Him: Him, #1

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GOOD BOY by Sarina Bowen & Elle Kennedy

STAY by Sarina Bowen & Elle Kennedy

HIM by Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy

US by Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy

ONE

APRIL

Wes

The coffee shop line is a little long, but I know I’ll make it to the rink on time. Some weeks just click.

Over the weekend, my hockey team clinched the first two rounds of the NCAA playoffs, and now we’re headed to the Frozen Four. I somehow got a B-minus on a history paper I wrote in an exhaustion-induced coma. And my spidey sense tells me the guy in front of me won’t order a complicated drink. I can tell from his clothes he’s a simple man.

Things are going my way right now. I’m in the zone. My skates are sharp, and the ice is smooth.

The line advances so Dull Guy can order. Small breakfast blend. Black.

See that?

It’s my turn a minute later, but when I open my mouth to order, the young barista lets out a fangirl shriek. Omigod, Ryan Wesley! Congratulations!

I don’t know her. But the jacket I’m wearing makes me a rock star, at least for this week. Thanks, doll. Could I please get a double espresso?

Right away! She barks out my drink order to her colleague, adding, Make it snappy! We’ve got a championship to win here! And wouldn’t you know? She refuses my five-dollar bill.

I shove it in the tip jar, then haul my ass outside and head for the rink.

I’m in a stupendous fucking mood as I stroll into the screening room at the team’s top-notch facility on the Northern Mass campus. I love hockey. Fucking love it. I’m heading for the pros in a few short months and I can’t frickin’ wait.

Ladies, I greet my teammates as I flop into my usual seat. The rows are set up in a semi-circle facing the massive screen at the head of the room. The chairs are padded leather. Yup, Division I luxury at its finest.

I shift my gaze to Landon, one of our freshman D-men. You’re looking kinda green, man. I smirk. Does your tum-tum still hurt?

Landon flips me the finger, but it’s a half-hearted gesture. He looks sick as hell, and I’m not surprised. Last I saw him, he was sucking on a bottle of whiskey like he was trying to make it come.

Dude, you should have seen him when we were walking home, a junior named Donovan pipes up. Stripped down to his tighty whities and trying to dry-hump that statue in front of the south library.

Everyone around us breaks out in laughter, including me—because either I’m wrong, or the statue in question happens to be a bronze horse. I call him Seabiscuit, but I think it’s just a memorial for some filthy-rich alumnus who made the Olympics equestrian team a hundred years ago.

You tried to ride Seabiscuit? I grin at the freshman.

Red splotches rise in his cheeks. No, he says sullenly.

Yes, Donovan corrects.

The cackling continues, but I’m now distracted by the smirk being aimed in my direction, courtesy of Shawn Cassel.

I guess you could call Cassel my best friend. Of all my teammates, I’m closest to him, and yeah, we chill outside hockey, but best friend isn’t exactly a term I throw around often. I’ve got friends. I’ve got a shit ton of friends, actually. Can I honestly say any of them really know me? Probably not. But Cassel comes damn close.

I roll my eyes at him. What?

He shrugs. Landon isn’t the only one who had a good time last night. He’s lowered his voice, but it doesn’t really matter. Our teammates are too busy riding Landon about last night’s horse shenanigans.

Meaning?

His mouth twitches. Meaning I saw you disappear with that meathead. You guys were still AWOL when Em finally dragged me home at two.

I raise one eyebrow. I’m not seeing the problem.

Isn’t one. Just didn’t realize you were corrupting the straight ones now.

Cassel’s the only guy on the team I ever discuss my sex life with. As the only gay hockey player I know, I walk a fine line. I mean, if someone brings it up, I’m not gonna clam up and scurry into the closet, but I don’t volunteer the information, either.

Honestly, my sexual orientation is probably the worst-kept secret on this team. The guys know. The coaches know. They just don’t care.

Cassel cares, but in a different way. He doesn’t give a shit that I like to fuck dudes. Nope, what he cares about is me. He’s told me on more than one occasion that he thinks I’m wasting my life moving from one anonymous encounter to another.

Who says he was straight? I say mockingly.

My buddy looks intrigued. Seriously?

I arch a brow again, which makes him laugh.

Truth is, I doubt the frat brother I hooked up with last night is gay. Bi-curious, more like it, and I won’t lie—that was the appeal. It’s easier to mess around with the ones who are gonna pretend you don’t exist in the morning. One night of no-strings fun, a BJ, a fuck, whatever their liquid courage allows them to try, and then they disappear. Act like they didn’t spend the hours leading up to it eyeing my tats and picturing my mouth around their dicks. Like they didn’t run their greedy hands all over my body and beg me to touch them.

Hook-ups with gay guys are potentially more complicated. They might want more. Like commitment. Promises I’m unable to make.

Wait, I demand when I register what he’d said before. What do you mean Em dragged you home?

Cassel’s jaw tightens. Exactly what it sounds like. She showed up at the frat house and dragged me out. His features relax, but only slightly. She was just worried about me, though. My cell died so I wasn’t answering any of her texts.

I say nothing. I’ve given up on trying to get Cassel to see the light about that chick.

I would’ve gotten trashed if she hadn’t shown up. So…uh, yeah, I guess it was cool of her to come get me before I got too wasted.

I bite my tongue. Nope, not getting involved in the man’s relationship. Just because Emily happens to be the clingiest, bitchiest, craziest chick I’ve ever met doesn’t give me the right to interfere.

Besides, I know how she feels about me partying. I shouldn’t have gone in the first place—

You’re not fucking married, I blurt out.

Shit. So much for keeping my mouth shut.

Cassel’s expression goes stricken.

I hastily backpedal. Sorry. Ah…forget I said that.

His cheeks hollow, jaw working as if he’s grinding his molars to dust. No. I mean, shit. You’re right. We’re not married. He mumbles something I can’t make out.

What?

I said…not yet, anyway.

Not yet? I echo in horror. "For fuck’s sake, man, please, please tell me you aren’t engaged to that girl."

No, he says quickly. Then he lowers his voice again. But she keeps saying how she wants me to propose.

Propose? The thought makes my skin crawl. Goddamn it, I’m gonna be the best man at their wedding, I just know it.

Is it possible to make a wedding toast without acknowledging the bride?

Luckily, Coach O’Connor marches into the room before this insane conversation with Cassel can make my mind spin any harder.

The room falls silent at his entrance. Coach is…commanding. Nah. Make that terrifying. Six-five, perpetual scowl, and a head he shaves not because he’s balding, but because he just likes looking like a scary motherfucker.

He starts off the meeting by reminding us—one by one—what each of us did wrong in practice yesterday. Which is completely unnecessary, because yesterday’s criticism still burns in my gut. I screwed up one of the faceoff drills, dropped passes I had no business dropping, missed on goal when I had an easy shot. It was just one of those crappy practices where nothing goes right, and I’ve already vowed to get my shit together when we hit the ice tomorrow.

The post-season is down to just two fateful games, which means I need to stay sharp. I need to be focused. Northern Mass hasn’t won a Frozen Four championship in fifteen years, and as the leading scorer, I’m determined to seal this victory before I graduate.

All right, let’s get to it, Coach announces after he’s finished telling us how much we suck. We’re starting with this Rainier-Seattle game from last week.

As a frozen image of a college arena fills the huge screen, one of our left wings wrinkles his forehead. Why are we starting with Rainier? We’re playing North Dakota in the first round.

We’ll focus on North Dakota next time. Rainier is the one that worries me.

Coach touches the laptop on the desk and the image on the big screen unfreezes, the sound of the crowd echoing in the viewing room.

If we meet these guys in the final, we’re in for a world of hurt, Coach says grimly. I want you to watch this goalie. The kid’s sharp as a hawk. We need to find his weakness and exploit it.

My gaze focuses on the game in progress, resting on the black-and-orange uniformed goaltender manning the crease. He’s sharp, all right. Steady eyes assessing the field of play, his glove snapping shut as he stops the first goal slapped in his direction. He’s fast. Alert.

Watch the way he controls this rebound, Coach orders as the opposing team takes another shot at goal. Fluid. Controlled.

The longer I watch, the more uneasy I get. I can’t explain it. I have no clue why the hairs on the back of my neck are tingling. But something about the goalie makes my instincts hum.

He angles his body perfectly. Coach sounds thoughtful, impressed almost.

I’m impressed, too. I haven’t followed any of the west coast teams this season. I was too busy concentrating on the ones in our conference, studying the game tapes to find a way to beat them. But now that post-season is underway, it’s time to assess the teams we might face in the championship if we make it to the final round.

I keep watching. Keep studying. Damn it, I like the way he plays.

No, I know the way he plays.

Recognition dawns on me at the same moment Coach says, Kid’s name is—

Jamie Canning.

—Jamie Canning. He’s a senior.

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

My body is no longer humming, but trembling. I’ve known for a while that Canning goes to Rainier, but when I checked up on him last season I found out he’d been relegated to backup goalie, replaced by some hotshot sophomore who was rumored to be unstoppable.

When did Canning get the starting job back? I ain’t gonna lie—I used to keep tabs on the guy. But I stopped once it started to feel like borderline stalking. I mean, there’s no way he was keeping tabs on me, not after I torpedoed our friendship like an asshole.

The memory of my selfish actions is like a fist to the gut. Fuck. I’d been a terrible friend to him. A terrible person. It was so much easier to deal with the shame when Canning was thousands of miles away, but now…

Dread crawls up my throat. I’m going to see him in Boston during the tournament. I’ll probably even face off against him.

It’s been nearly four years since I’ve seen or spoken to the guy. What the hell will I even say to him? How do you apologize to someone for cutting them out of your life without so much as an explanation?

His game is flawless, Coach is saying.

No, not flawless. He retreats too quickly—that was always a problem for him, scrambling back to the net when a shooter approached the blue line, giving them a better angle to shoot from. And he was always too pad-reliant, creating easy rebound opportunities for the offense.

I have to bite my lip to keep from offering the information. It feels…wrong, I guess. Telling my teammates about Canning’s weaknesses. I should, though. I really should, because this is the Frozen fucking Four at stake here.

Then again, it’s been years since I was on the ice with Canning. He could have tightened up his game since then. He might not even have those particular weaknesses anymore.

I, on the other hand, do. I have the same damn weakness I’ve always had. It’s still there as I stare up at the big screen. As I watch Jamie Canning stop another dizzying slap shot. As I admire the grace and deadly precision with which he moves.

My weakness is him.

TWO

JAMIE

You’re awfully quiet this morning, even for you. Holly’s fingers drift down my back, ending their journey on my bare ass. Thinking deep thoughts about the Frozen Four?

Yeah. And it isn’t exactly a lie. I can guarantee that Friday’s trip to Boston is in the forefront of two dozen other players’ minds this morning. And about a zillion fans’.

I have more than winning on my mind, though. Now that we were actually headed for the championship, it was time to come to terms with the idea that we might face Northern Mass. The star player of their team? None other than Ryan Wesley, my ex-best-friend.

What is it, sweetie? Holly props herself up on an elbow to study me. She doesn’t usually stay over, but last night’s sex marathon had lasted until four a.m., and I would’ve felt like an ass hustling her into a cab that late.

I’m not sure how I feel about having her curled up in bed beside me, though. Spectacular morning sex aside, her presence makes me uneasy. I’ve never lied to Holly about what this is—and what it isn’t. But I’ve had enough experience with chicks to know that when they agree to a friends-with-benefits arrangement, a part of them hopes one of those benefits will somehow be landing a boyfriend out of the deal.

Jamie? she prompts.

I push aside one set of troubling thoughts and replace them with another. Have you ever been fired by a friend? I hear myself ask.

What? Like…someone you worked for? She has wide blue eyes, which always take me seriously.

I shake my head. No. The leading scorer on Northern Mass was my best friend in high school. And junior high, too. You know that hockey camp where I work in the summer?

Elites? She nods.

"Yeah, good memory. Before I was a coach there, I was a camper. So was Wes. He was crazy. I chuckle to myself just picturing his scruffy face. The dude would do anything. There’s this toboggan chute in the center of town—in the winter you can sled down onto the frozen lake. But in the summer it’s closed, with a twelve-foot fence around it. He’s like, ‘Dude, after lights out we’re climbing that thing.’"

Holly massages my chest with one of her soft hands. Did you?

Naturally. I was sure we were going to get busted and thrown out of camp. But nobody caught us. Wes was the only one smart enough to bring a towel to slide on, though. So I had burns on the backs of my thighs from sliding down that fucker.

Holly grins.

And I still wonder how many tourists had to delete the pictures they took of Mirror Lake. Whenever Wes saw a tourist lining up a shot, he would always drop his pants.

Her grin turns into a giggle. He sounds like fun.

He was. And then he wasn’t.

What happened?

I fold my hands behind my head, trying to appear casual despite the wave of discomfort sliding down my spine. I don’t know. We were always competitive. Our last summer he challenged me to a contest... I stop, because I never tell Holly the really personal stuff. "I don’t know what happened, exactly. He just cut off contact with me after that summer. He stopped responding to my texts. He just…fired me."

She kisses my neck. Sounds like you’re still mad.

I am, I surprise myself by saying.

If you’d asked me yesterday whether there was anything in my past that bothered me, I would have said no. But now that Ryan Wesley has parked his nutty ass back in my consciousness, I’m all churned up again. Goddamn him. I really don’t need this going into the toughest two games of my life.

And now you have to play him, Holly muses. It’s a lot of pressure. She’s rubbing my hip now. I’m pretty sure she has some plans for the two of us involving a different kind of pressure. She’s looking for round two, but I don’t have the time.

Catching her hand in mine, I give it a quick kiss. Gotta get up. Sorry, babe. We’re watching tape in twenty minutes. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and turn for an eyeful of Holly’s curves. My friend-with-benefits is sexy as hell, and my dick gives a little twitch of gratitude for the fun we already had.

Shame, Holly says, rolling onto her back invitingly. I don’t have class until this afternoon. She runs her hands up her flat stomach and onto her tits. With her eyes locked on me, she gives her nipples a flick then licks her lips.

My dick does not fail to notice.

You are evil and I hate you. I grab my boxers off the floor and look away before I get all boned up again.

She giggles. I don’t like you at all, either.

Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that. But then I clamp my lips together. Six weeks before graduation, it’s unwise to start even a playful conversation about how much Holly and I like each other. We’re strictly casual, but lately she’s been making noises about how much she’ll miss me next year.

According to Holly, it’s only forty-three miles from Detroit, where I’ll be next year, to Ann Arbor, where she’ll be in med school. If she starts wondering aloud whether there are any apartments for rent halfway between those cities, I don’t know what I’m going to say.

Yep. Not looking forward to that conversation.

Sixty seconds later I’m dressed and heading for the door. Are you cool letting yourself out?

Yeah, it’s fine. Her laughter stops me before I can turn the knob. Not so fast, stud.

Holly gets up to kiss me goodbye, and I make myself stand still for a second and return it.

Later, I whisper. It’s my standard goodbye. Today, though, I find myself wondering if there are other words she’s waiting to hear.

But when the door closes on her, my head is somewhere else already. I sling my backpack over one shoulder and slip out into a misty April morning. Five days from now I’ll be on the east coast, trying to help my team clinch the national championship. Man, the Frozen Four is such a rush—I’ve been once before. It was two years ago, and I was the backup goalie instead of the starter.

I didn’t play, and we didn’t win. I like to think those two things are related.

This time it’ll be different. I’ll be waiting between the pipes, the last line of defense between the other team’s offense and the trophy. That’s enough pressure to freak out even the chillest goalie in college sports. But the fact that the other team’s star center is my ex-best friend who abruptly stopped talking to me?