Finding the Moon in Sugar

Gint Aras’ writing is infused with a rare sensitivity for the thousands of seemingly trivial things that give meaning to life. He invites us to laugh at his hero, then sneaks him into our hearts.

Dan Vyleta, Author of Pavel & I.

Andy Nowak is a Huck Finn for the 21st Century. This smart-ass kid from the edge of Chicago is an accidental master storyteller who explores the boundary between nowhere and everywhere. Rene Vasicek, editor of The Hell Gate Review

Finding the Moon in Sugar

Smashwords edition

a novel by Gint Aras

***

Published by Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas at Smashwords

Finding the Moon in Sugar

Copyright 2010 Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas

(This book is available in print at most retailers.)

Smashwords edition licence Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other pepole. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase another copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter 1-That Fateful Saturday

I swear right now that everything your gonna read in here happened 100% true. Cauze when I used to look back at all this crap that went down with me, sometimes I wouldn’t even believe it myself. I used to trip a lot on shrooms and acid, plus get high off weed or hash in weird places which can mess up how your ass remembers shit. (Though shrooms can help you with other stuff, but I’ll tell you about that later.) The thing is, when you start writin’ down a story from your life, it totally makes you sort shit out, so I’ll admit I’m doin’ this to understand what the fuck happened myself. Still, for anybody who wants to read it, it’s a real good story even though there’s parts in here that get kinda wigged.

The whole thing started way earlier than that fateful Saturday on April 1, 2006. But I’m scared all the stuff about my dad and the hometown where I’m from is gonna bore your ass. Unless you live around there, probably you never even heard of Berwyn frickin’ Illinois. Cauze there’s people from Chicago who never even heard of it, though on sunny days you can see the Sears Tower clean off Ogden Avenue. Berwyn has some nice streets with good houses, though also the town is trashy, like corner bars and train tracks and dudes walkin’ around with their jeans fallin’ down. If you lost your beer gut, probably someone in Berwyn picked it up and never even noticed.

Back in ’06 I was tryin’ to get my life improved, cauze my job at the stupid Buona Beef wasn’t workin’ out like I planned. I was takin’ some classes by this community college called Sterling which is over in Cicero, like the town right next door by Berwyn where some parts get ghetto. My first class started in January, though by March already I was dropped out and flunked. It got way too hard, frickin’ English 086 and Intermediate Algebra. You gotta study all day for them classes, only you don’t got all day when you crash a car and end up owin’ a guy lots of cash.

I knew this dude Diego. By accident I smashed up his uncle’s Buick with more than two grand in damage. And Diego needed it fast cauze his uncle was gonna come home from Mexico in like a month or six weeks without no warning. The only way I could get that cash was sellin’ weed, which I promised after high school I wouldn’t do no more. But Buona Beef wasn’t gonna pay for no Buick.

One buyer I knew was this landlord (not mine) with some properties all around Oak Park and Berwyn and Cicero...he was real rich cauze he inherited maybe a dozen houses when his old man died. The thing is, this dude was a SMOKER...a frickin’ Deadhead, Phishhead and Radiohead, all his clocks 4:20 all the time and every day. His beard was real big, like three gallons of hair on his face. So in my story I’m gonna call him Big Beard.

I would meet him by Oak Park in this laundrymat right near the Green Line el stop on Oak Park Avenue. We would make the deal in my car cauze he never wanted to show where he lived. So that’s where it started on April 1st, 2006 when I was waitin’ for Big Beard in the frickin’ laundry and mindin’ my own business. He was usually dead on time, though now he was maybe ten minutes late. But I stayed cool, busted out some Cypress Hill on my headphones. I had a yellow pillow case with three jeans in there so I could throw them in a dryer, pretend I’m an official laundry user. And I just watched my jeans go round and round and sat chillin’ with Cypress.

Now I’m gonna change another name. Cauze this story is really about a lady who came in the laundry that day...I’m gonna call her Audra. She was from this country called Lithuania, which is totally a real place and you can google it if you want. Over there they talk Lithuanian, a real messed up language with longass names like Aušrainė, Ventvaitė and Šišvaiška, so Audra’s more easy for you to read. When I first seen her, she was maybe 32 or 34. Though also she could of been 29 or 30 since I never got her real age pinned down exact. Back then I was just 20, so when she first came in I didn’t think too much about it. I mean, she was real beautiful. But big deal. Tall blonde women walk around Oak Park all the time cauze they get married with all them rich assholes who live there.

Big Beard wasn’t coming. I called with my cell but he didn’t pick up. Then I went out to roll some Drum and have a smoke, look up and down the street for his ass. Frickin’ I didn’t see him noplace and went back in to wait real annoyed about it.

From the place where I sat down I could see Audra’s reflection in a dryer. After this one thin dude left with his laundry basket, it was only me and Audra in there. She didn’t have no load to wash, just kept messin’ with her phone, readin’ some messages and textin’ somebody. I thought I was real smooth lookin’ at her reflection so she didn’t know about it, but then we had one of them moments where the chick catches you starin’ at her. Real quick I looked at some important shit like the trash can. But I was nailed red handed and dumb, especially since my dryer was already finished for like five minutes.

I’m one of them dudes who gets like a moron if a hot chick is gonna talk with me. It’s all this buzzing on my back, plus my tongue goes dry like a brick. She was comin’ over…totally knew how to click her heels so damn evil. I figured I’ll get my dry clothes, act like everything’s regular, though I got paranoid cauze maybe she’s a cop. She knows that’s my Plymouth Horizon outside, the one with an ounce of weed in the glove.

Audra said, Can I ask you something?

Um. I was trying to button some jeans. Sure.

Would you like to make a thousand dollars?

That question didn’t really make it all the way to my brain. Audra sighed. Earth to Nate, she said. Can you answer? Stoner boy?

What? Sorry. It was kinda smooth how I took off my earphones and put the whole CD player in the pillowcase. I’m Nate, yeah. You mean, like dollars?

One thousand dollars, Nate? Do you want to make that much? Right there I heard how she talked with a little accent, only it was real small. Won’t take long.

I think I shrugged. Or maybe I scratched my chin or something. Sure. I’ll make that much. I kinda went auto pilot and followed her to a shiny ass Lincoln Navigator. To hide my boner I kept the pillow case in my lap when she was drivin’ me around.

Dude, my name ain’t Nate. That’s just the name I used to give weed customers like Big Beard. I guess I should of known right there Audra had something to do with him, probably she knew him and got the name from him. But I was seein’ her legs up close and could smell her perfume like sleeping potion. I said, My name’s Andrew. Though that’s like the long version. Cauze people call me Andy mostly. Or Drew…they call me Drew. Frickin’ Cicero boys, they just turn it into D. But that’s kinda ghetto.

I could of been named Larry Hick Dominick or Michael Jeffrey Jordan, she didn’t care about it at all. Audra just drove that huge car with her blue eyes on the road. I looked at them eyes real careful cauze I seen a rainy day in there like something was sad. Also her one eye was kinda red, a little swelled when I had a better look.

I grew up in my life with some real depressed women. Pill poppers and boozers, my older sister, my mom, my alcoholic grandma, all three filled up with hurt inside where they wouldn’t tell nobody. My dad left my mom with a whole pile of crap, kids and bills, stuff that’s real hard to handle by yourself, and lookin’ at Audra I could see that kind of thing in her. If you know it, it’s a real special quiet, though under the quiet they got lots of loudness tied up with real tight knots. I knew for sure she had it cauze it was strong from deep inside. Not no make up or fancy clothes can cover it up.

She pulled that Navigator in a garage where I seen a boat. On the walls it was lots of fishing stuff, like poles that you could catch a shark or a whale, plus posters with dudes wearin’ them green rubber pants and stupid hats. The garage went to the house and I followed Audra through some rooms, like four or five. The kitchen had a shandeleer in there and I seen crystal bowls and some dishes on small tables. A Mexican lady was cleanin’ the place and I almost stepped on the mophead dog cauze the little shit was the exact same color like the carpet.

One room smelled like clay and wet paint...it was filled up with paintings and statues, some of ’em leaned up by the walls. One painting was a dude fishing, then another one showed this cabin by a river and some people sittin’ by a bonfire. But in the middle of the room was this clay thing. It wasn’t finished yet, but I could tell it was frickin’ Big Beard’s head! He was makin’ his own face...the same way how sometimes you see a dude’s head on a piano, only bigger. Further down one hallway I seen a picture of him shaved trim with Audra in her wedding clothes. She wasn’t that much younger then.

Audra made me go in a bedroom. Before I could ask what the hell’s goin’ on or where the fuck is Big Beard, she was takin’ off her clothes. Andy? Or Drew? It took like ten seconds and she was standin’ butt naked like we’re in porno. You don’t mind, do you? Audra touched my face real gentle and I went shiverin’. I was tryin’ to hide behind the pillow case but she dumped that stupid thing in a corner. Then she fell back on the bed and spread her legs. I want you to eat me out, she said. Please. You’ll do it, won’t you?

Dude, I laughed, I think, cauze Audra also started laughin’. One thousand dollars? When I seen her laid down like that and feelin’ herself I forgot about money. I was just happy this one girl gave me all them pussy eating lessons my junior year. Thanks to her, I totally got in there real confident.

It’s amazing how much wacko shit you can think while you go down on a strange older woman. Am I breakin’ some laws? What if Big Beard comes home? He’ll hook me up with them fishing hooks. The Mexican lady was closin’ some doors and slidin’ shit way deep in the house. We could hear all that with the bedroom door wide open, but I wasn’t gonna stand up to close it now.

In the beginning it was kinda fun. But pretty soon shit got complicated. She started howlin’ loud like someone’s stabbin’ her, totally makin’ extra noise. I thought we were done, but she wanted more. She kept makin’ my hands go all over her body, made me pinch her and told me to do it harder. She wouldn’t let me take no break, would just grab my head and hold my ears. Pretty soon she was moanin’ like her family died and her face turned sunburn red. Then Audra told me, Just wait a moment, and right there she busted out her cocaine stuff.

Dude, it wasn’t cool. Cauze when a real gorgeous woman cokes up naked in front of you, it ain’t hot, just tweaked and wigged...she rubbed her eyes and some mascara got smeared. I started wantin’ to get the hell outta there, and when my cell rang I thought I had a chance. But she knocked it outta my hand and made me do it again. I did just cauze I couldn’t know what she’s got next, maybe a knife stashed under a pillow or a gun. She was totally jacked up and crazy, like she wanted an orgasm to kill her.

The phone kept ringin’. The Mexican lady fired up a blender in the kitchen. Then somebody started a lawn mower outside and a helicopter flew over pretty low. Turn that shit off, she said, but she had her hands tight around my head and was pressin’ me down. Turn it off! She held me tighter...I didn’t know what the fuck to do...Audra was so damn strong and her nails went diggin’ real hard in my neck. I didn’t know why, but pretty soon she started beatin’ her hands on the bed with real hard slaps, then she pushed me with her feet so I fell off the bed. I think she was cryin’ now or freakin’ out, or just makin’ a scene to scare me. She yelled, Don’t you touch that phone.

Hey, it’s cool. I tried to stay chill. It’s okay. I ain’t gonna call nobody. It’s cool. I kinda sat down next to her real gentle and pet her real light. After a couple seconds, she freaked. Just take money and get out! Audra rolled over by a little drawer where it was loads of cash in one envelope, totally crisp bills. She counted the money, shoved it in my hand and told me to get the fuck out.

The Mexican lady was still in the kitchen with a blender. I walked past with my shirt torn and my neck all ripped up, my face barely even wiped off. But the lady just kept cuttin’ mangoes, kinda rubbin’ her forehead with the back of her hand. I got lost in that house for a minute, but then found my way out some side door. I was already on the corner of LeMoyne and Oak Park Avenue when I checked my pocket, figured out I left my phone in Big Beard’s house.

Now it was no way to remember his number. And from LeMoyne the walk back to the laundry was like twelve long blocks past Augusta and Chicago Avenue and then Lake Street. But Big Beard must of been hard up for weed cauze he was still waitin’ in a restaurant across the street from my car. That dude came out when he seen me pissed from a parking ticket stuck on my window. Nate. What the hell happened to you?

Nothing. Where the fuck were you? Called your ass, you were late first.

Had some issues, sorry. He was lookin’ me over real good when I was messin’ with my car keys. That’s blood on your back? You get into a fight?

Don’t worry about it. We made the deal. I thought he might smell his wife’s perfume on me, so I rushed him out, said I’m late for all kinds of shit. Then I frickin’ left Oak Park with more cash in my pocket than I ever even seen in my whole damn life.

Chapter 2-Sugar Mama

Here’s the thing...money sucks. I think it’s way more fucked up than drugs, mostly cauze you need money to get drugs. But also money can mess with your ass in lots more different ways, though most of ’em you can’t even predict. Right here’s a good example...let’s say boom! you end up with twelve hundred bones in your pants. For real, you start seein’ shit totally different, and it’s kinda like hallucination or when your dreamin’ off weed. On one side you kinda know your a hooker, though you don’t even know how the fuck it happened. But then you drive by a store where they got good turn tables and some amps in the window and it gets you thinkin’ screw Diego’s Buick. I came home and the wind went blowin’ used motorbike ads on my front stairs totally on purpose. On the tube they put one of them Southwest commercials where you can go someplace way better than Berwyn, like Miami or Florida where it’s warm and you can live outside if you want.

But here’s the real bullshit with money. The only time you give drugs to somebody else is when they’re buyin’ from you...or it can happen with friends when your tryin’ to be cool and share. But when you get twelve hundred bones in your pants, right away you have to give most of it to the bastards. Like Audra just gave it to me, but right there the parking ticket already subtracted fifty. Then the landlord down the street needed $585 (a rip off for livin’ in a frickin’ basement near the Burlington Northern where freight trains shaked the ground all night). I gave Diego only $465 so I could keep a hondo for myself and have somethin’ to feel good about.

But it didn’t work. Two days after payin’ all my bills, I was sittin’ on my couch and lookin’ at Ben Franklin’s fat head. And I was thinkin’ maybe I should call a bank to see if a hundred bones is good to open up for savings. I swear I used to think about puttin’ money away all the time, like savin’ up to get another class at Sterling. Or enough just to get the hell outta Berwyn...go frickin’ anywhere but Berwyn, even a short trip to Normal, IL where two of my buddies were livin’ with total freedom. But anytime I had extra cash, some shit would come up where I would have to pay for stuff I couldn’t even predict. A frickin’ new cell phone since I lost it. Or somebody from my family would need me to help them from a fix.

Like my mom. She always had this damn radar in her head…beep, beep, beep, Drew’s come up with cash. Drew’s come up with cash. I was totally gettin’ ready to spark one up so I could go down by the mall and check out some phones. But then I heard my mom’s knock rattle the screen door real loud since she never used the doorbell.

My mom’s kinda fat. She smokes around two packs of Basic 100’s a day so her face is wrinkled from them cigs. The thing is, she’s real young compared with most moms, had my sister at 16, then me two years later. When she came in my place, I seen she was kinda drunk...if my mom has just one Bud Light, she starts wipin’ her mouth with a closed hand, plus her forehead gets pink spots. A little more booze and her thin hair flies all over the place like a bunch of flags, which it was doin’ right now. She kinda mumbled, Hi, and had a look around my place. A High Times poster was hangin’ by the door and she stood over there for a while. Your hangin’ up junk again, Andrew?

No.

How come it’s a weed poster? She wiped her mouth. Your dealin’ again?

No way.

She stared me down. Even if she’s hammered, still her eyes can go straight in the middle of your blood and boil a couple bubbles. Know what it cost me last time, Andrew? Mom kinda fell on my couch and sighed real hard with all her mom stress. How come your not pickin’ up your phone? Turned off for three days now? Or four?

The phone. Yeah, cauze it fell in water. By accident.

What water?

Like water.

Bullshit, Andrew. You lost your phone. Or it’s turned off. Where’s your phone? I was gonna come up with some story about a puddle, but I couldn’t even say one word cauze mom started rantin’ up a speech. Right now I won’t tell the whole thing...she got talkin’ how she bought me a phone when she never bought me no phone. And she didn’t pay no phone bill, though mom kept sayin’ it costs her bad when I keep losin’ phones, lots of ’em, like I dumped frickin’ the whole company Nokia in Lake Michigan. And it was real expensive the last time I got busted for dealin’ (though it was only possession, like when I was seventeen) so she couldn’t count on me. Especially since grandma broke her elbow now and nobody’s gonna help with the bill.

Gram broke her elbow? Where?

Here! Mom pointed. That’s the elbow right there, Andrew.

But she can’t barely walk.

Tried gettin’ up. Mom wiped her mouth again. "Don’t look at me. Nobody made her get up. She got up by her own, so don’t make no eyes." Mom took a drag where I thought she was done talkin’. But she still had more stuff to bitch about cauze the roof had a leak and squirrels were havin’ babies in the garage. And my sister took the last money for an oil change, though probably it was to spend on dudes. Mom said somebody stole shit from the back yard, like the garden hose and a couple lawn chairs.

Right there the doorbell rang. This was a pretty good surprise for me...I seen mom get real annoyed since she don’t like no interruption. Who’s that? Dope customers? I figured it was the Jehovahs or maybe kids sellin’ candy. But when I seen Audra standin’ there I almost shit a brick.

She was dressed like one of them Michigan Avenue ladies with big sunglasses and hair cut straight so it was real high class. Her outfit was one of them dark blue business suits with a skirt, only real advanced with a fluffy blouse. By her side she had that stupid yellow pillowcase. Audra said, Andy? I’m sorry. You’ve got company?

Mom said, Not company. Just his ma. She took a while to stand from the couch, hard to get up. When she seen Audra come in the room, for her it could of been Sharon Stone or Maria Sharapova...mom’s face turned like wet cement, her cheeks hangin’ real heavy. Audra said, Are you sure...I can come back later?

Sit down, dearie. Mom pointed to a chair with her smoke. You want somethin’ to drink? Drew, you probably got some Chivas Regal in here.

Audra said, No, no. I can’t stay very long.

We all kinda sat around awkward, one of them horrible moments when nobody frickin’ knows what to say or where the hell they should look. I could smell Audra’s swanko perfume, like nobody in Berwyn smelled stuff like that before. And I seen what a serious pig I am, dirtyass cups everywhere, a pizza box with crumpled aluminum, plus a bottle of flat RC. But the real shock was to see how hardcore different Audra was actin’ now. She was sittin’ like a regular lady with a job, maybe like a bank person or one of them ladies from a skyscraper, the ones you see waitin’ for the Metra trains real early in the morning. I guess mom wanted me to make some introduction, but I was rememberin’ Audra naked. Out from nowhere I said, I got half a fridge in the burrito.

Audra only whispered, No, thank you. She put the pillow case down by the table.

Mom said, "That’s my pillow case. She blew some smoke at it. Drew, how come this dearie has my pillow case?" That was the first time in my life when my mom gave this look like she’s sure this is somebody I’m screwin’...her eyes went accusin’ me like oho ho. Audra said, Andrew left this pillowcase at my place.

"Really? At your place? Mom ashed in a cup. If you don’t mind it blunt, who’re you anyway?"

This must be an awkward moment for you, Mrs. Nowak.

I had no idea how the hell Audra got my last name. Mom got real annoyed, "Not no Nowak to you. Not even close, dearie. That’s my ex-husband’s name, and this one here, she pointed at me. It’s Andrew’s name, but it ain’t mine."

Well, I’m sorry. It was rude of me to guess.

You bet your sweet ass. Mom kinda crossed her fat arms. You an immigrant? Cauze I hear some kinda accent in there.

I’m Lithuanian.

Oh, a Lugan? That’s why you think your shit don’t stink. Mom coughed a little. My husband was Polish.

Oh, great. said Audra. She kinda pulled her skirt down. I’ve never been to Poland. But I hear it’s very nice.

Real nice. So nice all them Pollacks come live by Midway airport.

Audra nodded and shrugged some.

Mom said, Your gonna say who you are?

I don’t know if Andy wants me to tell you. But if it will help you relax...I’m...yes, I’m his sponsor.

Sponsor? Mom’s face went more wrinkled. Sponsor for what?

I said, Cauze I’m tryin’ to quit drugs, mom. And go back to school. That kinda confused her so