Many Faces of The Same Woman?

MANY FACES OF THE SAME WOMAN?

Published by Tracy Lee Dixon

Copyright 2010 Tracy Lee Dixon at Smashwords

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MANY FACES OF THE SAME WOMAN?

Table of contents

Intro: - You are not the Father

Chapter 1 The beginning of the End

Chapter 2 The story of Maria

Chapter 3 The Pimp Game

Chapter 4 A Mothers advice

Chapter 5 Miss Mahogany Gorne

Chapter 6 Kelly girl

Chapter 7 Susan the Gypsy

Chapter 8 Dr. Ellen Watson

Chapter 9 Ashley the Angel

Chapter 10 Lisa Love

Chapter 11 The Signs of Monique

Chapter 12 Sandy from Saint Croix

Chapter 13 Jasmine’s promise

Chapter 14 Riding with The Devil - Annette aka Pinocchio

Chapter 15 Salvation and Deliverance

Poem - We must grow on

Intro: You - are not the Father

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

The date was March 15th, 2005, right after my Mother’s birthday. I had managed to put together money for a nice gift for her this year, but overall I was pretty much broke at this time of my life. The rain pouring down was relentless in its attack on my cheap umbrella, my defense was useless. Soaked from head to toe I fought against the wind mixed with killer bucket sized drops as I carried on toward the corner store gas station. I had no choice, because you see I was suffering from a case of deep cigarette jones and the six pack chills. It is amazing how our addictive habits and behaviors will cause us to endure the most treacherous of conditions.

Man verses the wild seemed to be the order of the day. I arrived in very wet fashion, grabbing some beer and ordering a pack of New York over taxed smokes. The twenty dollars instantly turned into confetti as if the cashier had a blender hidden inside the register. I said to the young man; Inflation is an understatement nowadays, all I got back is coins. You see after the terrible events of 9-11- 2001 New York became even more expensive, stretching beyond the money vacuum we know it already was. One would figure, considering that so many of us lost our livelihoods and took major pay cuts do to the alleged terrorism - the Politicians would give us a break somewhere or somehow. But then, they wouldn’t be Politicians now would they? Capitalizing on all opportunities available, good or bad too increase revenue via - into their pockets not ours. The name of the game was suffer, suffer, suffer, and plenty of people were doing just that.

I unfortunately, happened to be one of them, because the music business turned very volatile. If the sneaks, snakes and sharks could get a cheaper performer or Deejay, you were out of work. I easily took an eighty percent reduction from 9 - 11, and now mostly survived on fumes. The walk back home, three blocks gave me as much hell as coming to get the smokes. Trying to light one up was futile, I managed one or two drags before the rain drenched out the fire and all hopes of smoking until I made it back home. A block away from my house I noticed a crowd under a large tent. I don’t know how I missed them the first time passing by, but a religious revival of some type was taking place. I paused to listen for a second to hear what was going on. Mixed as was the neighborhood of Bellerose Terrace, the seventy five to eighty people stood clapping and cheering. The Pastor was ranting and raving about the goodness of God’s grace as he preached with emotion to them;

Our Church may have burned down, but the flame of God is still inside of us, we shall build again. You know through Christ, no storm can stop us from meeting or congregating. For if he is with us, then what force can stand against us.

The crowd cheered him on, and even amidst the mighty thunder of the storm, lightening he feared none, for he commanded his audience. He was a Joel Osteen looking man, tall and well tailored. I respected his passion but I had no intention of stopping in. I needed to get home this morning, needed to do some heavy thinking about why I felt like God - had abandoned me. I moved on with my wet jeans sticking to my legs, my umbrella was long lost in the wind by now. It was just me and the elements. I would say the cold water was all the revival I needed to experience today. Entering the small room I rented I stripped out of the wet clothes and opened a cold beer. I sat on the old chair near the bare window naked as the day I was born I turned on the small television. I smoked three squares in a row steering out into space, busy wondering how my life became so mediocre. I had a pregnant woman due now any day, a crazy woman coming over later this afternoon and no income to claim as my own. Tired and alone I began to drift off to sleep after I guzzled the forth beer. But just before I did, I heard the television show host say; ‘Tim, I have the DNA test results right here. In the case of four month old baby Jenny - you are not the Father!"

Chapter 1 The beginning of the End

Romans 3:10-13 there is no one who is righteous. No one is wise or worships God. They have all turned away from God: they have all gone wrong No one does what is right not even one. Their words are full of deadly deceit.

I woke up with a hangover and was headed for Philly that afternoon. I got a call that Jasmine went into labor early. We had newborn twins, Precious and Priceless. This was the first children for Jasmine, but my third. ‘Man Sebastian,’ I thought to myself, ‘you have three now, wow what a jump from one child.’ I switched lanes and the new 300M roared across the road, begging for more speed. I was in a hurry so I tapped the gas and zoom, what a nice car. Fine engine sleek shape, fully loaded with leather and a sun roof sweet, real sweet. Too bad the owner wasn’t as nice, in fact she wasn’t very nice at all.

Annette was as ghetto as her name. She sat in the passenger seat with her legs crossed in her typical I’m sophisticated pose, chewing my ear off with the usual Annette nonsense. She reminded me of a dog chasing its tail. Annette was too dumb to ever know when to quit. She was an intellectual, you know, one of those people that knew all the answers but the problem was she didn’t know any of the questions. Her life consisted of a placebo of contradictions. Suddenly it became clear to me Annette had an identity complex. Even though she was fully equipped with her Master’s Degree, conservative clothes and proper English speech dictionary manners, Annette was self delusional. Her high class North Carolina upbringing obviously had damaged the common sense section of her brain. One minute she spoke all proper, like a Senators daughter. Then the next minute she became Ghetto Girl, with the head movements and outdated slang to match.

Too me she was a white girl trapped inside a black girl’s body. ‘Man that’s a shame,’ hey I have nothing against white girls, but I prefer the real ones, not some fake mixed up wannabe like she was. Here I was in my prime, looking pretty good for thirty five years young, my six foot frame had lost a little bulk recently from all the stress and not eating right, but at one hundred eighty five pounds with a half a six pack left I wasn’t complaining. My coco brown skin still had a nice glow that set off my rugged good looks. As I glanced in the rear view mirror and removed my New York hat, I could see that I was well over due for a haircut. My fade was just about gone and my rounded face showed bags under my light brown eyes. My goatee was still intact hey I just shaved that up this morning before the rain adventure. ‘Huh,’ I chuckled to myself. ‘you still looking good kid, you still got the glow.’ Annette continued to chew my ear off while I ignored her busy deep in my thoughts. Man an average chic acting fly what a waste.

At thirty eight plus years old Annette was attractive, but overall still average in looks. There is nothing worse than an average person acting super fly, a man or woman, right? She had light smooth skin with the plain Jane type of body, no outstanding parts to talk about. Her face told the story of her guilt for sure, it was always riddled with stress and she wore the smile of an evil old lady from the back woods of nowhere. Annette; however, did posses big pretty eyes like a gold fish. Yes her eyes were her best feature no question. Her head was surely too big for her five foot hundred twenty pound frame. But those eyes, those big beautiful eyes were one of a kind. I hated the sight of her burgundy long haired weave, it looked even faker then she acted, which is saying a whole lot. She walked with confidence in her swagger, but the rest of her disposition said; ‘if you’re smart stay away.’

Well I guess at that time of my life I wasn’t very smart. You know honestly, if Annette wasn’t such a drama queen I might have gotten serious with her. If she cut out the Holly -Weird act, and started accepting and admitting some reality, who knows, I might just have considered it. But as it stood I never trusted or took her serious about anything. She had been running from the truth about herself for so long that she actually believed her own lies. I’d come to learn in life that self delusion in a recipe for disaster, this mind state creates the most dangerous of all people. I met Annette in New Orleans sometime back while I lived there with Jasmine in 2003. I only lived there a short eight months, went fishing and managed to catch the lousiest fish in the water. A plain old goldfish with no gold, stuck in a bowl of lost time. As they say, New Orleans is a fun filled sinful town. Everyone knows that by its reputation, but damn, I never expected to meet a true demon like Annette.

I can remember it all like it was yesterday, Jasmine was in the early stages of pregnancy, feeling unattractive and refusing my sexual advances. After trying to tell her she was still very beautiful to no success. I finally went out on a Saturday night hunting for a quick lay. I stopped at a rundown bar downtown called The Dead End, I should have known better, just by the name. Anyway, I met Annette there while I was having a few whiskey sours. She loved drugs, dives, tattoos and any other sinful pleasure that God would condemn. I guess low life surroundings made her feel superior. She came on with that high-class talk in a no class place, and I saw right through it. She was a fake, flake bullsh-- artist. So I took her out to the parking lot and banged her brains out in her car, what a nice girl right? Yeah, sure, she was more like a nymphomaniac freak who loved it any and every way possible. After two days with me drilling deep inside her like I was searching for oil in the Gulf of Mexico. She threw her old man out her house and tried to convince me to move in with her, I told her; Hell no, sweetheart, that’s not going to happen, I’m only in New Orleans on business, not forever - listen close. I’m from New York baby, and New York is calling me back home. Not even two months after I moved back to New York, Annette found some excuse to move there too. She stayed with her sister in Jamaica Queens just a few minutes from me. She sold her house, furniture and everything she could, why? Don’t ask me, of course she claimed it had nothing to do with me, hey you figure it out.

Anyway on this present day we were riding to Philadelphia together. Jasmine had moved back with the wicked witch, her mother when we came back up north. It was all good and I kind of encouraged her to do just that, I was tired of the struggling we went through. Jasmines promise turned out to be nothing more than dust in the wind. Ok -Philly here I come, the plan for the day was to arrive and drop me off at the hospital to handle my business, while Annette went to go to find a hotel lay low and wait for me. But as usual her insecure controlling drama queen routine, I need some drugs act was in full effect. In fact it was in rare form, I didn’t mind a little get high every now and then but damn, Annette never quit. I could feel the pressure on my eyebrows like heavy weights whenever she was present. You know - I was only using her for her car and some money here and there anyway, but the price was getting too high, literally too high and I wanted out. I knew the end of us was coming soon. Her low life ass was headed downhill, real, real, real, and I do mean real fast.

As I drove along the New Jersey Turnpike, I glanced at her out the side of my eye, in total disgust. I wondered how things were going for Jasmine all alone at the hospital waiting on me, mister show up late – as I had too often been in life. The radio was playing a famous Jay-Z song. The lyrics rang out at a medium level, ‘politics as usual,’ yes that’s exactly what it was. I turned it up a notch to help me to drown out Annette’s constant, negative annoying yapping. Politics as usual was what it was, Jasmine in Philadelphia with her family pre arranged life, being controlled at every turn. And I was suffering my fate back in New York with the professional drama queen living just minutes away. Jasmine was the Cinderella of her family, the finest of them all. ‘Man Sebastian,’ I told myself silently, ‘never ever hook up with a French snotty chic again.’ That whole better than Americans attitude nonsense I went through with Jas was crazy, her family always tried to come between us.

Jasmine never stood up for herself, she was spineless. Her family believed in that control arranged marriage type of life for her. Needless to say, I wasn’t the one they had in mind. They felt I was too old and broke for her twenty eight year old tender fine existence. Well we have twins together now, so they can kiss my ass and just get over it. Annette was the total opposite of Jas, no one controlled her. Nobody could ever change her mind. Not even me, it seemed especially not me. I saw a sign up ahead that read, Philadelphia city limits fifty more miles. Annette was still yapping and yapping like a wild boar on a rampage.

Man Annette, could you shut up for a minute? I’m trying to think over here. Look if you not talking dollars then you are not making sense to me so drop it ok, just drop it. She squirmed around in her seat aggressively facing me. As she did so I got a nice glimpse of her smooth thigh as the black skirt rose way above her knee. Well she did have some good vagina no question there, hell I almost wanted to pull over and sample a little taste, but before I knew it she shouted out.

No I am not dropping, nothing Sebastian and look who’s talking like your ass don’t talk more than me. However; unlike you, I listen to people and absorb what they have to say. You don’t, and you do not understand me at all. Why is it you cannot take out time to hear me and respect my feelings Sebastian. She was in a heated mood today - Annette was in the Senator’s daughter mode. Her voice irritated me the most when she spoke like this. She opened the window a flicked her cigarette butt carelessly out then turned right back to me.

Instead you come up with a world full of excuses to ask me to be quiet. Annette turned the radio completely off and folded her arms like a child who couldn’t get an ice cream from their mother. The frown she displayed on her face could’ve scared Dracula and his whole army away. I knew I had to play along when she was this upset.

Alright go ahead Annette I’m listening to you what’s good mommy. I tried to humor her a bit, but it didn’t work, she shouted back at me with a snare.

No, forget it you’re just trying to satisfy me, forget it. You will never grasp the concept of love and sharing. You see I know for a fact men today are lost in their direction of how to even deal with a strong independent woman. That’s why, us real woman of high social class and status, refuse to be in the company of those that don’t respect us as equals. Like most men today have the whole situation confused. You seem to lack the necessary vernacular to comprehend this. You got it confused mister- you think I am some dumb girl who you can play on.

Confused was right, I was confused, at the fact of how I ever wound up with her in the first place. On and on she went without pause. Annette’s mouth only had two speeds, full steam ahead and total shutdown. If I said yes, she said no, if I said no, she said yes. What a waste of time we couldn’t succeed at anything together. She knew too much, and needed to control every moment of the day. She was the type to try to tell the sun what time to rise in the morning, if you know what I mean? A female like that needs another woman; she was way, way too much man for me, too conniving and extra negative. How in the hell did I end up with her? She wasn’t even my type - not at all, I liked soft-spoken gentle women, not loud mouth trash. How did I get up with her crazy ass? After having beautiful women and success that most men would kill for, it would seem I was now a failure at everything. Where did I go wrong, what exactly was the beginning of my end?

I thought about it as the road narrowed due to construction ahead. What about the good women I blew. Like Ashley she was sweet as an angel and she loved me, should we try again? We do have a son together, and then there was Sandy. She was a great catch, I should have treated her better Sandy was very good to me - I messed up on that one. Ironically both of them were from the Virgin Islands, Ashley- Saint Thomas and Sandy- Saint Croix. These islands produced two of the best woman I had ever met. What about Mahogany? She could have been my wife, my rib, it’s so sad what happened to her, real sad. Kelly and I also had a deep love, the white and black color difference didn’t matter at all, at least not to us. Why is life so cruel to some and so generous to others? Or was it me and my personality causing all this mayhem, well maybe some of it but not in all cases it just couldn’t be. Now Monique - well, huh, that sneaky ass Monique was a trip, man oh man, Sebastian, you loved you some Monique. I often wonder why I still feel something inside for her. She did me so wrong, real dirty and right at the time of 9 -11. She was my total downfall both me and The Twin Towers fell in that era. Plus I lost so much money, and she had the nerve too, she actually had the nerve too, too.

I paused in mid thought and looked over to see a silent Annette leaning on the window still pouting. Wait a minute; I went back to thought, Monique wasn’t the beginning of the end. Maria was the beginning of the end, years ago when I was a young stud at seventeen. Maria began the whole thing I – I, My thoughts were suddenly interrupted, Annette was yelling again. The silent moment was short lived.

Sebastian, slowdown player, this ani’t no Hyundai, you’ll get there soon enough. Sh-- they born now, your ass missed it. Your late either way so fu-- it, take your time. You hear me? Hey, hey, you should stop daydreaming and pay more attention to the car, look, we need gas we down to a quarter tank. Take this next exit coming up, let’s stop downtown fill up and thrill up. I heard they got the best trees around here, we can cop sum tin player.

Annette had switched from Senators daughter into Ghetto Girl; her one-track mind always conveniently came up with an excuse to get high. She used any reason to hit the hood, day or night, and catch the white tee shirt bike-riding boys for some stimulation. Sometimes, ha, well actually most times I felt like smacking her right out the car. Little did I know, in the months to come ahead that would all basically come true? But stuck in time, I couldn’t get over having to start my life all over again. I couldn’t get over needing Annette. In some strange way I knew I still needed her. After having a nice life with a house, cars, diamonds, stocks, bank accounts, credit cards and plenty of gorgeous women, I now needed Annette. Women are a man’s fatal flaw I tell you, it is built into the design as a safety mechanism. Women, women, women - that was my downfall. And it all started with Maria, Yeah, Maria was the beginning of the end for me. Annette yelled again at me, grabbing the wheel like a madman.

I told you to slowdown the car player, find me some drugs, sh-- let’s get high baby. This was a long ass ride Sebastian, I know you hear me, can we get high baby? I felt myself weakening and giving in to her demands I moved over a few lanes prepared to exit the highway.

Annette you know you can mess up a wet dream for a brother, just shut up already please, I’m trying to concentrate, trying to think over here. She unbuckled her seat belt and moved over towards me.

I will give you a wet dream and something to think about baby, lean your ass back a little. Whenever you want me quiet Sebastian, just stick something in my mouth baby. I pretended to move away but I had nowhere to run.

I am driving Annette, stop you can’t do that while I’m on a highway I might crash or something. Annette laughed and kept on going, reaching for my pants, as she did so she said to me.

Yeah right, you never crashed before with your expert driving ass, you love it like this, it turns you on now move your arm. I had my arm blocking her path, I