Surrender the Dark
By L. A. Banks
4/5
()
About this ebook
Celeste Jackson has fought all her life against a fog of hallucination and substance abuse, but it’s not until she meets her protector, Azrael, an angel who has left the safety of the Light, that she learns of the evil forces that have been trying to ruin her, and why. A fierce battle for control of the mortal realm is brewing, and only Celeste—with the help of the Remnant, her half-human, half-angel brethren—can stand in the way. Together, Celeste and Azrael must gather an army of sensitives to defeat the dark powers that have ruled humanity for centuries, but time is running out. If Azrael surrenders to his growing desire for Celeste, he risks being trapped among humanity forever. But the longer he stays, the harder she is to resist. To save the world, Celeste must draw on her own dark experiences with addiction to help Azrael overcome the one temptation that could possibly make him an eternal prisoner—his obsession with her.
L. A. Banks
L. A. BANKS was the author of the Vampire Huntress Legend series and the Crimson Moon Novels, including Left for Undead and Never Cry Werewolf. She had a bachelor's degree from the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business and a master's in fine arts from Temple University. Banks considered herself a shape-shifter, writing romance, women's fiction, crime and suspense, and of course, dark vampire huntress lore. She lived with her daughter in Philadelphia until her death in 2011.
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Reviews for Surrender the Dark
18 ratings3 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I love, love, love this book and most others by LA Banks. She fantastically mixes action, romance and the supernatural. Definitely appeals to my metaphysical leanings. RIP beautiful ancestor. It is still hard to believe, we will never read another new word from this wonderful ancestor. She makes writing seem easy and all writers know it isn't.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I was motivated to read Surrender the Dark in quite a different way. While playing around on amazon.com, I came across the book almost a month ago. I found the cover and the premise of the novel very appealing. At that time, there were only about two reviews and both were very negative. I think one was a 2 star rating while the other was only a 1 star rating. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion so I am not trying to be disrespectful but after reading the book, I am having a hard time finding the validity of their complaints. One reviewer complained that the author's writing is bad, do to the "over explaining of simple concepts" and too much religious lecturing/preaching. Well, I don't think you need to be a rocket scientist to realize that a) the book is the 1st in a new series so of course the author is going to introduce the reader to this new world/mythology she is writing about and b) DUH! The book is about ANGELS and the possibility of the end of the world! I am agnostic and am more spiritual than religious. Those close to me know I strongly dislike people who try pushing their religious beliefs on others. While reading this book, I in NO way felt that the author was trying to make me run to the nearest church. I think some readers need to be a little more open-minded and aware of some of the topics they may come across when reading the synopsis of a novel.That being said, here are a few things I loved about Surrender the Dark.Third person narration worked well in this novel and I think Ms. Banks made a wise choice in starting it off with Azrael's fall and first few moments of life on Earth in a mortal body. It definitely sets the mood and in my opinion, immediately catches the interest of the reader. Azrael's fall reminded me of Gabriel's fall in the indie movie of the same name, starring Andy Whitfield. Definitely a movie worth checking out if you like this book.I liked the different terminology that the author uses (I'll get to that later) and her mythology. One thing I found fascinating is how Angels of the Light come into human bodies depending on their surroundings/environment. For example, the main protagonist, Celeste, lives in the hood and is African American. Since Azrael is being sent down to search for her but does not want to draw too much attention to himself, it only makes sense that his mortal body would blend in, therefore, he looks African American (and has dredlocks). Once I figured that out, it made total sense. It would draw too much attention if a white guy is found walking around in a predominantly "black" section. That is just asking for trouble.I also liked the way Banks connected natural disasters, excessive drug dealing/using, and diseases (like cancer) to that of the evil workings of the devil. I'm not going to further explain that concept as I don't want to give too much away. But it definitely got me thinking.I was really impressed with the author's ability to write realistic dialogue and dialects. A great example is one of my favorite characters, Aunt Niecey. Banks was able to capture her old southern charm mixed in with a no nonsense, God fearing attitude of a black woman. Here is an excerpt to give you an idea what I mean:'"This po' girl been through a lot,"' Aunt Niecey said, looking at Azrael as she rubbed Celeste's back. "I don't know who or what you are to her, but if you hurt this baby girl after all she done endured, ain't no power high enough in Heaven to keep me off your ass, son. You hear? This is my baby. My baby sister's only chile. This one here is special. This one here is anointed--jus' like every door and windowsill and floorboard up in here is anointed, I done put down special prayers on this one. An' jus' like the devil can't come in this prayed-up house, can't nobody who ain't right stay with this special chile to bring her down..."'Banks also did great with the Jamaican accent of her angel character Isda.Another small thing I noticed-- I liked the fact that the story takes place in Philadelphia, PA! I am from the South Jersey area and it was so refreshing to read a story where the characters are navigating down streets and buildings I have actually been to myself.Lastly, what makes this book a little different than other urban fantasy/romance novels is the fact that the main protagonist, Celeste, is not perfect. She is on drugs when Azrael first meets her. I think this gives her a real human quality rather than some unrealistic, perfect character that is hard to relate to.Now for my 2 small complaints if you want to call them that. Although most people detest when authors add glossaries to their books, I think it would have been an asset in this case. Banks introduces new terminology to her readers in this series that may take some getting used to. While I did figure out the meaning of most, a small guide would have been helpful. Some terms are as follows: "Most High", "The Source of All That Is", "On High", etc.My other small issue is more of a wish. In Surrender the Dark, Azrael is not the only angel we are introduced to nor is he the only one that is sent down on a mission. There are a few of his brethren that are sent to find others like Celeste. I was hoping, wishing, and praying that Banks' sequel would be about these other warrior angels and their missions but I found out that Azrael and Celeste's story continues in the next book. It's not a huge disappointment but I at least hope Banks adds more about these other characters.All in all, Surrender the Dark is a great start to a new series about angels & demons, light and dark, good vs. evil, and the depths of despair vs. the healing power of faith.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Celeste Jackson isn't your typical heroine. She's caught up in a bad relationship, dealing with substance abuse, and her life is basically a mess. But all of that changes when she meets Azrael, a self-proclaimed angel, who believes in Celeste and wants what is best for her. Before Celeste knows it, her life is turned upside down as she realizes that she is in a fight for her life and for the fate of the world against evil. And that maybe Azrael is exactly who and what he claims to be.I enjoyed reading this book for a number of reasons with the main reason being that it felt like a breath of fresh air for the urban fantasy genre. I liked that the heroine didn't have her life together...in fact, it was completely messed up in the beginning of the novel. Celeste has lived her life believing that she was crazy, seeing things that shouldn't be there, and fighting off the urge to lose herself to alcohol and drugs. It was a nice change of pace to see that she had realistic problems and was unsure of herself. It was interesting to see her realize that the things she had been seeing like demons were real and that there was more to life than what she knew. I liked that the storyline included angels and demons which was also refreshing and different. There was a lot of world building going on throughout the book which was to be expected as this is the first book in the series. It did draw me away from the story a few times as I was overwhelmed with details but overall ended up helping to make me want to continue on with this series. The ending of the book was fast paced and interesting while also leaving me wanting more. I'm excited to see where the author goes with the next book and how the series continues on. Overall, I would recommend this book to fans of urban fantasy.Disclosure: I was sent this book to review for a blog tour by the publisher for Gallery & Pocket Books SciFi/Fantasy Blog tour. Unfortunately, I'm really late...my apologies!
1 person found this helpful
Book preview
Surrender the Dark - L. A. Banks
Prologue
Azrael squeezed his eyes shut more tightly when the light around him dimmed behind his lids. As the Angel of Death, never had he imagined that he would fear the return to darkness as terribly as he did now.
Yet he refused to lose sight of the fact that to be chosen was the highest honor imaginable. The sacrifice would be great, but that was what made being selected so deeply revered. It would be soon, he could feel the energy around him changing, could feel the anticipation of the others as he remained poised between the edge of one realm and the descent into the other.
He was a being of pure light who would now be reconstructed into the heavy density of earthly flesh and matter . . . a process that hurt like hell. Most of his kind didn’t make that full transition into flesh, avoiding the pain and temptations wrought by that earthly condition.
Instead they reached out to humanity through the veil between worlds, entering human space without actually becoming a part of it. In the world but not of it . . . a delicate balancing act to be sure.
And while most of his fellow warriors hadn’t fully returned to the plane of sensation since the first big battle that had emptied the realms above, some of his brethren had actually been trapped in the earthly realm following their clash with the fallen. That war had been Azrael’s only time incarnate; fighting directly and valiantly for the primary heavenly cause—routing out evil—and his fearlessness in battle had earned him his title as the Angel of Death. The murmured rumor was that if the Most High was calling upon him now to actually manifest on earth, then things were worse than originally imagined.
Visions, dreams, whispers, the quick rearrangement of matter, or other forms of intervention were how angels of the Light most often made their presence known to humans. But desperate times called for desperate measures. The cosmic clock was ticking, and this mission required forces on the ground. It also required an acute understanding and compassion for the human condition that could only be acquired through human experience. That was the directive he’d received from the inarguable Source.
If the Remnant failed to shift the course of human history toward the Light, then the planet would plunge into darkness forever. The human project would be lost and the Source of All That Is would create it again somewhere else in the universe.
Based on that premise, the order from On High to save humanity by experiencing humanity, the most revered creation of all, made his predecessors and mentors warn Azrael that this mission was particularly dangerous. If he failed, the dark side would win and the balance between the darkness and the Light would forever be tilted in the favor of demonic forces. Humanity would be swallowed up in that darkness; the Most High’s most cherished creation, humankind, would be lost. It was a battle no warrior of the Light could refuse.
Still, he had to prepare himself for the requisite pain. He’d been told to expect the adjustment period to be awful; the memory blackout and loss of knowledge could last for interminable human days until his bio functions synced with the spheres of Light once more. Until that happened, he’d be vulnerable—and this time, they’d warned, the excessive human population, environmental damage, and the proliferation of electromagnetic interference would slow his reintegration.
The planet was struggling under the weight she was carrying, and the negative vibrations strangling the earth had actually thickened the density that his kind would now have to wade through. It wasn’t like the first war he’d fought, when the planet was still light and the density of it was in its infancy. Penetrating eons of darkness now defied comprehension, and he would feel that in his flesh so viscerally that the pain alone could weaken his resolve.
He hated being vulnerable to the dark side.
In that first raging battle between the Light and the fallen, angels tumbled from the heavens to fight without the loss of cognition or strength. That was when the earth was young and pure and the density between the realms was a gossamer energy.
Azrael quieted his mind. It was time for his descent, his fall back to earth where he’d be propelled from the Light into the heavy density of the human world.
Unnatural warmth crawled over his skin, rising like a tide of agony until he cried out. Then came the fall; a hellish plummet that ripped the breath from his lungs and felt almost as though his flesh was being shorn from his bones. Only faith sealed his sanity within him as tears stung his eyes and pain wracked his body. Mercy was all that he asked. That request became a bleating refrain inside his spirit as the pain intensified before his cells finally shattered into a million pieces of light. Then, just as suddenly, the pain was gone, but the terror had only begun.
Sucked through a weightless vortex he was conscious of being, yet without form or substance, hurtling through the icy blackness, the blessed Light from the Source of All That Is so desperately far away. He wept without eyes or tears. He reached out with phantom arms, immediately regretting his mission. But it was too late. He had been chosen and it was time.
Rebirth into the human world was no different from what he imagined a human birth to be; frightening pressure and the dawning realization that one is being torn away from the comforting source of all one has ever known.
He hit the ground with a thud in a fetal position, naked, shivering . . . disoriented and cold. Earth stench and dank wetness stung his nose and forced him to lift his head. Something skittered by him in the dark. His body demanded breath, and he inhaled sharply, gagging and coughing at the abomination called air. What hell had he been born into? Wonder and disdain filled him. How could mere mortals survive such ruin?
Steel tracks pressed into his skin; a dark tunnel loomed before him. Fragments of knowledge tried to take anchor in his embattled mind, coming in fits and starts. Languages, cultures, eternal wisdom, tried to savagely force themselves into his brain, the human-replica organ that held knowing within his skull. Information stabbed at his mind too quickly, dredging an agonized wail up from his body-trapped soul.
A light barreling toward him made him scramble to his feet and smile. Anticipation and hope almost made him giddy. Hands on either side of his head, he slowly looked up. Tears streamed down his face. Please...
His shoulders throbbed as though deep, bloody gashes crisscrossed his back; he realized his wings were gone. But when he reached over his shoulder with one hand to gently touch the burning area with his fingertips, amazingly his skin was whole. Only the pulsing ache and what felt like a thick, raised keloid scar remained where his missing appendages should have been. Every muscle in his limbs trembled to hold him upright. Nausea roiled within his stomach. My wings are gone. Amputated by the fall to earth?
Azrael swallowed hard as his hand dropped away from the wreck at his back, for the first time realizing how much he’d taken for granted without even realizing he’d done so. Maybe this, too, was part of his lesson, his growth, and why he’d been chosen to search for one of the Remnant.
But the light careening toward him made him focus.
Was the Source taking him back? he wondered. Then knowledge whispered the horrible truth. No. Seek safety or be broken.
Intuitive gifts of second sight and clairsentience told him he couldn’t outrun what was hurtling toward him. Sacred understanding made him aware that, although immortal, if he met this light, it would definitely hurt like hell.
Azrael quickly flattened his body against a slight depression in the wall, and the train passed, whirring by him like a howling dragon.
Panic sweat covered his body as he ventured out of his hiding space once the danger had passed. For a few moments he stared at the retreating metal nightmare. A train. The humans called this thing a train. Right. He had to align his understanding with modern terms and languages. That would be a part of his survival; it would also help determine the success of his mission. Comprehension of this world during this era was paramount. He had to remember, had to restore his knowledge. They’d told him to reach out to his brethren through prayer—the same way humans accessed angelic assistance. Hayyel, his brother who ruled the province of wisdom, would know what to do.
I call upon you, Hayyel, my angel brother in the Light, the guardian of true knowledge, please help me,
Azrael whispered, then began walking. Can you hear me from down here in this cesspool?
He rubbed the nape of his neck and released a forlorn sigh. If he wondered whether his angelic brethren could hear him from earth, then how did fragile humans ever endure? No wonder the dark side was winning. But he refused to give in to despair so quickly. With strengthened resolve he lifted his chin and kept walking. Hayyel would eventually hear him. All prayers penetrated the veil between worlds and got to where they were supposed to be. Hayyel would send him the information he needed; he had to believe that.
Azrael moved toward the subway platform with purpose. He would learn this world quickly, and his mind would soon absorb all he needed to know; the more human contact he had, the more he would blend into this world in this era.
Yet he had to remember to simply be in this world and not of it. That was what the ancients had said. That was also what Hayyel now began whispering into his mind. He could hear a faint voice inside his head trying to help him make sense of where he was and to help him gather his wits. Then just as suddenly as he’d been given that small comfort, the knowing voice ebbed. It was as though the messenger was too far away to be heard distinctly or the density was too much to allow the message to get through clearly. Maybe the limitation imposed by his human brain could also have made the message from Hayyel so fleeting? he wondered. However, he’d also felt Hayyel’s message of encouragement within his spirit, and that bolstered him.
The platform just ahead stole Azrael’s attention again. Hayyel was right; he had to reach it before the next howling light came. Abnormal heat emanating from one of the rails made Azrael stop. He stared at it for a moment, sensing deadly current running through it, and stayed clear of it, then took off jogging toward the diffused light illuminating the platform.
With little effort he reached up and placed his hands on the edge of the cement and pulled himself to safety. He felt strong now, but he sat on the ground for a few seconds reviewing the whole concept of motion here on the earth plane. One couldn’t just think where one wanted to be; it required intent and then physical action? So inefficient.
When he stood again, he frowned, studying his palms. They were dirty. He glanced down his body. His skin was dirty. Plus his feet hurt. He lifted a foot, staring down at his upturned sole. Here he bled like a mortal? The new experience was odd indeed. And filth could cling to an angel’s corporeal form?
If the dross of existence could cling to an angel’s exterior down here, then what in Heaven’s name could cling to an angel’s spirit? Memory slowly returned as his body and mind adjusted to the new environment. The warnings were then true. Temptation, seduction, excess, decadence, were all things that could weaken him while he searched for the girl.
Small stones and glass had lodged in the soft flesh of his foot, and as he picked them out, more blood rushed from the open cuts. Azrael stared, fascinated. A round, flat aluminum ring made him wince as he extracted it from the tender wound. Now he had to put down his injured right foot to examine his left.
Yo, would you look at this crazy, bare-assed mother-fucker down here! C’mon, son! I know you homeless and all, but at least put on some drawers! Damn!
Azrael snapped his attention up from his injured foot to look at the young men that had entered the station. He stared at them and they laughed at him. One had thick, woolly hair and even brown skin like Azrael’s—the hue of walnut bark. Azrael needed to understand what tribe, what ethnicity, this young male came from. It stood to reason that if their skin and hair were similar, then this would also be the tribe of the Remnant he sought. It had been this way since time immemorial; even though all angels were from all human tribes, his kind appeared to humans the way they could best comprehend and accept the manifestation of an angel before them. It would be less scary if the angel that manifested to deliver a message looked like them.
Bless you,
Azrael said quietly. The young man had given him a clue, despite his obvious insolence.
Bless me?
The young man came closer to Azrael, peering at him as though he were some strange creature. Check it out; G.I. Joe here is also a preacher. Bless me—fuck you!
Man, if I was you, I’d fall back. Homeboy is cut up like he’s been lifting weights for a decade and might could do some damage. Looks like he’s a crazy vet or somebody that snapped once they let him off the prison yard, feel me?
another, much darker, ebony-hued male said.
Ty is right, man,
a pale, slender youth with golden hair added in a nervous tone. If I was you, I’d definitely fall back.
What? Y’all scairt? Dude ain’t that crazy to try me,
the first male said, laughing. I got something for ’im, if he wanna try a brother.
They were kids. Just boys. Azrael stared at the three-some, assessing if they were indeed humans and not demons, then relaxed. They were just misdirected humans filled with unspent rage. Young boys, maybe two decades old or perhaps a little less. Time here for him was still difficult to judge. They also spoke an odd language—English, but in a dialect impossible for him to immediately place. But he knew that their dialect would provide yet another clue, once he heard it again and matched it up to a source tribe.
Azrael glanced down his body and slowly lowered his foot, suddenly realizing they were robed, and he was not. Emotions he had never experienced slammed into his spirit. Embarrassment, confusion, anger, all of it tinged by wariness and fear. Sensing danger, he covered his groin with his hands and backed away, then turned toward the wall, ashamed to be seen.
Man, leave the bum alone,
the darker youth said to the group leader. Look at his back, bro—seems like somebody already knifed him up good . . . so if you ask me, he’s bat-shit crazy. Don’t go near him, is my advice.
Yeah, man,
the other youth agreed. You don’t know what he’s carrying if he comes at you, and he definitely ain’t got no money—least nowhere you wanna touch it when he pulls it out.
Where your clothes at, son?
the tall, walnut-hued kid shouted at Azrael, then gave the angel a menacing grin.
I have none,
Azrael replied calmly, turning to face him. Will you help me? I am not from the enemy of mankind.
All three young men burst out laughing. The tall one brought a short, white object to his lips, then lit it with a small blue cylinder that produced a flame when his thumb clicked it. He shook his head and took a long drag, passing the strange-smelling white stick to his pale friend first.
You in the wrong part of town to be begging for clothes and talking like Shakespeare and shit, son. That’s a real good way for a brother to get beat down in North Central.
Frustration and a jolt of confusion shot through Azrael. If we are indeed brothers—more importantly, our brother’s keeper—then why would you not help me cover myself? I have done you no harm, and hidden within your raiment you have more than enough resources, not to mention knowledge, to assist a being in need. I can sense it, therefore I do not understand.
Azrael stepped forward, emboldened by the new surge of human emotions pulsing through his veins. The injustice of it all made him irate. In fact, I do not understand why my shame and heartbreak at being separated from the Source is so amusing to you. Where is your compassion?
Oh, shit . . . this motherfucker is straight trippin’, man!
The pale kid handed off the glowing white stick to the darker of his friends as he blew smoke out of his nose and began coughing.
Awww . . . man,
the darker kid muttered, shaking his head as he accepted the pungent offering. You done did it now, son. Don’t nobody clock my boy’s cheddar.
The leader thrust a hand in his jacket and pulled out a metal object and pointed it at Azrael, laughing. You know what we got for beggin’ fools round here in my territory, son? We got a cap to bust in your crazy ass—so you better take that bull to somebody who’s trying to hear it. That’s what I got hidden in my whatever you call it, a nine, aw’ight!
Yo, man, this bum ain’t worth the hassle from po-po or doing time for, even if he is stupid. Don’t shoot the bastard...you gonna seriously blow my high if we gotta run or dump a body.
The darker kid took another drag on the disappearing white object in his hand and shook his head again. This train needs to hurry up and come on before some real sick shit goes down.
Instinct told Azrael that what was pointed at him was a weapon that could do him great harm. Fury flooded his veins. He was unarmed! Defenseless, as far as these young wolves knew...yet they would threaten him with death simply for being a poor vagrant. A beggar in need, as far as they knew.
Temper your words and your actions with wisdom or die!
he shouted, his voice a sudden, booming echo off the tile walls as he pointed at the young men before him.
The three boys looked at each other for a second, then burst out laughing.
Oh, shit,
the leader said, walking in a circle, raking his fingers through his wild, woolly hair. This bitch is straight crazy!
Something fragile snapped within Azrael. Time felt as if it stood still as he moved between the temporal beats of earth moments to cross the platform and grab the offending leader’s wrist. Supernatural strength arced through him like a sudden current. Never had he felt so alive.
Twisting up the leader’s wrist quickly, he lifted the man-child off his feet with the weapon still in his hand and pointing toward the ceiling. A loud sound discharged as time snapped back into normal earth rhythm and a harsh sulfuric smell bit into Azrael’s sinuses. The scent had come from the weapon and now lingered. The boy he held above his head continued twisting and yelling, as his friends ducked down, shouting.
Watch the gun, man!
Stop shooting!
Now Azrael had language to describe what was happening. He also had a weapon in case more human evil-doers crossed his path tonight. He closed his eyes for a moment, summoning discipline: Thou shalt not murder had always been mistranslated as thou shalt not kill
—and on this mission against the darkness, a righteous kill for self-defense was indeed allowed.
The desire to end their lives was so seductive, so tempting, as adrenaline thrummed through his system. But a small voice inside him reminded him of the elders’ warnings: The taking of a human life should never be enjoyable. These boys’ deaths would not be necessary, unless they decided to attack again. Azrael opened his eyes. His mission came back into focus.
Stripping the weapon away from the leader, Azrael yanked the young man’s jacket from his body as though disrobing a child, then shoved the offender hard. The kid hit the ground and scrambled away from Azrael with new terror and respect in his eyes.
Each of you who have much to repent, be Good Samaritans and donate to my righteous cause,
Azrael said in a threatening murmur, slapping his chest with a broad, flat palm. Or take a glance at where you are headed if you continue on your current path of murder and mayhem.
He stared into their eyes, watching them recoil in horror as he gave them a glimpse of the dark side within their minds. It is your choice. It is always your choice.
Chapter 1
Celeste could feel the darkness within the apartment closing in on her as she watched Brandon roll a joint on the cluttered coffee table before him. An old soda bottle, several beer cans, an ancient Chinese-food carton, charred reefer seeds, and an over-flowing ashtray littered his makeshift weed-prep area.
His eyes were hard as he glared at the baseball game on television and licked the edge of the rolling paper he held. She absently stood and went over to the small kitchen pass-through and squeezed a nearly empty pack of Newports, glad that a couple cigarettes were left in it. The stench of aging garbage filled her nose, but given his foul mood, asking Brandon to take it out would be suicide. If she took it out herself, he’d start yelling about where she was going and would no doubt accuse her of trying to sneak out or something stupid. She’d deal with it tomorrow, like everything else.
She cut Brandon a sidelong glance. A joint wasn’t going to chill him out tonight. It rarely did. Two years of Friday-night fights told her that. History was what it was and rarely changed unless something drastic went down. No, a joint wasn’t what he wanted and it wouldn’t keep him mellow. Only a few things would, and she wasn’t one of them anymore. Hadn’t been in a long time.
As quietly as possible, Celeste extracted a cigarette from the pack. The last thing she wanted to do was start a big argument over whose pack she was taking a smoke from. It was hers, but Brandon never seemed to remember anything that she contributed to their so-called household. And reminding him was dangerous, depending on his mood. She’d decided after their first really bad fight that it just wasn’t worth the risk. Tonight it definitely wasn’t worth it.
Dampening down her anger, lest she say something to ignite his rage, she walked over to the cabinets to find a glass for what was left of the vodka she’d purchased. She didn’t turn on the lights. That would only hurt her eyes and make the roaches scatter. Right now she didn’t want to see them any more than she wanted to contend with Brandon.
You got any money?
Celeste barely responded. No. I told you before, I’m broke.
Then what good are you, bitch? You never have any money, like I’m supposed to always take care of your skinny ass.
He shot her a withering glare over his shoulder but didn’t get up. You got money for your god-damned liquor, though, right?
She didn’t reply, just fetched a short rocks glass from the cabinet, waiting a beat while whatever was crawling around scurried to a new hiding place.
Don’t have an answer to that one, do you?
Celeste didn’t tempt fate by looking up at him. He would have caught the flippant attitude in her expression, which would have been enough to propel him off the sofa for a confrontation. Instead, she kept her head down and her lips sealed. If there had been no threat of a severe beat down, she would have had plenty to say—like, If you go to work every day washing dishes at the pizza shop and don’t pay nary a bill around here on a regular basis, then why doesn’t your mangy ass have any money?
That was the silent question.
But it would have been foolish to ask that question out loud even on the best of days. Her five-foot-six, 130-pound frame was no match for his six-two, 180-pound one. Simple math said to suck it up and shut up.
Thought so, bitch.
She remained mute and just went to the freezer, extracted her bottle, and poured a little more vodka into her glass than originally intended, then as quietly as possible added some ice.
Muttering obscenities under his breath, Brandon went back to the game and his task of managing his weed. Yeah, your crazy ass ain’t stupid enough to say something back to me. I know that much.
Keeping Brandon in her peripheral vision, Celeste tucked the stolen cigarette into a loose fold she’d created under her tank-top hem and soundlessly poured a little more of the clear, potent remedy into the glass to top off the ice. Trying to move as quietly as a shadow, she edged her way toward the kitchen threshold to head down the long, dark, narrow hallway.
Where you going?
Brandon’s attention suddenly snapped in her direction again.
Celeste froze. To pee,
she said flatly, without any change in her inflection.
He turned back to the game again and lit his joint. She relaxed and edged her way out of the dark kitchen to hurry down the hall before he decided to change his mind and pursue her. Baseball wasn’t all that interesting; fighting with her had become his national pastime, especially on a Friday night before the first of the month.
If her SSI check had come to her aunt Denise’s house, then she would have been guaranteed some measure of peace. Aunt Niecey, who didn’t believe in direct deposit or technology, would have cashed the check for her as she always did and then paid Celeste’s rent and utility bills directly with a money order off that—right there at the check-cashing agency, something Brandon couldn’t say jack about. Her aunt, a robust woman who was built like a tank and didn’t play, was the only living relative in the family responsible and compassionate enough to take on the challenge of being Celeste’s guardian as long as Celeste was claiming mental disability.
Celeste took a cool sip of vodka and kept walking. At least somebody had her back, even if her mama was dead and her daddy was in a crack house or dead somewhere.
Besides, Aunt Niecey would take out her earrings to scrap over a principle in a heartbeat as if she were still fifteen years old, if it came to that. They said her aunt was the wild one of all the Jackson girls. But Denise Jackson was the only one who’d lived to see her three score and plus some and at eighty-odd years old was still spry and in her right mind. Strokes, heart attacks, diabetes, and bad living had taken everybody else’s parents. Celeste took a deeper swig from her rocks glass as she walked through the darkness, feeling the warming effects of the vodka. She didn’t care that some of her cousins said auntie was too mean for the devil to take. Her cousins didn’t know Auntie’s kind heart.
It was simply that Aunt Niecey didn’t brook no bullshit, as her aunt so colorfully claimed. Celeste’s cousins, and all their badass kids, had plenty of drama going on 24-7—not that she could talk. But one had to respect her aunt’s position and proclamation. Denise Jackson could back up whatever she said with authority. That’s why they didn’t like Aunt Niecey so much, even though every last one of them was too much of a punk to say that to her face.
So, who else but fearless Aunt Niecey was gonna be the legal guardian of someone diagnosed with schizophrenia, chronic depression, and substance abuse after a violent nervous breakdown? That woman was prayed up, had raised up all the broken children in the family, and also packed heat, just in case her Jesus was a little slow to intervene or respond. According to her aunt, God helped those who helped themselves.
But regardless of all that, the feds and the state required a guardian in matters such as these, and her aunt had stepped up in return for a small, monthly inconvenience fee. That was fair, the way Celeste saw it. Not even freedom was free.
The thing that really scared her was the question of what she would ever do if Aunt Niecey was gone. Her aunt was a lifeline. Yet her aunt was moving slower year by year. It was only a matter of time. Fatigue was written all over the poor woman’s face, just as Arthur was twisting her hands and feet into knots. Arthritis was the only thing to slow down the pure force of nature that her aunt had been.
Celeste took a huge gulp of vodka and shuddered as it went down. It was bad enough coming home to her mother dead on the kitchen floor from a stroke when she was in middle school. She didn’t want to be the one to find her aunt like that, too. It was a fervent prayer, not that she thought God ever listened to her. If He did, then He wouldn’t have allowed half of the things that had happened to her.
She just hoped for the sake of her aunt that whoever was in charge up above would make her aunt’s passing smooth and easy. Denise Jackson, a weary warrior who claimed to be a soldier for God, deserved some respite from this cruel world. That was one of the reasons Celeste didn’t tell her aunt half of the crap that Brandon pulled. It