual Journey: My Life in a Cult Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsUnder His Wings. Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGood Grief: Processing Loss in the Midst of Chaos Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSacred Kingdom Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBackroads and Highways: My Journey to Discovery on Mental Health Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Pity Party Is Still a Party: A Feel-Good Guide to Feeling Bad Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Strangers Among Us: Tales of the Underdogs and Outcasts: Laksa Anthology Series: Speculative Fiction Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Truth about Trauma and Dissociation: Everything you didn't want to know and were afraid to ask Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsStress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Many Faces of Grief Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRusty's War: A Battle of the Mind Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWounded: The Color of Pain Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLeaving the Fold Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Later, I Learned...: A Journey Through Life with Diabetes Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRoot, Rise, Roar: Transforming Trauma into Your Brave and Beautiful Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIt Won't Hurt None Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Outsider's Inn - Saving Lives with Conscious Living Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCRAZY DIDN'T GET ME: Preparation for My Destiny Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCoping with Death In the Family Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Crazy Quilt: A Memoir About Mental Illness Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSurviving the Justice Experience: An Essential Christian Resource for Families of Offenders Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSafari for the Soul Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMy Story: A Personal Journey Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Skinny on Being Skinny: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Ancestry Discoveries: What Happens Under the Sheets Doesn't Stay There Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMind Over Matter: Mental Health Stories on Coping with Stigma, Society and Self Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFinal Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Co Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Black Sheep Book: Breaking the Silence and the Cycle Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Psychology For You
101 Fun Personality Quizzes: Who Are You . . . Really?! Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Art of Letting Go: Stop Overthinking, Stop Negative Spirals, and Find Emotional Freedom Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A People's History of the United States Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Witty Banter: Be Clever, Quick, & Magnetic Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Laziness Does Not Exist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsChanges That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Self-Care for People with ADHD: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Prioritize You! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Source: The Secrets of the Universe, the Science of the Brain Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: The Narcissism Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer's World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Lies in Silence
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Lies in Silence - SJ Hart
Lies In Silence
Lessons about Bipolar and Co-Occurring Disorders Learned through Advocating for Appropriate Treatment for My Family
SJ Hart
Issues Press - Smashwords Edition
Issues Press
An imprint of Idyll Arbor, Inc.
39129 264th Ave SE, Enumclaw, WA 98022
Editor: Thomas M. Blaschko
© 2006, 2009 SJ Hart.
ISBN 978-1-930-46110-9
International copyright protection is reserved under Universal Copyright Convention and bilateral copyright relations of the USA. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise — without the prior written permission of the publisher.
License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author and publisher.
Praise for Lies In Silence
Story after story in this firsthand accounting allows us to see the toll that one person’s mental illness takes on an entire family.
— Christine S. 47, TX. Music teacher, mother of a bipolar teen, with bipolar disorder in her extended family.
Lies In Silence is a well-written, page-turning book about a woman’s heart-wrenching journey through a life infiltrated by bipolar disorder. One can easily empathize with her suffering as bipolar disorder intimately afflicts her and her family. SJ Hart appropriately depicts this illness as one that lies dormant until it consumes one’s mind, body, and soul.
This book offers valuable medical information regarding some of the potential triggers of bipolar disorder, and emphasizes the strong genetic etiology of the illness. It illustrates the need for more medical research and better healthcare for the mentally ill and their families.
— Melissa B. 37. Family physician, mother of two, sister of a bipolar sibling.
Read More Praise
In Memory of
Those who have committed suicide
Those who have committed homicide, their victims and loved ones
Those who have committed grave and life-altering acts toward themselves and others
Those who fought and lost to
Lies In Silence
With gratitude and deep humility…
To MS:
For generously sharing your creative vision and ideas in a candid manner;
For assisting me in the transformation of my words from mythical metaphors into an authentic reflection of mental illness;
For your interest, your kindness, and your depth of commitment to Lies In Silence.
For discussing and teaching the most important issue in presenting any story: the quality of credibility.
And always most importantly to me, for being a man who keeps his word with no personal agenda.
To FJK:
For the light you offered, respectfully challenging my darkness and my despair;
For your constant effort to understand my heart, my sorrow, and my personal path, while you walk your own;
For developing our relationship, though based on a parallel foundation of solid difference and poignant similarity;
For opening up to a virtual stranger through sharing a story that brought us together in language and loss;
And perhaps, dearest to me, for passing no judgment or wavering in your own faith in spite of the abyss of my own.
Contents
Prologue
Beginnings
Silent No More
Has Anybody Seen My Daddy?
He Lies in Silence
Incomprehensible Childhood Lessons
The Infinite Gift of Stigma
Repairing a Shattered Spirit
Looming Genetics
Suicide 101—The Taboo Conversation
Endless Judgment
Hypersexuality
Piercing a Dying Heart
Suicidal Movie Theater
Kidnapped to the Other Side
So You Think You Know Mental Illness
Continuing Heartbreak
New Normal
Who Will Answer my Questions?
Resources
Praise for Lies in Silence Continued
Glossary
Acknowledgements
To my husband for his loyalty, his patience,
his support and his love.
To my children who suffer daily, with genetics
that have stolen their innocence, their dreams, and their lives.
To my mother-in-law for her endless assistance
in the day-to-day struggle of our new normal.
To my sister and AJ for never saying no.
To my few real friends who reached out to me,
while I was slipping away.
To my S.I.S. who lit the darkness of the storms
with scented candles and held my hand, while I lost
my mind, my children, and my hope.
To all of my book reviewers, with much gratitude,
for affirming Lies In Silence and its significant and
timely value, supporting the candid and honest version of
our personal saga.
To the millions of children, adolescents, adults,
and those who love them; may we someday
find relief from our suffering, and the long-awaited
understanding and compassion,
without the constant sting of stigma.
To my mother; for her years of strength and courage
to fight on in spite of tremendous obstacles and
lack of understanding.
And lastly to my father; rest in peace now, dad.
Prologue
Many years ago, at the age of twelve, I was shaken by the first of several unexpected, agonizing jolts in what was to become my surreal and unimaginable life. My personal life journey. Catastrophic jolts that remain difficult to grasp, that lack any reasonable explanation, and that I resist accepting as the reason for my existence.
Looking back now what lies in silence was obvious. There had been hundreds, perhaps thousands, of warning signs. The adults in my life were unable to accurately explain the magnitude of our circumstances themselves. In truth, they wanted more than anything to protect us in the misguided way adults sometimes do. And they were never given adequate information to understand or make some kind of sense of the overwhelming burdens we would experience with little to no resources.
Therefore, I lived for decades with a belief system and core identity, later discovering that it was distorted, skewed, and mistaken. A belief system based on a massive illusion, thus creating vulnerability and ignorance. It was a situation that produced a complete lack of awareness of the impending and inevitable catastrophes that would follow, leaving my family and me unprepared for what lay ahead.
This is our family’s story — one family’s incomprehensible journey.
Some locations and details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. However, the genetics are 100% accurate. The pain is 100% accurate. The multi-generational suffering is 100% accurate, and the majority of the people discussed are real.
Our story is alarming and it is meant to sound warning bells! Loudly! For anyone and everyone who will listen. My family’s story is instructive for those who live with or work with the mentally ill. It may touch those who are mentally ill or those loving someone mentally ill. Our collective pain and suffering may sound eerily familiar and resonate for some. As it is in our daily reality, the obstacle we most share is stigma, as many of us typically suffer alone and in isolation. It is easy to recognize stigma from others as it cuts us to the core, but sometimes the stigma from within and the constant feeling we are broken is the largest obstacle to finding our voice and demanding changes.
We live in a world not known to those who exist outside the horror of brain disease. And many non-sufferers judge our world in very public and disrespectful ways.
It is our time to speak and educate so that others might comprehend or recognize hurtful and baseless opinions, for they do not move us any closer to a productive and normal life, let alone viable solutions. In fact, it is those words that often keep us from seeking help, as the stigma of others joined with the stigma in our own heads multiplies our struggle to come to terms with a life-altering and deeply isolating illness.
Our family may sound unique or atypical due to our level of loss and trauma, but we are certainly not special or rare. We are one family of millions. Our personal, painful, and unmistakable saga began over seventy years ago in another country, like so many families of that era.
Chapter One: Beginnings
My father was a kind and gentle man. Growing up with two brothers, his mother, his father, and many loving relatives in his extended family provided him with a wide circle of resources during his formative years. My father’s parents originally came from Poland. They were devout Christians and wished, like all immigrants coming to America, to create a happy and successful life for their family in the land of opportunity, the United States of America.
They arrived on a cramped ship during a steady rain — the entire family as well as old neighbors, business associates, and family acquaintances. The inclement weather went unnoticed as they fulfilled a dream not only for themselves, but also for future generations.
They all settled in Brooklyn, New York, initially. Then a large portion of the family, including my father’s parents, and some of their neighbors moved to Boston, while the others remained behind in Brooklyn.
My grandparents enrolled dad and his brothers in public school. They excelled academically, and seemed destined to become successful professionals and businessmen. They were smart, athletic, handsome, and popular, as well as kind and generous.
It was at this time that subtle signs of a transformation in my father’s temperament were emerging, accompanied by others feeling that something wasn’t right. It was unsettling, an obscure presence.
It was similar to a thunderstorm approaching from the distance. Though not yet visible to the eye, it brings a shift in the weather, the wind, and the sky. There is a tension in the air before actually seeing it. When the change finally occurs, it seems to happen in an instant, though many unnoticed things have already changed.
It was not clear to anyone what was happening to dad. They were unacquainted with the cunning nature of what lies in silence. The hidden storm crept into their presence — into dad’s world — lurking and undetected. It was concealed, invisible, and nameless, as it has been throughout its existence.
Towards the end of dad’s high school years, he experienced and exhibited an increase of frenetic energy — energy that was endless and often lacked direction or purpose. He swung between a larger-than-life,
jovial persona with a charismatic personality and a combative, unreasonable young man. Dad talked most often in a pressured manner, became involved in more activities than usual, perhaps more than was really possible, and, at times, demonstrated severe irritability and explosive anger.
The unfamiliar force was now fully interfering with every part of his life and all of his relationships. What remained undetected was now embarking on a mission to possess him.
At the start of his senior year most of his friends remained amused and entertained by his outgoing personality and his offbeat sense of humor, but they lacked any sense of who he was, as what they saw was not an authentic reflection of the illness quietly awakening beneath the surface.
By the end of dad’s senior year, prior to graduation, most of his classmates feared him, as he had grown more unpredictable and had confusing outbursts