Hollywood Lies
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Against a backdrop already larger than life, each scenario mixes the mysterious with the supernatural in a toxic cocktail of malevolent wit - Hollywood's glitter balancing on a scalpel edge of madness.
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Hollywood Lies - David Ambrose
Living Legend
She lifted her face from the swirl of water in the sink and stared into the mirror. Her eyes stared back, dark and frightened, from a tangle of bleached-blonde hair. She felt her stomach tighten and convulse again and lowered her head, but the feeling passed. The worst was over.
What the hell had gone wrong? One moment she was laughing and joking, putting everybody at their ease, full of confidence and looking forward to the evening; the next she was alone, mascara running down her face, hair all messed up, a great Rorschach stain spreading on the wall where she had flung her glass.
Her hand was shaking as she yanked open the cabinet and knocked half its contents into the sink and on to the floor. Panic welled up in her as she realized that what she needed wasn’t there. How could she have let this happen? Christ, she couldn’t think of everything herself! There were people who were supposed to look after her. Didn’t the self-centred bastards ever think about anything except themselves?
Then she saw across the room the little travelling kit she always had with her, the one she prepared and usually packed herself. She had thought she’d forgotten it. Everything had been so rushed: getting off the lot in that helicopter, knowing that the studio would have stopped her physically if they could; then that long flight from the coast, trying to sleep but with the air-conditioning drying up her sinuses and irritating the infection she’d been fighting for weeks; finally being smuggled across Manhattan and in here through the basement, praying that the people they’d found to replace her usual team would be able to handle the make-up, the hair, the dress.
That dress! One mistake with that dress and the whole thing would be a calamity.
Her fingers struggled with the zipper on the little plastic bag. She definitely didn’t remember packing it, but she must have – thank God. But what was in it? She finally got it open, tipped out its contents on the straw-weave stool by the bath tub, and breathed a great, gasping sigh of relief as she found what she was looking for.
It didn’t take long for the effect to kick in – two minutes, tops, during which time she did nothing, neither moved nor thought nor heard nor saw, barely even breathed. It was a technique she had long since perfected, an ability to shut down all systems and turn wholly inward until the thing that she was waiting for happened, that tiny click somewhere deep in her psyche that told her she could stop hiding now, that it was safe to come out and connect with the world.
She sat there on the floor, wearing only pants and a bra. She closed her eyes, running a finger slowly up and down an imaginary crease in the middle of her forehead, letting her mind empty. After a while she heard a few faint notes of music in the distance. It took her a moment to realize she was humming, rocking back and forth in time to the simple melody.
What tune was that? And the words? She had to remember the words. It was all starting to come back now. She’d been humming that tune and trying to remember the words, but she couldn’t. She had to go out there and perform in a few minutes, and she couldn’t remember a single word of what she was supposed to do. It was the ultimate actor’s nightmare. Christ, no wonder she’d got upset! Nobody was helping her, nobody had offered to run through it with her, nobody had put a script into her hand. What the fuck did they expect? That she’d stay calm? They weren’t the ones who had to go out there in front of thousands of people, all of them just waiting for her to make a fool of herself. None of them understood that fine knife-edge between triumph and disaster which was where you had to operate if you were going to be worth watching. That edge was what being a star was all about. People said they loved you, but they were never on your side. They’d pay money to see you, but hoping you’d screw up so they could sneer and say you’d robbed them. They’d tell you they wanted to fuck you, but nothing in your life would ever give them as big a hard-on as your death.
Why had she thought of death? She wasn’t going to die. Damn it, she could do this. She’d handle it. She just had to do it her own way, in her own time, the way she always did if she was going to get it right.
The tune. If she could remember the words of that damn tune she’d be all right. She hummed a few more bars. The clues were there . . .
She clapped her hands. She’d got it at last. She started to sing in a soft voice, her lips barely moving, her eyes closed.
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, Mr President,
Happy birthday to you . . .
*
Waiting in the wings was all the more agonizing because of that perspiring fool out there stumbling over his lines and cracking unfunny gags about her. In truth, she’d never really liked Lawford. They were friends, but in this business being friends didn’t amount to a whole lot. You were friends with somebody till they fucked you over, and then you stopped being friends – until you needed them again or until they needed you. Sure, Lawford had introduced her to Jack, but it had been Jack’s idea. She knew that because he’d told her how much he’d wanted to meet her. All Lawford had to do was make the call.
Suddenly she’d had enough of standing in the dark listening to that feeble patter on stage. She took a breath, threw back her shoulders under her ermine wrap, and stepped forward into the blinding light. The crowd went crazy the way they always did, though it never helped her sense of nervousness; just raised the stakes. The higher they lift you, the further you fall. If you fall.
‘Mr President,’ Lawford was saying, ‘never in the history of the world has one woman meant so much—’ Then he broke off as he turned and saw her shimmering towards him in that long, tight, all but totally transparent dress. She moved with a light, skipping motion through jostling circles of light as the spot operators struggled to focus on and follow her.
Lawford’s face was a professionally smiling blur as he stepped back to make room for her at the lectern with its bank of microphones. The set-up looked more like she was going to give a press conference than a performance.
‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ Lawford continued, his arm creeping around her shoulder, ‘the late Marilyn Monroe.’
That jolted her, totally threw her for a second – a second in which time stood still. She felt herself freeze up inside, as though somebody had walked over her grave. Why did the son of a bitch have to say that? He’d spooked her. He probably hadn’t meant to, but that didn’t make it any better. All the pills, that last extra split of champagne, suddenly weren’t working for her any more. Everything around her seemed to rush away. For a terrible moment she thought she was going to pass out. She licked her lips, which suddenly felt dry as cardboard.
Then, as abruptly as it had enclosed her, the vacuum popped and the world came back in focus. Out there in the dark they were still cheering and applauding. Nobody had noticed that anything was wrong. Nobody ever did. She shrugged her shoulders, and the ermine dropped from them into Lawford’s hands. The crowd’s roar doubled as they got the first real look at that dress.
That dress – sequins and beading on a flesh-coloured body-stocking of the sheerest silk mesh in the world. She’d had to be stitched into it, and anyone standing even a few feet from her would swear she was nude except for those artfully arranged little clusters of brilliance which were all she seemed to be wearing. She felt herself trying to suppress a smile as she imagined Jack’s reaction. He’d be grinning from ear to ear, probably leaning over to make some crack to Bobby or one of his cronies, loving it. And it was for him, just him. The rest of them out there could watch, but that was all. This was a private thing.
She tapped the microphone furthest to her right, the one she had been told to use. There was no reason to check it, except that it gave her an excuse to look down, compose her features, pull that schoolgirl grin back off her face and bury it inside where secrets like that belonged.
Now she was ready. She took a step to her right to get out from behind that damn desk, twisted the microphone to follow her, and gave them her most dazzling smile. The noise went on and flashbulbs were popping everywhere. Then, just as her eyes were adapting and she was beginning to see as well as hear, some fool hit her with a blinding white arc – probably because of the dress, and certainly the public seemed to appreciate the better look that it gave them; but thank God, when she put up her hands to shield her eyes, whoever was on the gantry took the hint and cut the glare a little.
‘Time,’ something inside her was saying. ‘Don’t milk it, ride it. Get into the number.’
She began. One word. ‘Happy . . .’ The notes quavered uncertainly in her ear, but she’d never pretended to be a singer; nobody wanted her to be. ‘Birthday to you . . .’ She could feel the crowd were behind her, helping her on. In a moment they’d be singing along with her. Somewhere she could hear the band trying to pick up her key and find a tempo, but without success.
It didn’t matter. It was going to work. It was going to be all right.
It was her night.
*
Later, she wasn’t so sure. Yes, it had gone all right; but it was Jack’s night, not hers. Somehow, at the end of it all, she had felt diminished by the event. The spotlight had left her with an abruptness she was unaccustomed to, and the brisk way Jack had mounted those steps and effortlessly taken centre stage had made her feel like an amateur in the shadow of his commanding professionalism.
But the thing that had really got to her was that word ‘wholesome’. His slightly hesitant delivery had always covered an actor’s sense of timing; she’d even told him once that he reminded her of Jimmy Stewart. Now there he was, role-playing to perfection, turning around to acknowledge the band, then back to the audience with that big grin on his face, letting them cheer and stamp and applaud as they hung on to every second of that pause for just as long as he chose to stretch it out. Finally he let them see that he was ready to speak.
‘Thank you . . . I can now retire from politics after having had Happy Birthday
sung to me in such a sweet, wholesome way.’
It was the way that he’d turned to the band again between ‘sweet’ and ‘wholesome’ that really drove the joke home. It was a nudge in the ribs, a leer between guys: ‘We know the score here – right, fellas?’ And the audience loved it. It was the biggest laugh of the evening, and at her expense. He had both acknowledged her and trashed her with that one, perfectly timed, ironic ‘wholesome’.
By the time she got back to her dressing room she had made up her mind that she wasn’t going to the party. Let them snigger if they wanted to behind her back. She felt like shit, she had a picture to finish in LA, and she needed sleep. She had done her patriotic duty; fucking him was optional, and this weekend it was off the menu, birthday or no birthday.
She had just told someone to bring her a fresh glass of champagne, and was mounting a stool so that they could start peeling that dress off her, when the room fell silent. She hadn’t been expecting it, but she knew at once what that kind of silence meant. It happened when somebody very famous joined a small group of people. It was the kind of reaction she herself often provoked. But this silence went further than that. These people were used to movie stars. It took more than fame to provoke this kind of response. It took power. She looked over her shoulder, and saw Jack.
Everyone was already leaving as though in response to some order from him, though he didn’t look at any of them, didn’t even seem to be aware of them. His eyes were fixed on her, and there was an amused half-smile playing around his mouth. He didn’t move until his Secret Service detail had shut the door, staying outside in the corridor with everybody else. Then he spoke.
‘You were great. Song was great. So’s the dress.’
‘Wholesome?’ she said, lifting one eyebrow a fraction.
He laughed. ‘Yeah. Wholesome.’ He took a step forward. ‘What are you doing up there?’ As he said it, he held out a hand to help her down from the stool. She ignored it.
‘I was about to get changed,’ she said.
‘Don’t do that. Wear it to the party,’ he said.
His hand was still out. She took it and stepped down. It gave her a moment to think about what she was going to say.
‘I’m not going to the party,’ she said. She was looking up at him now instead of down. She wished that she’d stayed on the stool.
‘Oh, come on,’ he said, not taking her seriously. ‘You can’t let me down. Everybody wants to meet you.’
What was he planning, she wondered? To hand her around like a slice of birthday cake? ‘I’m not feeling great,’ she began, but he wasn’t listening.
‘We’ll ride over there together,’ he said. ‘Get your wrap and let’s go.’
She wasn’t expecting that. Ride over there together? It made a big change from the hide-and-seek games they usually played, with her wearing sunglasses and a dark wig, being smuggled in back doors and service elevators to the President’s suite. What was going on? Was it possible that he was about to acknowledge their relationship openly? Everything she had dreamed of since their first meeting raced through her mind. She knew that her fantasy of supplanting his wife and becoming First Lady of the United States was just that – a fantasy. But she also knew that fantasies come true. Look at her life: the girl from nowhere who became the biggest female star in Hollywood, married the greatest athlete in America, then its most famous playwright. If that wasn’t a fantasy come true, then she didn’t know what was. And now?
He kissed her on the lips. At the same time his hand ran down her back and squeezed her left buttock so hard that she gave a little gasp. But she didn’t mind. He was looking at her with that softness that made her forget and forgive everything except how much she loved and wanted him.
‘How the hell does this thing come off?’ he asked, his hands fluttering all over now, pulling and tugging at the dress.
‘I thought you wanted me to wear it for the party,’ she said.
‘I do but . . .’
‘If it comes off, it stays off,’ she told him with a laugh. She was feeling wonderful now, light as a feather, like a little girl.
‘Let’s go,’ he said, his grin widening as he took her hand and headed for the door. The two Secret Service men snapped to attention as he pulled it open. Everyone else had been cleared away.
She was still laughing as he strode down the corridor, pulling her along so that she had to take awkward little running steps to keep up with him in that tight skirt. Then they were at the limo, its door open, the soft interior beckoning. The door slammed shut with a solid, reassuring sound.
Outside the darkened windows the lights of Manhattan zipped by. She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, listening to the sirens as they cleared a way for them through the dense uptown traffic. She was, she realized with that little shiver of surprise that always accompanied the feeling, happy.
The sound penetrated her consciousness only slightly. Its familiarity made it both something to ignore, or, depending on where you were and what you were doing, something to pay very close attention to. Present circumstances favoured close attention: somewhere a zipper had unzipped. It wasn’t hers. There was only one – clear plastic down the back of the dress – and that hadn’t budged. She opened her eyes a fraction. Jack’s pants were undone and his hand was pulling out his penis in a way that left no doubt about what he wanted from her.
It was over in about a minute; Jack was always on a short fuse. It didn’t do much for her, though the thought of giving head in the presidential limo with the cops on their motorbikes riding right alongside made it kind of appealing. She lifted her face to look up at him. His head lolled back in ecstasy on the plush upholstery. It always amused and in some ways bewildered her that men were so easy to keep happy, at least on that level. She tidied him away and was about to zip him up, when she felt him move. He was looking down at her.
‘Leave it,’ he said.
‘You can’t arrive at the party like this,’ she answered with a smile.
‘Fuck the party. We aren’t going to no fucking party.’
The tone of his voice shocked her. There was a thickness to it that was alien to him, crude almost. Jack was a lot of things, including sometimes crude; but always with a touch of lightness, and usually some wit. There was no lightness in the voice that had just spoken.
‘What d’you mean, no party?’ she protested. ‘You can’t not show up at your own party. Think of all those people who are waiting for you.’
‘Fuck ’em. I’ve got other plans for you and me, baby.’ He was looking at her now, and there was something in his face she didn’t recognize, a coarseness, an almost drooling carnality that alarmed her. It was a look that made her feel cheap, anonymous, disposable: a look that she had never seen in him before.
‘What plans?’ she enquired, not managing to hide the unsureness in her voice.
‘You’ll find out. Don’t worry about it.’
‘Who says I’m worrying?’ She drew away from him slightly, making an effort to steady her voice and sound more confident than she felt. ‘A while ago you were telling me how everybody wanted to meet me and I had to be there. Now why the change of plan? I don’t understand.’
The truth was that she understood only too well, or feared she did. She almost laughed aloud when she thought back to her fantasies of barely half an hour ago. How could she have been naive enough to think that Jack would even dream of walking into a roomful of socialites and political bigwigs with her on his arm, let alone one day acknowledge their relationship to the whole world? The years of psychoanalysis, not to mention countless hours of gruelling self-examination in acting class, had taught her to face things that could not be escaped. Ultimately she always faced the truth; it was what kept her sane.
‘Where are we going, Jack? Can you tell me?’ She tried to sound casual, but his arm was around her and his weight against her, and his other hand was trying to find a way under her skirt and up her leg.
‘Hey, baby, we can go anywhere we like.’ His voice was even rougher than before, breathless, like an animal with the scent of prey in its nostrils and the taste of blood already in its mouth. ‘We can drive around a while . . .’
‘Drive around? Like this?’
‘Why not? Aren’t you having fun?’
‘Jack, I . . . I really wanted to go to that party with you . . . you know?’
‘Will you stop going on about the fucking party? The party’s no part of this deal – all right? Will you try to get that through your fucking head? There’s no party.’
She didn’t respond. She didn’t trust herself to speak. So this was where it ended, full circle, where it started: on her knees to some guy – starting in a field behind the orphanage, then a hotel room, then maybe a million hotel rooms. After that it had been studio bungalows, executive suites, private yachts and penthouse apartments. And finally, now, in the back of the presidential limo, in the middle of the presidential fucking motorcade, going up (she looked out of the window) Fifth fucking Avenue.
‘Not bad for an old broad of thirty-six,’ she had joked earlier in the day when they were getting her into the dress. Everyone had laughed and said she was good for a long time yet. But how much time did she have? Already it was too late for so many things. And what did she have to put in their place? How much longer would she even be a star?
Like a fool she had left her pills in the dressing room. There was nothing between her and the raw panic she could feel coming at her like a tidal wave. She couldn’t handle this. She had to get out. Somehow.
She moved so fast that he didn’t know what happened. There was a tearing sound and he looked down at the flimsy shred of fabric in his hand. He saw a flash of hair, of flesh, her hands outstretched, reaching for the door. She yanked the handle back, pushed, and launched herself full length into the night.
His cry echoed behind her. Echoed, but did not die away as it should have. She hit the ground, and realized that the car wasn’t moving. Had they stopped without her noticing?
She became aware that she wasn’t hurt, not even grazed. She hadn’t fallen far or hard enough. And this was no road surface she was pushing herself up from. It was smooth and firm, yet had absorbed the impact of her fall.
‘What the fuck—?’ Jack roared behind her.
She turned. He was getting out of the car after her. But it wasn’t Jack. He was dressed like Jack, and he was the man she’d just been with. But how in hell had she ever thought this man was Jack? She saw now that he was shorter, heavier, with thinning black hair and a round face flushed with anger.
‘What the fuck is going on here?’ he yelled over her head at somebody she couldn’t see.
She followed his gaze, taking in her surroundings in a single sweep; and she realized that something was terribly wrong. She could