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    A Tail of Our Doggies
    A Tail of Our Doggies
    A Tail of Our Doggies
    Ebook125 pages1 hour

    A Tail of Our Doggies

    By John Lee

    4.5/5

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    Read preview

    About this ebook

    I invite you to enjoy a true story about our canine friends:
    sometimes funny, often unbelievable, at other times downright ridiculous.
    Join the Lee family in their quest to become bankrupt.
    Is it wrong to name a dog "Direct Debit"?
    Can a dog be charged with rape?
    Would you like to learn an amazing way to cure a Tapeworm?
    If so read on . . .
    My story starts with the tale of two Great Danes,
    Firstly Charlie (the black Great Dane rapist),
    followed by Nero, the gentle (but somewhat clumsy) giant.
    I then go on to write about other pet dogs we have owned over the years.
    Also included are a few lines about the arch enemy, Spider the cat.
    Is it possible for a cat to do a burn out on the Mother-in-Law's head?
    I know not if the madness and mayhem is peculiar to my family,
    But I am sure that fellow pet owners will get a good laugh at our expense.
    Please read and enjoy

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJohn Lee
    Release dateMay 22, 2012
    ISBN9781476097343
    A Tail of Our Doggies
    Author

    John Lee

    Hi I'm John Lee, I'm a 56 year old chap living in Kimore Australia. I have just completed my first book "A Tail of our Doggies". and have had it published by Smashwords and Kindle. If you would like to read it , it is readily available from either of these sites. I'm quietly confident that you cannot read this book whilst maintaining a straight face, the mayhem and often madness needs to be seen to be believed. I am three parts the way through writing my second book "A Tail of our Horses", this is also a true story, and based on our lives and our personal experiences with the many horses we have owned over the years.And I finally hope to round of my first episode of book writing with a final book to form a trio, this last one to be called, "A tale of us" This final story is a story about my wife and I from the day we met up to the current day, I really believe it will make interesting reading indeed. I hope you enjoy my first book, and any feed back, positive or negative would be greatly appreciated. In my spare time I play guitar and sing proffessionally, I was in a duo for approx 10 years, but am now looking for a new partner, prefferably a keyboard, or Bass player who doesnt mind a bit of background or harmony singing.

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      Book preview

      A Tail of Our Doggies - John Lee

      A tail of our doggies

      By John Lee

      Copyright © 2012 by John Lee

      Smashwords Edition

      This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Please do not participate in or encourage the piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

      A TAIL OF OUR DOGGIES

      Grab a cup of tea, sip a glass of wine, or just sit back and relax.

      I invite you to enjoy a true story about our canine friends:

      sometimes funny, often unbelievable, at other times downright ridiculous.

      Join the Lee family in their quest to become bankrupt.

      Is it wrong to name a dog Direct Debit?

      Can a dog be charged with rape?

      Would you like to learn an amazing way to cure a Tapeworm?

      If so read on . . .

      My story starts with the tale of two Great Danes,

      Firstly Charlie (the black Great Dane rapist),

      followed by Nero, the gentle (but somewhat clumsy) giant.

      I then go on to write about other pet dogs we have owned over the years.

      Also included are a few lines about the arch enemy, Spider the cat.

      Is it possible for a cat to do a burn out on the Mother-in-Law's head?

      I know not if the madness and mayhem is peculiar to my family,

      But I am sure that fellow pet owners will get a good laugh at our expense.

      Please read and enjoy

      John Lee

      Special thanks to

      The Lee family – Thank you, for being you, and for sharing the love of our four legged friends

      Helen Townes – Your tireless assistance is greatly appreciated, yet, amazingly, we are still to meet.

      Table of Contents

      Prologue

      Chapter 1 Charlie

      Chapter 2 Nero

      Chapter 3 Duck

      Chapter 4 Judy and Snowy

      Chapter 5 Roxanne

      Chapter 6 Casey Lee

      Chapter 7 Spider Lee

      Chapter 8 Bee Lee

      Chapter 9 Rusty

      Chapter 10 Xena

      Chapter 11 Bubble (Miss Annie Bubble Lee)

      Prologue

      The following Tale is a true story; it begins about two Great Danes.

      The first part of the story is about a Black Great Dane, known as Charlie.

      (This part of the story was penned with great contempt and loathing).

      The second part of the story is about a completely different Great Dane called Nero.

      (This part was typed with great love and affection).

      If you were to describe chalk and cheese, then these two dogs would make a great example.

      These dogs were completely different in every way imaginable.

      It’s important the reader realizes that this is a true story (or should I say true stories?) for even my warped imagination could not make up such a disastrous tale.

      I will digress a little once the story has been told, and include some of our other pet dogs over the years.

      * Please note some of the names mentioned in these stories have been slightly altered for reasons that will become clear. Others, such as my wife and I, will be named, as will my dearly beloved and departed parents.

      Grab yourself a cuppa or a glass of wine,

      Sit back, relax, and have a giggle.

      Mans best friend,

      Unconditional love,

      Always happy to see you,

      Be you gone for a moment, or even a week,

      The greetings always the same,

      Uncontrollable heartfelt happiness,

      The love starts from the tail,

      And works its way forward

      Until it encompasses the entire body –

      Snuffles and snorts,

      And sometimes even yelps.

      Imagine if family and friends,

      Wore their emotions on their sleeves,

      What a wonderful world it would be,

      (Perhaps we could leave out the bottom sniffing part though).

      CHAPTER 1 – CHARLIE

      Where to begin my tale?

      Perhaps I could start by introducing myself: Hi my name's John, at the time of this story I was probably aged around 21, I was and still am married to my lovely wife Lyn, and it has been 34 years since this story first unfolded.

      My wife and I were not long married, and we had just moved into a little unit in Lalor a suburb of Melbourne, Australia. However at the time we met Charlie we were minding my wife’s parents house whilst they were away

      We were considering getting a dog, on reflection perhaps not the smartest of ideas at the time, and had we had a little insight into the future, I’m sure we would have had second thoughts. But Lynnie and I are impulsive people, and we tend to have a great knack of learning the hard way.

      We discussed what sort of a dog we would like; I personally have always liked Border Collies, the black and white type. Lynnie had other ideas, namely along the lines of a Great Dane. Good friends of ours, Jack and Anne, had a Great Dane, and their dog was one of those lovely placid, massive fawn coloured dogs, his name was Caesar, and he was possessed of a lovely nature, very loving, relaxed, and NORMAL.

      These so called friends talked us into getting a Dane.

      At this point in my life I worked as an Orderly at the Austin Hospital, I worked mostly nights and afternoons in the Casualty Department.

      I had just finished night shift this particular day, and I was just off to bed for some long lost sleep. Just as I settled down my wife Lyn popped in and said just before you go to sleep darls, I’ve found this ad in the paper, Great Dane Free to good home, if I like it, can we get it? All I wanted was sleep, so without much thought to the subject, I said fine.

      Now people should not ask such questions when one is tired, they should wait till you’re fully awake, perhaps with a cup of coffee, and a clear head.

      So with that final word fine I drifted off to sleep.

      My wife Lynnie set off on her adventure to pick up Charlie, I say adventure because Lyn’s sense of direction is not the greatest, and because Charlie was located in the suburb of Springvale, which is a good 30 kilometres away. In all honesty, (I didn’t really expect to see Lyn again.)

      I meet Charlie

      I had slept most of the day, and was just starting to wake from my coma. The bedroom door opened and Lyn entered with THE THING. I was lying flat on my back with my eyes closed. I thought I heard the words, Johnny say hello to Charlie.

      I suppose most people have heard the saying that when a person has a near death experience, their entire life passes before them – I found this to be true.

      Charlie launched onto the bed landing with both front paws in my nether region. My crown jewels did as my family had done 40 years ago – they emigrated – except whereas my family sailed south across the ocean to Australia, my Crown Jewels headed due north up around my neck region.

      I sat bolt upright, all the air expelled from my lungs, and I didn’t draw a breath for ten minutes. There, right in my face, was the muzzle of a Black Panther, huge, hideous, and blocking out the sun. He had the breath of a camel’s armpit, and this fetid smell he inserted into my nostrils, a breath that would not

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