Toxic Secrets

Prologue

After eating the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, my stomach was bordering along the lines of regurgitation. To make matters worse, driving around on the back roads of North Carolina was frustrating the hell out of me. All the twisted roads—or, as they were called around here, kiss your ass curves —were making it difficult to know which direction I was heading. Traveling in this part of the state was nothing like the easy navigation you find in Southern California. I figured they didn't believe in road signs in this part of the state. It was because of this that I had to rely on my GPS to get me back into town.

My lungs fully expanded with a refreshing dose of crisp clean air, which was a far cry from the So Cal smog I was used to. With my hand laying relaxed out the window, I rubbed my fingers and thumb together, missing the feel of a cigarette between them.

According to the locals, the weather was unseasonably warm for this time of year. It sort of reminded me of the weather I had left back home in Cali. As bright as the sun shone today, I regretted not wearing my Ray Bans. Instead, I opted for the intelligent style, and wore my prescription glasses—it sort of diverted people's opinion of me. Not that it stopped Reed from playing matchmaker today. Hell, he knew me well enough anyway for it to not matter.

If my cousin Reed wasn't so damn persistent on setting me up with his girlfriend's best friend, I might have waited to follow him back into town. I wasn't out here for that shit. This trip was strictly business, not pleasure. What the hell was he thinking anyway? I had no business throwing myself in the mix of high school girls... immature girls... jailbait... trouble... Besides, they would only put on a fake façade around me then brag to their friends about having an older boyfriend. I didn't have time for that shit.

High school—those days seemed so long ago... some of the best days of my life, and some of the worst. What I wouldn't have given to turn back time and correct my mistakes instead of living a life full of regrets.

When the hotel sign came into sight, I blew out a breath of relief that I made it back to the hotel without getting lost. I'd seen Deliverance, and, if I were to hear the sound of banjoes playing, I would have been hopping my ass back on a plane to California. My phone buzzed as I pulled into the parking lot, Reed's name appearing across the screen. Parking the rental, I grabbed my phone to see what he wanted. My heart paused for a second as the picture of a familiar face took me by surprise. What the fuck! Was this some sort of sick joke?

My Princess.

My fingers clasped around the phone tightly.

Dark, natural curly hair that flowed past the shoulders, big green eyes, deep as a rain forest... plump, pink lips that felt all too familiar to me... I closed my eyes; her face was still fresh in my mind. I hadn't forgotten one single detail of her.

My Princess.

Was he playing fucking mind games with me? He couldn't be because he didn't know.

I texted back.

Me: Why are you sending me this?

R: It's Courtney, Kendra's friend. Please say yes, Jaxon?

I couldn't peel my eyes away from it. She was just as beautiful as I had remembered.

Before I could respond, Reed buzzed with another text.

R: She works at the local cinema, and she's working tonight. Go see a movie and check her out yourself.

Me: Maybe.

R: Dude! Just do it or Kendra will kick my ass! I promised her already that you would.

I contemplated the idea, already knowing I had to see the girl face to face. After all, it was Thanksgiving and everything was closed except the local theater and, of course, the Chinese restaurant.

I grabbed my phone and sent Reed another text.

Me: Ok, but no promises.

Could I face this look-alike? Can I be around her without confusing myself?

Reed texted me back with the name of the theater and address so I could program it into my GPS. Making a big circle in the parking lot, I headed back onto the main road.

The parking lot was crowded, so I assumed that three-fourths of the town's population had crammed themselves into this small building. I walked inside and stood in the long line to purchase my ticket while vigilantly scanning the employee's faces and name tags. Courtney, was that her name? There was no sign of her anywhere. The movie I had chosen was starting in a few minutes, so I got into another line to show my ticket. As I got closer to the girl taking tickets, I realized it was her. Holy shit!

My heart leaped up into my throat, and I could feel my pulse pounding in my neck. The moisture in my palms was making my ticket damp. Not wanting to creep her out, I swiped my palms across my jeans before approaching her.

Waiting my turn, I looked down at her petite frame, sizing up her chest that was the perfect size for my hands and hips with just the right amount of curves.

Blinking her eyes like the wings of a hummingbird, she nervously took my ticket. Your movie is showing in theater six. Enjoy. Her voice was soft. But her smile was off, it wasn't the same. Her accent was off, too, but her shyness was the same as I remembered. I could only assume she wanted to stare, but, instead, she tried to hide it. I'd seen that gesture too many times. The resemblance was bizarre. People say everyone had a twin, but she looked more like a clone.

My interest in watching the movie vanished. Instead, I wanted to pick her up and hold her in my arms. I wanted to wrap my hands around her tiny waist then slide them down under her plump ass. If only I could kiss her and taste the sweetness I missed. I wanted to lose myself in her, but I couldn't. It wasn't her. I didn't want to freak the girl out. With my eyes closed tight, I inhaled a deep breath. Don't lose it, Jaxon.

Before I opened the door to my theater, I glanced back at her to get one last look. Everything I had worked so hard to forget started to leak back to the surface. The taste of her... the scent of her... the feel of her... those memories never disappeared. She was oblivious of me, she had no idea I was about to change her world.

Once I found a seat, I sent Reed a simple text.

Me: I'll go.

Then I turned my phone off.

Had fate removed the ones I loved the most from my life just to lead me to this girl?

Chapter 1 ~ Decisions and Confrontations

Before I could even shut the door to her convertible VW bug, Kendra bombarded me with the same question she'd been asking all weekend.

So, have you given it any more thought?

Here we go again, I thought to myself.

Rolling my eyes and reaching over to turn the volume up on the radio, I blew through my pursed lips and turned my back to her. My thoughts were running rampant as I stared out the window and considered my options. I ignored Kendra and her repetitive question for the duration of the ride to school.

The mush-ball that I am, guilt started to settle in halfway to school. It always did when I gave Kendra the cold shoulder after having a tiff. She was, after all, my best friend, my one and only true friend that had stuck by me since the first grade.

We were both new to the school this year after transferring due to a re-zoning, and, as no surprise, she had no problems making new friends. I on the other hand wasn't as fortunate. In the beginning, I had optimistically looked forward to attending the same school as Phillip, and to also have Kendra with me, but it rapidly became disastrous. Phillip had ruined my reputation before the school year even started. He had made up lies about me and told people I cheated on him, and that I stalked him when he broke things off with me. He was such a scheming asshole. After I ended our nearly four year relationship, the rumors got worse.

Okay, since you are obviously giving me the silent treatment, I think we should settle things by making a deal. I promise I won't ask you again as long as you promise to give me your final answer by Wednesday, Kendra said as she turned the car off. It was Monday, so that gave me three full days.

Kendra was so relentless that she worried the piss out of me until I finally peeked over the ledge, waving my little white flag. She had a touch of only-child syndrome. I was an only-child too, but I wasn't a rich, spoiled only-child. I glanced over at her, and she looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes, begging and pleading with her hands folded in a praying gesture.

Kendra, you know I'm not ready for that right now. I just want to make new friends and have the whole high school experience before I graduate. I know I'm a little late for that party, but I still have half the school year left.

I get that, but, damn, Courtney, it's just one night, she scolded. I'm not fighting with you over something so petty.

Then don't. I jerked my stuff up and drudged out of the car, huffing my way through the parking lot, when I was nearly knocked off balance.

Kendra linked her arm around mine. You know I never give up, she whispered in my ear, followed with a quick kiss to my cheek.

Without giving me a chance to protest, she took off, skipping between the cars and laughing out loud to herself before I could get a word out of my mouth.

The corners of my lips tugged into a small smile. My frustration with her never lasted more than a few minutes, and I knew at that moment I had been defeated.

I was standing at my locker, fiddling with the combination on my lock when I heard that familiar, silky voice behind me. Enjoy your Thanksgiving? It wasn't the same this year with you not being there.

His close proximity sent an unwanted shiver through my body, but I didn't bother turning around as I removed books from my locker. Leave the past where it is. What do you want, Phillip? I snapped through gritted teeth.

I was just asking about your Thanksgiving. Why do you assume I want something? he said, trapping me in with both hands planted on each side of my locker. And I can't leave you in the past when you're currently always in my present. His smile was sickening and flirty. He knew my weak points and he was using them against me. He knew how I bent to his sexual manner.

Wanting him to know he didn't intimidate me anymore, and that I wasn't his to control, I turned around to face him. Don't show weakness.

Oh I don't know, maybe because you've not spoken to me since I taped pictures of you with your whores all over your car, I pointed out with confidence.

A corner of his lip turned up into a slight smile, but anger pierced from his dark brown eyes.

Oh crap! That might not have been the wisest thing to say. I had no one around as my witness if Phillip decided to retaliate to my comment. I flexed the muscles in my arms as I anticipated the pinch he liked to give when he tried to hurt me discreetly.

He leaned down so close to me that our noses nearly touched, then he softly said, Did I ever tell you how hot you look when you put on the gangster act?

Holy hell balls!

I couldn't speak. My tongue suddenly felt as if it had absorbed every drop of moisture in my mouth. I tried swallowing, but it was bone dry.

Laughing nervously, I replied. Phillip, I don't know what games you're playing with me, but I don't have time for them, and you're going to make me late for class. I swiftly ducked down and slipped under his arm escaping his entrapment.

Suddenly, I stopped mid-step when I felt my hoodie being tugged from behind. My heart started pounding in my chest when I glanced over my shoulder at Phillip. Just so you know, I'm not playing games, Jeanette, he said firmly.

Heat rose from my neck up into my cheeks. I lowered my eyes and glared at him. He knew how much I hated that nickname. Remain calm, Court, he's just trying to piss you off, I told myself.

He let out a boisterous laugh. See ya later in class, he called out cheerfully as he walked the opposite direction down the hall. Pompous ass.

Just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Phillip could always flip his personality on a whim.

I was barely able to slip through the door before Mr. Whitmore closed in on me.

As I rushed past him, I mumbled, Sorry, emergency, before making a mad dash to my desk. I loathed the idea of being the last person in class because everybody always stared at the person walking in late. Some people loved drawing attention to themselves, but I was not one of them. I preferred sitting in a corner or in the back where no one could see me.

I was positive my face still looked flushed. Kendra gave me her what-the-hell look as I sat down in front of her. I exchanged a crazy look back to her with my eyes bugging out of my head.

As I slid into my chair, trying to catch my breath, I felt my phone buzz.

K: What happened? r u ok?

Hiding my phone under my desk, I quickly put it on silent.

Me: Got caught up by Phillip. I'll tell u later.

K: OMG!!! I can't wait till later.

Kendra was so impatient. If I didn't end this now, we'd be texting back and forth throughout class, and I didn't need any more attention drawn to myself by getting busted by Mr. Whitmore.

Discreetly, I held my phone up for Kendra to see me turn it off. Problem fixed.

Kendra huffed and puffed and tapped her pencil incessantly throughout class, just loud enough for my ears. I could tell she was chomping at the bit to find out what just took place with Phillip. I glanced back at her a few times to mouth Stop! But she ignored me every time.

Phillip and I had been dating since the middle of our freshmen year. At that time, we attended separate schools and the night we met our teams were playing against each other. Prior to that night, I had no clue as to who Phillip was, before the night ended, I knew him on a kissing level. He charmed me with his smooth, manipulating ways and I fell head over heels for him.

After ending our long term relationship and only being single for a month, I had no desire to go on any dates any time soon. I was more concerned with building friendships than dating. Phillip had a way of manipulating people and he ruined my reputation with everyone in school. I was on a mission though, to persuade everyone that I had been the victim in our relationship, not him.

Mr. Whitmore's words sounded like a low hum in my ears throughout class. My mind was busy replaying the strange encounter I had earlier, and, by the time first period ended, I was geared up for the entire day to be over. I wasn't ready to face Phillip in my next class.

As soon as the bell rang, I twisted around in my chair to give Kendra the run-down of the little episode that unfolded this morning by my locker.

That prick just wants a piece of your ass for Christmas, Courtney, she said knowingly. You have always been that easy piece for him, and he thinks, if he throws a little charm bone your way, you will come back begging like a sick puppy. Stay away from him, and I mean it! she demanded, giving me a firm glare, but I could see the concern in her eyes, too.

Sometimes I thought Kendra knew me better than I knew myself.

Phillip could charm the pants right off of a nun if they wore them, and I was no better to keep mine on around him.

She was right, though. I had to stay away from him, but avoiding him in class every day until Christmas break was going to be pretty impossible.

After our break-up, I spoke with the guidance counselor and had my schedule for second semester switched around so I wouldn't have any classes with Phillip for the remainder of the year, but I still had to get through this semester first.

My chest began constricting as thoughts of my next class started creeping in. I had finally got myself to the point of not dreading that class anymore, but, with the psychotic animal having reemerged inside Phillip, those nerves were now back on high alert.

How was I going to make it through the next three weeks? By us avoiding each other and giving the silent treatment this past month was a godsend, but now, I had a tingly feeling that was all about to change within the next hour.

After I gave Kendra the scoop on my run-in with Phillip, I was almost late for class once again. Stepping into the classroom, I came to an abrupt halt. Phillip was sitting in the desk behind mine with a smug grin plastered on his face.

Gah! Could this morning get any worse?

After our break-up, he convinced one of the girls in class to switch seats with him, but, from the looks of it now, he'd convinced her to switch back. I flashed my eyes at her, but all she gave me was a shrug of the shoulders mouthing Sorry! I was sure Phillip had thrown his smooth charm on her, prompting her to give up her seat without him even having to ask. I hated how people at this school thought he was some sort of God. If only they knew he was a spawn of the devil.

Rushing to my desk, I made sure I didn't make any eye contact with him. I could feel him staring right through me, right along with everyone else in class, but I resolutely ignored his presence.

As soon as I got situated in my seat, his warm breath blew across my ear. You coming to my game tomorrow night?

I kept my head straight watching Mrs. York as she turned on the smart board. Don't speak, keep eyes square.

His fingers lightly brushed my skin as he swept my hair away from my neck. You can't ignore me forever, Courtney. His touch sent chill bumps up my arm.

I see you still feel something for me... I see the goose bumps on your soft skin. Are your boobs aching for me to touch them? Everyone sitting around us started smirking and giggling. The heat rapidly rose in my face, and I'm sure it flushed bright red.

Quickly, I whipped around in my seat to face him and slammed my hand down on his desk, invading his personal space. I was a little closer to the asshole than I intended, but I wanted him to hear me clearly. Go. To. Hell. Phillip!

He looked at me blank-faced. I take that as a no, he chuckled, stretching his arms back, folding them behind his head. He reclined back in his seat and stretched his long legs out, resting them past both sides of my desk. It felt like he was trying to trap me in.

Ignoring the heavy laughter from my peers, I whipped my head back around and raised my hand to get Mrs. York's attention.

Courtney, Mrs. York said questioningly.

Is it possible that I could be moved to another seat, like across the room? I'm having a hard time concentrating on my assignments, I glanced behind me making eye contact with Phillip.

Well, I don't think it should be a problem. I think a new seating arrangement would be a good change for everybody. Mrs. York smiled and gave me a quick wink. The rest of the class gave a disgruntled moan. Kill me now. It wasn't exactly the response I was looking for. I knew Mrs. York was aware of the situation with Phillip and me and that she thought moving everyone would appease me, but, in all reality, she just gave Phillip's posse one more reason to despise me. I didn't think I'd ever fit in with the kids here at this school. At least not as long as Phillip was here to influence them.

Tomorrow when you come to my class, I want everyone to sit alphabetically according to last name, she announced, walking in between desks. She held up her finger to stop the next set of groans. I know it seems childish to hand out assigned seats to juniors and seniors, but I find some of the behavior in here very immature. Don't think that, just because I don't say anything, it means I don't notice what goes on in my classroom.

Without missing a beat Mrs. York walked back to the smart board and continued explaining today's assignment.

After feeling the loathing stares from my classmates for the duration of the class, I gave a silent prayer of thanks when the bell rang.

With my book bag in hand, I prepared to make a mad dash out the door, but stopped when Phillip grabbed my arm. I looked at him with an amiable smile. He kept a tight hold on my arm, his fingers digging into the tender skin by my armpit. Getting yourself moved isn't going to deter me, Courtney. You know how I love a challenge, so you better just wipe that smug grin off your face, he warned me in a low voice, staring at me intensely.

My grin faltered as I realized I just turned this into a game for him, and Phillip wasn't one to lose so gracefully.

Phillip side-stepped me, and gave me his signature wink. Let the games begin! I heard him bellow in his sing-song baritone voice as he walked into the hallway.

Chapter 2 ~ Compromise

It was ridiculous of me to try and cram everything imaginable into my book bag just to avoid visiting my locker for the remainder of the day. Knowing Phillip, though, he would be hovering around like a vulture, waiting to swoop in on me after our little incident. I jetted to my locker, emptying it of everything I could get my hands on, and sent Kendra a text telling her I would meet her at her car just as the last bell of the day rang.

Lugging my big ass book bag around was killing me. My shoulders and back were in dire need of my mother's magic fingers. I always told her she missed her calling as a masseuse.

Impatiently waiting for Kendra in the parking lot after school, I squatted down by her car. My eyes viciously scanned the parking lot in preparation to hide the moment I saw Phillip. I felt like a coward and a complete idiot looking all crouching-tiger-hidden-dragon, and my stance was only putting more strain on my back.

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, I kept repeating under my breath.

What are you doing? Kendra giggled, peeking around the side of her car.

Ahh! I screamed. Holy crow, Kendra! You scared me to death, I said in exasperation.

Sorry, she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Kendra unlocked her car doors, and I jumped in and slammed the door shut.

Easy there, tiger. My car has done nothing to you, so please handle with care.

Sorry...

So, what were you doing hiding behind my car? she asked, eyeing me curiously.

I was hiding from Phillip, and don't start in on me. We had another altercation in class.

On the way home, I rehashed everything that took place in Mrs. York's class. Kendra listened attentively, waiting until I finished before she handed out free advice. Kendra was a go-getter, don't-take-crap-off-of-people kind of girl. She was very bold and never sugar-coated things, no matter how upset you may have been. That was what I loved the most about her. She had given me an endless list of advice on my relationship with Phillip over the years, and I rarely ever took any of it into consideration. I was determined to listen this time though. Obviously my decisions were belly flops.

Okay are you ready to hear what I have to say about this whole ordeal? Her eyes flickered back and forth to me and the road.

Sure, lay it on me. I had already decided I'd do whatever she suggested.

I think you should go on that blind/double date with Reed, Jaxon, and me.

Whoa! Not exactly the advice I was expecting. Scratch that decision I prematurely made.

She cut her eyes at me, and I could see a hint of a smirk trying to appear on her lips. Heifer.

I rolled my eyes. My freakin' morning starts off with this question, and now it's going to end the same damn way. I thought we were past this? I was being a little harsh with her, but I was so wound up from Phillip, and I could feel a headache coming on. I didn't need any more stress.

Courtney, I told you this morning I don't give up, and I'm not going to. Look, if you go out with Jaxon, you know Phillip will hear about it. Then he will know that you have officially moved on. You've never showed any interest in any other guy before. He still thinks he has control over which guys at school can and cannot date you, but Jaxon is not from around here. I think Phillip will feel intimidated enough to leave you alone.

What if I do this and, once he gets wind of it, he goes into one of his crazy jealousy antics?

Kendra was the one and only person I had told, or would ever tell, about Phillip leaving bruises on me. He had never actually hit me, but he'd grabbed me with iron fingers from time to time, sometimes leaving noticeable marks. Once he got so mad at me for joking around with Reed, he accused me of flirting and jabbed his car key into my thigh as if it were a knife. Of course, all this stuff always happened when no one was around. He couldn't bear to have any witnesses to ruin his good-guy reputation. After that, Reed was very careful of how he interacted with me when Phillip was around.

Then we will make sure Jaxon and Reed give him the ass-kicking that's long overdue.

My face faltered, giving her a serious look. Kendra, I sighed, The guy doesn't even know me. Why would he defend me? And I doubt he wants to get involved with some little high school kid's drama.

Kendra rolled her eyes at me while staring at the road. I seriously don't think you have anything to worry about. You and Phillip are not together anymore, so the opportunity won't be there for him to lash out at you. You only have to deal with him for one class at school, and, by Christmas break, that won't even be an issue anymore.

But it is an issue, I said in desperation. Did you not hear what I just told you about him making a game out of this? He's going to harass me until I give him the attention he's seeking, and he won't make light of me making a fool out of him by going on some date.

Court—

I held my finger up interrupting her. Let me finish. We have no idea what he's told people, but, from an outside view, it probably looks like he's trying to be my friend or rekindle what we had. You know how sneaky he is, I'm sure they are clueless about the mind games he's playing with me. I just have to figure out a way to beat him at his own game.

I really didn't want to tell Kendra that, even after everything Phillip had put me through, I still loved him. I knew it was wrong to love him, but it wasn't easy to just turn those feelings off for your first love. Plus, I was afraid of going on this date because, once Phillip found out, he would get revenge and flaunt his newest piece of ass in my face. Even though I was the one that ended our relationship and decided to move on, it still hurt to see him with another girl. If he wasn't hurting me physically, he was hurting me mentally and emotionally... and to be honest, my heart was almost irreparable.

Well, I think you should just go at Phillip open and honest and let him know that you are willing to be his friend and nothing more. Let him know that there is the possibility you may go on dates occasionally, and you don't want any repercussions if you choose to do so.

I let out a brief sigh.

By taking this route, you will eliminate the chase, Courtney. If you continue to ignore him, he will continue the game of cat and mouse. If you play nice with him, you will silently beat him at his own game.

She made a good point. I was just worried if it were even possible to be his friend without all those emotions resurfacing. My heart had skipped a beat when he'd spoken to me today, and then, when he'd lightly touched me, that was enough to make my skin tingle. I knew I had to do this, though. It was the only way I would ever be able to move on and have a peaceful senior year.

"Okay. As always, you get your way. I will talk to Phillip tomorrow, and I will go on this stupid date...