Second Chance Summer
4/5
()
About this ebook
Taylor Edwards’s family might not be the closest-knit—everyone is a little too busy and overscheduled—but for the most part, they get along just fine. Then, Taylor’s dad gets devastating news, and her parents decide that the family will spend one last summer all together at their old lake house in the Pocono Mountains.
Crammed into a place much smaller and more rustic than they are used to, they begin to get to know each other again. And Taylor discovers that the people she thought she had left behind haven’t actually gone anywhere. Her former best friend is still around, as is her first boyfriend—and he’s much cuter at seventeen than he was at twelve.
As the summer progresses and the Edwards become more of a family, they’re more aware than ever that they’re battling a ticking clock. Sometimes, though, there is just enough time to get a second chance with family, with friends, and with love.
Morgan Matson
Morgan Matson is the New York Times bestselling author of six books for teens, including Since You’ve Been Gone and Save the Date, and the middle grade novel The Firefly Summer. She lives in Los Angeles but spends part of every summer in the Pocono Mountains. Visit her at MorganMatson.com.
Read more from Morgan Matson
Since You've Been Gone Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Amy & Roger's Epic Detour Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Firefly Summer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Take Me Home Tonight Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related to Second Chance Summer
Related ebooks
Alex, Approximately Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Start of Me and You Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Starry Eyes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Save the Date Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Unexpected Everything Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boys of Summer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Chaos of Standing Still Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5On the Fence Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Girl out of Water: A Young Adult Summer Coming of Age Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Geography of Lost Things Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Endless Summer: The Boys Next Door; Endless Summer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love, Life, and the List Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Chasing Lucky Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Open Road Summer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5More Than We Can Tell Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Stay Sweet Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Rest of the Story Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Things We Know by Heart Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Call It What You Want Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Summer of Chasing Mermaids Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Map to the Stars Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Together at Midnight Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Burn for Burn Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5When We Collided Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Shug Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love and Other Train Wrecks Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Bittersweet Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Book of Broken Hearts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love & Luck Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Two-way Street Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
YA Romance For You
Shatter Me Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Heartless Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Legendary: A Caraval Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Red Queen Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Better Than the Movies Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Caraval Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Summer I Turned Pretty Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It's Not Summer Without You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Legendborn Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5We'll Always Have Summer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Finale: A Caraval Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unravel Me Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5These Violent Delights Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Foul Lady Fortune Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Forever . . . Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Ignite Me Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Cinderella Is Dead Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Out of Darkness Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5They Both Die at the End Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wuthering Heights Complete Text with Extras Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Selection Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Ace of Spades Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Do-Over Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Persuasion Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Poet X Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Daughter of the Pirate King Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Destroy Me Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Giver Quartet Omnibus Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5To All the Boys I've Loved Before Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Monday's Not Coming Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Second Chance Summer
318 ratings26 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A beautiful book.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Highly recommend reading this book! Best book I've ever read, with a little bit of a tear jerker ending, the importance of friends & family, and romance. Love love love this book!!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I read this book so quickly because I couldn’t put it down! I love Morgan Matson’s books. This book made me cry a lot, but it was so good!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beautiful heart touching story :)
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Why write a paragraph describing a conversation between two characters when you could actually write the dialogue??
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great story! You can broaden your audience by publishing your story on Novel Star Mobile App
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is a beautiful yet heartbreaking book would highly recommend. It had me in tears by the end
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5If you think you're ready for this book, you're wrong.
Reading this book made me discover I have a favourite type of book and that is:
summer setting romance with two characters who were childhood friends but something happened and now they are forced together again and must deal with their regrets and feelings.
yeah, it's a mouthful but dammit, it's a sure-fire way to win my heart.
There's a lot I could say about Second Chance Summer, but in the end it comes down to this: it's amazing. Don't let it pass you by. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This was a lovely, touching read about family, growing up, grief and second chances. I liked Taylor from the start and could sympathise with her as she watched her father's deterioration. I found the moments she spent with her father extremely moving and brought me to tears, especially near the end. A sweet read.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/53 1/2 stars.
By the last chapters I got teary eyed. Bittersweet, bittersweet indeed. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book was hands down one of the best books i have ever read. Towards the end, it had me laughing and crying at the same time. Really reminded how important your family is and that you shouldn't take every moment for granted.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Fantastic novel! Heart break, joy, sorrow, reconciliation, laughter, tears. Just a few words that come to mind when thinking about this book. Best read of the summer. And I've read A LOT! Well done. (Also, a clean novel that you could recommend to anyone-a refreshing change to so much that is published out there's)
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5great book
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5great book!! had me in so many tears, at the end I just couldn't hold it in anymore!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5best book ever!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book gave me a emotional wreck. It's a good book to read and especially if you need a reason to cry
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Let me start out by saying that Matson can write one heck of a book. She had me laughing and sobbing and connecting with her characters. My only complaint is that her endings aren't very satisfying- I want more from the story. An epilogue or something that shows the characters have mode passed the story, but I am not likely to get that. In spite of this one drawback, her writing is exceptional, and this is one of the better YA novels I have read (and believe me, I've read an outrageous amount of them). I would definitely recommend this book.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I discovered Morgan Matson by accident. I read her novel Amy and Roger's epic detour and knew after reading it, I had to read more books by her. For starters, Morgan Matson is the Queen of poignant stories.
I was saddened by her first novel and almost welled up but it was seond chance summer that made me cry hard. It's the story of Taylor Edwards, who on her 17th birthday finds out her father has only three months left to live. Her family decide to spend that last summer together at the beach house.
The beach house has many good and bad memories for Taylor. It's where she spent her summers with her best friends Lucy and Henry before their friendship changed forever the summer they turned 12. It was where she learned running away doesn't always solve issues and if you run away those issues always come back to haunt you.
While this is a story about life and death and the way relationships can be brought together by such crises it's also a story about discovery, first loves, heartbreak, loss, learning to stand on your own two feet and learning to not run away every time a problem comes your way.
It's beautifully written and makes me eager to read anything else by Morgan Matson.
Considering how deeply it tugs at the heart strings, I would suggest you read this alone, and with a box of tissues by your side.1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5second chances are blessings , I wish everyone knows how second chances could turn everything to a safe and calm side
I wish everyone is generous enough to give .. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Such a beautiful book about a girl who is scare of taking chances. Her dad who is dying with cancer finally helps her get it right this time around.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Review originally published on my blog: AWordsWorth.blogspot.comWhew. This book ... I don't normally cry over books or movies. If anything, I may have to blink rapidly a few times, and call it "touching." Every now and then, something comes along and makes me cry my eyes out. Like Pegasus and Spoken from the Heart (reliving 9/11 through Laura Bush's eyes? wowzers). I can now add Second Chance Summer to that list.Taylor's family has been given a deadline. A horrible, heartbreaking deadline. One that changes all their plans, and sends them back to the lake house in the Poconos - for one last summer. Everyone knows it is a summer of "goodbye", but for Taylor, maybe - just maybe - it will also become the summer of second chances. Taylor hasn't been to the lake in five years, not since that summer when things ended so badly, and finding herself back in the place where she knew the most happiness and love, at such a painful time, is rough. But as the summer begins to settle into a routine, Taylor finds that your past doesn't have to dictate your future. Soon, she finds herself actually enjoying this last summer. Until reality slams back into focus, and she finds old habits die hard. Running away from things is the easiest and safest response, she thinks. But as things play out, and the inevitable end arrives, Taylor discovers a new reality, a new mindset: one that says things like Love are worth fighting for. That being scared isn't something to run away from. That sometimes you have to rely on other people's strength, when yours is failing. Life is full of second chances.This book ... First, I should point out the cover is gorgeous. You can't tell in that image, but the title is silvery-shimmery, and it's just beautiful. As for the story itself: it's real. It's raw. It hit so very, very close to home. The summer I turned seventeen was also a last summer - the last summer with my granddaddy. Only we didn't know it at the time. He was checked into the hospital on my birthday, and a little under five months later, I said goodbye. So yeah. I bawled my eyes out reading this, because I know the feelings, the fears, the pains. Second Chance Summer is a beautifully written account of a journey that I hope most of us don't have to endure (especially at seventeen), but that all of us can relate to on some plane. We've all experienced heartaches and mistakes, wanting second chances and for things to not end/change/start. A moving, powerful, beautiful-even-if-it-made-my-heart-hurt story that is just the right balance to summer "fluff" while still being distinctly summery. Wow. Just wow.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This story brought back so many memories. The reason being: its the most raw, most realistic, most fact based story I've ever read. For this to be my first book by Morgan Matson, I am very pleased with it. It surely will not be my last. My aunt just passed away from breast cancer and I found out about 3 months ago that my grandmother has Stage IV Ovarian cancer, so this book really hit home for me. As read it I noticed all the things that I noticed while watching my grandmother (who is now in the care of hospice) and my aunt. It really felt like Matson was going on personal experience because everything was there. Even the smallest of details. This is actually what I liked the most. (Even though it made me cry like non stop!) It really feel like this was the first "real" realistic fiction book I've ever read. I also really liked the characters. Although Taylor had her faults, someone helped her understand and come to terms with them. I also liked Henry. (I mean he works in a bakery! What's not to like?!) It was obvious that he genuinely loved Taylor and would do anything for her. With Lucy, I really liked her, but I really thought their little feud was stupid. At 12, none of that should've been as important to them as it was. As far as all the supporting characters, Davey was my favorite. I thought he was adorable. Lastly, I loved that the writing style was so easy to read. For such a tough subject, Matson's writing style made it easy to read and easy to understand. She will bring out your best and your worst emotions at the same time and leave you wanting more. Honestly, last night when I finished I had already thought of when I would take the time to re-read this. Matson is an amazing author and I''m upset that I waited until now to read something by her. I know that I've absolutely loved something when I can relate it to my own personal experiences as well as completely getting "taken away" with the author's words and that's exactly what this one did for me.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Meet Taylor. Taylor likes to run away from her problems and difficult situations. See Taylor come face-to-face with something she can’t outrun – her father’s cancer.When Taylor Edwards’ father is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, her family decides to spend their last summer together at their lake house in the Poconos. As if dealing with the shattering news of her father’s illness isn’t enough, now Taylor has to return to the place that holds some of her happiest memories – and some of her worst. Can the place she fears the most provide the second chance she needs?I loved, loved, LOVED this book – the emotion, the realism, the characters. I’ll admit I was a little leery picking up a book about a girl and her family having to deal with some of the worst news imaginable. But since I loved Morgan Matson’s first book, Amy & Roger’s Epic Detour, I tossed aside my reservations and dove into a story that turned out to be even more emotional than I anticipated. Heartwarming – and heartbreaking – Second Chance Summer is a beautifully written story about family, friendship, forgiveness and love.Matson switches gears just slightly from Amy & Roger; instead of the unexpected loss of a father, her protagonist Taylor has to actually cope with seeing her father waste away before her eyes. The way this is handled by Matson is what bumped this to my highest rating. I felt I was getting to know Taylor’s dad and experiencing this devastation right along with Taylor. In fact, I had a difficult time writing this review because I kept tearing up just thinking about some of the scenes that wrecked me the first time around! When a book can call out that kind of emotion in me and have me feeling like I’m part of the family dealing with a tragic loss, then it deserves that fifth star. The final stages of the illness just seemed so REAL, and I applaud Matson’s skill in taking me every step of the way down this emotional path and out the other side to acceptance and hope, with gentle laughs and sweet moments generously scattered along the way.Matson balances the heavier side of the story with a peaceful summer setting and an interesting family as the focus – because the Edwards are not perfect and have issues. Everyone has been in their own little world for the last several years with busy schedules and not much family time. Big brother Warren is an overachiever with a high IQ who has been focused on getting into law school and is now using his college textbooks as summer reading, little sister Gelsey is a budding prima ballerina whose life has been dedicated to the dance, and Taylor is the middle child who has been drifting along trying to find her calling. This summer in the Poconos throws all three of them out of their comfort zones and into unexpected relationships. Warren finds himself head-over-heels in first love while Gelsey has her first “best” friend. As for Taylor, she has to deal with the fall-out from the mess she left behind the last time she was at the lake house involving her best friend Lucy and first love Henry.When Taylor’s dad suggests she get a summer job (because he’s getting a little freaked out by the way everyone is always watching him), she finds herself working alongside Lucy at the beach snack bar for the summer and running into Henry every time she turns around. Suddenly, Taylor isn’t just getting a second chance to strengthen her bond with her dad – she is rebuilding a friendship and rekindling a romance she thought were long gone. These old relationships of Taylor’s need some major repairs, so there’s no instant forgiveness from Lucy or Henry for the damage she caused. Flashbacks are used to slowly uncover what happened that long ago summer day, and present-day events and conversations highlight the awkwardness of a teenage girl who finds it easier to push people away than let them in. The frayed bonds of a deep friendship are easily felt whenever Taylor and Lucy are together, while a gentle chemistry springs up whenever Henry joins a scene. Matson does a fantastic job of layering everything with feeling.While I enjoyed Taylor’s interactions with Lucy and Henry, it was the scenes with her father that were the highlight of this book for me. Small moments here and there – drives into town, breakfasts at the café, movie night at the beach – that built on each other until I had a deeper understanding of her father, just like Taylor did. It was wonderful to see both Taylor and her relationship with her father growing stronger as he grew weaker. By providing the little moments, Matson makes the bigger ones that much more emotional.Morgan Matson’s Second Chance Summer is a beautiful story of a family coming together after receiving devastating news, and a girl discovering the strength to face her fears after a lifetime of running away. For readers who love tears mixed with their laughter, Second Chance Summer is a perfectly seasoned tale that will linger long after the last page is turned.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Birthdays are supposed to be great, but not so for Taylor Edwards. It was on her seventeenth birthday that she found out her father had pancreatic cancer and would not last the summer. So, it was decided that the family would spend the summer at their summer home on a lake in Pennsylvania, a place Taylor left abruptly five years earlier and had not returned to since, leaving behind her best friend, Lucy, and her boyfriend, Henry. It was a big shock for everyone being back at the lake. Of course, Lucy and Henry were still there harboring unresolved hostility towards Taylor. Taylor wanted to be anyplace else but the lake, however circumstances wouldn’t allow it. And how do you act ‘normal’ when you know it’s your father’s last summer? Morgan Matson’s Second Chance Summer is a book about second chances…second chances with friends, family, yourself. Taylor, always in the habit of running away when things got tough, is forced to stay and confront all those difficult situations. In doing so, she becomes a stronger person. In this day when there are many families with two working parents there’s not enough time for family. Second Chance Summer reinforces how fleeting life is and how important family is. The book is 468 pages and I was fine until the last 15 when tears welled up in my eyes. While I don’t want to think about my own mortality and leaving my children, I admire the way Taylor’s father made sure he was still in their lives long after his passing. Second Chance Summer is quite nicely done. Congrats, Morgan.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I was not prepared to read this book, even after multiple reviews saying how it is not what you expect. This book is amazing, beautiful, and touching, so much that it made me cry. Full on tears streaming down my face for 20 minutes. I understood and related to Taylor in multiple ways and loved Henry and all the characters. I have never legit cried like I did with this book. And I look at that as a good thing, no a great thing. Never have I ever read a book that moved me so much and made me feel like this was happening to me. Of course, it doesn't help that I know someone who is going through what this book talks about right now, but still. While this was emotionally heavy, there was so much romance, too, and friendship and that made it lighter. I'm rambling because there really are no good enough words to describe how good this book is. It is a must read, but be warned: You might cry.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5As I recently told a few friends, YA contemporary books are often the ones I’m most critical and particular about. I couldn’t say why, as I have read some fantastic ones, but I find myself overlooking many titles for seemingly sounding too dramatic and being full of cliches. Up until a little over a year ago, I hadn’t read many recent contemps, but Amy & Roger’s Epic Detour was one that I ended up giving into and I absolutely loved it. After finishing it, I knew that Morgan Matson was an author who got it right and I eagerly looked forward to her sophomore novel, Second Chance Summer. The result? I got a beautifully written book that made me feel so much.If you’re looking for a feel good and cutesy summer read…this is not it. There is a romance, and Henry is all sorts of great, but it’s not the focus in any way. There are great friendships and family relationships, but there’s also plenty of heartbreaking moments to go along with them. Morgan Matson handles the relationships and heartbreak with so much honesty. It would be easy to throw in some angst and have that be it, but Matson allows her characters, Taylor especially, to grow from their difficult moments. While their sadness and pain was definitely palpable, their happiness and triumphs were equally so.Second Chance Summer deals with rebuilding friendships, family ties, love, and loss, and Morgan Matson incorporates all of these themes seamlessly. There was a balance of emotions, from the highs to the lows, that made this such a heartfelt book. I definitely cried plenty while reading it, but I also laughed and smiled until my face ached.Morgan Matson crafted a beautiful story in Second Chance Summer and she now has a spot in my must-read author list. I can’t wait to read what she writes next — I know it’s a guaranteed quality read.
Book preview
Second Chance Summer - Morgan Matson
For Mom and Jason
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book wouldn’t have been possible without the incomparable Alexandra Cooper. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your patience and faith and brilliant editorial skills.
Thank you to all the wonderful people at S&S: Justin Chanda, Amy Rosenbaum, Anna McKean, Venessa Williams. And huge thank-you to Lucy Ruth Cummins for such a beautiful cover.
Rosemary Stimola, thank you for your agenting superpowers and your faith in the story from the start.
In the UK, thank you to Jane Griffiths, Kat McKenna, Mary-Anne Hampton, and Franca Bernatavicius.
Thank you to Lauren Strasnick, writing buddy extraordinaire, for your friendship and your invaluable help with this book.
Thank you to my mother, Jane Finn, for more things than I have room to list here… but especially for all those magical Pennsylvania summers.
While this book was primarily written in Los Angeles, it was revised all over the place, and I owe a great deal of thanks to those who made that possible:
Thank you to Susan MacTavish-Best, for the use of her beautiful, artbedecked Mill Valley home. To Eric Berlow, for the use of his cabins in the Sierra Nevada—revising has never had such a gorgeous setting. And thank you to Nancy Quinn and Ginger Boyle, who made the house-renting process in the Poconos so easy.
Finally, and above all, I must gratefully acknowledge Alex MacDonald. Thank you so much for finding us revising cabins, making scrambles, cheering me on, and always knowing when ice cream was needed. I could never have done this without your support and encouragement.
Love is watching someone die
—DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
The Lake House
chapter one
I EASED OPEN MY BEDROOM DOOR TO CHECK THAT THE HALLWAY was empty. When I was sure that it was, I shouldered my purse and closed the door behind me quietly, then took the stairs down to the kitchen two at a time. It was nine a.m., we were leaving for the lake house in three hours, and I was running away.
The kitchen counter was covered with my mother’s plentiful to-do lists, bags packed with groceries and supplies, and a box filled with my father’s orange prescription bottles. I tried to ignore these as I headed across the kitchen, aiming for the back door. Though I hadn’t snuck out in years, I had a feeling that it would be just like riding a bicycle—which, come to think of it, I also hadn’t done in years. But I’d woken up that morning in a cold sweat, my heart hammering, and every impulse I had telling me to leave, that things would be better if I were somewhere—anywhere—else.
Taylor?
I froze, and turned around to see Gelsey, my twelve-year-old sister, standing at the other end of the kitchen. Even though she was still wearing her pajamas, an ancient set decorated with glittery pointe shoes, her hair was up in a perfect bun.
What?
I asked, taking a step away from the door, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.
She frowned at me, eyes resting on my purse before traveling back to my face. What are you doing?
Nothing,
I said. I leaned against the wall in what I hoped was a casual manner, even though I didn’t think I’d ever leaned against a wall in my life. What do you want?
I can’t find my iPod. Did you take it?
No,
I said shortly, resisting the urge to tell her that I wouldn’t have touched her iPod, as it was filled solely with ballet music and the terrible band she was obsessed with, The Bentley Boys, three brothers with perfectly windswept bangs and dubious musical gifts. Go ask Mom.
Okay,
she said slowly, still looking at me suspiciously. Then she pivoted on her toe and stomped out of the kitchen, yelling as she went. Mom!
I crossed the rest of the kitchen and had just reached for the back door when it swung open, making me jump back. My older brother, Warren, was struggling through it, laden with a bakery box and a tray of to-go coffees. Morning,
he said.
Hi,
I muttered, looking longingly past him to the outside, wishing that I’d tried to make my escape five minutes earlier—or, even better, had just used the front door.
Mom sent me for coffee and bagels,
he said, as he set both on the counter. You like sesame, right?
I hated sesame—in fact, Warren was the only one of us who liked them—but I wasn’t going to point that out now. Sure,
I said quickly. Great.
Warren selected one of the coffees and took a sip. Even though at nineteen he was only two years older than me, he was dressed, as usual, in khakis and a polo shirt, as though he might at any moment be called upon to chair a board meeting or play a round of golf. Where is everyone?
he asked after a moment.
No idea,
I said, hoping that he’d go investigate for himself. He nodded and took another sip, as though he had all the time in the world. I think I heard Mom upstairs,
I said after it became clear that my brother intended to while away the morning sipping coffee and staring into space.
I’ll tell her I’m back,
he said, setting his coffee down, just as I’d hoped he would. Warren headed toward the door, then stopped and turned back to me. Is he up yet?
I shrugged. Not sure,
I said, trying to keep my voice light, like this was just a routine question. But only few weeks ago, the idea of my father still being asleep at this hour—or for that matter, still home—would have been unthinkable.
Warren nodded again and headed out of the kitchen. As soon as he was gone, I bolted for the door.
I hurried down our driveway and, when I made it to the sidewalk, let out a long breath. Then I started speed-walking down Greenleaf Road as quickly as possible. I probably should have taken a car, but some things were just habit, and the last time I’d snuck out, I’d been years away from getting my license.
I could feel myself start to calm down the farther I walked. The rational part of my brain was telling me that I’d have to go back at some point, but I didn’t want to listen to the rational part of my brain right now. I just wanted to pretend that this day—this whole summer—wasn’t going to have to happen, something that got easier the more distance I put between myself and the house. I’d been walking for a while and had just started to dig in my bag for my sunglasses when I heard a metal jangling sound and looked up.
My heart sank a little as I saw Connie from the white house across the street, walking her dog and waving at me. She was around my parents’ age, and I’d known her last name at some point, but couldn’t recall it now. I dropped my sunglass case in my bag next to what I now saw was Gelsey’s iPod (whoops), which I must have grabbed thinking it was mine. There was no avoiding Connie without blatantly ignoring her or turning and running into the woods. And I had a feeling either of these options was behavior that might make it back to my mother immediately. I sighed and made myself smile at her as she got closer.
Taylor, hi!
she called, smiling wide at me. Her dog, a big, dumb-looking golden retriever, strained against his leash toward me, panting, tail wagging. I looked at him and took a small step away. We’d never had a dog, so though I liked them in theory, I hadn’t had all that much experience with them. And even though I watched the reality show Top Dog much more than someone who didn’t actually own a dog should, this didn’t help when confronted with one in the real world.
Hi, Connie,
I said, already starting to edge away, hoping she’d get the hint. Nice to see you!
You too,
she replied automatically, but I saw her smile fade a little as her eyes traveled over my face and outfit. You’re looking a bit different today,
she said. Very… relaxed.
Since Connie normally saw me in my Stanwich Academy uniform—white blouse and itchy plaid skirt—I had no doubt I looked different now, as I’d pretty much just rolled out of bed, not even bothering to brush my hair, and was wearing flip-flops, cutoffs, and a much-washed white T-shirt that read LAKE PHOENIX SWIM TEAM. The shirt technically wasn’t mine, but I’d appropriated it so many years ago that I now just thought of it as my property.
I guess so,
I said to Connie, making sure to keep a smile on my face. Well…
Any big plans for the summer?
she asked brightly, apparently completely unaware that I was trying to end this conversation. The dog, maybe realizing this was going to take a while, flopped down at her feet, resting his head on his paws.
Not really,
I said, hoping that might be the end of it. But she continued to look at me, eyebrows raised, so I stifled a sigh and went on. We’re actually leaving today to spend the summer at our lake house.
Oh, wonderful!
she gushed. That sounds lovely. Whereabouts is it?
It’s in the Poconos,
I said. She frowned, as though trying to place the name, and I added, The Pocono Mountains. In Pennsylvania?
Oh, right,
she said, nodding, though I could tell from her expression that she still had no idea what I was talking about, which wasn’t actually that unexpected. Some of my friends’ families had summer houses, but they tended to be in places like Nantucket or Cape Cod. Nobody else I knew had a summer house in the mountains of northeastern Pennsylvania.
Well,
Connie said, still smiling brightly. A lake house! That should be nice.
I nodded, not really trusting myself to answer, since I didn’t want to go back to Lake Phoenix. I so didn’t want to go back that I had snuck out of the house with practically no plan and no supplies except my sister’s iPod, rather than face going there.
So,
Connie said, tugging on the dog’s leash, causing him to lumber to his feet, be sure to say hello to your mother and father for me! I hope they’re both doing well, and—
She stopped suddenly, her eyes widening and cheeks reddening slightly. I recognized the signs immediately, even though I’d only been seeing them for three weeks. She had Remembered.
It was something that I had no idea how to handle, but as an unexpected upside, it was something that seemed to be working in my favor. Somehow, overnight, everyone in school seemed to know, and my teachers had been informed, though why or by whom, I’d never been sure. But it was the only explanation for the fact that I’d aced all my finals, even in classes like Trig, which I’d been dangerously close to getting a C in. And if that wasn’t enough proof, when my English teacher had passed out our exams, she’d set mine down on my desk and rested her hand on it for just a minute, causing me to look up at her.
I know that studying must be hard for you right now,
she’d murmured, as though the entire class wasn’t listening, ears straining for every syllable. So just do your best, all right, Taylor?
And I’d bitten my lip and done the Brave Nod, aware the whole time that I was pretending, acting the way I knew she expected me to act. And sure enough, I’d gotten an A on the test, even though I’d only skimmed the end of The Great Gatsby.
Everything had changed. Or, more accurately, everything was going to change. But nothing had really changed yet. And it made the condolences odd—as if people were saying how sorry they were that my house had burned down when it was still intact but with an ember smoking nearby, waiting.
I will,
I said quickly, saving Connie from having to stammer through one of the well-meaning speeches I was already sick of hearing—or even worse, telling me about some friend of a friend who had been miraculously cured through acupuncture/meditation/tofu, and had we considered that? Thank you.
Take care,
she said, putting more meaning in those words than they usually had, as she reached out and patted me on the shoulder. I could see the pity in her eyes, but also the fear—that slight distancing, because if something like this was happening to my family, it could happen to hers.
You too,
I said, trying to keep a smile on my face until she had waved again and headed down the street, dog leading the way. I continued in the opposite direction, but my escape no longer felt like it was going to make things better. What was the point of trying to run away if people were going to insist on reminding you of what you were running from? Though I hadn’t felt the need to do it for a while now, running away had been something I’d done with real frequency when I was younger. It had all started when I was five, and I had gotten upset that my mother was paying attention only to baby Gelsey, and Warren, as usual, wouldn’t let me play with him. I’d stomped outside, and then had seen the driveway, and the wider world beyond it, beckoning. I had started walking down the street, mostly just wondering how long it would take for someone to realize I was even gone. I was soon found and brought home, of course, but that had begun the pattern, and running away became my preferred method of dealing with anything that upset me. It got to be such a routine that when I used to announce from the doorway, tearfully, that I was leaving home forever and ever, my mother would just nod, barely looking at me, telling me only to make sure to be back in time for dinner.
I had just pulled out Gelsey’s iPod—willing to suffer through even the Bentley Boys if it meant a distraction from my thoughts—when I heard the low rumble of the sports car behind me.
It occurred to me that I must have been gone longer than I’d realized as I turned around, knowing what I would see. My father was behind the wheel of his low-slung silver car, smiling at me. Hi, kid,
he said through the open passenger-side window. Want a ride?
Knowing that there was no point in even pretending any longer, I pulled open the passenger side door and got in. My dad looked across at me and raised his eyebrows. So what’s the news?
he asked, his traditional greeting.
I shrugged and looked down at the gray floor mats, still pristine, even though he’d had the car for a year. I just, you know, felt like a walk.
My dad nodded. Of course,
he said, his voice overly serious, as though he completely believed me. But we both knew what I’d really been doing—it had usually been my father who would come and find me. He always seemed to know where I would be, and rather than bringing me right home, if it wasn’t too late, we would go out for ice cream instead, after I’d promise not to tell my mother.
I buckled my seat belt, and to my surprise, my dad didn’t turn the car around, but instead kept driving, turning onto the road that would take us downtown. Where are we going?
I asked.
I thought we could use some breakfast,
he said, glancing over at me as he pulled to a stop at a red. For some reason, all the bagels in the house seem to be sesame.
I smiled at that, and when we arrived, followed my dad into Stanwich Deli. Since the deli was packed, I hung back and let him order. As my eyes roamed over the shop, I noticed Amy Curry standing toward the front of the line, holding hands with a tall, cute guy wearing a Colorado College T-shirt. I didn’t know her well—she’d moved with her mother and brother down the street from us last summer—but she smiled and waved at me, and I waved back.
When my dad made it to the front of the line, I watched him rattling off our order, saying something that made the counter guy laugh. To look at my father, you wouldn’t be able to tell that anything was truly wrong. He was a little thinner, his skin tone just slightly yellow. But I was trying not to see this as I watched him drop some change into the tip jar. I was trying not to see how tired he looked, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. But most of all, I was trying not to think about the fact that we had been told, by experts who knew these things, that he had approximately three months left to live.
chapter two
DO WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS?
GELSEY WHINED FROM THE front seat for what had to be the third time in ten minutes.
You might learn something,
Warren said from the driver’s side. Right, Taylor?
From where I was stretched out in the backseat, I pulled down my sunglasses and turned the volume up on my iPod rather than responding. Lake Phoenix was only a three-hour drive from our house in Stanwich, Connecticut, but it felt like it had been the longest car ride of my life. And since my brother drove like a senior citizen (he’d actually once gotten a ticket for driving too slowly and causing a traffic hazard) it had taken us over four hours to get there—so it was getting close to actually being the longest car ride of my life.
It was just the three of us in the old wood-paneled Land Cruiser that Warren and I shared—my parents had gone on ahead of us, my mom’s car packed full with all the supplies we’d need for an entire summer away. I’d spent most of the trip just trying to ignore my siblings’ squabbling, mostly over what to listen to—Gelsey only wanted to play the Bentley Boys; Warren insisted we listen to his Great Courses CD. Warren had won the final round, and the droning, English accent was telling me more than I ever wanted to know about quantum mechanics.
Even though I hadn’t been back in five years, I had still been able to anticipate every turn on the drive up. My parents had bought the house before I was born, and for years, we spent every summer there, leaving in early June and coming back in late August, my father staying in Connecticut alone during the workweek and coming up on the weekends. Summers used to be the highlight of my year, and all throughout school I would count down until June and everything that a Lake Phoenix summer promised. But the summer I was twelve had ended so disastrously that I had been incredibly relieved that we hadn’t gone back the next year. That was the summer Warren decided that he needed to really start focusing on his transcript and did a pre-college intensive program at Yale. Gelsey had just switched ballet teachers and didn’t want to stop classes for the summer. And I, not wanting to go back to Lake Phoenix and face the mess I’d made up there, had found a summer oceanography camp (there had been a brief period when I’d wanted to be a marine biologist; this had since passed) and begged my parents to let me go. And every year since then, it seemed like there was always something happening to prevent us from spending the summer there. Gelsey started going to sleepaway ballet camps, and Warren and I both started doing the academic-service-summer-program thing (he built a playground in Greece, I spent a summer trying—and failing—to learn Mandarin at a language immersion in Vermont). My mother started renting our house out when it became clear that we were all getting too busy to take the whole summer off and spend it together in Pennsylvania.
And this year was supposed to be no exception—Gelsey was planning on going back to the ballet camp where she was the rising star, Warren had an internship lined up at my father’s law firm, and I had intended to spend a lot of time sunbathing. I was really, really looking forward to the school year ending. My ex-boyfriend, Evan, had broken up with me a month before school ended, and my friends, not wanting to split up the group, had all taken his side. My sudden lack of friends and any semblance of a social life would have made the prospect of heading out of town for the summer really appealing under normal circumstances. But I did not want to go back to Lake Phoenix. I hadn’t even set foot in the state of Pennsylvania in five years. The five of us spending the summer together was something nobody would have even considered until three weeks ago. And yet, that was exactly what was happening.
We’re here!
Warren announced cheerfully as I felt the car slow down.
I opened my eyes, sat up, and looked around. The first thing I saw was green. The trees on both sides of the road were bright green, along with the grass beneath them. And they were densely packed, giving only glimpses of the driveways and houses that lay behind them. I glanced up at the temperature display, and saw it was ten degrees cooler here than it had been in Connecticut. Like it or not, I was back in the mountains.
Finally,
Gelsey muttered from the front seat.
I stretched out my neck from the awkward position I’d been sleeping in, for once in full agreement with my sister. Warren slowed even more, signaled, and then turned down our gravel driveway. All the driveways in Lake Phoenix were gravel, and ours had always been the way I’d measured the summer. In June, I could barely make it barefoot from the car to the porch, wincing every step as the rocks dug into my tender, pale feet, sheltered by a year of shoe-wearing. But by August, my feet would be toughened and a deep brown, the white of my flip-flop tan lines standing out in sharp relief, and I would be able to run across the driveway barefoot without a second thought.
I unbuckled my seat belt and leaned forward between the front seats to get a better look. And there, right in front of me, was our summer house. The first thing I noticed was that it looked exactly the same—same dark wood, peaked roof, floor-to-ceiling windows, wraparound porch.
The second thing I noticed was the dog.
It was sitting on the porch, right by the door. As the car drew closer, it didn’t get up or run away, but instead starting wagging its tail, as though it had been waiting for us all along.
"What is that?" Gelsey asked as Warren shut off the engine.
What’s what?
Warren asked. Gelsey pointed, and he squinted through the windshield. Oh,
he said a moment later, and I noticed that he was making no move to get out of the car. My brother denied it, but he was afraid of dogs, and had been ever since an idiotic babysitter let him watch Cujo when he was seven.
I opened my door and stepped out onto the gravel driveway to get a closer look. This was not the world’s most attractive dog. It was smallish, but not the tiny kind that you could put in your purse or might accidentally step on. It was golden brown with hair that seemed to be standing out from its body, giving it an air of surprise. It looked like a mutt, with biggish, stand-up German Shepherd-y ears, a short nose, and a longish, collie-like tail. I could see it had a collar on with a tag dangling from it, so clearly it wasn’t a stray.
Gelsey got out of the car as well, but Warren stayed put in the front seat and cracked the window as I approached him. I’ll just, um, stay behind and handle the bags,
he muttered as he passed over the keys.
Seriously?
I asked, raising my eyebrows at him. Warren flushed red before quickly rolling up his window, as though this small dog was somehow going to launch itself into the front seat of the Land Cruiser.
I crossed the driveway and walked up the three porch steps to the house. I expected the dog to move as soon as I got close, but instead it just wagged its tail harder, making a whapping sound on the wooden deck. Go on,
I said as I crossed to the door. Shoo.
But instead of leaving, it trotted over to join me, as though it had every intention of following us inside. No,
I said firmly, trying to imitate Randolph George, the bespectacled British host of Top Dog. Go.
I took a step toward it, and the dog finally seemed to get the message, skittering away and then walking down the porch steps and across the driveway with what seemed like, for a dog, a great deal of reluctance.
Once the danger of the rogue canine had passed, Warren opened his door and carefully got out, looking around at the driveway, which was empty of other cars. Mom and Dad really should have been here by now.
I pulled my cell out of my shorts pocket and saw that he was right. They had left a few hours ahead of us, and most likely hadn’t driven 40 mph the whole way. Gelsey, can you call—
I turned to my sister, only to see that she was bent over almost in half, nose to knee. You okay?
I asked, trying to look at her upside down.
Fine,
she said, her voice muffled. Just stretching.
She straightened up slowly, her face bright red. As I watched, her complexion changed back to its normal shade—pale, with freckles that would only increase exponentially as the summer went on. She swept her arms up to meet in a perfect circle above her head, then dropped them and rolled her shoulders back. In case her bun or turned-out walk wasn’t enough to tell the world that she was a ballet dancer, Gelsey had the habit of stretching, and often in public.
Well, when you’re done with that,
I said, as she was now starting to bend backward at an alarming angle, can you call Mom?
Without waiting for her response—especially since I had a feeling it was going to be something like Why don’t you do it?—I selected the key from the key ring, turned it in the lock, and stepped inside the house for the first time in five years.
As I looked around, I let out a breath. I had been worried, after summers of renters, that the house would have changed drastically. That the furniture would be moved around, that things would be added, or there would just be the sense—hard to define but palpable—that someone had been in your space. The Three Bears had known it well, and so had I, the year I came back from oceanography camp and could tell immediately that my mother had put some guests in my room when I’d been gone. But as I took everything in, I didn’t get that feeling. It was the summer house, just as I’d remembered it, like it had been waiting for me, this whole time, to finally come back.
The downstairs was open-plan, so I could see all the rooms that weren’t bedrooms or bathrooms. The ceiling was high, stretching up to the top of the peaked roof, letting in swaths of sun onto the threadbare throw rugs that covered the wood floors. There was the scratched wooden dining table we never ate on, which always just became the place to dump towels and mail. The kitchen—tiny compared to our large state-of-the-art one in Connecticut—was to my right. The door off the back of it led to our screened-in porch. It looked out on the lake and was where we ate all our meals, except in rare cases of torrential rain. And off the porch was the walkway down to our dock and Lake Phoenix itself, and through the kitchen windows, I could see the glint of late-afternoon sunlight hitting the water.
Past the kitchen was a sitting area with two couches that faced the stone fireplace, the place where my parents had always ended up after dinner, reading and doing work. Beyond that was the family room, with a worn corduroy sofa, where Warren and Gelsey and I usually found ourselves at night. One section of the built-in bookcases was filled with board games and jigsaw puzzles, and we usually had a game or puzzle going throughout the summer, though Risk had been put on the highest shelf, out of easy reach, after the summer when we all had become obsessed, forming secret alliances and basically ceasing to go outside as we circled the board.
Our bedrooms were all off one hallway—my parents slept in the master suite upstairs—which meant that Warren, Gelsey, and I would all have to share the one downstairs bathroom, something I was not looking forward to experiencing again, since I’d gotten used to having my own bathroom in Connecticut. I headed down the hall to my bedroom, peering in at the bathroom as I went. It was smaller than I remembered it being. Much too small, in fact, for the three of us to share without killing one another.
I reached my room, with the ancient TAYLOR’S PLACE sign on it that I’d totally forgotten about, and pushed open the door, bracing myself to confront the room I’d last seen five years ago, and all its attendant memories.
But when I stepped inside, I wasn’t confronted by anything except a pleasant, somewhat generic room. My bed was still the same, with its old brass frame and red-and-white patterned quilt, the trundle bed tucked beneath it. The wooden dresser and wood-framed mirror were the same, along with the old chest at the foot of the bed that had always held extra blankets for the cold nights you got in the mountains, even in the summer. But there was nothing in the room that was me any longer. The embarrassing posters of the teen actor I’d been obsessed with back then (he’d since had several well-publicized stints in rehab) had been removed from above my bed. My swim team ribbons (mostly third place) were gone, along with the collection of lip glosses that I’d been curating for several years. Which was probably a good thing, I tried to tell myself, as they all surely would have gone bad by now. But still. I dropped my purse and sat down on my bed, looking from the empty closet to the bare dresser, searching for some evidence of the fact that I had lived here for twelve summers, but not seeing any.
"Gelsey, what are you doing?"
The sound of my brother’s voice was enough to pull me out of these thoughts and make me go investigate what was happening. I walked down the hallway and saw my sister chucking stuffed animals out of her room and into the hall. I dodged an airborne elephant and stood next to Warren, who was eyeing with alarm the small pile of them that was accumulating in front of his door. What’s going on?
I asked.
"They turned my room into a baby’s room," Gelsey said, her voice heavy with scorn as she flung another animal—this time a purple horse that I vaguely recognized—out the door. Sure enough, her room had been redecorated. There was now a crib in the corner, and a changing table, and her twin bed had been piled high with the offending stuffed animals.
The renters probably had a baby,
I said, leaning to the side to avoid being beaned by a fuzzy yellow duck. Why don’t you just wait until Mom gets here?
Gelsey rolled her eyes, a language she’d become fluent in this year. She could express a wide variety of emotion with every eye roll, maybe because she practiced constantly. And right now, she was indicating how behind-the-times I was. Mom’s not going to be here for another hour,
she said. She looked down at the animal in her hands, a small kangaroo, and turned it over a few times. I just talked to her. She and Daddy had to go to Stroudsburg to meet with his new oncologist.
She pronounced the last word carefully, the way we all did. It was a word I hadn’t been aware of a few weeks ago. This was when I’d thought my father was just having minor, easily fixed back pains. At that point, I wasn’t even entirely sure what the pancreas was, and I definitely didn’t know pancreatic cancer was almost always fatal, or that stage four
were words you never wanted to hear.
My father’s doctors in Connecticut had given him permission to spend the summer in Lake Phoenix under the condition that he see an oncologist twice a month to check his progress, and when the time came, that he bring in nursing care if he didn’t want to go into hospice. The cancer had been found late enough that there apparently wasn’t anything that could be done. I hadn’t been able to get my head around it at first. In all the medical dramas I’d ever seen, there was always some solution, some last-minute, miraculously undiscovered remedy. Nobody ever just gave up on a patient. But it seemed like in real life, they did.
I met Gelsey’s eye for a moment before looking down at the floor and the jumbled pile of toys that had landed there. None of us said anything about the hospital, and what that meant, but I wasn’t expecting us to. We hadn’t talked about what was happening with our dad. We tended to avoid discussing emotional things in our family, and sometimes hanging around with my friends, and seeing the way they interacted with their families—hugging, talking about their feelings—I would feel not so much envious as uncomfortable.
And the three of us had never been close. It probably didn’t help that we were so different. Warren had been brilliant from preschool, and it had come as a surprise to no one that he’d been the class valedictorian. My five-year age gap with Gelsey—not to mention the fact that she was capable of being the world’s biggest brat—meant we didn’t have one of those superclose sister relationships. Gelsey also spent as much time as possible dancing, which I had no interest in. And it wasn’t like Warren and Gelsey were close with each other either. We had just never been a unit. I might have once wished things were different, especially when I was younger and had just read the Narnia series, or The Boxcar Children, where the brothers and sisters are all best friends and look out for one another. But I’d long since accepted that this wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t necessarily bad—just the way things were, and something that wasn’t going to change.
Just like it wasn’t going to change that I was the unexceptional one in the family. It had been that way as long as I could remember—Warren was smart and Gelsey was talented, and I was just Taylor, not particularly skilled at anything.
Gelsey went back to throwing the stuffed animals into the hallway, and I was about to go into my own room, feeling like I’d spent far too much time as it was with my siblings that day, when a flash of orange caught my eye.
Hey,
I said, bending down to pick up a stuffed animal I thought I recognized. I think that’s mine.
In fact, it was a stuffed animal I knew very well: a small plush penguin, wearing an orange-and-white-striped scarf. It wasn’t the finest stuffed animal ever constructed—I could tell now that the felt was fairly cheap, and the stuffing was threatening to come out in several places. But the night of the carnival when I was twelve, the night I’d