Murder at Newstead Abbey: Berkeley Brigade mysteries Book 7
By Joan Smith
()
About this ebook
Joan Smith
Joan Alison Smith (born 27 August 1953, London) is an English novelist, journalist and human rights activist, who is a former chair of the Writers in Prison committee in the English section of International PEN. Smith was educated at a state school before reading Latin at the University of Reading in the early 1970s. After a spell as a journalist in local radio in Manchester, she joined the staff of the Sunday Times in 1979 and stayed at the newspaper until 1984. She has had a regular column in the Guardian Weekend supplement, also freelancing for the newspaper and in recent years has contributed to The Independent, the Independent on Sunday, and the New Statesman. In her non-fiction Smith displays a commitment to atheism, feminism and republicanism; she has travelled extensively and this is reflected in her articles. In 2003 she was offered the MBE for her services to PEN, but refused the award. She is a supporter of the political organisation, Republic and an Honorary Associate of the National Secular Society. In November 2011 she gave evidence to the Leveson Inquiry into press and media standards following the telephone hacking practiced by the News of the World. She testified that she considered celebrities thought they could control press content if they put themselves into the public domain when, in reality the opposite was more likely. She repeated a claim that she has persistently adhered to in her writings that the press is misogynistic.
Read more from Joan Smith
The Waltzing Widow Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Hermit's Daughter Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Notorious Lord Havergal Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Country Wooing Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Strange Capers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Escapade Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Kissing Bough Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Blossom Time Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5True Lady: Regency Romance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wife Errant Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sweet and Twenty Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Reluctant Bride Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Oh Miranda! Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dangerous Dalliance Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Delsie: Regency Romance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Larcenous Lady Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Perdita Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love Bade Me Welcome Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Imprudent Lady Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5An Infamous Proposal Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Savage Lord Griffin Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Country Flirt Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Minuet Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5La Comtesse Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Babe Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Kiss in the Dark Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Old Lover's Ghost Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Winter Wedding Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Aunt Sophie's Diamonds Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Talk of the Town Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related to Murder at Newstead Abbey
Titles in the series (4)
Murder's Sad Tale Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsShadow of Murder Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5To Mourn a Murder Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMurder at Newstead Abbey: Berkeley Brigade mysteries Book 7 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related ebooks
Murder Will Speak Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5To Mourn a Murder Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMurder While I Smile Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beatrice Goes to Brighton Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Murder's Sad Tale Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLet's Talk of Murder Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNever Let Me Go Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMurder Comes to Mind Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Death Rides a Pink Horse Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSmugglers Daughter: Regency Romance Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDeath Comes for Desdemona Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMurder and Misdeeds Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5A Not So Respectable Gentleman? Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHis Lordship's Filly Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Blood and Circuses Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Unwilling Heiress Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Miner's Daughter (The Dream Maker Series, Book 3) Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Death Stalks the Singing Bird Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRoyal Revels Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Her Leading Man (The Dream Maker Series, Book 4) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Earl's Peculiar Burden Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Lady Rosamund and the Poison Pen: A Rosie and McBrae Mystery Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsByron's Child Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Daffodil Garden Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Black Moth: A Romance of the XVIIIth Century Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Irish Manor House Murder: A Torrey Tunet Mystery Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Paradise Triptych Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Capriccio Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5
Historical Mystery For You
The Stranger in the Lifeboat Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Speaks the Nightbird Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Pale Blue Eye: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Murder Under a Red Moon: A 1920s Bangalore Mystery Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Eight Perfect Murders: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Paris Apartment: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5We Have Always Lived in the Castle Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The ABC Murders: A Hercule Poirot Mystery: The Official Authorized Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Lady in the Lake: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Mystery of Mrs. Christie: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Watchmaker's Daughter Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Chestnut Man: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Librarian of Crooked Lane Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tread of Angels Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Things in Jars: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Word Is Murder: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Lord Peter Wimsey Mysteries Volume One: Whose Body?, Clouds of Witness, and Unnatural Death Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Marple: Twelve New Mysteries Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Girl from Rawblood: A Gothic Horror Story Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Shakespeare for Squirrels: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5When I Come Home Again: 'A page-turning literary gem' THE TIMES, BEST BOOKS OF 2020 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Courting Dragons Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Find You First: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Hercule Poirot: The Complete Short Stories: A Hercule Poirot Mystery: The Official Authorized Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Murphy's Law: A Molly Murphy Mystery Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Seance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Auschwitz Detective: Adam Lapid Mysteries, #6 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSpider's Web Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Miss Marple: The Complete Short Stories: A Miss Marple Collection Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for Murder at Newstead Abbey
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Murder at Newstead Abbey - Joan Smith
Smith
Chapter One
Sir Reginald Prance was struck green with envy upon his first view of Newstead Abbey, glimpsed through a tangle of elm and oak branches, as his carriage bowled through the park. He arrived in mid-December, with the shadows of twilight already lengthening by four o’clock. The carriage drew to a stop before the ruined façade of the west front and he alit, hardly aware of the arctic wind tearing at his coat tails and setting his scarf dancing. He stared at the great soaring arch, open to nature, its stone encrusted with lichen and wreathed in ivy. Above, four crocketed spires, two on either side of the roof-line, pointed like arrows into the pewter sky. The place was huge, stretching off into the purple shadows, much grander than Byron had led him to believe. Mortgaged to the chimney pots, unfortunately, and, of course, in a wretched state of repair. Byron had not underestimated that.
Prance’s own estate, Granmaison, diminished to the insignificance of a child’s playhouse before such faded grandeur as this. How could one not be a great poet, with such a deep well of inspiration as these perishing golden walls, etched with ancient carvings and surrounded by wild nature, to draw on?
"Now that’s what I call a gothic heap, his companion, Coffen Pattle, said with satisfaction.
Old weathered falling apart stone, them pointy windows, drooping trees. Bound to be crawling with ghosts, eh? Puts them perishing castles in Mrs. Radcliffe’s books to the blush."
It was unusual for Coffen to make a literary reference. His scanty acquaintance with the printed word was usually confined to sporting magazines to keep abreast of racing matters, and theatre playbills to see if any of his favorite actresses were performing. It was Lord Byron’s invitation to spend Christmas at Newstead that had led him to gnaw his way through a couple of marble-covered gothic novels borrowed from his cousin, Lady deCoventry. Byron had promised him ghosts, and he wanted to learn their tricks before meeting them.
The invitation to the Abbey had been issued to the four members of the Berkeley Brigade, of which Sir Reginald and Coffen formed a half. Their leader was Lord Luten, the other member was his fiancée, Lady deCoventry. The name derived from their living as neighbors on Berkeley Square. These ardent Whigs were the leaders of the ton in matters of fashion, but their more serious interest was to replace the reactionary Tory government, Mouldy and Company they called them, with the reforming Whigs. They had recently been involved in solving a few crimes, during the course of which they had become friends with Lord Byron. Luten had been given the assignment of luring Byron into the Whig shadow cabinet.
How does one actually get inside the place?
Prance said, for beyond the iron gate on the west facade there was no sign of an operable doorway.
Thing to do,
Coffen said, prowl about until we find a door. He’s home all right. There’s smoke coming out of the chimneys.
They were saved from this course by the arrival of their host, looking every inch the lord, astride a glossy bay mare. Welcome to Newstead,
he said, smiling and lifting his hat. As if by magic, a groom appeared to take his mount and lead the carriage to the stable, while they followed Byron around a corner and into the building.
An aging man dressed in black came creeping forward, examined them with rheumy eyes, sighed wearily and returned to wherever he had come from.
My butler, Joe Murray,
Byron explained. He came with the Abbey, and appears to be in a similar state of decrepitude.
We are extremely impressed with your abbey, Byron,
Prance said, peering down a long stone hallway more suitable to a prison than a gentleman’s home.
Yessir, a dandy ruin,
Coffen added.
Thank you. It’s certainly big, but whether my precarious finances will ever permit me to restore more than a dozen rooms to livability is a moot point. I don’t even aspire to comfort.
I like it rough myself,
Coffen said. Are Luten and Corinne here yet?
Corinne was his cousin, Lady deCoventry.
Prance wished, when he saw the salon Byron had redone, that he had been on hand to steer his young friend into a more acceptable mode of refurbishing. Prance considered himself an expert in all artistic matters. The fittings bore the marks of a youth’s idea of finery. They were ostentatiously grand, the red brocades doing battle with yards of blue velvet — gaudy! As to that wallpaper! And really, to have a life size portrait of oneself decorating the salon! Such a heroic portrait, too, the subject standing like Admiral Nelson at the mast of a rolling ship, dressed all in black and white. What was Byron thinking? It seemed the kindest thing to damn it with faint praise, then ignore it.
Glancing at him, Byron saw his disapproval and said, Done in my salad days, Prance, when I was young and green.
Corinne and Luten, sitting before a blazing grate enjoying a glass of wine and a plate of biscuits, made a more charming picture. Both had crow black hair. Corinne wore hers in a tousle of curls that framed her oval face, giving the effect of a cameo. She was famous for her sparkling green eyes and lithe figure. Luten was tall and slender, with intelligent gray eyes and a strong nose that lent authority to his finely chiseled, aristocratic face and thin lips.
Corinne’s female companion sat with them. It was ineligible for a lady to spend a holiday unchaperoned with a pack of gentlemen, especially when one of them was the dashing Lord Byron. Mrs. Ballard was a mousy clerical relict whose wardrobe was limited to black and who, like a well-behaved child, spoke only when spoken to and went to bed early.
How did you get here so fast?
Coffen asked them. We started before you, and Fitz wasn’t driving us. We came in Prance’s rig.
This was an indirect slur on his own coachman, who had only the scantiest knowledge of geography or his duties. It was the way with all his servants. His groom couldn’t read a map, his cook couldn’t cook, and it was Prance’s stated opinion that his valet wouldn’t recognize an iron if it jumped off the board and bit him.
No doubt it was our stopping every hour for you to inhale a quart of ale that gave them the lead,
Prance said.
Yes, we spotted your rig at a little inn around two,
Corinne said. We didn’t stop as we’d already had lunch.
Prance lowered his brows at Coffen and said, So had we.
You was in such a rush to get here you didn’t let me finish my wine. Haste not, want not,
said Coffen, who regularly made fritters of the King’s English. So, where do we find the ghosts, Byron?
It was the promise of ghosts that had drawn Coffen hither. Prance had come because he was madly infatuated with Byron. Luten in the hope of luring Byron into a position in the Whig shadow cabinet, and Corinne because Byron was society’s pet that year, and like all the other ladies, she was enchanted with him. Nor did she relish the notion of her fiancé spending two weeks with the raffish Byron while she remained in London. She shared with her fiancé the quality of jealousy.
Byron entertained them with tales of Sir John Byron the Little, whose portrait hung over the doorway of the baronial great hall. As this was one of the rooms Byron had renovated, he took the group to see this bearded, black-looking ancestor. Prance, more interested in the decorating than in ghosts, soon collared the conversation and before Coffen heard any more ghost tales, they were making a tour of the abbey.
The place was a shambles when I first saw it,
Byron said, with a dégagé air, to cover his embarrassment. According to reports, Luten’s estate was in perfect order, and ran like a Swiss watch. Even worse than it is now. The fifth baron, my great uncle, cut down the oak forest to pay his debts, and shot seventeen hundred deer to annoy his heir. The refectory had lost its roof. It made a fine shooting gallery. I flooded the dungeon and made it into a plunge pool, since I had no plans to lock anyone up.
Luten listened in horror to these revelations of wretched management. Corinne blinked and wondered how much of this was exaggeration for effect. Prance, who seldom found a fault in his favorite, felt there was indeed some madness in this family.
Coffen said, You must of hated to lose all that — the shooting gallery, the pool and all. Dandy.
I blame it on my youth. As I hadn’t the money to shore the place up, I decided to enjoy it as best I could,
Byron explained.
Coffen nodded. Very sensible. I’d have stocked the pool with trout, myself. Don’t much care for swimming.
Swimming and riding are my sports,
Byron said modestly. His audience carefully averted their eyes from his clubfoot.
We are aware of your having swum the Hellespont in emulation of Leander’s feat, during your travels,
Prance said. Very modest, your making a joke of it in that poem.
When the tour was finished, the group parted to dress for dinner. Corinne, finding the dining room as drafty as the salon, regretted that she hadn’t brought a woolen shawl. Prance mentally criticized the meal. Quail ought never to be served in a sauce. Its fragile aroma dissolved in liquid. The forkful of mutton he tried was delicious. He never ate more than enough to keep his body alive. It was not until they were seated around the table that Coffen had another chance to inquire about ghosts. You mentioned some monk ghosts that walk in the cloister, Byron,
he said.
You’re referring to the Black Monk, who promenades in the Monk’s Avenue. Yes, he’s one of our more famous spectral tenants, but by no means the only one.
Coffen said what he always said when he didn’t understand a speech. Eh?
It was the spectral
that confused him. He knew what a tenant was all right. He had them himself.
He means ghosts,
Prance explained.
You mean to say they pay rent!
No, it was just a figure of speech.
Ah, one of them.
He scowled at Prance, who was often guilty of this linguistic sin.
There’s also a phantom choir that sings when the moon is full,
Byron continued. And then there’s the Rook Cell, where I myself have oft-times seen a ghastly black form. It sits on my bed and stares silently at me with awful, accusing eyes like a Methodist at an orgy, then gets up and fades away. I believe it’s the same Black Friar who also haunts the Monks’ Walk.
P’raps you’re in his bed,
Coffen suggested. Stands to reason he’d want a rest after all that walking. But you said in London you’d never actually seen a ghost.
Byron shrugged. Perhaps it wasn’t a ghost, but a shadow, or the result of a guilty conscience, or an overindulgence in wine. It didn’t say anything, or do anything except give me the chills. One doesn’t brag about such things, or he’d be taken for a lunatic. Especially when one is curst with the name Byron.
Prance stared to hear this demigod of the western world call himself cursed. All of society was running after him, since his grand success with his Childe Harold poems. Gentlemen aped his coiffure and his kerchief in lieu of a proper cravat. The Whigs wanted him in their cabinet, society hostesses wanted him at their balls, the ladies wanted him in their beds. And on top of it all, he was young, had a title and a face to make Adonis weep in envy. A curl tumbled over his forehead. His eyes, the stormy blue-gray of the Atlantic, were edged in inch-long lashes. His nose was of classic size and shape, and his lips were as sensitive and capricious as a lady’s. All this beauty was enhanced by a fashionable pallor, despite his travels in tropical climes. And as if that weren’t enough, the glamour of his foreign travels shone about his head like a halo.
While Luten and Corinne exchanged tolerant smiles, Byron continued with other ghostly tales. A wisp of white mist that appeared in one of the paneled bedrooms and a visitor who had seen a lady in white walk through one wall of a room and through the opposite side. There were unexplained phantom footsteps in the dining room, dirges played on a ghostly stringed instrument, the sound of horses riding, and various unexplained sounds.
No clanking chains?
Coffen asked hopefully.
Not thus far, but then I haven’t spent much time at the abbey. I inherited it when I was ten, but it was uninhabitable. Then when Mama fixed it up somewhat, we rented it to a colonel. Later I was away at school, then traveling. We shall see what tonight brings.
I heard somewhere that folks who’ve had a violent death are the ones that come back as ghosts,
Coffen offered.
In that case, you can expect to meet Mr. Chawton. My uncle murdered him in the Star and Garter Inn nearby. There was said to be an argument over hares — how many Chawton had, or some such thing.
Bald men can be sensitive that way,
Coffen said, nodding.
Hares as in rabbits, actually,
Byron explained. They didn’t call my ancestor Mad Jack for nothing. He’s the one they used to call the Wicked Baron, you know.
I didn’t,
Coffen said. What I was talking about was the monk ghosts. They met some violent end, I expect.
Or perhaps they just want their abbey back,
Byron suggested. They lived in it for three hundred years, till it was stolen from them by Henry VIII and sold to my ancestor.
He amused them with tales of his family and the abbey until the ladies retired to the saloon after dinner to allow the gentlemen their port and cigars.
What do you think of all this ghost business, Mrs. Ballard?
Corinne asked.
I’ve never seen a ghost,
her companion said, "but I don’t believe the Bible forbids them. I shouldn’t like to meet that bearded fellow in the portrait, but most of the ghosts seem to be monks. One cannot imagine a monk interfering with a lady. In a nasty way, I mean."
It was indeed difficult to imagine a monk, or a sex fiend for that matter, wanting to interfere with Mrs. Ballard in a nasty way.
When the gentlemen joined the ladies later, the talk turned to social chitchat. Byron was brought up to date on the latest engagements, marriages and crim cons making a stir in London. Tired from their long trip, the guests retired early and promptly fell asleep, only to be awakened around two by the sound of a door banging, footsteps pounding in the hallway, and a stream of frightened profanity. They all rushed to their doors to see Prance, pale as a ghost and trembling, huddling against the wall. Only Luten and Byron had taken time to light tapers, that cast flickering shadows on the huddled faces.
Good gracious, Reg, what happened?
Corinne demanded, as she pulled a charming wrapper of green silk around her shivering shoulders.
"Something —a thing in my bedchamber," he said in a trembling voice.
You’ve had a nightmare,
Corinne said, patting his shoulder.
No, it was real. Something dark. It made a sound.
A shadow, no doubt,
Luten said. It’s all that talk of ghosts that caused it.
There’s a branch outside your window,
Byron added. It casts a shadow and does make a soughing sound when the wind blows.
It was more than that!
Prance insisted, though as he considered it, he realized that it very likely had been a shadow. That cold draft could have come from the window, that was so loose it rattled.
The Black Friar,
Coffen said with satisfaction. We’ll changed rooms, Reg. I’d like a word with him.
They did change rooms, but no ghost came to amuse Coffen. He kept awake as long as he could, but he was tired and had consumed a great deal of wine, and before long, he was snoring the snore of the just.
It was Prance, lying peacefully in Coffen’s room, who was awake until dawn. He was no longer frightened. Of course it had been that soughing branch that awoke him, but it had been worth the moments of sheer terror, for he had been struck with inspiration. He would write a gothic novel! His Round Table Rondeaux, a tedious, long poem in blank verse about the Arthurian legend, copiously footnoted, had been a disaster. Too abstruse and literary for the hoi polloi. It was sensation they craved, and he would give it to them. Not the squeamish stuff of Mrs. Radcliffe and her black curtains and locked rooms, but real spine-tingling terror such as he had felt last night. Something along the line of Walpole’s Castle of Otranto, which had caused such a ruckus in the last century.
What better place to set his opus than this haunted wreck of an abbey? Of course he wouldn’t use the name Newstead in his book, but tout le monde would know where and when the story was composed. That, alone, would generate interest. He would give them phantom choirs and singing monks and real ghosts that menaced with more than misty clouds. And he’d throw in a few female ghosts, to please the kipper-crunching crowd as well, as they had all railed at him for leaving Lady Guinevere out of his Rondeaux.
His fevered brain began concocting a story, and as dawn lightened the shadows from black to violet, he had some semblance of a plot formed. It would be Lady Lorraine, a French comtesse, who inherited the abbey and was bedeviled by its spirits for the sins of her ancestors. His intimes would recognize this as a tribute to his lost love, Lady Chamaude, who had been murdered before he could marry her. She would be aided in her fight to free the abbey of its unsettled spirits by some as yet unnamed hero. The only major point to be settled was whether she would marry her hero or die in a tragic fall from the crenelated tower of St. Justin’s Abbey.
He had a fondness for tragedy, but was uncertain whether the public was ready to accept it in a love story. How public taste had deteriorated from the days when William could give them Romeo and Juliet! Prance was on a first name basis with all the literary greats. He would discuss the ending with Coffen Pattle. If Pattle had nothing else, he certainly had the common touch.
Prance’s valet, Villier, was astonished to find his master up when he quietly peeked into his room at eight o’clock.
Villier, the new Weston today, I think.
Many of his possessions had names. His jackets were Westons
, from London’s premier tailor. His hats were Baxters
and his boots were Hobys
. But first a shave.
Prance’s toilette could take upwards of an hour, but that day he was so eager to be about his research that he left his room in half that time. As he strolled down the stairs, he heard raised voices coming from Byron’s study.
We’ll not put up with it. This is a decent parish, or was, until you brought your debauched friends here. You’re as bad as murdering Mad Jack, and so I tell you,
an angry voice shouted. It was followed by some soothing words from Byron. The door opened, and Prance scuttled along the hall to pretend he hadn’t been eavesdropping.
Chapter Two
Prance was astonished that anyone would have the gall to treat a lord so harshly, and in his own home. His mind immediately darted to what Byron was best known for, other than his poetry; namely, womanizing. Was it an outraged husband? The father of some innocent maiden Byron had got in the family way? Did those conciliating murmurs from Byron mean he was going to marry some nobody? Surely not! He had often called himself a romantic agnostic, unfit to wage domesticity.
Prance’s astonishment rose a notch when he learned the shouting gentleman was a mere vicar. A hireling, in other words.
Pay no heed to old Ruttle,
Byron said with a sheepish face after he had got rid of his caller and was leading Prance toward the breakfast room. I daresay you overheard that harangue. The locals elected the vicar to represent their concerns.
The vicar!
Prance exclaimed. He sounded more like an irate husband.
He may be that as well, but I assure you not one ounce of his wife’s two hundred pounds has been molested by me. He tells me that when the parish heard I was entertaining gentlemen friends they were afraid I was repeating my youthful folly of carrying on what he chose to call ‘orgies’ with the local girls. I had Matthews and a few of the fellows down here after graduation. We managed to scandalize the neighbors with our foolish carrying on. Staying up late and sleeping in till one o’clock. Of course we indulged in the usual juvenile delinquencies, with the innovation of dressing up in monks’ robes to lend it an air of diablerie. We drank too much, et cetera. I daresay it was the et cetera that really bothered him, for Ruttle wouldn’t object to drinking. He likes his bottle as well as the rest of us. The best we could do in the way of women was two skinny house maids and one married woman of uncertain character, but certainly not chaste.
Now I have the gentleman’s character. You’re speaking of a parson squire, I take it?
Just so. Spends his days astride a monstrous bay mare which rather resembles his wife, and his nights with his crones, drinking and gambling, while a curate does his work for him. Except, of course, for such occasions as baptisms and weddings, when there’s likely to be a pourboire involved.
Why not be rid of him? Isn’t the living yours to give — or take away?
Byron assumed an expression of mock horror. "Oh lord, I’m unpopular enough without making changes, Prance. You must know changes are anathema in the provincial backwoods. I explained that I had reformed, and was entertaining the crème de la crème at a perfectly respectable house party. Pray don’t tell Luten and Lady deCoventry he was here. He already thinks me a fool, and I wouldn’t want her to think any worse of me than she already does.
I’ve braced myself to behave like a proper gentleman for two whole weeks. I’ve even given orders to keep my animals out of the main rooms. No flirting with Corinne, no carrying on with the housemaids. In fact I’ve hired the ugliest ones I could find especially for the occasion. I can do without the girls but I do miss Abu and Nelson.
Abu was his favorite dog, an ugly yellow hound, and Nelson his one-eyed cat.
Prance adored secrets and always enjoyed anything in the way of mischief. He was also delighted to hear himself described as the crème de la crème. Fear not, Byron. Your secret is safe with me. These country folks are Mrs. Grundys, one and all.
"I expect it was the skull cup that set him off. That seemed to be a major bone of contention. He wanted me to give it