Be Still & Know, A Novel

CHAPTER ONE

Part I - That Was Then

Summer 2006

Alvin Reigns stared at the spinning ceiling fan, wishing he could be anywhere but where he was at that moment. He knew before he left his apartment that morning that he would not be returning alone. Since the breakup with Desiree over a year ago, he found himself in this situation more times than he cared to admit. He only knew how many women he had in his bed each week by the number of condom wrappers in the trash can. He found it interesting that in the eight years he dated Desiree, he never gave a second thought to other women. Nor would he have ever considered sleeping with her before they were married. He loved her and his parents taught him to respect her enough to wait. Times had certainly changed.

He closed his eyes trying to remember how this one came to spend the entire night. He never allowed any woman to remain in his apartment until morning. If he were honest with himself, he would admit that he was growing tired of this lifestyle, but he felt powerless to stop. Once upon a time he thought Desiree would be his future. Now it hurt too much to even think about her or the future.

He didn’t want to think about Desiree. He didn’t want to think about the woman lying beside him in his guest bedroom either. None of them were ever granted access to his master suite. He never wanted them to feel as though they were something that they weren’t.

He met Imani the night before in the lounge of the hotel where he played the keyboard for a band three nights a week. He picked up the gig, not because of the music, the venue, or the money, but because it gave him access to different women each night he played. Most of the women he approached were visiting the city which meant that none of them would expect more than the few hours he was willing to give them.

He noticed Imani almost immediately from the stage. She seemed attractive enough, and she was clearly available. She agreed to a late dinner and coffee, but her bright smile at his suggestion that they skip dinner and have coffee at his place told him all he needed to know.

Alvin usually got what he wanted. Women were no exception, but regret was starting to gnaw at him. He enjoyed the adrenalin rush of the chase, and the challenge of undressing and possessing whatever woman he chose. However, disappointment always reared his ugly head after he got what he thought he wanted. His existence for the past year had been a series of disappointments and regrets.

He was usually proud of the fact that he could get anything, or anyone, he put his mind to. Right now all he wanted to do was to get Imani dressed, and out of his apartment.

Hey. He mumbled.

She moaned, and snuggled closer to him.

Imani. He said pushing her away from him. Get up.

What time is it? She mumbled.

Early. He replied. I have to get up.

‘So you have to go.’ he thought.

Alvin watched her role out of bed and slide first underwear, then jeans up her slender hips. They were too slender in his opinion. There was nothing about her that even excited him. She was tall and gangly with nut brown skin, and wide brown eyes that held no trace of warmth. He guessed her hair to be a medium length, but she wore a weave that she probably thought made her look sexy. Alvin would rather have spent the evening running his fingers through her real hair. Instead of tangling his fingers in her hair last night he had to be careful not to pull it out.

He watched her dress in front of the full length mirror that hung on the back of the bedroom door. He smiled wondering what he ever saw in her. He already knew the answer to that one. He could never resist the chase. The challenge of a woman who said no to him was worth the extra effort it took him to get her into his bed. He almost chuckled the night before when Imani informed him that she would not be falling into his bed, and that they would only be talking and drinking coffee.

Yeah right, he thought. What was I thinking?

So, I’m going to be busy today, but call me tomorrow. She said staring at her reflection in the mirror.

She didn’t seem to care that he hadn’t responded to her order. She was arrogant enough to believe that he would do whatever she asked.

The truth was that he had no intention of calling her tomorrow, or any other day. He got what he wanted and was done with her. He knew there was truly no point in pretending that they would speak again after she left.

She took one last peek in the mirror, then turned quickly on her heals.

Shall I let myself out?

Without a word, he stood and pulled on the pair of jeans that landed on the floor near the bed last night. He wrapped his arm around her slim waist and led her out of the room. He wanted to tell her to find her own way out, but thought better of it. Despite his current state of mind his parents raised him to be a gentleman. He would walk her to her car, and kiss her good-bye. He still had to shower before meeting his brother for breakfast.

Kai Bennett rolled onto her side squinting at the sunlight streaming through the hotel curtains. She knew without glancing over her shoulder that he was no longer lying beside her. He always woke with the sun, wanting to start his day before anyone else. He would expect her to be alert this morning, and to keep him company with interesting conversation while he ate his breakfast. He said he appreciated her mind, but she knew otherwise. He may have appreciated her intelligence, but he appreciated her body more.

He had a routine that she had come to know well. It was a dance of sorts, and she made it her business to memorize every step. For instance, she knew that he would have ordered breakfast before stepping into the shower this morning. She knew he would have ordered fresh fruit, waffles, softly scrambled eggs, orange juice, and coffee. He was predictable, even in bed nothing he ever did surprised her. He would shower, shave, and slide on a pair of white boxer briefs. By then his breakfast will have arrived and he would be ready to eat, expecting her to smile, and hang on his every word.

Kai swung her legs off of the bed, and wrapped herself in the lavender silk robe he bought her from the boutique in the hotel lobby. She came as she always did, with an overnight bag filled with toiletries and the clothes on her back. He always made sure she had everything else she needed, knowing that she was a svelte size 8 and what colors she looked best in. She had to wonder if he knew the same things about his wife.

She glanced at the platinum and diamond tennis bracelet resting on the nightstand. To him it was a trinket, a thank you for spending the last 3 nights with him. It would not be the last. Tonight, she would make him remember why he is always so generous. In the morning he would finish his business, board a plane, and return home to his wife. Kai would get into the limo and leave as quietly as she’d come. She knew him too well.

She stood and sauntered across the plush carpeting of the suite glancing at her reflection in the mirror. She splashed her face with cool water from the sink, and dabbed it dry with the hand towel hanging from the silver bar beside her. She twisted her hair into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to slip into her soft cotton pajamas and curl up in her own comfy queen sized bed.

Why can’t I end this? She mumbled.

Tightening her robe, she squirted moisturizing cream on her fingers and rubbed it onto her face. She tossed the small plastic bottle aside, then squirted toothpaste onto her electric toothbrush. Hearing the water in the shower stop, she quickly brushed her teeth and retrieved her makeup bag from underneath the sink. She dusted powder on her face and added mascara and a pale pink lip gloss. She kept her makeup light this morning. She wanted to be alluring, but still needed to shower and properly wash her face.

She smirked at her reflection in the mirror deciding that she was presentable for 30 minutes of conversation, and 15 minutes of foreplay. She slipped on the ridiculous pair of white Marabou slippers that he thought she looked incredible in just as the light knock at the door announced that breakfast was served.

He poked his head out of the bathroom, and indicated a stack of twenty dollar bills on the nightstand. She tossed a smile over her shoulder and shoved two twenty’s in the pocket of the robe. With a wink, he shut the door and snapped the electric razor back on.

She instructed the waiter to set the table for two and watched as he covered it with fresh linen and spread steaming platters across the length of it. He stole glances at her as he set napkins and silverware on top of two empty plates that sat near the edge of the table.

Can I pour you a glass of orange juice or a cup of coffee?

No, thank you. Was Kai’s curt reply.

If there’s nothing else ma’am… He said pushing the empty cart towards the door.

She followed him pulling the two bills from her pocket. She raised them towards her face in an effort to pull his attention away from her cleavage.

Thank you. She smirked.

She rolled her eyes, barely resisting slamming the door behind him. She hated being viewed as a piece of meat, even if the reason for her stay at the hotel was painfully obvious to everyone.

Closing her eyes, Kai tried to shake thoughts of her present role out of her mind. It was less difficult when her host treated her as a precious gift. The staff, knowing that she was not his wife, was less accommodating.

She sat in the seat to the left of the head of the table and tried again to clear her head. She had to remain focused. There was a mere 24 hours left of their arrangement, and she had a job to do. Besides, she had endured worse for longer.

She crossed her legs at the knee and sat straight up giving her a longer, leaner appearance. She knew the tricks that made her more appealing to him. Her hair was pulled back and pinned up because he loved the line of her neck. Her robe was loosely tied because he loved to sneak peeks at her cleavage. The bottom of her robe was open revealing her long leg because he loved the appearance of her taut calf muscle. She smiled as he walked out of the bathroom in a pair of white boxer briefs and a T-shirt, and sat in the chair at the head of the table. He picked up the paper she strategically placed on the corner of the table near his seat and nodded for her to serve him.

She subtly shook her head and filled his plate with a waffle, lightly buttered with syrup on the side for dipping, eggs – pepper, no salt, and one scoop of fresh fruit. She sat the plate in front of him and returned to her seat wondering where the conversation would take them this morning.

Thank you for joining me this week. He smiled. Meetings were brutal.

Business, she thought then smiled. She was well versed in his business. She probably knew more than any executive on his staff – it was her business to know. She relaxed into an easy banter about mergers and the escalating cost of maintaining efficient personnel, keeping the conversation going with a pleasant smile on her beautiful face.

So, what’s on your agenda today?

He was done eating and ready to wrap this up and start his day.

Some shopping maybe. Kai smiled standing.

She stepped behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders. He moaned as she firmly kneaded his neck and shoulders.

Why don’t you have a massage or something after that?

He stood and stepped around the chair brushing his body against hers. He grinned sliding his hands underneath her robe. Whatever he had planned for her tonight, he wanted her relaxed and happy.

We have dinner reservations at six. He scowled. Please don’t be late.

Kai smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him passionately, nipping his bottom lip with her teeth.

And after dinner? She smiled seductively.

A sexy grin split his solemn face, then with a wink and slap on her backside, he slipped from her arms and disappeared into the bedroom.

In exactly ten minutes he would be dressed and gone. She would take a leisurely shower, get dressed then use the cash left on the nightstand to distract herself for a few hours.

She knew this game all too well.

What are you doing?

Marvin Reigns was his oldest brother and usually his confidant. There was a time when he could tell Marvin anything, but lately he chose to leave out certain aspects of his life when they spoke. He knew that his brother, a born again Christian and hopelessly in love with his fiancé, Lyvia, did not approve of his lifestyle. He didn’t want to have to endure hours of ranting about moral fiber and virtue. He also didn’t want to be asked for the umpteenth time how he would feel if someone treated their sisters the way he treated women.

Alvin! Marvin growled snapping him back to the present.

I’m eating breakfast. Alvin replied flippantly. What?

Marvin glared at his younger brother over his coffee mug, willing himself not to come across the table and wrap his hands around his youngest brother’s throat.

What? Alvin mumbled again, his mouth full of food.

You know, none of them will ever replace Desiree.

Alvin considered his brother, choosing his words carefully. The last thing he was trying to do was replace Desiree. He didn’t want another woman to ever have that type of power over him, and he would never again relinquish the part of his heart that she once possessed.

He would have given her anything. He wanted nothing more than to please her, but none of that was enough for Desiree. She wanted money and fame – neither of which she would get staying with him. Her love of things far outweighed her love for him. She chose Anthony (Big Mac) Mackintosh, star power forward for the University of Nevada Las Vegas' Runnin' Rebels basketball team. Alvin supposed Anthony’s future looked brighter to Desiree than his did. As far as she knew, all Alvin would ever be was a mildly successful business man and that wasn’t the life she wanted. He wondered how she was taking the fact that Anthony’s professional career was over after 2 short seasons when he blew out his knee and developed a drug habit during his rehabilitation.

I’m not interested in replacing her. He replied.

He shoving a fork full of hash browns in his mouth hoping his brother would let the conversation drop.

You can’t keep going at this pace. Marvin pleaded. The women…the alcohol, Alvin. Really?

Alvin winced. He wasn’t aware that anyone knew how much he’d started drinking. He thought the alcohol was his little secret.

Do you have any idea what you’re doing to Mother?

Alvin swallowed the rock hard lump in his throat. He knew his family was hurt by the way he was living. He had been, at times, utterly disrespectful to women. Even if they were willing participants, he knew better. He promised bodily harm to anyone who treated his sisters like he’d been treating women lately. The alcohol made him more callus than usual, and none of the women made him forget Desiree. They made him numb to the hurt he still felt, but it never lasted long. Before he knew it, he was looking for something, or someone else to fill the hole that had developed over the years.

He swallowed again not trusting his voice to speak. He never wanted to hurt his parents and he hated the disappointment he now saw in Marvin’s eyes. He could hardly stand to look any member of his family in the eye, especially his mother and father.

I know I haven’t set the best example for you in the past but… Marvin paused searching for the right words.

Don’t. Alvin mumbled.

The last thing he wanted them to do was start blaming themselves for his behavior. He stood and reached into his back pocket for his wallet. He pulled out a twenty dollar bill and dropped it on the table in front of him. Without another word, he turned on his heels, and tore out of the restaurant. He couldn’t stand what he was doing to his family but he couldn’t seem to stop.

He didn’t look back, but it wasn’t necessary for him to know that there were tears in his brother’s eyes. He knew he was a disappointment to his family, he just didn’t have the power to change. At the moment he had no desire to change. He was supposed to meet Anissa in an hour and he had no plans on being late. He slipped on a pair of dark shades and jogged the short distance to his Lincoln Navigator.

I’ll stop after this one. He mumbled to himself.

CHAPTER TWO

Part II - He Will Answer

CHAPTER THREE

One

Spring 2008

Kai Bennett sat impatiently waiting for the polish on her last client’s nails to dry. Tired of watching paint dry, she stood abruptly, and busied herself with the tedious process of cleaning her workstation. Anything to avoid the probing eye of her client. All day long Kai felt as though everyone around her knew how she’d spent her weekend.

She dumped the tepid water from the finger bowl into the pedicure basin, and set it aside for cleaning later. Placing her manicure and pedicure implements under a UV light for sterilization, Kai then packed away the bottles of lotion and oils she used on her client’s hands and feet. She glanced down at her client’s toenails tapping them lightly to ensure that the pale pink polish on her toes was dry.

Your toes are just about dry. Kai said struggling to lighten the inflection in her voice. Her mood had become somber over the last few hours and she didn’t want it to come across in her voice.

Let me get these for you.

She carefully removed the bright yellow toe separators from her client’s feet, and tossed them into a nearby trash can. Kneeling in front of the woman, she placed a pair of black stiletto sandals on her client’s feet, careful not to damage her newly polished toes. She hated this part of her job, the part that put her in a position of servitude. She’d always thought she was better than this.

Standing, Kai yanked a disposable cleaning cloth from her bottom drawer she wiped the top of the manicure table before tossing the cloth into the stainless steel trash can beneath her station.

The clock on the wall in front of her read 8:15pm. Most people had been home from work for hours, but Kai was not most people. She remained focused, and thought of little else but the money she made. She’d been chasing money since high school using whatever talents she possessed to pad her bank account. She had always been proud of the fact that anything she wanted, she could get for herself. The only craving that she was never able to satisfy with cash was companionship.

Loneliness led her into the arms of men that she knew were using her. She reasoned that she was using them as well, but she knew better. She shivered as she recalled showering several times a day using layers of soap trying to erase each man’s fingerprints from her body. She wrinkled her nose at the stench of them that lingered, even now.

Removing the implements from the sterilizer, Kai quickly packed them away. She picked up the dirty containers and headed for the bathroom to wash them stopping just long enough to drain the pedicure basin.

Kai washed the containers and started drying them when her client called to her.

Kai, my nails are dry.

Kai plastered a smile on her face for the benefit of her client, and hurried to the front of the salon. She still needed to put the towels from the washing machine into the dryer, and start the dishwasher so that her clients could drink their coffee and juice from clean cups and glasses in the morning. She almost giggled at the lengths she would go to ensure that her clients felt they were getting the high end services they paid for.

She turned off the UV light that her client was drying under, and inspected the woman’s hands to make sure she hadn’t messed up her polish doing something she had no business.

You’re all set, Tanya. She smiled. Would you like to schedule your next appointment?

She left nothing to chance, especially the loyalty of her clients.

Absolutely! Tanya smiled. Same time…two weeks, thanks.

Kai watched as Tanya gathered her things smiling as though she didn’t have a care in the world. She wondered what Tanya would say if she knew what she did with her days off. She wondered if Tanya would even care. She probably wouldn’t care at all, as long as her manicure and pedicure were nearly perfect every other Tuesday evening.

Okay – I’ll see you then. Kai smiled back.

Kai escorted Tanya to the door and stood in the threshold. She watched the young woman get into her car and pull out of the parking space without so much as a wave or backwards glance.

Tanya had been her regular client for the last 6 months. Kai’s last appointment of the day was at 4:00 PM, but she allowed Tanya to come at 6:00 PM every other week. The problem was that Kai could never resist a paying customer, especially one that would return week after week. She catered to her client’s every whim, whether it was serving them mimosa’s, gourmet coffee and imported mineral water or providing them with a warming eye mask to ensure their complete comfort and relaxation while they’re in her chair. She did whatever it took to make every customer feel like her favorite and most important customer, even if it meant she worked 15 hour days.

Kai watched as the car pulled out of the parking lot and into the street before stepping back into the building. She locked the door behind her and headed back towards her workstation to complete her nightly chores, so she could go home and get some sleep. She’d been going at this pace for nearly a year and it was beginning to take its toll on her.

She absently sprayed the pedicure basin with a disinfectant cleaner, allowing time for the cleaner to eat away at the dirt and bacteria from her last pedicure.

We need to get someone in here to do this menial crap. She mumbled.

She suggested that Angel hire a cleaning service every month at their staff meetings to no avail. Angel claimed that doing their own housekeeping would keep them all humble, not to mention it would keep costs down. She even spent her Saturday evenings at the salon mopping the wall to wall marble tile, cleaning the walls and the refrigerator in the break room. Setting the bottle of disinfectant underneath her work station, Kai walked towards the back of the salon to the bathroom. She rested her elbows on the sink, glaring at her reflection in the mirror. She looked as tired as she felt. Without looking, she retrieved a wash cloth from the basket Angel kept near the sink. She saturated it with cold water and lowered her face into